How can I stop over thinking / worrying about silly social media things when dating someone new?

[Anonymous]

I never was like this when I dated my previous boyfriend but for whatever reason I am all worried about silly Facebook and snapchat things dealing with this new guy.

The new guy and I have been dating exclusively for 4 months now and his friends/family call me his girlfriend. He is also starting to refer to me as his girlfriend.

I guess I just tend to over think things. For example, on snapchat you can see the top 3 that he most frequently snaps and the 3rd one is this other girl. The other girl has a boyfriend now (I Facebook stalked her to see what she was all about) My guy had a fling with her in the past but never had sex. He says that she means nothing to him and that I am the one he wants. He has even showed me the snaps that she sends him which are usually dumb things anyways.

How do I stop worrying? He has no idea how much it bugs me and I don't plan to tell him. I just hope eventually she goes away as me and my guy get more serious and her and her guy get more serious.

Am I over thinking this? I mean I too have other guys that send me stuff on there too but it means nothing to me because I don't want anyone else.

[Anonymous]

You're over thinking it, yes. But you know what? You're already ahead of most girls, in that you KNOW it's a problem and you're looking for ways to stop worrying.

I can't tell you how many girls are still in the stage where such things are HIS problem, and instead of trying to find a way to deal, they are foolishly trying to find ways to control their guy or wondering if they should dump him. Those girls are fucked, and due to be miserable for a long time.

You could work it like this - don't tell him the crazy parts, but tell him that you do have *some* insecurities. And maybe together you can come up with simple things to help you fight them off. Don't even mention the pics and the other girl. Have a genuine think about what he can do to build your confidence in him and what you have together. Maybe it will be something as simple as private nicknames that no one else will ever hear or know about. Maybe it will him sharing something deeply personal or private and you knowing that he's only ever shared this with you. Be creative.

The main thing you have to realise is that your sense of what constitutes a threat to your relationship, is out of whack. Like a soldier who has PTSD, your body is reacting to non-threats the way it would react to a real threat. You need to deal with that. The girl who already has a boyfriend, and who your guy has already sown his oats with... she's not a threat. Learn to recognise that in the rational part of your mind, and eventually your emotional parts will follow.

[Asker]

Thank you, I needed to hear that. I have explained to him that I don't feel very secure and that my insecurities are surfacing. This happened because we didn't have an official title. (I used to date his buddy many years ago for a few months so he wanted to tell his buddy in person that he was with me now.) Therefore, once he gets that all done then he wants to make it public that we are together. All of our family and close friends know that we are together etc. I think that will make me feel 100% certain. It's just so frustrating that I know that worrying about snapchat is really dumb but I don't know how to let it go. Sometimes I think i'm too smart for my own good. Meaning other girls wouldn't even think twice and I over analyze every little detail.

[madhatters4]

I think you are definitely overthinking it.

remind yourself the significance of social media on reality is minimal. we you feel pangs of jealousy or whatever remind yourself that you are committing to not overthinking this kind of stuff

when you say guys send you "stuff" what does "stuff" mean?

[Asker]

Stuff meaning snapchats of random things like a beer sitting there, or the river or whatever. Then it adds points onto your thing and if you respond enough they become a top snapchat friend that everyone can see on your list. This girl is his #2 person now. I just don't want to be naive and be screwed over.

[madhatters4]

well if you get real signs that there is more to their relationship than just rather innocent social media interaction then maybe you start ringing the alarms. but from what you described it sounds like they are just social media friends... you could also ask some of his friends if they know this girl and know anything about them (like do they have a history). they may not be 100% honest so you'd have to read some body language

[Asker]

My guy already told me that he did have a history with this girl but he doesn't see her like that. He says he hasn't seen her in 2 years and has no plans to meet up with her. I guess the frustrating part is why on earth would it be so exciting for him to continue to snapchat someone he has no interest in unless they are just friends over the years? I have no idea. Where do I go from here with this?

[madhatters4]

well if they don't see each other I think you don't have to worry about things.

perhaps they are simply friends. I mean if the interaction is innocent that it would seem like a pretty platonic relationship right? the issue would be if there was a romantic tinge to the relationship. does he have other female friends?

[Asker]

I agree with you that I shouldn't worry since they aren't seeing each other or hanging out. The bad thing with snapchat is that you can't see exactly what they had sent to each other. You only have 5-10 secs to view the picture then it's gone forever. I'm not friends with the girl on Facebook but I can see that her profile picture is of her and a guy that looks like a boyfriend. This guy that is in her picture has his profile picture with her. I'd assume they are dating/relationship.

My guy does have other friends that are girls but not any that he is super close with. This girl that he is snapchating just newly got into this relationship therefore I would assume if he wanted to be with her he would have made a move before I came along since he has known her for years from college.

Do you still think I'm just overthinking it? I just want to forget about it and stop worrying. It's literally driving me nuts!

[madhatters4]

I think you should try to stop worrying and just keep observing. nothing yet sounds like a real issue. but keep your eyes and ears open to see something does become fishy

[Anonymous]

Don't worry too much. I'm like that too, even if I'm not technically dating the guy; we just like each other. It's normal, and just remember to be sure to be open about it and tell him it's bugging you. If you guys are starting to get more serious, you should be comfortable telling him you're uncomfortable about their relationship, especially considering both him and his female friend are technically in relation ships. Good luck! Sorry if I didn't help.

[Asker]

I've talked to him about it once and he laughed saying you are worried about her? He's like you are the one I want etc. He then went on to show me the types of snaps she sends him which were nothing more than her and her friend hanging out doing something. Typically girl selfies. I let this guy contact me first the majority of the time therefore I know he is interested in me. It's just stressful when you are with someone new after dating 1 person for 4 years.

[Horsecraz224]

I'm not sure, but I think the friend thing on snap chat is also affected when someone else sends it, so maybe she's sending most of the pics

[BiffWebster]

its best to stay away from all that social media shit. Facebook will make you manically depressed under the right circumstances... and its not fun.
i don't think your over thinking it, because if some guy was sending pictures of himself (stupid or not) to my girlfriend i'd be like... ok whats the deal?
but hey if he's seeing only you and the feelings are legit then no problem.

but you can't keep looking on that media sites. Because its going to really make you insane

[TonnyStryder]

It's true, girls make the best online spies, it's nothing much to worry about here, you are just insecure and probably lack trust in your boyfriend. The social media stalker thing, most girls in relationships do it. You take solace in the fact that these little social media things don't mean a fucking thing.

[Asker]

I agree it is a trust thing and I'm not sure what it will take for me to fully trust him. I'm not the type of person that is very trusting. I believe trust is something that is earned not given. Therefore in the beginning I keep my guard up.

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

Just like stay off social media for a while . It's easy . Also block people who cause social media drama

[AnimeLover12]

I think you're looking way to into it but thats ok i do that to, it's normal to worry about these things.

[Asker]

Any suggestions on how to not worry so much? How do I let it go and not dwell on it?

[AnimeLover12]

you just have to put trust in him that's all, believe that he won't cheat on you if he really loves you he won't

[BEatenyou]

Let it go. Seriously, social media is worse then crack. Let it all go and be happy with him.

[LouLou14]

Yes you are over thinking it but it's natural to feel that way when you have strong feelings for someone.

[Anonymous]

Social media don't matter but I mean when I'm on snapchat I just wanna see some titties

[Anonymous]

Get off of social media. It might do you some good