The Media and Expectations
Those who grew up watching the television and movies of our time came into the dating world with a set of expectations formed by the culture that surrounded us in our formative years. As portrayed in the media, dating and relationships were a sometimes rocky road that invariably ended with the right outcome of happy couples. Women were seriously interested in dating men and all that was required was a good disposition and the rest would work itself out.
But as anyone who has experienced the real world of dating will tell you, this media portrayal is not only optimistic, it it is entirely disconnected to the reality to the point that it appears meant to deceive. Indeed, if anyone were to actually present in media the dating world as it is in reality it would not be a romantic comedy, but a dark and demented horror story for the strong minded alone. It is owing to this juxtaposition that so many people are either confused or mistaken about the true nature of the contemporary dating scene. They cannot separate fact from fiction, reality from fantasy, or romance from horror.
The Economics of Modern Dating
To understand modern dating one must understand it at an aggregated, economic and statistical level. The term economic here may be strange, but since economics is the study of how scarce resources with alternative uses are allocated it does in fact apply well.
Modern dating is shaped by a number of factors which have radically transformed the scene in only the past 10 years. This is why older persons are incapable of understanding the issues at hand and are so apt to offer comically irrelevant advice. It is also why so few people have truly grasped what is happening, because the phenomena itself is almost too new for analysis to have been done.
Nevertheless, a remarkable and unprecedented event has happened in our time. To understand why we must understand the causes of this change which are numerous and complex. However the three most influential ones can nevertheless be understood with a fair degree of clarity.
First amongst these is the effect of feminism as an ideology and an economic trend. From an economic standpoint it has resulted in the elimination of the family as the central economic unit of life in the western world and eliminated the co-dependence of men and women to an astonishing degree. This has removed an underlying economic driver for relationships from the picture.
Beyond economics however, feminism has demonized the role of men in virtually every aspect of society, and constantly taught young women that relationships are a form of patriarchal domination. Further, it has taught that the family, childbearing, romantic love, and even dating are all forms of oppression. The only form of activity that has been begrudgingly allowed under this ideological regime is hookup culture without attachment or meaning.
To see how feminism has been detrimental to relationships is quite obvious, but is usually ignored due to the political power it now wields. Indeed, powerful interests of propaganda and deception work round the clock to obscure this from the casual observer whenever possible. It is, in effect, a case of trying to boil the frog slowly so as to keep it in the pot.
The second great force leading to a realignment of the dating market has been the rise of dating apps in the past decade. In a span of no more than 10 years the entire dating scene has been shifted in to an algorithm driven electronic format that controls the overwhelming majority of the available mates.
The full effects of this are hard to overstate. First, the algorithms have opened each person in every area to all available mates in the same area. Whereas before one had to date among those that could be found in their social circles now there are several thousand options available. This would seemingly provide a better outcome by allowing better matches, but in reality the very opposite has happened.
Instead of allowing better matches, this technological revolution has led to a bifurcation of the market. The top 20% of men can get all of the matches while the other 80% receive none. The entire population is effectively divided into those on the inside looking out and those on the outside looking in.
Secondly, the rise of apps has enshrined an obsession with only physical looks rather than other personality traits. By presenting only the picture of the person before allowing a decision women are able to filter out all but the top 20% ensuring most will never receive so much as a single match wile others receive dozens a week.
The third and final driver behind this change has been the proliferation and encouragement of hookup culture. Through sex education, free birth control, readily available abortion, and strong cultural encouragement there is no longer any incentive to form meaningful relationships. And because the top 20% of men can service the interested women at any given time there is never a need to include those cast aside. More importantly however, nothing beyond physical appearance matters for hookup culture, so the merits of others such as creativity, generosity, kindness, intellect, or affection are made worthless in the marketplace.
It would not be reasonable to identify this problem without at least providing an overview of those who are most responsible for this state of affairs. Perhaps not surprisingly women are quick to dismiss the above as nonsense, largely because they benefit from the existing system. The top 20% too are quick to react (often with extreme violence in their rhetoric) to any challenge like the above, again, because THEY benefit greatly from the existing order.
More surprising however, are those that are shut out by the existing market and continue to blame themselves instead of the system in which they are forced to operate. This is of course encouraged by those on the inside, and is invariably their first line of attack on anyone making such a suggestion. But in reality those on the outside looking in are not at fault, having simply failed to win a genetic lottery and being incapable of changing the framework single-handedly.
The question then arises as to what can be done or expected in this state of affairs. Simply put, most men cannot expect to ever find a relationship in this day and age, or even a date. Those on the outside looking in are likely stuck with their station no matter what they try. This is why it is important that those stuck on the outside looking in not accept charges that they need to "improve themselves" or "change" and that they must on the contrary hold themselves blameless in this mess they did not create. Instead of being depressed or sad about their station, they must denounce the system and hold it accountable for what it is. Only by forming a coalition can the 80% wield enough power to advocate for themselves and effect real change.
That the existing system is unsustainable ought to be clear, 80% will not be left on the outside looking in indefinitely, the system will become increasing unstable as the oppressed seek to improve their station. This has been the story of humankind time and again, but only time will tell when and how those on the outside looking in choose to make their voices heard and change the system to suit their interests once more. It is possible they will turn toward a new leader, as the oppressed working classes of Russia once turned to Lenin, or perhaps they will find another way, but standing by idly cannot be held as an option.