Did he just use me for sex or does he actually like me? Why is he backing off?

About a week ago I hooked up with this guy from my college (from this question: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1214018-can-i-get-guys-perspective-on-this-hook-up-girls-advice ) I've had a crush on for few weeks. We kissed before, but this was the first time we had sex. Before anything happened I clarified to him I had no expectations and that it was just for sex. But he kept insisting he has a proper crush on me and has spent weeks wanting to get to know me better and that he just can't stop thinking about me since the first time we made out. I specifically told him so many times not to say all that if he doesn't mean it, that it can be just sex, but he kept insisting he really likes me. He said he would have spoken to me before but that when he likes someone he's really awkward and nervous even though he's usually confident with girls in clubs etc. The sex wasn't even that good tbh, but he asked me to spend the night so I did. We spent the whole night talking and cuddling, he wanted to know every little thing about me and he was just being the sweetest person possible. The next morning he told me he meant everything he said last night, he asked for my number and we made plans for all the things that we would do together and as I said he was being very sweet. And I don't know he seemed honest and like he actually liked me.
However, he didn't call me or messaged me for the next few days and I was getting properly annoyed. In case he needed some encouragement I added him on Facebook yesterday and after that he messaged me and we just had a short small talk chat, nothing special. Then I messaged him, reminding him of one of our plans, but in a very casual, non clingy way. He never replied to that and i haven't heard from him since.
So is he backing off? He didn't need to lie to me to have sex. And even if he did, why did he messaged me again but is now backing off? I really don't know what to think about this anymore.


Most Helpful Guy

  • So how many days has it been since you re-mentioned the plans and he didn't respond? Additionally, he might be discouraged that he's could be investing towards something that he told was NOT what he wanted - I mean in all fairness wouldn't you pull back a bit and analyze your investment potential as well?

    As for if he used you... doesn't sound like it no. He seems to have had a genuine interest and then something made it stagger QUICKLY. My bet would be he discussed what happened with some of his close friends and they said to basically leave it (again I am only really guessing at this, and this could/probably is way off but just my 2 cents) since if he mentioned that you told him you're just in it for sex, his friends would probably tell him not to get too attached.

    • It's been a day since I re-mentioned it.
      And I said I had no expectations at first because I thought thats what what he wanted and it was more like "Please don't lead me on" than "lets just be casual". I was basically just trying not to fall for some pre-sex talk and then be disappointed and get hurt. And after we were talking I actually said I liked him a little too, but I didn't go as into it as he did.
      And yeah that friends thing is a good point, it crossed my mind as well tbh.

    • Hmm, okay I would say let it play it out for a few days and focus on something else. I mean a day isn't that much. It could be any one of a number of things:
      Busy (possible - but I think the f*ck yes rule should be applied in most relationships: https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes found at that link)
      Exploring other possibilities (you're not exclusive yet, so it is fair by all means).
      Playing some PUA bullsh*t (don't return calls/text for x days, don't be too eager - because that makes you seem desperate/clingy, go for sex on first date but let her come to you, etc. you know the drill... fake... well everything really)

      But like I said one day isn't bad, just let it play out. If you don't hear by the end of the third day, drop it. If he comes back and you're still interested tell him upfront you don't do push-pull mechanics and you're not interested in that kind of thing, and while he doesn't need to explain himself honesty and straightforward confident behavior is appreciated.

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What Guys Said 2

  • That really sucks. I've been on the other end of this minus the sex part. You tried your part to keep in touch. I suggest just to back off for a while and see what he does. If he comes back to you, confront him on these things.

  • Mind games.


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