If a guy is constantly pushing the physical boundary does he just want to get laid?

[Anonymous]

A guy I was seeing seemed to like pushing his physical boundaries a lot.

I never dated anyone before him so I was confused as to what to expect. We were seeing each other for exactly a month, but I think he was touching me in a really sexual way.

This guy knew I wanted to remain a virgin until marriage, but I felt like he was pushing for physical stuff a lot.

He worked his way up from holding hands to putting his arms around my waist and shoulders to having me sit in his lap, kissing me, touching my boobs and squeezing my butt, rubbing my thighs, etc.

He would rub his hands between my legs when he would be kissing me also. He even got to the point where he would get on top of me and kiss me.

He liked doing things like biting me, kissing my neck, even licking my neck. He liked biting my stomach too.

I was really naiive and didn't know what to expect from dating a guy. And he would also seem to show genuine interest in the time he would spend with me and the questions he would ask, but I found all that touching to be unsettling.

It was very fast for me and he knew that, but he would always keep trying to push his boundaries.

At the end he even asked me to touch his penis...

He knew I didn't like all the touching but he would keep doing it and the other signs of interest he would give like calling me and buying me food and helping me with school made me confused.

I'm sure I sound really stupid but he really messed with my head, and definitely manipulated me to be ok with a lot of the physical stuff. He eased into it in a very sneaky way IMO.

A guy who knows a girl wants to stay a virgin for a longgggg time wouldn't touch a girl like that, right?

I broke it off with him because I realized he wasn't respecting my boundaries, which means he didn't have any respect for me.

He claims he wasn't in it for just sex but I don't get why he would have been so manipulative then... He touched me in a extemely sexual way, right?

[kheserthorpe]

>A guy who knows a girl wants to stay a virgin for a longgggg time wouldn't touch a girl like that, right?

Wrong.

>I broke it off with him because I realized he wasn't respecting my boundaries, which means he didn't have any respect for me.

What men and women seem to mean by respect is totally different. I'm not sure how to even answer this.

>He claims he wasn't in it for just sex but I don't get why he would have been so manipulative then... He touched me in a extemely sexual way, right?

If he was in it just for sex, why was he with you, at all? There are girls who have sex without dating. You two were together for a month and he got as far as kissing.

Saying "i want to stay a virgin for a long time" doesn't tell me (or him, or anyone) much. What's a long time? And it doesn't tell us how you feel about anything else. Are you okay with oral, or manual sex (obviously not today, but "I want to be a virgin for a long time" is not the same as "I'm not touching your penis for a long time").

Now you're saying he manipulated you into being okay with it. Another viewpoint would be that, like any good partner would, he was making you feel comfortable with a developing relationship. This is... you know... normal. Is he supposed to NOT make you feel increasingly comfortable with things? Well, the answer is no, he's NOT if you both are in agreement that sex should wait till marriage or something. But what you've said is 'you're not ready' and then complain that he was easing you towards being ready.

He wanted to be sexual with you. It's very unlikely he was interested only in sex, because you were moving very slowly.

If it was too much for you, you are probably right to break up, but he wasn't some lying player. He was just a normal guy.

[Asker]

He would make me feel guilty if I didn't want to do soemthing. Like say I didn't like him, that I should try new things, etc.

His touching obviously made me uncomfortable and he knew that. He would say he didn't think I liked it. But he would still try to push things.

He went for my breast under my shirt a couple times and it made me very very uneasy. I pushed him away because it didn't feel right. I told him to touch me over my bra at first and he still went under my bra. I don't get why he would do that if he respected me.

He said so many times that he didn't think I liked it when he touched me and I told him he needs to go slowly with me. But then he would say that he touched me to make ME feel good. I didn't understand why he would say something like that

[Asker]

He knew I had not even kissed a guy before him. And that I want to remain a virgin until I'm married.

Isn't it a bit much to ask a girl to touch your penis a week after her first kiss ever? I think it is, that is just me though.

[Asker]

I also found it odd that he stopped showing interest in talking to me after I moved an hour away from him. He would barely talk to me, and also didn't do anything nice for my birthday. He barely talked to me.. Just a happy birthday text and short phone call and he wasn't even busy that day.

He also would say he wanted to date me officially but seemed to want to put off commitment- he said the timing was bad. And he would also say we weren't exclusive.

I'm just confused how he could have been a genuinely interested guy trying to make me comfortable then. Maybe I'm delusional, I don't know.

[thetundrawolf]

Yes, a guy who knows you want to stay a virgin WILL touch you like that because he doesn't care enough about YOU and only considers himself! He wants what he wants, and he is hoping his little caresses will coax you into relaxing enough so that you will be seduced into having sex with him!

This is a man who will leave you cold, empty, and alone. Listen to your gut instincts. They are telling you this guy is a creep.

[Asker]

My gut told me something was wrong, despite everything he would say to me and any cute romantic gesture. I felt good when he wasn't touching me like that. Otherwise it really didn't feel right.

I really hope I didn't misjudge him, though. But his arrogant and obvious manipulative behavior when I dumped him made me see he couldn't have been that good of a guy.

I told him how his actions confused me and hurt me, and he seemed to have no remorse whatsoever. Even tried to make me feel sorry for him.

[thetundrawolf]

Exactly. He is a manipulator to the nth degree. Selfish. You are not wrong at all, and good for you! Listening to your instincts! There are so many women who don't listen at all and end up with guys like this who leave them broken and ruined. You did the right thing :) Just because someone shows interest in you does not mean they are honorable. Keep your guard up and listen to your gut. One day your heart will resonate with your gut, and THAT is the guy! (BE patient)

[Asker]

I hope to meet that guy. I just hope I didn't wrongly judge him because I will feel awful. I hate thinking the worst of people.

He did some very nice things in the beginning that made me think he really liked me. I just feel sad thinking that all of that was probably fake :/

[thetundrawolf]

No, it might not have been totally fake. Men who have little to no meaningful self control for the long run will often find their hearts drawn to females. He was drawn to you, genuinely liked you, but didn't care enough or respect you enough to keep his hands off of you.

[Asker]

I know I did the right thing in breaking up with him because he clearly didn't respect me, regardless of how much he was drawn to me.

He even said towards the end that he wanted to date me if he had the time for a girlfriend and he would mention also that we were not currently an exclusive couple.

He also stopped talking to me really once we weren't in the same location anymore.

Just not signs of a genuinely interested guy, in my opinion anyways. It comes off as a guy trying to keep me around as a backup or something of the sort.

The signs I've seen can't mean much else, but the thing I hate most is assuming negative intentions that weren't there. Just something that bothers me

[thetundrawolf]

Classic misogynist in my opinion. I am sorry you went through that... But we live, and we learn.

I am also heartened to hear that you listened to your gut feeling.

Even when your gut is telling you to run, and your heart is in love- listen to your gut over your heart.

The heart is deceitful.

Thank you for MH.

[MostCreativeUsername]

You aren't stupid he's stupid, this guy really sounds like a selfish a**hole. Its not your fault you didn't know, but learn from this and never let somebody disrespect you like that again. Remember somebody who doesn't care about you is not worth your time.
Try not to let this ruin dating for you, i'm sorry you had to go through that it sounds terrible.

[Asker]

It sucks, he's a really bad guy. I hope I can meet better guys in the future.

But there is really no way he could have not been in it just to get laid right? I feel like he took major advantage of me because he knew I hadn't dated before

[MostCreativeUsername]

I think he was in it for sexual reason but its hard to say, he's a very weird guy... Very weird... But ya he took major advantage of you and nobody has the right to do that.

[Asker]

He's clearly very messed up. Did some things in the beginning that made him seem genuine but the way he manipulated me into physical stuff and the way he acted even when I dumped him- just trying to manipulate the situation and make me feel guilty/crazy makes me think he really had no genuine intention.

I really have no reason to think he had any respect for me or wanted to date me seriously. Sure didn't act like it

[MostCreativeUsername]

You're right, he had no good intentions. But hey, you can now move onto bigger and better things... So congrats on getting rid of that jerk!

[Asker]

Thank you! Now I know for next time. Thank you for your advice :)

[Crazyced]

Seems like he wanted to change your mind. But I feel the need to tell you, wanting to save yourself for marriage is one thing, but you might have a difficult time finding a suitable partner willing to stick around long enough to marry if any physical contact from them seems to repulse you.

[Asker]

I'm not repulsed by physical contact. That's really not it. It's just that he went insanely fast for me. I hadn't even kissed a guy before and within a week after my first kiss he wanted me to touch his penis with his pants off.. Too fast and too overwhelming for me at least.

I think the right guy would go at a pace I feel okay with. I shouldn't be having to constantly push the guy away when he touches me. It should feel natural. The fact that I needed to push him away a lot made me feel unsettled. It just didn't feel right with this guy

[Asker]

Maybe for other girls a handjob a week after a first kiss isn't a big deal. For me it is.

I told him if we became an official couple that I would gradually feel okay with more touching, but that he should go slowly for me. He didn't seem to respect that because he was always pushing for more.. Just made me uncomfortable

[Crazyced]

And that's the gist of it, everybody has a pace that they are comfortable with. The key is to find the one that matches yours.

[Asker]

Also wasn't a fan of how he would guilt trip me if I didn't want to do something physical. Came off as very manipulative.

He would bring up how touching made me uncomfortable and I would tell him he needs to go slowly with me and that I wanted to reciprocate at some point when I was ready.

But he would later say how he did the touching to make me feel good. Just seemed off to me. My gut told me something was weird here

[Asker]

And I agree about finding a guy who wants to go at a similar pace. Didn't realize how important that was until now

[beastman88]

he just wanted the v