I told him how I feel and now what?

My hookup told me he liked me in July. Dubious because I was just hurt by someone else I told him I don't normally date - but I never said no. In September we hooked up a few more times (and he really liked to cuddle and make eye contact during sex and be goofy and fun afterwards). I told him I kind of liked him too - but this was after he said he wasn't sure of what he wanted. He never texts me first or snapchats me anymore. He ignored one last week and I said "I guess you really are too busy. I'll leave you alone from now on. If you miss me, get in touch." He didn't, but he always checks my snapchat stories. Today, I sent another message to say "I didn't mean to be dismissive. I'm still DTF if you are? I still like you enough to try something more, but you already kind of hurt me - and still kind of are actually." And still nothing. Do I just move on? I deleted his number and thread so I can't initiate more contact. Do I just wait and then that's my answer?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Too much talk and not enough action to back it up. I don't want to offend you or hurt you, but I'm going to put it blunt how it likely looks to him:

    Had you just left it alone when he ignored your text last week, I guarantee he'd try pursuing again after some time. And if you kept acting interested but allowing him to initiate, it probably would've led back to you liking him as well (considering he did have feelings for you after hooking up in the first place).

    However, you followed it up by telling him you'd leave him alone, which showed that it really bothered you he didn't answer and you were being a bit emotionally manipulative to get him to answer you. It would've been best to say nothing. HOWEVER, if you'd backed it up by actually leaving him alone, it still would've been better than reaching out again a few days later saying you're still "DTF." Now you look desperate and low-value in his eyes. He doesn't believe anything you say and he thinks you're hooked on him even though he's done hardly anything for you.

    Again, don't take it personal, we have ALL been there, but this is likely what he's thinking. What you should do now is completely let it go. Do not initiate with him again after all these ignored messages. And if he does initiate with you, if all you want is a hookup, then go for it. If you want him as a boyfriend (or more than a hookup situation), don't let it go to sex. Continue to show interest, but don't sleep with him, and stop initiating with him until you find out if he's more interested in you again.

    That's my best advice! Good luck :)

    • I'll definitely try. I feel like I did hurt him when I was saying I don't normally date, but he never gave me straight answers. It's been very frustrating. If he tries to get in touch, great. If not, I'm super done. Thanks for your advice (: I wish he would actually answer me so I could make a plan to actually act on what I say. But since he generally ignores me or tells me he's busy, I can't back up what I say with actions which is infuriating. Oh well. He liked something about me before; now he knows what's up; it's up to him to come and see if he wants me. And then we will talk... oh boy.

    • Your not contacting him again IS an action. It's all the action in the world. You think he's not going to notice that you're not contacting him anymore? Absolutely not. He's only ignoring you and acting busy because you've been chasing him and looking a bit clingy in the situation. He fully expects you to contact him again. By not contacting him, you've already acted. If you ignore him when he contacts you (by moving on to a better situation for you), you'll prove that even more.

    • We resolved things a bit. He told me how absolutely busy he is (course overload) and is very sorry but needs time to himself (fair enough who doesn't) and he used lots of sad faces. I told him I'm not heartbroken. I told him to be in touch because it's nice talking to him and he said he would and used smiley faces. I think because we are on good terms it'll be okay. We'll keep in touch, but I won't be clingy. I'll shoot him a message around Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving) I have a coffee date later this week, and will busy myself with my life. Hopefully he and I can work something out but if not... at least we are on good terms (:

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What Guys Said 2

  • You could try CALLING and talking to him. But that aside, you shot him down. Guys are never "just friends" with girls. He was waiting for you and the opportunity, and you told him no. So now he's turned his attention to another girl.

  • Sex before the relationship never a good start, but hey do you.
    No amount of workload can stop you from sending simple texts. I think you probably gave it up too soon and he doesn't value you as much. Let him be on the receiving end of the cold shoulder and if he persists, he was genuine, but if not he wasn't worth the fuk.

    • We kind of talked it out a bit. He's an engineer and is doing a course overload, so it's understandable that he's swamped. He apologized a lot and said he'd be more textually active. I'm pretty cool with this. I'm kind of one of those people that doesn't mind HOW a person is in my life (friends, FWB, texting buds, or dating) - I just like having them there. We'll see what happens, but I'm not exactly not seeing other guys ;)

    • do you and stay happy <3

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