Why do girls hate on guys looking for casual hook-ups and then insist that they like sex as much as any guy?

there seems to be this really weird feminist dating misconception that women are just as promiscuous and enjoy sex just as much as men do?

realistically they are either considerably more selective about their sexual partners to the point of either demisexuality (sexual attraction only when there has been a long term emotional bond established) OR hypergamy (sexual attraction only to the most high status minority of the male population).

in the case of demisexual, the enjoyment is not so much the pleasures and sensitivity / sensuous nature as much as it is the forging of an emotional bond. in my experience there has to be this really hyper - almost euphoric - energy before a basis for sexual attraction can even BEGIN to develop here. it's like some sort of volume knob where you have to navigate a maze at every little turn.

for the hypergamous women, it's not even sex she enjoys. at best it's the company of and validation from a high status, physically attractive and confident male. at worst, it's his money she's after and she could care less if it was hugh heffner she was banging.

asexual women don't even care about sex fullstop. it is all about rapport and long-term relationships.

the demisexual is the only kind of woman I can conceive of that even begins to have some kind of sexual energy or vibe and the process towards that attraction is long and tedious. it is totally different to and nothing like the libido a typical man has.

surely, if women enjoyed sex as much as, and as frequently as, most men do, they would not create so many barriers and say things like,

"there is only one thing on his mind"

"ugh, player... so repulsive"

"why does he have so many kinks? blowjobs are so degrading for me, i would never do that (even if when he is willing to return the favour and go down on me)"

"he just wants to USE me for sex... I am NOT an object"

nobody said you were an object, the assumption was that you are confident in your sexuality and enjoy sex as much as I do and therefore would not consider a casual encounter to be 'obejctifying'! it is only true that you are being 'used' for sex if you do not enjoy it as much and therefore do not wish to participate.

therefore, women cannot POSSIBLY enjoy sex as much as men do, being at best demisexual or hypergamous and at worst, totally asexual.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Lol women do enjoy sex just as much as men do. It is just there are many societal and cultural factors put in place to shame a women who wants sex as much as a man. Not to mention in turn women are admonished for having had too many partners etc. But the norms which dictate a woman's sex life is stronger than men realise.
    p. s hey :)

    • hello :P :P

      but, but... we talked about some of these societal and cultural factors last time we talked (e. g. slut-shaming) and while I agree that some men might disapprove of the idea that long-term partners, by and large it is not really a SOCIAL phenomena if the woman dates / sleeps around outside of her own familiar circles. also, I believe it is important to date / marry a partner that accepts you for who you are, including the fact that you are a sexual person, and yes... you have had sexual partners before him.

      but yes, it is true that as a man, I am not going to feel the full brunt of whatever cultural forces the opposite gender faces. nonetheless, I have still had to deal with situations that tested my confidence and personal ethics when the way society believed I should be did not coincide with the way I believed that I should be. in the end I decided it was more important to accept oneself.

      if there are people that really are so stuck in their old fashioned ways that

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    • It just depends on the women.

      Demisexuality is far more common in women than men. There's a lot of reasons for that; check out the neuroscience of sex. However, be aware that not everyone has the same brain composition. And just because it is more common doesn't mean you will personally experience it more often.

      I've met many women who are allosexual. Drawn primarily to looks and dress and mannerisms and the simple act of sex itself.

      Also, a woman who is hypergamous sounds asexual to me if she isn't looking for a partner to have sex with. It's just an asexual with a priority of wealth, not romance. (aromantic asexual)
      However, a hypergamous women could probably very well enjoy sex and enjoy using it to get what they want.
      (this would be classified as an aromantic allosexual. Doesn't have romantic desires for a partner, but does have sexual desires.)
      That kind of women would be fine with an aromantic allosexual as well, if her desire is wealth and he can provide it.

    • The point is there are so many different types of women out there. Everything from culture to their brain composition can determine their perceptions of sex.
      I wouldn't be so quick to write off women not liking sex as much as men. But I do think men are more likely to be comfortable with casual sex than women as a whole.

Most Helpful Guy

  • The truth, as any man who has been married more than a few years will tell you, is that women do NOT like sex just as much as men do. Not even close.

    • i'm sorry that is the case for you man

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    • when I searched the book, I did find some correlating evidence:

      'First, confounding the view of marriage as the female heaven and haven is the fact that marriage actually appears to benefit men more than it does women (link is external). Research has shown that the "marriage benefits"—the increases in health (link is external), wealth (link is external), and happiness (link is external) that are often associated with the status—go disproportionately to men. Married men are better off than single men. Married women, on the other hand, are not better off than unmarried women.

      Second, in contrast to the myth that marriage is a woman’s ultimate and sacred fulfillment is the reality that roughly two-thirds of divorces are initiated by women (link is external). This is true not only for the young and hip: A recent AARP survey (link is external) of 1147 men and women ages 40-79 who experienced a divorce in their 40s, 50s, or 60s, found that 66% of women said they initiated the split.'

    • 'A recent paper (link is external) by Stanford sociologist Michael J. Rosenfeld analyzed longitudinal data from the How Couples Meet and Stay Together survey—a survey of a nationally representative sample of 2,262 adults in heterosexual relations followed from 2009 to early 2015.'


      Interesting stuff, admittedly.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think the difference is that women are just pickier about who they have casual sex with. Men will have casual sex with pretty much any woman, at least average or above, whereas women will only want to have casual sex with the most attractive guys. This makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint. Men have nothing to lose from having sex with a random woman, but if a woman has sex with a random guy, and he's not going to stick around to provide, she wants to at least get the best genes from him as possible.

    There was one image I saw once that said something like "Male sexuality: 1 male attracted to 5 females. Female sexuality: 5 females attracted to 1 male." I think it's true. There's evidence that the most physically attractive men get the most casual sex partners. & There's also evidence that the top reason listed by women as reasons for engaging in casual sex is due to becoming horny about the guy's appearance. So the difference is that women are attracted to a lesser # of guys.

    • And as for this statement: "nobody said you were an object, the assumption was that you are confident in your sexuality and enjoy sex as much as I do and therefore would not consider a casual encounter to be 'obejctifying'! it is only true that you are being 'used' for sex if you do not enjoy it as much and therefore do not wish to participate."

      There's evidence that women orgasm much less often than men do during casual sex. It's not due to lack of emotional connection, but due to the fact that men tend to care less about "giving" during casual sex than during relationship sex (this has been proven), there's less emphasis on cunnilingus (men tend to receive oral more than women do, even though men can also reliably orgasm more often during PIV than women can), & men who know you better also tend to know your pleasure spots better.

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    • but thanks for the study: it elucidates different body types and how women react, because the conventional muscle freak men set as their target is not necessarily the most appealing.

      'I can't speak for all women, but I MIGHT have sex with Bill Gates IF he gave me a LOT of money... but that doesn't mean I find him hot or arousing, lol.'

      Sure, I was just showing how fantasy matches up to reality and how it might be a question of more than looks, e. g. a more economically successful and confident attractive man might have more success with women than an economically unsuccessful and unconfident but attractive man.

    • posting this here for personal reference: foxhoundstudio.com/.../

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