Guys never like me enough to commit to me. Reasons?

[Anonymous]

I don't mean a few dates, i mean proper months of interaction and then they finally don't want to commit. I met my ex today and got closure but i did finally get him to admit he didn't like me enough. Every single guy is like that. They just never like me. I wonder why? I mean I don't want to fall in love ever again, i have gone through enough only to learn no guy would ever want to be serious with me or im not their dream girl whatever. I just wonder what it could be about a girl that its like that? Im beautiful, intelligent, funny, easy going, feminine, down to earth etc.

[RationalLioness]

I guess they realize you two don't mesh together well, but it makes sense. And there is some guy who will want to be with you, but he has to be interested in you. I doubt any person who isn't interested truly wants to be in a relationship with someone UNLESS if they were getting something out of it that was too hard to pass up.

[Asker]

I don'g know, they pursue chase and get close only to bail at the monent thhings get real. So yea.. i dont want to fall in love again since this always happens to me. But they basically don't want to stick around

[RationalLioness]

I just got an idea. Ask them WHY they didn't like you? Is there something specific that you do? Do they think you're too clingy? You don't show enough affection? You don't find time for them or you're always hitting them up? WHAT makes them uninterested if anything?

[RationalLioness]

That rude ass that called you a bitch may be on to something. Do the guys find you "boring"?

[Asker]

I have asked every single one. They basically say "not on the same page" "don't want a relationship right now" etc. im actually good at going with the flow. I mirror a guy's behaviour and i am a little careful but once we spend one or two dates together its fine. The guys reject me down the line, when we get closer and more intimate. I don't really know..

[RationalLioness]

Wait. You "mimic" their behavior? That doesn't sound right. You don't "mimic" people who you date: you be yourself... whoever you are.

... I know a few women who have dated men that "mimicked" them and they found it annoying. Those guys didn't mean to--as I'm sure you don't--but if people wanted to date themselves, they'd simply be alone or go out with a mirror.

[Asker]

I think you misunderstood, i don't mirror their bejavioir but actions. Like if they take 2 days to call then i'll also wait. If they don't message as often then i'll also lay low. If they aren't open to making plans yet, then I'll also keep it light. If they plan last minute, i usually say im busy etc.. not literally beinf a doormat... i don't think i could if i wanted to:p

[RationalLioness]

Oh no... lol.

If someone did that to me, I would think they were doing it on purpose. If I made some spontaneous plans for us to do something--which is me. I'm like that--I can understand being unable to make it a few times. But ALL the time? I would simply start to be disinterested in the person. I would then stop hanging around the person/cut off communications because they're not likely to be able to go out.

I don't really message people unless if I have something important to say so I don't see a problem with that and if they don't want to make any plans as of yet, I'll be the same way.

I mean, think it. If a guy makes some random plans with you and just because it was "late", you said you were busy? Continuously? Some people can dislike a person for that.

[Asker]

Thats in the beginning phase because i have had guys try to see how far they can go with me. I think its ok to set some boundaries that im
Comfortable with. But yes after the first month, things progress much more organically. We get in touch for dinners, late night walks, etc. so thats good. I dont think those things are a problemt hough, they are far more apparent if you know what i mean. They would leave much sooner in such cases, i think guys don't like something about me personally right? Something they notice after months.. im not sure, if a guy ever loved me.. it may have been easier to figure out

[findingdreamland]

Maybe you need to relax a bit. Over thinking?
There is not a certain reason really. Sometimes we are not ready sometimes they are not. Only thing I know you should not push for such thing. Just relax and enjoy your time. Have fun a little.

[Asker]

Yes i learned that lesson a few years back. You're really right. But after several years i am quite sure its me. Im easy going because i dont want to force anything but i think its fair ti ask at one point and the answer is no

[findingdreamland]

It is not you.
Right guy should accept you as you are. If he wants to change you, THAT makes him wrong. Do not think like you have sth wrong.
Girls do this a lot. They start to blame themselves. Blaming yourself is simple.
Just do not date for a while. Maybe you need to spend sometime for yourself, just yourself.

[Asker]

I don't date. I usually enjoy life, flirt with a handsome man and go on with my life. Sometimes a nice guy approaches and pursues me, so we start getting close and things move forward nicely but then they never want to make me their girlfriend and u know they would make another girl their girlfriend. Its just me, not timing, not them.. but me. I am the common denominator here, so it must be me.. if it were one or two guys then perhaps it wouldn't be me but irs been countless men who either never liked me and asked me out or guys who did and didn't think i was worth it. The guys who did like me, one or teo were nice but most were desperate or needy.

[findingdreamland]

are you intimidating? like so beautiful, have a perfect carreer, so rich etc I do not know... sth scares them maybe?

[Asker]

Im beautiful but i downplay with goofiness. I'm doing a PhD but I don't flaunt it as I feel like a regular student. My parents are well off but they never know it. I usually blend into the crowd. I just know they give excuses where they feel they don't like me enough for more but they do admire me. Its strange, i should probably become a trophy wife ( i intend to since I don't want to fall in love but do want a family and kids)

[findingdreamland]

You are beautiful , nice career, your family.. everything seems good. So good. Maybe too good for them.
People mostly do not have confidence. They sometimes feel lower from others. Inferiority complex. Whatever they achieve, they have that feeling. You seem modest too. They can not handle it i think.
Just wait, cliche but the right guy will never let you go.

[Asker]

Yes you make a good point, they seem quite confident and have had amazing girlfriends. I think they just don't enjoy my company beyond a point or i don't know. They can't let go but they dont want me either

[findingdreamland]

Unconfident men does not like competition. You seem too good. They can not *win* As if there is a winning in love. Both should win, love is prize itself.
Find someone who does not enter such a competition with you. Who sees you as a life partner, helper not some kind of a competitor. Be yourself. He will find you.

[Radon]

Perhaps you go for the guys every other girl goes for, those guys are well fed, they don't have to go far to get a gf, so a girl is just another pussy for them. Try guys who show interest as much as you but don't know how to chat you up. perhaps they will appreciate what they get. There is a challenge for you

[Anonymous]

Chill it isn't so bad being single. You probably just haven't met the one for you. Or you could really be shooting for guys out of your league. Tons of girls have these beliefs that they are gorgeous and we good looking guys are happy to take the sex and other benefits in exchange for humoring ms average.

[Asker]

I am actually very good looking. I have been single my whole life, jts the pain from rejection that hurts

[BertMacklinFBI]

you just haven't met the right guy yet, that's why.

[Asker]

I doubt its that..

[BertMacklinFBI]

so then you've met several guys that turned out to be "the one" but they eventually just felt meh? I don't think so, if you both click then what other reason is there to stop. the guys you've met were probably good, damn good, but not enough to go all the way.

[Asker]

Yeh for them, i wasn't good enough or they wouldn't just dump me. Some of my friends are lucky enough to have guys who initially said they didn't want a relationship and eventually went for it. When a guy tells me that, i cut my losses and move on. I have always heard that if a guy won't commit now then he never will. So i accept their rejection and move on, with a broken heart. I feel like i have tried to tape it back together so much that its falling apart now, at least when it comes to romantic love. But basically, guys don't want to be with me after a while

[BertMacklinFBI]

do you tend to invest more into it than the guy?

[Asker]

Not really, i try not to. If they aren't taking it seriously then i also don't. I kind of set a time limit for myself so that i can set my boundaries. But besides that not really, i usually invest slightly less than the guy

[lanternhill]

No @BertMacklinFBI this isn't me by the way.

[BertMacklinFBI]

@lanternhill i totally wasn't thinking that

[lanternhill]

haha really? ok I just realized it fit me + the age range.

[clittleman]

You sound cool. Keep looking. 🌹 a rose for luck in love.

[Asker]

Thank you! So sweet :). I don't have the motivation to keep looking. Its like my gpa is too low to get into any university so why bother 😝

[clittleman]

A university hu. they are selective about those they take, but just when you think you have gotten one rejection letter to many one accepts you for the potential the others missed. :]

[Asker]

I love such thoughts, im such a realist and pessimist because id rather be prepared for the inevitable rejection. I think i have a burnout from all the rejection. And i hate my friends, they say im so amazing and not an ordinary person so they don't get it. I tell then if they were right, then i would probably have a lot of men lined up..

[clittleman]

the brighter the star the harder it is to look upon it's glory and the quicker it is to return to the dark.
every one is worth being loved. Continue to shine and I know you'll find he who can find you and love you even in the dark because he knows a light burns brightest there.

[Asker]

Ayeee you're fantastic! Not because you use such beautiful words and phrases but because you convey something nicely. I don't know, like a calm breeze that is almost a saviour and protector. I know i sound dramatic and i never express such words for anyone. But today at this moment you have presented a slightly hardened and broken person the softness of compassion. Compassion is the best human trait, patience isn't the real virtue.. compassion is. You must be very well liked among your peers, i just thought I should share this with you:)

[clittleman]

I appreciate your kind words, but I am but a flower in the snow. 🌸

[Siddhatha]

Maybe you choose guys who won't commit?

[Asker]

Nope, all good guys who are ready.. just dont like me. Its something about me thats utterly disgusting probably

[Neuromancer22689]

Show me a pic and I'll let you know.

[dudeman]

Do you sleep around.

[Asker]

No i would only sleep with someone im in a relationship with. So i have very little experience haha