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Why women have a hard time dating nerds (Page 2)
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I'm a super huge nerd and that has never interfered with my love life. You can be a nerd and also like not be if that makes sense. I laughed at the "I like nerds.. with abs" part cause that's me jajaja (no brag just serious lol). Anyway my hobbies revolve around nerdy shit like computers but I personally have many interests that are NOT nerdy. I have almost NO clue about what a traditional nerd is like cause I'm just not like them (besides hanging out with all of them during class breaks lol) and nerd discussions I can maintain, but I just don't get how people can only have ONE type of interest ("nerd" shit) (women or men don't count lol).
Dude. This is so hypocritical. You can't expect people to want you who have nothing in common with you. They don't "try" because they simply aren't interested in your dedication to Magic the Gathering or Yu-Gi-Oh.
Let's make something real clear: When you dedicate more of your life to games and playing around rather than growing up and doing something with your life,
SOMETHING RELIABLE AND REALISTIC
You have lost her interest. If you have ambitions good.
Singing, Dancing, Comedy, Acting.
Go for the big time
But when you say you want to write a comic, or a manga, or fucking make a board game, but have no experience (professional experience) doing so, and get mad because no one takes you seriously?
HA. No one else is here to please you. You can be yourself, just don't be mad when no one likes who you are.
I guess hipsters such as yourself have a lot of experience not being liked. Thanks for the insight, bro.
If no one likes who you are, that's their problem, not yours.
@PT1911 I agree.
Lol I only picked hipster because there isn't shit else to pick that is remotely close to how I'd describe myself honestly.-.
I don't have people who like me honestly, I've been single for 4 years.
Don't assume just because you dislike the answer I gave.
The looks a side, I actually think nerds sound like pretty fun boyfriends. It depends on the kind of nerd, but I see the intellectual kinds as badass. They're the real cool kids. Those pathetic little shits that base their self worth off the approval of others; while they shuffle around with their pants hanging off their ass are far from admirable.. I don't even understand how they accomplished such "cool kid" status.. I find nothing more irritable than those who alter themselves to be "accepted".
Indeed. Thanks for commenting.
You made this list about women in general... which confuses me, because I don't think nerd girls would have trouble understanding nerd culture...
"wanting it all" is an issue with both genders... yes, there are nerd girls who want to date a guy, but want him to be attractive. At the same time, you are complaining about how women don't understand you, well why don't you find one that does. Why don't you just date another nerd, problem solved. But unfortunately most of the world see nerdy girls as unattractive.
I am a nerd girl and I have all of the same problems above that you listed, except it's with men.
"Why don't you just date another nerd, problem solved." I'm pretty sure nerd guys vastly outnumber nerd girls, so this advice can't really apply to everyone. It's mathematically impossible. Some nerds are going to end up having to date non-nerds or just settle for being alone. Also, not all nerd-girls will even date nerd-guys, and those that do often encounter the same problems that a non-nerd would. Nerds are great and all, but just like any other group we do have some really big flaws.
I'm just saying, I've seen a lot of nerd guys complain about women not liking them, but then they turn down or ignore any nerd girl that likes them.
It's usually unrealistic expectations at fault for that. They say they want a nerd girlfriend, but really what they mean is they want an incredibly hot nerd girlfriend.
Nerd girls are more attractive and rarer than nerd guys.
If you're a nerdy guy, go for nerdy girls. Stop going for girls that you have nothing in common with just because they're attractive.
Amen
Listen to the beard
I agree, actually. It's easy to fall for a pretty girl, though.
There are a plethora of girls out there that are both nerdy and pretty.
Not where I live. XD
This is a better summary as to why:
weknowmemes.com/.../...-guy-double-standards-2.jpg
When it comes to Adam Brody, it can be like that
Can we just replace GaG with this image? It would answer so many questions.
Most females would not like to admit this true but it is.
As if guys would have 1000uglypeople.com/.../...-Girl-Ugly-Fat-Woman.jpg next to. s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...a3c3be5900.jpg and treat them the exact same
Beenwaiting once again he is not saying that guys don't do the same thing but it is just that many guys admit things when women instead lie and say''They don't care about looks''etc.
@Joshua and women say their not shallow or stuck up.
@manuelmarquez lol most girls don't say looks don't matter
Wow this picture is so ideal for this discussion!
@been_waiting You just love to troll me. Here is the difference between what you said and what I posted. Girls say they ONLY care about personality in the long run, but my photo above states otherwise. Most would say messaging a random girl on FB would be creepy, but if the guy is a 10/10, you WILL respond. As for weight, the girl who is obese can make a difference. I have seen ugly fat girls go to smoking hot if they put the effort into changing their life and go to the gym. I'm simply stating most girls are hypocritical. Girls say it's inhumane to judge a girl by her weight, but why does height matter so much to girls?
@been_waiting If you want to be incredibly shallow then I have absolutely no problem with that. Just don't be mad when someone rejects you for being too fat or too ugly. That would be hypocritical, after all.
Some guys say its shallow not to date fat guys.
Some girls say its shallow not to date fat girls.
Some guys say its shallow not to date ugly guys.
Some girls say... omfg hopefully you get it now. The only people saying this are insecure overweight people. Not the majority of anyone. Its people with a sense of entitlement. Guys like curvy pretty girls. Girls like tall fit guys. Does a girl HAVE to be a perfect 10 to get a guy, no. Does a guy have to be a modeleqsue 6'4"? No! So stop fussing.
And no girl says a harmless message is creepy unless she's a bitch but usually these guys say "hey baby" then cry about how girls are stuck up for cslling him a creep. And no if a hot guy sends a creepy message or does something weird, I find it creepy and/or weird. Regardless
@been_waiting I respectfully disagree with your opinions.
You mean you have no rebuttal to the truth
@been_waiting You mad? Notice how many girls and guys liked my photo? I bet you're the one who thumbs down my comment. I do agree looks DO matter in the long run, but show me a thread on ANY forum/website where a girl says this. When a guy is insecure about the way he looks, literally all the girls say personality matters in the long run. It is a two way street; however, guys are more open to saying looks matter and then get called a douche.
I think a lot of girls picture Joseph Gordon-Levitt with glasses on when they say they like "nerds". It's simply another fad stereotype of what a nerdy guy is---basically, a hot guy with glasses on.
You hit the nail on the head.
To me, being a nerd means having a true passion about something. Yes I like comic books and superheroes (nIghtwing all the way) yes I like watching cartoons from my childhood (anything batman basically, dragonball z, gundam wing I could go on) but my passions are music and martial arts, two things I dedicate a lot of time to studying. It's intersting to see the reaction of many women when I talk about martial arts and fighting styles, versus different types of guitars, musicians, a bit of music theory. One makes me sound creepy, the other doesn't. Take a guess as to which is which.
The main takeaway, if their interests aren't your interest (goes for both guys and girls) don't judge, chances are they find more happiness in their interest than putting up with you
I also do martial arts and I know what you mean about women thinking it's creepy. I guess they find it intimidating.
They really shouldn't, though my personality is a bit more on the confrontational side but eh
I can be a bit abrasive myself. I think it comes with being a nerd, you get used to people giving you shit all through school, so you learn to dish it out in return.
Indeed good sir, one internet beer for you
Not sure about other women but I’m highly attracted to nerds. Men that are intelligent enough to keep up a conversation , I love computer nerds & if they game as well ( not just shooters ) it’s a huge turn on.
Also men tend to stereotype women hardcore and don’t believe them when they say they are interested in a certain “nerdy subject “ it’s like they don’t believe that cute / beautiful women can also be nerdy as well. We as humans like to categorize people into groups based on their looks a lot. My fiancé is a full on level 10 nerd 🤓 and I love it. We as women aren’t always looking for a Guy that looks like super man & has the personality of a rock.
I'm a geek. I'm trying to be more accepting of it. It'd be nice if the women tried to meet me halfway.
Women usually like buff guys. I'm a bit fat - not huge, but fat. I work out at least a little. It's not just about the women. I'm trying to do it for me. I'd rather be having some fast food and playing video games. But I don't want to be losing my teeth, or have huge health problems. It's not fun, but I make the effort. Some girls are great at at least making some effort to attract men in general... I figure I need to try to be presentable too.
It’s easier to work on your physique than your personality in my opinion. If you enjoy eating fast food and being lazy that’s on you.
I’m a athletic nerd myself. I eat healthy and exercise everyday. But once a week I’ll cut loose and get wasted.
But Im a natural introvert and a bit socially awkward. That’s something I’ve been painfully aware of since my teens. That is much HARDER to change than my body in my opinion.
I consider myself more of a geek than a nerd but same concept I suppose, I am 6 feet tall with wide shoulders, not really overweight. Should I go to the gym a bit more I would have the abs that apparently all girls want in their nerds. At first when I started to read this article I thought it would be good and actually defend us as the nerd society but as others have said, it is flawed.
My last girlfriend was not a nerd, Yes she enjoyed sci fi shows but was not into games like I am. Yet we found common ground, while sometimes she rambled on about biology I rambled on about games. We made time for each other and time for our hobbies and sometimes we compromised.
In this article you talk about how girls don't know our nerdy ways and that makes it boring for us and them. How about us knowing their hobbies? you make it sound like they shouldn't make us change but you expect them to change for us...
I understand where you're coming from. Personally, I like nerds. I am very social, yet I'm also very big on reading and studying. I think "nerds" are good because they are smart and much less arrogant than a jock. I like nerds, except usually they are too shy to ask somebody out. Which stinks.
Yep, nerds can definitely benefit from gaining confidence.
@a_lizete
Then flirt with the nerd in question and give him confidence to ask you out - confidence is build on experiences. If he likes you he will, when YOU have ensured him of you willingness to do so.
So it's all up to you then.
There is some truth that a good woman will bring out the best in a man. That isn't to say that men should rely on others for validation, but often times, women are the bigger motivators in a man's life, especially if they feel encouraged by her, adored by her, nurtured, desired, and respected. A man who really cares for his woman and feels like she is in his corner can do some amazing things for the sake of his relationship (and for himself) unless he is a narcissistic jerk.
There was a time where not only were men the providers, but many practically centered much of their lives to making their wife and children happy. They realized that a happy home = a happy life. It is why so many men sacrifice must of their self-time for their partners and family. It might come off clingy or even border-line nice guy, but what if the man's real goal is to build a happy family and wants to put his all into it? I think that is a respectable goal and it a lot better than a guy who is lazy, entitled, or abusive.
I think the main problem with guys who are shy, don't know the proper way to make friends, don't know how to flirt, don't have confidence with women, didn't have a proper mentor or good role models in their childhood. Maybe they were neglected, maybe they were isolated, maybe they had issues with being afraid of failure. They could be otherwise amazing, empathetic, funny, interesting, caring, generous, sexually good/giving/game, and loving guys who have a lot of potential. All they really needed was someone to be in their corner.
I know for some women that is a huge turn-off because they want someone who is on the same page they are in their lives. Realize though that many of us have baggage at any experience level and over 10 million people in America (alone) suffer from social anxiety, and even more with some other kind of mental issue, and that number is suspected to WAY higher due to it being under-diagnosed.
People like the idea of something more than the actual thing, it's not something that's new. A lot of girls like the "idea" of a sweet overly sensitive guy, but get annoyed when he shows too much affection. Just like how guys love the idea of being with a girl who's smoking hot everyday, but actually end up being really jealous and annoyed by her much time she spends on her looks. Everything's better in our heads my friend.
Actually, this goes both ways. I'm a relatively nerdy type & a lot of the guys/girls I've dated are put off by it. Then again, some of the guys/girls I date absolutely love it. You're just dating the wrong people if they're put off by it. Find similar spirits :)
Your problem is increased by the fact you date both genders - not encouraging for neither the boys or girls you date.
You just need to find girls like yourself and focus on dating them. Stop worrying about people who don't get you and don't want to. The negative shitstorm in the comments should tell you that trying to tell people what they should think isn't going to work. People will think what they want to think.
Best advice I've seen on this site -- ever. I completely agree. And to add to it, move to a new town as well.
Live in a city that matches you and the things your like and care about. You'll get nowhere being surrounded by unlike minded people.
In my definition of the word back in the day, nerd was someone who mainly liked to study and liked challenging activities in which he/ she could use their brains and, therefore, many times experienced difficulties in relating to more 'normal' people socially - read, 'dumber'.
People who are into comic books, video games, etc. are more like otaku or geeks, who may also experience similar difficulties socially but for completely different reasons.
Geeks are less socially awkward and typically enjoy less mentally challenging activities such as comic books or movies, whereas the nerds are more inclined to play video games, trading card games, or tabletop role playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons. Geeks don't seem to have near as much trouble in the dating world as nerds do, because their activities do not demand such a high level of involvement. Anyone can sit down and watch a movie or read a comic book. How many people do you think can sit down and write an entire D&D campaign, then successfully DM it? Probably about one out of a million people, because it can actually take years to learn how to be a good DM, and it takes a lot of talent to write a good campaign. So nerds end up being a lot more absorbed in their hobbies than geeks do, which is a huge cause of some of their relationship problems.
My brother is ridiculously good with that kind of games and he's no nerd. Although it's true he's pretty smart.
I still don't think that just because someone plays some video games and trades card games (!) they're qualified to be called a nerd or particularly talented. It's not about the amount of time they spend on something either - if that was so, that alone would explain why women have a hard time dating nerds.
Anyway, just to add up, I think that if you've someone who's really interested in one subject only, then if problems in the relationship arise (how did that relationship come to be in the first place though?), wouldn't the fault be more of the person who has no other interests besides that? Why would the issue be with the person who doesn't understand the partners hobby or whatever?
Like even if it's so time consuming like a real job, I don't have to relate to my partners job in order to have a relationship with him because the job it's not all of what he is.
I guess I'm somewhat of a nerd and one of the girls I dated was into the whole anime, Pokémon, manga, hentai scene. We got along fine when conversing games, shows, etc; but her personality was misleading. She had me believe that she was a bad girl with a nerdy outershell.
She'd even talk about sex a lot. So you can imagine how dissapointed I was when I find out that she's waiting till marriage.
I'm sorry, this doesn't really have to do much with your article, but I felt like sharing.
I don't mind if a girl wants to wait until marriage at all. Although it was wrong of her to mislead you into thinking she wanted sex if she didn't. I guess a lot of girls feel pressured to be sexy or put out nowadays, which is just sad. Anyway, thanks for sharing.
Just because someone wants sex, doesn't mean they want it right now with anyone.
Just because someone is socially developed enough to be able to casually discuss sex doesn't mean they are a whore.
@notmynameatall
I was not thinking that way. Normally girls that wait to marriage don't express their sexual desires so openly all the time. I was under the impression she would have sex with a bf, etc, I was not expecting marriage.
I don't have a problem waiting, but marriage is another ball game that I associate with finances and family, not sex.
@RoastedCat
She's not a whore. Never was. I simply had no idea she was waiting till marriage and was dissapointed to find out.
Nerds are the best people, it's so diverse and as I nerd myself I've had a fair share of rejection.. So this I can relate to. Nerds are fun-loving people who keep in touch with their childhood and that's something a lot of people lose sight off as they get older. I wouldn't want to date any other group of people of nerds the magic the gathering players, legend of zelda fanatics, con-goers and call of duty co-op battle machines XD
Thanks for commenting. I agree, nerds are the most fun group of people. I've partied with pretty much every clique, the preps, the druggies, the hipsters, the goths, etc. and I must say nerd parties are the most fun.
Yeah they are XD You'll never be bored :D
Those stereotypes are sooo stupid. Peoples these days are craving for an identity too much. I like video games and animes, but does that mean I am a crazy weaboo that speak Japanese everytime? No. Those cliches are too stupid, because the humain brain isn’t limited this much. You can be whatever you want. You can be sporty, nerdy and popular while liking those “ nerdy trends”. The stereotyped nerds are just attention seekers that crave to belong to a groupe of peoples.
So basically you've come to the conclusion that incompatible people shouldn't date. Genius.
I think the problem is that these people don't realize they are incompatible until it's too late.
Too late for what?
Too late to break it off without someone getting hurt.
I'm pretty sure that most of the time when someone break it off with someone else, someone is bound to get hurt no matter what the circumstances are. It's a part of being in a relationship and breaking up. Realizing you're incompatible can be a good thing, it's about knowing what you want and don't want. So basically I think you're taking this a bit too seriously.
Maybe. I think the main thing people need to realize is that relationships aren't all sunshine and rainbows, no matter what kind of person you go for.
Yeah. And you do that by accidentally dating the wrong people sometimes. It's nothing to worry so much about.