In your experience, is it worth dating a friend?

[kdizzleforizzle91]

Some people can tend to fall for close friends or people they've known for a long time.

There are many things people have said to me about this. Some say, if the person in question really is that great of a friend, then you can either date and decide it's a bad idea, or decide not to date each other at all, and you can still be friends with this person without anything being weird or changed. Do you agree? Or do you think that dating a friend can only lead to trouble?

Any stories or comments are welcome and appreciated.

Yes. If they're that great of a friend, you can always go back to the friendship if it doesn't work out. Dating your friend is a good idea, because you already know they care about you and can be comfortable with you.

No. Dating a friend is a bad idea. It probably won't work out, and the friendship either won't last, or will be awkward if one of the people involved does not want a relationship.

Neither yes or no. It depends on how strong the friendship is and how long they've known each other.

Other. (Please explain).

[alkymist333]

As you describe, I'm one of those people who tended to fall for those I was close to. Perhaps it was because I'm introverted and a bit shy. Who knows. But my first girlfriend was someone whom I had been friends with for a couple of years prior to any romantic interest. In fact, I probably wouldn't have been interested if we hadn't been friends first and I saw deeper in to her personality. We ended up dating for almost 7 years. Unfortunately, the relationship ended up not lasting due to a variety of reasons (both at fault) and we haven't had contact since.

There was another girl that I met online and we became friends and were quasi-dating for a while (as in not exclusive). After a while I realized that, while she was a good person, we weren't right for each other. We discussed it maturely and remained friends afterward. We maintained contact for a few years, although we have naturally drifted apart now because she moved across the country and our lives moved in different directions.

I voted C in your poll because (like so many things in life), it really depends. Beginning to date a friend can truly be a wonderful thing because you know so much about each other and can therefore have a much closer bond than most people who begin dating a stranger. After all, you already like to be around them so there's none of that awkward "getting to know you" phase. But there certainly are risks. If you end up not being good as romantic partners (ugh, that sounds so clinical), are both parties truly capable of returning to the friendship? It's hard to truly predict - many people THINK they can and end up not being able to once it comes down to it. You do risk losing that person if the relationship doesn't work out and one or both of you can't handle going back to friendship. It all depends on the people involved, the relationship itself, and your maturity levels (which do tend to follow age, but not always).

But, then again, you also could find yourself with marriage material and the best relationship you could hope for. Most likely, you'll fall somewhere in between.

You really can't predict what will happen when you have a situation involving two people. It's up to you to decide how you want to act and what choices/risks to make in your life. And from every choice comes a consequence. How you view the result is entirely up to you and, whatever happens, it will be one of those life experiences that make you YOU.

[VampSoldier]

I voted other for the simple reason that I am one of these guys who tend to fall for those closest to me. You know who they are, you know what you like about them and live with the dislikes and that is one of the things I love the most.

I can say that if it works it can be the most amazing experience ever and in the long run you will have a much closer and committed relationship. So on the one hand it is way worth it. On the other hand, in my experience no matter how close you are with someone, it won't stop you distancing yourself from each other upon breakup.

Life is about chances and if you are willing to take the chance and lose a friend for a long life of happiness take it. Either you don't take it and carry on as you always have or you take it and one of two things will happen:

1) You'll find yourself in a wonderful and committed relationship that really could last the distance.

or

2) You find it doesn't work out and it could take up to a year or straight away but you will both drift apart and find yourselves not as close as you used to be.

Unfortunately, I myself have yet to experience the joys of 1 and time and time again have felt the sting of 2. At the end of the day though, it is these life experiences that make us stronger and sometimes, even though you don't know it. Those friends are the things you treasure more than anything in your life.

[kdizzleforizzle91]

That's a wonderful outlook. I agree with you completely. This part was just beautiful:

"You know who they are, you know what you like about them and live with the dislikes and that is one of the things I love the most. I can say that if it works it can be the most amazing experience ever and in the long run you will have a much closer and committed relationship."

[VampSoldier]

Yeah, well I can say that I got involved with my best friend a few months back and it was the most amazing experience ever but now we broke up things just haven't worked between us. She is the best friend I ever had and I wouldn't of traded it for the world but we have just drifted apart.

A part of me wishes I could have that friend back but I would not change what has happened because I know we had that bond and connection. One that I can only hope one day in the future, we may share again.

[kdizzleforizzle91]

Oh, I'm sorry it didn't work out. I really hope you can get the friendship back someday soon.

So, what you're saying is, even if someone dates a friend, and it doesn't work out... it can still be worth it just to have that bond and connection, even if it doesn't last a long time? I like the way you put that.

[bitesizedonut]

I picked answer A... because in my experience that has been the case. However, there are some other points that are important to make. When allowing a friendship to bud into something more - it is important to keep the level of intimacy to a minimum level if you want the friendship to survive when/if a break up occurs. I think it is a good rule to keep to any way if you are not married. Probably one of my biggest regrets is getting too intimate with a high school boyfriend (boy A; not sex, but it was still too much - at least for me any way) - this is the only person who I have not been able to maintain the best of friendships with (though we still check in on one another every so often and visit maybe once every other year). My other high school boyfriend (boy B), we really never even hugged except for once. That is probably a little extreme, but we are still good friends today despite the break up. He even invited me to his wedding :D

the biggest difference between the two boys is that my friendship with boy B was years and years old before we dated and it was more long distance than my relationship with boy A (though boy A was still LD for a high school romance - we lived ten miles apart with no cars and the only way to get to one another was via freeway). I was only friends with Boy A for a month before we started dating. And then as already noted - the intimacy levels were different.

I think relationships tend to last longer if the two parties were friends first (relationship with boy B lasted nine months and relationship with boy A lasted a year and four months).

And my final reason for thinking friends first is the way to go is my current relationship. I am married to my absolute best friend in the WHOLE world. I trust him over any one and love him all the more for it. We were best friends for four years before dating, then, after four years of dating, we married. I couldn't have wished for anything more. Marrying my best friend has been... well... the best :D

[bitesizedonut]

BTW - hubby and I started dating when I was a senior in HS - I JUST turned 17 ;D - anything is possible

[kdizzleforizzle91]

Congratulations! I'm so happy for you! The guy I'm thinking about dating now, I've known for 11 years, since elementary school. We haven't really talked a ton until the past 2 years, because he's 2 grades younger than me, and we kept getting split up and going to different schools. I'd date him, but he won't ask me out. By the way, he's 15, I'm 18. It might even be why he's intimidated. With girls, he usually has no problem asking them out. He's always flirty and sexual with them, but teases me

[cheerangelcharity]

sometime last summer I thought that almost-dating the guy whom I considered my best friend [even a little before we started "liking" each other] was the greatest and coolest thing ever in my life. and then he got a real girlfriend and kept blowing plans to hang out or call me so much that I couldn't take even trying to be friends with him anymore. it was really sad because both he WAS such a good friend to me and we were hooking up which made me think he would come around and ask me to be his girlfriend [instead of some other girl.]

so in a way I still think it's good to be friends first but, from that experience, if things don't work out then usually everything is gone...

[kdizzleforizzle91]

Oh, I'm sorry you had to lose a friend. That's a terrible situation. You should never blow off your friends for someone you're dating. That's another reason why I think dating a friend could be a good idea, because if they're already friends with you, then you can hang with them and all your other friends, and it wouldn't be that different, as far as who you're around...

[cheerangelcharity]

Ya I thought that things would be different [vs. being involved with guys I hardly know] and that he would at least continue being friends with me as long as I try to be friends with him [and trust me I really tried!] but I guess either he just lost interest in me even as a friend or didn't think it would be such a big deal to blow me off [his mom told me that he tends to do this to his other friends too and even work when he had a job, which is how he lost it apparently just like he lost me.]

[kdizzleforizzle91]

Oh, that sucks! I'm sorry!

[ctinaditty4]

A lot of people forget to realize that in a lot of relationships, people start out as friends, whether it is for a month or five years!

For me, I've done both, but the relationship I am in right now, which is the best experience I have ever had, is with my best friend. We had known each other for six years, and have been dating for almost three years.

It really just depends on the people and how strong your friendship is.

But remember, it is better to have loved and loss than to never have loved at all!

[baibiemae]

It depends on the personalities and how you break up, not whether you've been friends for a long time or not.

I dated two guys (not at the same time lol) who I had known for the same amount of time, and we were pretty good friends. I broke up with both. One I am very awkward around. we dated for eight months and broke up very nicely

The other I dated for three and half months. he had a much easier going personality, but actually cheated on me.

I can tease and laugh with the second guy, even teasing him about cheating on me, since I am not one to hold a grudge, but the minute I see the first, I want to bolt.

Weird, huh?

[kdizzleforizzle91]

Yeah, that is kind of weird...

[zoe89]

I voted other as I think its so stupid! I always thought that...I really fancied this guy once and he had a girlfriend so nothing came out of it and we became the bestest friends in the whole world, loved him to bits (just as friends) when I split up with my boyfriend in May this year he came round the house to help me move out, I was a bit vunerable and we'd shared a bottle of wine and had the most hottest most amazing wild sex...we vowed never to do it again because a) he's got a girlfriend and b) our friendship was worth more...but we still continued to do it at every chance we could steal like a bunch of wild animals. His girlfriend eventually found out ad completely banned him from ever seeing me again, I totally miss him loads he was the coolest best friend I'd ever had. So 3yrs of dedication to building a friendship ended up in tatters because of 3 months of passion.

[saphirasilverwings]

Sounds like a bit of a messed up situation. If my boyfriend cheated on me I'd probably ban him from ever seeing the girl again too. If I didn't break up with him first.

[unsure2009]

out of all my friends, nobody has stayed with the boyfriend they had at 17/18.

go for it and see. it's all about taking a risk. chances are though that the friendship will be over when the relationship is over. if you are already having doubts about going further than friends, than it's probably best not to go there.

[yannick]

It's okay to try, but there's a reason why people are friends. It's because they don't have romantic feelings for each other. You can try but it will put you in a pretty awkward situation if you realize no matter how close you were, even if you guys kissed and had sex already, that friendships and romance are two totally different things. Not the same feelings.

[sweetmisty]

I've dated my best friend of 3 years and it all went down the toilet just after a few months. I knew it was taking a huge risk the minute I agreed to go out with him but it just never was the same. We broke up cause althought he was my best friend he just lied to me for 3 long years only cause he wanted me and couldn't have me. And when he did want me he eventualy cheated on me. But that's not the point.

Dating any kind of friend is bad. Think about it in advance. If for any chance it doesn't go well between you both, are you willing to give him up as a friend? Just remember it gets lonely...=(

[Dougiesgal]

If you feel romantically towards your friend, it might be okay, as long as they like you back in the same way. However, becoming friends again after dateing can be very akward... especially if something (even semi-) major happened. It will always be in the back of both your minds. And... your boyfriend/girlfriend should have been a friend to begin with, at least someone that you knew something about.. not a total stranger!

[jacquesvol]

Friendship at your age CAN last a life, but unless you end up marrying (and it's early for that!) a date will probably not last.

It's more difficult to remain real good friends after you dated and broke up.

[jacquesvol]

On the othere side, there are a number of real good friends, girls, I should have dated since I lost their friendship when they married...

[cjwright79]

A friendship in your youth will probably fade away to nothing anyway, so it's certainly no harm to explore a romance. It'll be a sweeter memory than just talking inane horesh*t all the time.