I recently wrote a take titled "Things That Have No Place In The Dating World". After reading all the comments to that take it seems that how I meant it to be and how people took it to be, are very different. So, I thought I'd do a revised version of it and explain what that whole take was suppose to be about and describe how dating is for me.
People interrupted it as me saying "people shouldn't have preferences". I never said that, I even said in the end that "I know people have certain types their attracted to and I got that". So, how people thought I was hoping for a perfect world and said you can't be attracted to a certain type or want certain things, I don't know. Just because it's not that way for me, doesn't mean it isn't that way for other people. Because, I know it is. I accepted that. I don't agree with it. I do understand it though.
What my take was about, was the people who only go after a person for ONE specific thing and that's the only reason they go after them and date them. Like a woman that only dates a man BECAUSE he's tall, but that's the only reason. That's wrong to me, because you don't think after awhile that tall guy or even the chick with big breasts is going realize that if he wasn't tall and she didn't have big boobs that they would quite possible never get a date? Can you imagine how it would feel to only have someone dating you for physical characteristic alone and that's it, how sad would that be?
That take was also about the people who get having a conversation with someone and it's going great, they're attracted to them and connecting well but when they realize that person doesn't match the artist sketch in their head of what the perfect person for them should be like. They either never call them back or break up with them. That's wrong to me, because you just quite possibly ditched or broke up with the person that could have been right for you but since that person didn't match that sketch in your head you let them go. Sometimes what we think we want, is not what we're meant to end up with. So, that's why I think it's best to be open minded.
With that in mind, I want to a take a few minutes to explain how things with guys are for me.
For me, I don't have any preferences. I never have and I never will. For me it's more about a vibe or an aura I get from that person. Not what they look like or if we have every single thing in common. My best explaination to that is the guy at grocery store I once had a thing for, actually that guy is how I became a member of this site in the first place. Anyway, when I first saw him it was less than 5 sec glimpse of him walking through the store. I didn't see his face or know his name, but I felt drawn to him and thought "who's that?" It was like that for awhile I'd see glimpses of him and get that same feeling. Fast forward to when I finally saw his face and read his store name tag. The thing I noticed the most were his blue eyes. I thought they were really beautiful stare into their soul type eyes and I wanted to get to know him to see if his soul was as beautiful as his eyes. On and off for awhile we'd stare at each other, very intensly and based off all that and not knowing a thing about him and never spoken a word to him. I decided to write him a note, with hope of us getting to know each other and seeing were things could go. Whether he read the note or not, I don't know. He wasn't there the day I took it and I to had give it to another cashier who said "she'd put it with his pay check". Because, I also found out that day he quit and wouldn't be working there anymore. Even though nothing came of my note, that experience is the best way to explain how things are for me when it comes to guys and dating. I've been back to that store many times since then, that's were we shop for groceries the most. There's attractive guys there, but I honestly could care a less and I haven't felt that same thing for anybody at that store since him. Moral of this story is, it's not about looks for me it's about vibe.
As for the other stuff. The whole point of dating and entering into a relationship is to find someone you connect with on many levels. Sure, being compatible is helpful. But, being compatible doesn't mean having everything in common. Is doesn't mean liking all the same things, have the same hobbies, having all the same beliefs or political views, likeing the same foods, using the same brand tooth pastes, having the same life experiences, coming from the exact same family back ground (such as divorced, single or been together forever parents), etc, etc. I know this because I have people in my family who I've observed in my growing up years (especially my own parents), that show me what relationships and love are really all about.
Example 1: My Aunt is a vegetarian, her husband is not. Never has been, never will be. Yet, they've been married forever and they mange to co-exist just fine that way. He doesn't make her eat meat and she doesn't make him not eat meat.
Example 2: My parents. My dad likes coin and stamp collecting, before that it was trains and making train sets. My mom likes jewelery, home decorating and crafts (such as making wreaths and stuff like that). Both have different hobbies, yet still work out just fine.
My mom has LOVED the Beatles since she was a little girl. She was devastated when John Lennon got shot and just watched Ringo Star on the Ellen DeGeneres show a couple days ago and was totally giddy after that. My dad, hates the beatles. He can't stand them and even makes fun of them. My dad likes the band Tears for Fears, my mom does not. Yet, with these music differences it still works
My dad is big into politics, my mom is not. My dad can be racist and even more since Obama took office and my mom is not. My dad has had some pretty crappy life experiences, such as almost being picked up that serial killer John Wayne Gacy. My mom, has had nothing but good experiences in life and work. My dad, can be very negative and worrys a lot. My mom is extremely postive and always happy, even when she doesn't feel well and that's a lot of the time.
My point is, this is my example of relationships. My parents, my grandparents, my aunts & uncles and even one of my younger cousins. This is what I see and so this is what I know and it doesn't match up to how the rest of the world say's it is. Because, for all the things my parents do have in common. There's all the things they don't, but that's what makes them so great. Because, they balance each other out nicely and love each other no matter what. That's how it's suppose to be.
So, that's what I'm looking for and what I want and need. I want someone to balance me out and be the yin to my yang. Someone who will treat me right, because most people treat me like crap. Someone I know I can be myself with and know that I'm accepted as is. I'm an unconditional person, so I want someone who is also an unconditional person and doesn't care about all that stuff people say matter in relationships. I want something meaningful and worthwhile. What I don't want is to date my doppleganger/ indentical twin, how boring would that be?
I truly believe, people date too much from the mind and body but not enough with the heart and soul. Nobody really believes in love at first sight anymore, I do. You know what love at first sight really is? It isn't seeing them and falling in love on the spot. It's just about upon seeing this person being drawn to them and knowing there's something special about them, with no explanation as to why you feel that way. You just do.
So, I'm sorry if my view on things seems to be like I don't think people should have preferences. Because, I don't care what other people do. I just think it's sad that it is that way, because in actuality from all I've seen personally. None of that stuff people say matters, actually matters. It's completely obsolete when you really like and connect with someone. At least, that's how I feel.
Anyway, that is what that take was suppose to be about. The people that only date someone BECAUSE OF something or break up with someone who they click with because they don't match their version of the ideal mate. That is what I meant it to be about and everything else I said in this take is how things are for me but I know it's not that way for other people. I do understand that how I feel and see things, is not how other people feel and see things. I am different from most, so I understand how my views differ from most. I do apologize if my last take offended anyone, that was not the intent of it.
I hope this clears everything up and if there's anymore misinterpretations of what I mean, just tell me and I'll gladly explain myself. Thanks.