Why women have a hard time dating nerds

As a nerd, I'm no stranger to rejection. Not only have I been on the receiving end of it, but in recent years I've also dished plenty of it out. When I was young, there was such a negative stigma associated with being a nerd that no girl would date you. In recent years, however, a lot of girls have found themselves attracted to nerds. Unfortunately, they do not really understand these nerds, and have trouble establishing or maintaining relationships with them as a result. So here's my list of reasons why I believe women have trouble dating nerds.

1. You do not understand "nerd culture" or even try to.

Why women have a hard time dating nerds.

Conversation is important to maintaining a healthy relationship. Having similar interests is usually enough to keep conversation going between two people. However, if you do not have similar interests, you'll soon find it difficult to come up with anything to talk about. A lot of girls might find their nerdy boyfriends to be boring because all they want to talk about is comic books, video games, etc. That actually goes both ways, us nerdy guys find you girls really boring when you know nothing about our hobbies/interests and think Kryptonite is just a song.

2. You hang out with the wrong crowd.

Imagine if your boyfriend's buddies constantly made fun of everything about you. They make fun of your face, your glasses, your boobs, your weight, everything. Well, that's what a lot of nerdy guys put up with. Although it's more socially acceptable to date nerds now, there is still a negative stigma around it that lingers, and so a lot of people still like to poke fun at us nerds. If your friends are hostile toward nerds, how do you expect to maintain or establish a relationship with one?

3. You do not accept their flaws.

It doesn't matter who you date. A millionaire, a jock, a musician, everybody will have their flaws. And it's the same with nerds. Many nerds are not blessed with dashing good looks, charisma, or physical strength. Many of them are too scrawny, too obese, too covered in acne, etc. And aside from these superficial flaws, they also revel in childish behavior. They like to sit in the floor and watch cartoons while eating Captain Crunch on Saturday morning. They like to play video games, not just the "socially acceptable for adults" games like Call of Duty or Halo, but colorful kid games like Pokemon. Many girls see such things as childish or immature, so they shun such behavior. Then they wonder why they can't get or keep a nerdy boyfriend.

4. Your expectations are too high.

This goes hand-in-hand with number three on this list. A lot of girls say they want a nerdy boyfriend. But they don't just want any nerdy guy, he has to be over six feet, with brown hair, green eyes, and named Josh. Okay, so maybe most girls aren't THAT specific in their list of requirements, but you get the point. Just like guys who fantasize about super models, women have some very unrealistic expectations from the men they date. Most nerds aren't tall, handsome, and charismatic. In order to date a nerd, you may have to settle for that short, fat, freckled guy with glasses and a stuttering problem.

5. You think it's okay to make fun of them.

I've noticed that a lot of girls think it's okay to make fun of the nerdy guy they are crushing on or dating. This is NOT a good idea. Nerds have had to put up with ridicule for years, why would they want to put up with it from their girlfriend? Another thing you should avoid doing is making fun of or laughing at other nerds, as we also find that very offensive. It's like calling someone the n-word in front of your black boyfriend. Believe it or not, there is a sense of camaraderie between us nerds. If I see you making fun of some poor awkward guy, telling him he'll die a virgin, why should I date you? You just made yourself seem like a mean person to me and all the other nerds.

6. You try to change them.

One thing that baffles me is why women seek out nerds, then try to change everything about them that makes them a nerd. If they wear geeky superhero shirts you want to replace those with band t's. If they collect action figures you want to throw those in the trash. If they watch cartoons or play video games you want to make them stop. I always say you should never enter into or stay in a relationship based on the assumption the person will change for you. So please don't date nerds if you're going to have a problem with them being nerds.


Most Helpful Girl

  • 1. You do not understand "nerd culture" or even try to.
    -I do. I'm nerdy about many things as well. Just because DC Comics give you a hard on, doesn't mean you have monopoly on what it means to be a nerd.
    There is a definition for the word: "A single-minded expert in a particular field of interest."

    2. You hang out with the wrong crowd.
    -My friends aren't assholes. If they make fun of you it will be to your face and you will be expected to reply in turn. It's friendly banter and making fun of you being completely off the table, even behind your back only with me, makes you sound so insecure.
    If you could own being a nerd and not be bothered, then that would be attractive. But no...

    3. You do not accept their flaws.
    Bullshit. I don't care about flaws you can't change, but I do however care about flaws you inflict on yourself. Being fat, lazy and weird reveals low intelligence and a lack of self control. That's not you being a nerd, but you sucking.

    4. Your expectations are too high.
    No they aren't. There are plenty of guys who meet my average criteria. Only you don't.

    5. You think it's okay to make fun of them.
    Again with the insecurity... Ok I got it. I can't joke around you.

    6. You try to change them.
    She's not trying to change you because you're a nerd. Nerds who own their likes, who take care of themselves and know their way around life are HOT. A nerd is NOT the problem here.
    A fat, insecure, slob is the problem.

    My standards are too high you say?
    Well then I might just go out and buy a cat later...

    • Your friends would say something to your face? So just because they say it behind a person's back doesn't make them assholes? Nerds are mostly fat and lazy, any nerd you see that is skinny has a high metabolism simple as that, there isn't a single nerd that wouldn't sit and eat doritos and drink mt dew all day playing games, it's nothing inflicted on us, that is called a flaw and you can't accept that simple as, yes you're expectations ARE too high, any girl see's me and sees right through how nice I am and sees I'm fat and immediately avoids me, and yes girls do try to change us, it's about the equivalent of a guy trying to tell a girl to stop buying so many shoes because they have 100 pairs already, well I have 100 video games and I still buy more so deal with it. TBH you're probably one of those fake nerd girls that would say "teehee I'm a gamer" rather than yell "fuck you asshole stop camping you cock sucker" to the tv screen.

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    • @Curmudgeon I'm not mocking anyone to their face. I'm not stupid. I'm mocking the whining done in secret, secretly.
      I'll live long and prosper.

    • Somebody is offended 😂

Most Helpful Guy

  • lol, holy fucking shit that was a hilarious post. I honestly hope that was fucking satire, or you are one of the most entitled and ludicrously warped little woe-is-me-i'm-a-victim brats on the Internet.

    Pretending for a second it wasn't a satire, here's what I would say: Have you ever asked yourself what a woman wants? Have you tried improving yourself in ways that are appealing to women? I hear you saying how everyone has to bend to and accommodate YOU, how pussy needs to fall out of the sky into your lap because it just isn't fair if it doesn't. Because why should YOU have to change? Why should you have to attend to your flaws, meet a woman half-way with a new and improved version of yourself?

    If it isn't appealing to her as is, why should a woman have to accommodate your quirks and your "nerd culture"? Why should she give a fuck? Because you could never get a girl if she didn't lower her standards to something she doesn't want?

    Anyway, really hope that was satire.

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    • @MaskedSanity
      I get where you're coming from. I recall you mentioning how you pulled yourself out of a disadvantaged situation. You look at what he's saying, and as a proactive woman, it sounds very reasonable to you--if you want a man, you should make adjustments to your thoughts/behavior to get a man.

      But as a guy, who sees things similarly to you, I can't look at a post by a guy giving women advice on how to adjust *their* behavior without calling out the implicit self-serving bullshit that's floating around in the background.

    • To the take owner.

      Calling me a troll is laughable. Because you don't like my opinion? Too bad.

      Giving self-serving advice to other people isn't going to win you points with someone like me. I'm going to be very blunt. Regardless of their situation in life, whether they grew up in poverty or riches, whether they were privileged, abused, praised or scorned--every person is 100% responsible for 100% of the circumstances of their lives. At all times. Without exception.

      If women aren't flowing into your life the way you want, it is NOT on them to adjust to YOU. Maybe they're wrong in their assessment of you, maybe they aren't. But what good is it to you if you don't take the proactive approach? Telling them what they should or shouldn't do is a waste of time--that's for them to choose to do on their own. Being proactive and changing yourself in attractive ways is under your control, and if a large number of women aren't finding you or "nerds" attractive, that's on you to fix.

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What Girls Said 40

  • Because girls can't be nerds. Sure. Because this never applies basically the same way to those girls who are social outcasts. Being a "nerd" isn't some kind of boys only club that girls look down on. Actually, I would be pretty willing to bet that I and several of my female friends are bigger "nerds" than most any guy (granted, we're likely the minority, but there's still tons of other girls who qualify to a lesser degree). So it's really not an issue of nerd culture not being understood, or girls who only "pretend" to like nerds.

    • I totally agree, thanks for saying all this.

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    • *that "needs" should be "nerds". Ah, autocorrect.

    • You don't need to wear a fedora to be a fedora. I don't judge until I see something that warrants it.

  • So basically you've come to the conclusion that incompatible people shouldn't date. Genius.

    • I think the problem is that these people don't realize they are incompatible until it's too late.

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    • Maybe. I think the main thing people need to realize is that relationships aren't all sunshine and rainbows, no matter what kind of person you go for.

    • Yeah. And you do that by accidentally dating the wrong people sometimes. It's nothing to worry so much about.

  • Lol you think guys who aren't "nerds" are totally accepting and into nerdy girls? No. The answer is no.

    People like what they like.
    If someone isn't into the stereotypical overweight Star Wars nerd, they're just not. It doesn't make them shallow or wrong.

    I'm tired of girls being demonized for not being open to dating every single type of guy that exists. If a girl doesn't like fat guys she's shallow. If she won't date someone who is nerdy she's a bitch. But if a girl said she hates athletic, funny guys she'd get 237 male upvotes.

    Not everyone will like you.
    People are like candy. To some people you will taste like shit and to others you'll taste like heaven. Deal with it.

    • I think he's simply pointing out how some girls claim they're into nerds when in fact they don't even really know what a nerd is.

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    • @eyeseayew I agree that some girls are like that. Most girls though interested in nerdy guys like nerdy stuff themselves though. But people always take the tiniest minorities and complain about them the most lol. Guys do the same thing with "gamer girls. 1.bp.blogspot.com/.../Hot+Gamer+Girl+Meme.jpg
      but again only a few actually expect nerds to look like legit models.

      @dreawolf thanks!

    • @been_waiting I agree, especially when it comes to the same stereoeotype sometimes being put on females. Both are simply stereotypes and most people don't actually believe stereotypes anyway.

  • This article is highly flawed, and I feel rather personally insulted a few of these. There are different types of nerds, and honestly, who gave you the right to stand as the gatekeeper of nerdiness, so to speak? I get called a nerd all the time, and I probably am one, but I don't take it too seriously, because I generally don't fit into categories. I'm into fashion and high heels and enjoy socialising. I go to the gym, and I like keeping fit – I’m not overweight at all. I don't like video games or comic books. By your definition, I am most certainly not a nerd. But when it comes to certain films, TV shows, and especially books, I definitely become obsessed to the point of nerdiness. I also like Doritos and Mountain Dew, and I’m undoubtedly quite lazy, although I don’t really consider those to be the sole property of nerds.
    The people I hang out with are a varied group of people. Quite a few are 'nerds', but certainly not what you would consider to be a nerd, from your definition. We all accept each others flaws, because if a person is not inherently flawed to an unacceptable point, they can still be a good person and a good friend. Nerdiness is not a fatal flaw, being overweight is not a fatal flaw. Being a misogynistic and narrow-minded asshole like yourself is. If you're truly likeable, the girl you're dating (if she's really worth dating) will not try to change you.
    So, word of advice. This article, and the reasoning behind it, is the reason you don’t attract girls. You’re weight isn’t a problem, because overweight guys can still get girlfriends, even if their pull power is severely damaged. With a good personality and decent self care and confidence, an overweight and ‘ugly’ guy getting a girlfriend is not impossible. But with a stereotypically misogynistic and self-pitying attitude such as that which you are displaying here, I’m very sorry. You will never be attractive. No self respecting girl wants a boyfriend who’s a lazy, sexist, spineless, entitled slob.

  • There's this new guy in my college, he's tall, lanky, he has long blonde hair that's usually styled in awesome ways, he wears waistcoats and spends lunch time drawing, he's very much a loner and people mock him (I admire him!) but I think he's adorable and although I've never dated anyone like that and people would probably think me weird or not his type; I would be open to getting to know him and potentially dating him (if I was single & was interested). I've often wanted to make conversation with him but I guess I fear that he could be too shy to talk to.
    Referring to number 2, I've had an ex boyfriend's friends insult/bully me to the point it really upset me and sometimes got violent. My ex was more of the nerd, I wouldn't be classed as one so don't think it doesn't happen to us ladies!
    Women want "men" who can support and protect them. They're tend to be more mature so a guy who sits like a child watching cartoons all day everyday isn't appealing to most for obvious reasons. One thing I admire in my boyfriend is his hard work and ambition, he doesn't stop working! His brother is a nerd as classified by you - obese, acne, watches cartoons and plays video games all the time. You know what bothers me most about him? The lack of ambition and drive to make anything of himself at the age of 22.
    In conclusion, I do find some nerds attractive and I want to get to know them and learn about what they love, so don't rule all women as nerd haters.

    • Like any other demographic, nerds have their pros and cons. Everyone has their flaws. I just kind of wanted to mention those flaws so women reading this know what to expect, and also to show I'm not trying to say more women should try dating nerds. Just giving the ones who want to advice on how to do it more successfully.

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    • Wow @Jager66 has made some very interesting points.

    • @Hannah591 Yes there is, one of the primary culprits is a hormone called cortisol, over working, more then 15-20 hrs. a week, among many many other things!! will cause you to have to much over a long period of time. This will put you into an early grave.

      (To over simplify) Women do control almost everything, not because of some consipracy on the part of women but because of evolution and reproduction. Men will do what gets them laid and women decide what that will be, the men who don't do those things don't get laid and don't pass on their genes. Men are more disposable in this way, it's why the Y chromosome has all the evolutionary pressure and is more evolved then the X, men will work them selves to an early grave, work dangerous jobs, take huge risks etc.. etc.. all to get pussy.

      It's what made humans so awesome but in modern times could destroy us.

      Lots of info out there about this if you care to read books and learn stuf

  • There is nothing wrong being a "nerd" but I don't think it should define your whole life. Why would you put a label like that on yourself?

    As for your points
    1) well ya it's good to have things in common, but it's also ok to not do everything together all the time.
    If comic books is all you can talk about, you have bigger issues than dating. There are a lot of other things you can talk about. My fiance goes to comic cons and stuff like that and I don't really care for it, but we have other things we both enjoy. It's not his whole life

    2) I actually don't know anyone who would make fun of someone else gf/bf who clearly mean something to that person. What kind of friend does that? Needless to say I don't get what you're trying to say there

    3) Well you're right there, it's not for me. I wouldn't date a guy like that and I don't think you should date someone if you don't like how they life their life

    4) I kinda agree but that's a general thing doesn't only apply to nerds. And it goes both ways. A lot of guys also say they want a "gamer girl" when what they really mean is this
    So basically a slut with a controller.

    5) I've never really seen that tbh. Especially if she has a crush on him? Why would she do that? And I mean that in general, why would any girl make fun of her boyfriend even if he was a professional athlete or something

  • I think a lot of girls picture Joseph Gordon-Levitt with glasses on when they say they like "nerds". It's simply another fad stereotype of what a nerdy guy is---basically, a hot guy with glasses on.

  • Honestly I dint even bother to take the time to read what you had to say as soon as I saw the title and the images I was donee... I'm a female and I'm attracted to nerds and I've dated a "nerd" before.

  • You should see some of my exes. Trust me, it's not a physical appearance thing. Literally, my desire in a man is like...95% personality, 5% looks. If a guy has my ideal personality, I don't care at all what he looks like. I really want a nerdy guy, as I'm pretty nerdy myself, but as I commented on another person's take here, there are certain flaws in personality and socially that are dealbreakers for me. In my dating experiences, some can be very bitter and expect things out of you. For example, "if I'm nice to a girl, then she should have sex with me." That kind of mentality. Some can be very cruel and some can be really conceited. They have trouble with social understanding, which leads to arguments. And then there's the type of nerdy guy that blows you off for their own interests.
    I really hope I'll find a nerdy guy with similar interests, but unfortunately, a lot of qualities that come with it are just not worth the headache to be honest. I just want a respectful, nerdy guy.

    • There will be flaws with any guy you date. And the whole nice guy thing is not exclusive to nerds. This is kind of what I was talking about in point number three though. I'm not trying to sell nerds as the greatest thing since the wheel or say they are perfect, just trying to shed some light on why girls have difficulty in relationships with them.

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    • Well those are just two guys who are fucked in the head. Sorry you had such a bad experience.

    • But no, trust me, I know your purpose for writing this. I'm not criticizing you. I'm just making the point that sometimes it's not the girl's fault. Sometimes it is the nerdy guy's fault. And in that case, a nerdy guy can't expect a girl to stick around for him. Because in the end, we all want someone who will make us happy. Nobody should expect anyone to stay in something they're unhappy with.
      So for now... I shall wait with my lightsaber, controller, pokeball, and manga until some awesome, respectful nerdy guy comes and says "You are the chosen one. Be my waifu." <3

  • number 1:
    there are nerds in females too. that understanding of interests is when a female has the same interests as you. when you talk about archaeology you cannot expect a gamer to understand you. but a student of archaeology does. find someone compatible and do not seek others to try to understand you. because many cannot.

    The fault of one’s friend is not the person’s fault. You can only be demanding as long as it is the person’s behaviour not her friend's.

    No. 3 and 4:
    "Many of them are too scrawny, too obese, too covered in acne, etc."

    you are equating being nerdy with being scrawny or obese or etc.

    What does being a nerd have to do with being obese? obesity is an issue with the people who are not active enough physically as their body needs. And this doesn't have anything to do with being a nerd necessarily.

    Yes, a very minor group of the people inside nerds have more chance to become obese because of the state of their mind. many in that minor group have some mental issues. from milder types to sever. and not being a nerd but that state of mind for example makes them unsocial or solitary. and that 'can' make them have more chance for getting over weight, though they can be completely normal as well.

    The other major group of nerds are no different than any other types in physical aspects. We have obese people in every group, we have scrawny people in every group. these are all is only related to the individual.

    apart from this, physical health is most important in the preference of an individual. whether man or woman.

    No man like or prefers an obese woman over a physically fit woman. the same applies to women's preference.

    physical health is one of the most important factors in attractiveness.

    It can make someone average in many physical aspects more attractive and can make someone above average in many aspects unattractive.

    Tess Munster, a good face on a huge body.


    • ... Freelee, an average girl with a great body.

      number 3 and 4 are nonsense.

      number 5:
      that is an unacceptable behaviour towards any group. not towards nerds only.

      But again you showed nerds as being overly sensitive people who cannot take any words about themselves which is nonsense.

      number 6:
      again, trying to make some traits specific to nerds. Every group can have people who have special interests, preference of clothing, etc such as these. And in every group and acceptance is needed from both sides.

      Though trying to change one’s partner, for example trying to recommend clothes that you like to see on him exists inside every group and is a relevant thing to do. that is not an issue as long as there is no forcing.

      In the whole the article was not very well thought through and written mostly based on feelings.

    • I think Tess Munster shouldn't embrace those extra calories.

  • In my definition of the word back in the day, nerd was someone who mainly liked to study and liked challenging activities in which he/ she could use their brains and, therefore, many times experienced difficulties in relating to more 'normal' people socially - read, 'dumber'.

    People who are into comic books, video games, etc. are more like otaku or geeks, who may also experience similar difficulties socially but for completely different reasons.

    • Geeks are less socially awkward and typically enjoy less mentally challenging activities such as comic books or movies, whereas the nerds are more inclined to play video games, trading card games, or tabletop role playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons. Geeks don't seem to have near as much trouble in the dating world as nerds do, because their activities do not demand such a high level of involvement. Anyone can sit down and watch a movie or read a comic book. How many people do you think can sit down and write an entire D&D campaign, then successfully DM it? Probably about one out of a million people, because it can actually take years to learn how to be a good DM, and it takes a lot of talent to write a good campaign. So nerds end up being a lot more absorbed in their hobbies than geeks do, which is a huge cause of some of their relationship problems.

    • My brother is ridiculously good with that kind of games and he's no nerd. Although it's true he's pretty smart.
      I still don't think that just because someone plays some video games and trades card games (!) they're qualified to be called a nerd or particularly talented. It's not about the amount of time they spend on something either - if that was so, that alone would explain why women have a hard time dating nerds.

      Anyway, just to add up, I think that if you've someone who's really interested in one subject only, then if problems in the relationship arise (how did that relationship come to be in the first place though?), wouldn't the fault be more of the person who has no other interests besides that? Why would the issue be with the person who doesn't understand the partners hobby or whatever?
      Like even if it's so time consuming like a real job, I don't have to relate to my partners job in order to have a relationship with him because the job it's not all of what he is.

  • wow you really wrote this

  • Look, I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to anime mainly sailor moon and evangelion. But, I've learned to embrace my girly girl side and my sexy side. I'm exercising, I'm losing weight and tummy fat, I'm reading the bible, there's more to life than just hobbies and stuff to make me feel happy. And I as much I want a guy to now down to me and treat me like a queen, which I know deserve, I wanna take care of him too and treat him like a king. I know a lot of nerdy guys that are sweet, but my point is I want give and take in a relationship I don't wanna be worshipped like some hot anime girl. 😑 Look, I know a great guy that's hot, well rounded, work outs, has a nerdy side, he's kind of a jerk, but he's really sweet, once you get to know him. So don't say us girls don't understand nerds because hot ones do exist.

    • I was with you up until this. "So don't say us girls don't understand nerds because hot ones do exist." Are you saying girls will only understand a nerd if he's hot? Or that there are hot girls who understand nerds?

    • Basically just because doesn't mean they don't have a nerdy side or won't understand someone else's passions. And yes hot ones do exist cause the guy I'm after is what I truly want in a guy. Sure, nerdy guys are really sweet, but if I like a guy that has control in the relationship and can tell me no once in awhile and not give into my desires all the time and cling to me all the time, to put it simply, I don't wanna date boys anymore, I want a man. I wasn't born pretty, I made mistakes in life, but in order to get what I want I'm putting in the hard work to get what I want because I know I can become beautiful. I know I'm a Princess and I deserve that guy I'm crushing on, I won't settle for less. Sure, I'm not the hottest but I'm getting there.

  • That's weird? Bc on the other hand love nerds. Actually, I prefer a nerd to a douchebag. I have liked & dated a few nerds. I think a nerdy guy is very attractive BUT of course, I have to be attracted to him physically. If he doesn't take care of his physical appearance at least a little bit and if he doesn't have a nice personnality, its a huge turn off.

    • Just because you like nerds doesn't mean most girls like them

    • @ManuelMarquez If some girls don't like nerds, that's their problem. This article is for the girls who think they like nerds, but know nothing but them, and don't have much success with them as a result.

    • I know, but I am talking about how she stated''that's weird'''' because on the other hand, I love nerds.''

  • People like the idea of something more than the actual thing, it's not something that's new. A lot of girls like the "idea" of a sweet overly sensitive guy, but get annoyed when he shows too much affection. Just like how guys love the idea of being with a girl who's smoking hot everyday, but actually end up being really jealous and annoyed by her much time she spends on her looks. Everything's better in our heads my friend.

  • Actually, this goes both ways. I'm a relatively nerdy type & a lot of the guys/girls I've dated are put off by it. Then again, some of the guys/girls I date absolutely love it. You're just dating the wrong people if they're put off by it. Find similar spirits :)

    • Your problem is increased by the fact you date both genders - not encouraging for neither the boys or girls you date.

  • Your generalizing so much that it hurts too look at this, Not all women are the same plus their are cute "nerdy" guys out there I dated one and talked to many

    • You but he had to be cute for you to date him, unattractive nerds don't get dates for obvious reasons.

  • I'm not a nerd - per se, yet I do understand them and accept them for who they are.
    I don't have high expectations of them. I know what they look like - generally speaking - and I'm okay with it.
    I'd love to date a nerd. ^-^

    • what do you love about nerds?

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    • Yeah, I understand what you mean. I am far too cynical and my outlook on life can be pretty bleak.

    • That's too bad... But that's part of you.
      I'm sarcastic most of the time... xD

  • The looks a side, I actually think nerds sound like pretty fun boyfriends. It depends on the kind of nerd, but I see the intellectual kinds as badass. They're the real cool kids. Those pathetic little shits that base their self worth off the approval of others; while they shuffle around with their pants hanging off their ass are far from admirable.. I don't even understand how they accomplished such "cool kid" status.. I find nothing more irritable than those who alter themselves to be "accepted".

  • I understand where you're coming from. Personally, I like nerds. I am very social, yet I'm also very big on reading and studying. I think "nerds" are good because they are smart and much less arrogant than a jock. I like nerds, except usually they are too shy to ask somebody out. Which stinks.

    • Yep, nerds can definitely benefit from gaining confidence.

    • @a_lizete

      Then flirt with the nerd in question and give him confidence to ask you out - confidence is build on experiences. If he likes you he will, when YOU have ensured him of you willingness to do so.

      So it's all up to you then.

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What Guys Said 35

  • If you're a nerdy guy, go for nerdy girls. Stop going for girls that you have nothing in common with just because they're attractive.

  • This is a better summary as to why:


    • When it comes to Adam Brody, it can be like that

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    • You mean you have no rebuttal to the truth

    • @been_waiting You mad? Notice how many girls and guys liked my photo? I bet you're the one who thumbs down my comment. I do agree looks DO matter in the long run, but show me a thread on ANY forum/website where a girl says this. When a guy is insecure about the way he looks, literally all the girls say personality matters in the long run. It is a two way street; however, guys are more open to saying looks matter and then get called a douche.

  • The problem here isn't the fact that you are a nerd at all. Any girl worth her salt would accept that's part of who you are, so I definitely agree with what you're trying to say in point number 6.

    On the other hand, you seem like you're expecting too much of the opposite sex without expecting to do too much in return. For example in point 1, you say that you find it boring when girls don't know anything about your interests. Are you trying to make any effort to hear about her interests? You shouldn't expect someone to have the same interests, nor should interests be the deal breaker. If that's a big thing for you, then seek out a nerdy girl.

    2. Naturally her friends will probably have a first impression of you, and you have nothing to prove to them. But if they're really good friends of hers and see that the two of you are happy together, they will accept you.

    3. You're basically saying that all nerds are fat/out of shape and ugly. Not only is that a myth, but it's an offensive stereotype. I consider myself a nerd but I make the time to go to the gym, eat well, and live a healthy lifestyle. I don't consider myself a ridiculously attractive guy (i. e. Ryan Gosling or Isaiah Mustafa), but girls do compliment me on my looks quite often. Hell, apparently Isaiah Mustafa is a huge comic book fan.

    4. Again, buying into that myth of associating being a nerd with being physically unattractive. Ultimately a large part of attractiveness is about the way you present yourself. Being well groomed and nicely dressed goes a long way, being presentable = attractiveness.

    5. What sort of thing are you talking about being made fun of here? It's one thing to stereotype nerds in a serious way, and bullying is a terrible thing. But if being a nerd is who you are, then you shouldn't care about what other people think. If you're able to be a bit self deprecating and laugh with them, then that will show a lot of confidence on your part.

    • Another point for 3. I agree, except this one applies to everyone in general instead of just nerds. Nobody should try to change somebody for who they are, and if you're going to date someone you should accept their flaws.

    • Most of this advice could apply to anyone in any dating situation. It's just common sense.

  • As a high functioning nerd myself, I have to be brutally honest and say that women have a hard time dating nerds because a lot of nerds are impossible to deal with. A lot of nerds live ignorantly in a social bubble and are so insular that they have a hard time understanding how they come across to others. When I was younger I briefly tried participating in a variety of nerd-social activities (D&D, MTG tourneys, RenFaires, etc) but I found that a large part of those groups were oppressively irritating and self absorbed (in a naive way, not a narcissistic way) to the point that I didn't want to be around them... and I was passionate about the topics too! That just doesn't work well in a relationship when you have to be accommodating to another person.

    • You're so accurate that I want to give you a cookie. I love, love, love nerdy guys, as I'm pretty nerdy myself, but I often have a hard time maintaining a relationship with one, because there are certain flaws that many of them have that make it difficult to deal with, such as the lack of social understanding. And like you said, a lot can be self-absorbed as well. A lot of these guys are the ones who believe in the friendzone and say "I'm a nice guy, so she should have liked me!" Which makes him not a 'nice guy', considering he expected something out of said girl just for being nice, not because he's actually nice. There's also a lot of bitterness. Of course, there are nerdy guys who don't have those qualities, but when searching for a nerdy guy, that's usually the problems I have.

    • Great comment, Dandeus.

  • LMAO instead of complaining about girls not wanting to date nerds why not become more "VERSATILE PERSONALITY WISE"?

    you heard it here 1st im a nerd/geek/weird/cool kid/cold/caring/honest/good guy/thug/hardworking/lazy/funny/annoying/cold hearted ETC i think you see where im going with this man im a little bit of everything

    im one of the few people who can assimilate with any group of people with no problems at all. i can also talk abot anything with anybody "i hear it all the time"

    not bragging but just putting my 2 cents in LOL

    • i have no problems luring in people and holding conversations with them LOL

      nor do 95% of people seem to lose interest in me so far. when all else fails get a nerdy girl < 3

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    • except I don't like anime but I can talk to any crowd of people

    • @Yellawolf its a good trait to have right? lol ill be talking to a guy/girl for like 10 mins and have people asking man how long you knew this dude "ummm like 10 mins" damn man i thought it was about 4 years or something LOL that has happened at least 4 times in my life so far

  • What girls (or people in general) don't understand is that it's not your hobby that makes you a nerd but the way you're dealing with it. A girl might reject a guy only because he likes to watch cartoons or plays video, reads comic books, ''Ugh... what a nerd'' she will think. But she will date another guy who is obsessed with sports cars, is filling his Honda Civic with stickers thinking that it is cool and is waking up 3 o clock in the morning to watch the F1 tournament in Japan live. Or maybe she will date a guy who is obsessed with football and soccer teams and players and goes to see 'his' favourite team every weekend and gets pissed off if it loses the game. Excuse me ladies, aren't the two examples above a supreme level of nerdy behaviour?
    I too was always a loser with girls. The few relationships I had by now were all very short and some were simple hook ups without any meaning and I know it will be like this for the rest of my life, not because Im bad looking! I actually dare to say that I am handsome enough and I attract girls often but no relationship will last and turn into something meaningful, all because of my hobbies.

    • Um maybe because they're not into guys who live and breathe comics. What is wrong with that? I don't understand why its a crime to have a preference. Believe it or not a typical girl is more into football than Naruto. Why is that a crime?

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    • Some women legit love football. My mother for one. And no she's never dated a player.
      I live in Tennessee and most girls I know go bat shit over football just as much as the guys.
      You believe stereotypes apparently. And you have a low opinion of women.. ANYWAY my point WAS (you ignored it) most girls can appreciate sports more than comics. Comics are regarded largely by both genders as childish/dorky.
      Some are into them. Some are not. It really isn't a big deal but you guys think it's a crime for girls not to like you. Guess what, it isn't. people have tastes and preferences. The only people who don't are desperate.

    • Plenty of women are legitimately into some form of football. Most don't, but it does happen.

  • I'm a super huge nerd and that has never interfered with my love life. You can be a nerd and also like not be if that makes sense. I laughed at the "I like nerds.. with abs" part cause that's me jajaja (no brag just serious lol). Anyway my hobbies revolve around nerdy shit like computers but I personally have many interests that are NOT nerdy. I have almost NO clue about what a traditional nerd is like cause I'm just not like them (besides hanging out with all of them during class breaks lol) and nerd discussions I can maintain, but I just don't get how people can only have ONE type of interest ("nerd" shit) (women or men don't count lol).

  • Dude. This is so hypocritical. You can't expect people to want you who have nothing in common with you. They don't "try" because they simply aren't interested in your dedication to Magic the Gathering or Yu-Gi-Oh.
    Let's make something real clear: When you dedicate more of your life to games and playing around rather than growing up and doing something with your life,
    You have lost her interest. If you have ambitions good.
    Singing, Dancing, Comedy, Acting.
    Go for the big time
    But when you say you want to write a comic, or a manga, or fucking make a board game, but have no experience (professional experience) doing so, and get mad because no one takes you seriously?
    HA. No one else is here to please you. You can be yourself, just don't be mad when no one likes who you are.

    • I guess hipsters such as yourself have a lot of experience not being liked. Thanks for the insight, bro.

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    • Lol I only picked hipster because there isn't shit else to pick that is remotely close to how I'd describe myself honestly.-.
      I don't have people who like me honestly, I've been single for 4 years.
      Don't assume just because you dislike the answer I gave.

  • I called her an ambulance! LMFAOROFL!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  • I guess I'm somewhat of a nerd and one of the girls I dated was into the whole anime, Pokémon, manga, hentai scene. We got along fine when conversing games, shows, etc; but her personality was misleading. She had me believe that she was a bad girl with a nerdy outershell.

    She'd even talk about sex a lot. So you can imagine how dissapointed I was when I find out that she's waiting till marriage.

    I'm sorry, this doesn't really have to do much with your article, but I felt like sharing.

    • I don't mind if a girl wants to wait until marriage at all. Although it was wrong of her to mislead you into thinking she wanted sex if she didn't. I guess a lot of girls feel pressured to be sexy or put out nowadays, which is just sad. Anyway, thanks for sharing.

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    • @notmynameatall
      I was not thinking that way. Normally girls that wait to marriage don't express their sexual desires so openly all the time. I was under the impression she would have sex with a bf, etc, I was not expecting marriage.

      I don't have a problem waiting, but marriage is another ball game that I associate with finances and family, not sex.

    • @RoastedCat
      She's not a whore. Never was. I simply had no idea she was waiting till marriage and was dissapointed to find out.

  • You sound so negative that is why the girl does not want you. Most nerds have this corporate mentality but are very idealistic also. Experience empowers you boy, go get rejected 100 times and learn something

    • First of all, I am older than you, and people older than me typically refer to me as sir. Second, you sound pretty negative yourself, who says I would get rejected 100 times? What if the first girl I ask is down for anything? What if she ends up being the kind of girl who asks me to spank her, spit in her face, call her a dirty slut, etc? What if that girl ends up being your bitch? There are just so many possibilities in this crazy world of ours. No need to be so pessimistic. :P

    • Really? you sound like a boy whining about not being given anything. Hyperbole even offends you

  • This is an interesting piece, thanks for posting.

    I like technology as much as the next person, but am by no means a nerd. I think a lot of people take nerds for granted. Enjoy your iPhone? Thank a nerd!
    Nerds contribute a lot to the world. Nerds invented the atom bomb, the computer, YouTube, and many of the creature comforts we enjoy today.

    I think the "nerd lifestyle" as you described it puts a lot of girls off. But at the end of the day, there is a lid for every jar, even for nerds.

  • To me, being a nerd means having a true passion about something. Yes I like comic books and superheroes (nIghtwing all the way) yes I like watching cartoons from my childhood (anything batman basically, dragonball z, gundam wing I could go on) but my passions are music and martial arts, two things I dedicate a lot of time to studying. It's intersting to see the reaction of many women when I talk about martial arts and fighting styles, versus different types of guitars, musicians, a bit of music theory. One makes me sound creepy, the other doesn't. Take a guess as to which is which.

    The main takeaway, if their interests aren't your interest (goes for both guys and girls) don't judge, chances are they find more happiness in their interest than putting up with you

    • I also do martial arts and I know what you mean about women thinking it's creepy. I guess they find it intimidating.

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    • I can be a bit abrasive myself. I think it comes with being a nerd, you get used to people giving you shit all through school, so you learn to dish it out in return.

    • Indeed good sir, one internet beer for you

  • I'm a nerd and trying to woo a nerd. The thing is, relationship are always about understanding and acceptance, and it hasn't changed, no matter what kind of culture he/she comes from. This article goes a bit to explaining it in slightly more detail. :)

    • Indeed, if you can't understand and accept your partner, it's just not going to work out because you will continue to build up resentment.

  • You shouldn't abuse the ambulance system like that!

  • Who would want to date a nerd?

  • You definition of nerd is false, that is you real problem regarding this Take.


  • are you retarded my dear friend? they are ugly, limp, unmotivated, low eq, low iq sometimes as well, underachievers, dont know how to push women's buttons, etc. what did you expect?

    • Are you?, my family is full of nerds there are a lot of nerds at my gym to, one works in the music industry professionally and is actually pretty damn strong and fit. I'm one and I've been working since I was 12 years old, I train 5 days a week and do martial arts and am getting my certification for professional training from one of the best school in the world for it. Even my own father is one and he is a rifleman and IT technician in the military and a factory worker at Siemens.

    • you are not a nerd just a stud with some sophisticated hobbies :)

  • This list is actually quite true however its not talking about all girls (though it likes to think it is). I dont even have the desire to date the girls that this list hits to begin with so it isn't really a problem. And has any girl ever said they liked nerds? I mean sure some might be able to bear with it but there are quite literally millions of men that every girl on the planet would pick over me.

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