Is he really into me? Or just using me?

[Anonymous]

We've been in relationships for almost 2 years now and mostly date once a week as we're both professional and busy at some point. Now when I spent some time in his place twice I find some girls stuff is his place.

We fight over it few times already. And He always assured me its a stuff from his ex already. Now I honestly know that he have a longer ex before too.

But why is he keeping all those stuff still? Is he really into me or just using me?

[Oliverlogan263]

It's hard to say for sure based on the limited details, but here are some possibilities:

• He could genuinely be into you and sees a future with you, but is bad at letting go of the past. Some people have a hard time getting rid of old belongings, even from exes.

• He may still have some lingering feelings for his ex and is not fully over her yet. Keeping her things could be a subtle way of holding on. This would be a red flag.

• If he's had multiple arguments with you about his ex's things and hasn't gotten rid of them, it shows a lack of consideration for your feelings. Even if he's not intentionally "using" you, this is inconsiderate behavior.

• The fact that you only see each other once a week after 2 years together could be a sign that you're not a top priority for him. He may enjoy the comfort and companionship of a casual relationship without the full commitment.

• It's possible he genuinely cares for you and doesn't want to lose you, but isn't ready for a truly serious, invested relationship. Some people take longer to fully commit.

• Only he knows his true motives and feelings. But open, honest communication is key here. You'll have to decide if his reasons for keeping his ex's things and not prioritizing your time together more are good enough for you.

In summary, while I can't say for certain if he's "really into you" or "just using you," the lack of fully committed behavior on his part (keeping ex's things, infrequent dates) warrants a conversation about expectations, priorities and needs within your relationship. His responses and follow-through will reveal a lot. I hope this perspective provides some useful considerations and strategies. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[MatthewA]

If he is serious, you wouldn’t have to question his love for you. Love should be easy , social media and Hollywood often portray a false sense of romance. Love is sharing the little things , maybe it could be a persons laugh, a stupid smile, messing up your partners hair… Every couple has their moments. Couples should take the time to give each other their undivided attention without phones or distractions. It’s important, maybe play a board game or go out for a walk. It doesn’t have to be expensive, and shouldn’t be all the time. Set relationship goals , real goals like saving for a place together or going on a run. Encouraging each other to truly better each other.


Either he’s holding on to the past or playing games with you. You should be direct with him , throw the girls stuff out and tell him it’s getting to you. If he’s not committed and unsure of his feelings or makes excuses not to get rid of the stuff leave him.

[BlackBeauty90]

The fact you "date" only once a week after 2 years alone is a huge red. There is always after work you guys can go to movies, etc. Unless you are living hours apart or conflicting schedules there is little to no excuse for only once a week

Particularly if together for 2 years

As for women things simplistic thing compare the size and style. If they don't match then it's not one woman and certainly not his ex

[WhitneySnow]

Trust your intuition. Do you think he’s cheating on you?

[Asker]

I think and my intuition says no though now at some point I’m doubting him already

[WhitneySnow]

I do wonder why he saves his exes stuff from so long ago though

[Asker]

I just found it in storage room he also said he already forgot it I just happen to clearing some spaces and stuff. And I'm too busy also between work and studying also him so we just don't have time to arrange everything

[WhitneySnow]

Ok that makes sense

[Finchie40]

He is using you , he likes the convenience of you , you are probably just good in bed , What you girls ‘ need to understand is when a guy is really into you and appreciates you and values you he puts himself in her shoes and distances himself from other girls especially his exes , the fact that he is still holding onto his exes things is a clear sign that he doesn’t truly value you and appreciate you , he just likes the convenience of you, Do yourself a favor and kick him to the curb where he belongs , you probably aren't the only girl he has coming over to his place throughout the week , If he really liked you and wanted your heart his ass would be trying to see you more than just once a week period , never settle for someone that doesn’t make you their top priority period , if someone won’t climb mountains to be with you they aren’t worth your time , Value yourself worth and realize you deserve way better than that shit

[SnowedIn]

I'm sorry to tell you this. I hope you know it already. He's playing you.

He has another girl. That's her stuff.

If he doesn't have another girl, he doesn't care about you enough to remove the stuff which might be just as bad.

Be done with him.

@_Maya_

[_Maya_]

Okay two things could be happening here in my opinion. Neither are good news. Either he has got some weird thing where he hangs onto things of past girlfriend's to remember them by or he's got another chick coming over. I think the latter is more likely unfortunately. Hanging onto stuff from an ex like a creep is far less likely but might actually be scarier.

[SnowedIn]

^^^^^^ this

[Yut3n]

This is a tough one. It depends on the stuff really. If it's things he can use, like a pink pen, I guess it doesn't make sense to throw it away really if he uses it around the house. If it's stuff a guy doesn't use then surely he should've thrown away by now...

It also depends on his character. Some guys are hoarders and never throw anything away or are just to lazy to give energy into something so small.

But it could also be cheating. This is a tough question to answer. What stuff do you find exactly?

[Asker]

a thong specifically

[Yut3n]

Wow haha well unless he likes crossdressing that's a huge red flag. Where did you find it?

[Asker]

Hidden in a box of old shoes

[Yut3n]

Yeah that's not a good sign. If it were a piece of "forgotten clothing", how would it end up in there?
I can't say for sure but sorry honey it doesn't look good from my point of view

[Asker]

Yes and its bugging me too how can he lie in my face when I'm being loyal to him sadly right

[BadApple69]

I keep everything. Cards from women long ago… mementos… they might be out of my life and I live for the present but I never want to forget the past. That being said. Only he knows if he is in to you or not. Letting your professional life get in the way of your romance means less romance and more work. I know it’s hard but a person needs to structure life around relationships/ family first work second. Wish I had a better answer for you… good luck.

[BoopBoopBeep]

After two years you only see each other once a week. It's not that serious. I grab drinks with a coworker that frequently.

[EaterPeter]

My opinion anything past honeymoon phase is nothing either you married afte one year of dating or keep waiting for ever not all boyfriend girlfriend engaged gets married

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like he is using you. Get out asap. It won’t be easy but moving on will be best for you.

[Anonymous]

wow you really are dumb.. a guy would never keep a woman's stuff especially an ex at his place after 2 years later. if you believe that crock of bullshit then i got a golden bridge to sell you in california for 100 billion dollars

[Kacka]

all normal. its he's past, remember it normal. keep items normal. see no oroblem here.

[DermalPunch]

Man, guys are so awful these days.

[DermalPunch]

Two years and once a week. He's got you compartmentized and you are likely placeholder and he dates other women primarily. Please move on. You've wasted enough time.