What do I do if my boyfriend wants to have sex?

[Anonymous]

Im not ready im 14 going on 15 he is 15 going on 16 i have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year but i have known him my whole life our parents went to middle school together and it so happened we grow up together and liked each other im in 9th grade he is in 11th grade and we have never talked about sex tell now but he is been kinda of a push push kinda guy and he is never like this what do i do i want to but i want to talk more about it and have protection and not jump right in to something i will regret

[dangerDoge]

Just tell him very clearly "no." Beating around the bush and letting him think he has a chance of doing it if he pushes enough will only exacerbate things and make him more pushy on it. Even saying that you can talk about it may make it worse... prepare for him to try and convince you and get pushy.

Since you aren't interested (and you are only 14 for one thing), draw the line in the relationship. If you don't draw the line clearly and instead try compromising with this stuff, it can easily lead to a slippery slope. Rather, if you do things like say "we can just do oral since that isn't as bad," that can easily escalate to something more like penetration. Right now, he is trying to escalate from kissing to sex.

As a boyfriend, he shouldn't be doing something manipulative like that... the if-you-love-me-you'll-do-what-I-want speech. Love doesn't work like that. That isn't love. That's manipulation. I've had friends like that in the past with the if-you-are-my-friend speeches. Those are toxic.
If he tries to go on that route and pressure you into something you don't want to do (i. e. sex), you can first talk to him about it and tell him he is becoming manipulative. And, if he doesn't stop after that and realize how much he is screwing up, there is the option of breaking up.

You should do it when YOU are ready. Don't tell/lie to yourself that you are ready for the sake of your boyfriend either. Tell him directly, tell him clearly, tell him no.

While relationships may have compromise in them, this is one of the things you DON'T compromise with.

[Tarvold]

If you're not ready, you're not ready, but at the same time, if he's ready, he's ready.

You need to accept that it's possible that you two may need to break up over this. It's not right for him to pressure you into something you're not ready to do, and it's not right for you to make him hold back on progressing in life.

You need to make a decision on it, and it is your responsibility to tell him your decision within a reasonable amount of time. Whether it's yes or no, there is no wrong answer.

Well... having sex without a condom would be the wrong answer. So whatever you do, don't do that.

[Julietromeo]

You are 14. You aren't ready for sex, it comes with a lot of emotion. Like, the things you get mad about now.. You'll blow up about once you guys have sex. Let's say he was texting some girl from school saying they were just "friends" you probably wouldn't appreciate it but after you give him your virginity. It's a different level, the things that you use to shake off will drive you nuts. I'm 20 now, I lost my virginity at 16 and the guy I'm with now.. who I have been with for 2 years, I wish I would have saved mysellf for him. I took his virginity but he didn't get a chance to take mine. You should wait until you find someone or have been with someone longer. These guys wake up and feel completely different that yesterday. Don't do it

[PsycheAndEros]

Don't let him pressure you into anything. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years and were both still virgins. Definitely don't if you're not comfortable and don't let his "you love me don't you?" Get to you because if he loves you then he'll wait until you're ready for it. Guys can be really convincing but until you talk about it and have sufficient forms of birth control (condoms or the pill or the plan B pill) don't give in. My mom put it in a way that really helped me. If you wouldn't tell her that you lost it then you aren't ready to lose it yet. It can be tricky especially with all the teenage hormones but saving it until you're 100% sure will be worth it. I'm sorry if this is confusing it's basically just me rambling.

[Cjanes]

I wouldn't do it sweetheart, I know sometimes it's hard to constantly tell someone you love no but he needs to respect that you are not ready. He's 16 he has lots of time he dosent need to rush it because if you force things it will end up hurting you both in the end.
If you two are spending time together and he keeps asking and making you uncomfortable it's okay to make an excuse to leave and let him cool down.
You can love someone without having sex (especially at such a young age) so when he says "you love me don't you?" Don't feel guilty.
Stand your ground and know when it's time to walk away from the situation to avoid you both getting hurt

[MeltedCheese89]

Nope! Nope nope nope nope nope.

DON'T let him bully you into sex. You want to have sex with a MAN. A MAN doesn't pressure his girlfriend into having sex, he EARNS it by respecting you when you say you don't want it.

14 is WAY too young for a guy or girl to be having sex. Wait until you're 20 and in college, have more privacy, have a better body, and can make better decisions for yourself... you'll be surrounded by more mature guys then too!

[TwistedLogic]

Not ready = don't do it. First times leave an impact on you for the rest of your life, consciously or subconsciously.

Don't let him pressure you. Assure him that you want to lose it to him one day, but you are just not ready for that at the moment. Don't feel guilty at all. I would be upset if a girl pressured me into having sex with her.

[reptocarl]

It's simple. You tell him no and stick to your guns. But don't be a tease and let him finger you and such either

[Asker]

Omg we haven't made any sorta of sex contact with one another the only thing we have done is kiss and alittle of making out thats it

[reptocarl]

Then just say no

[abc3643]

You stick to your guns honey... He can choke his chicken if he has to and, if he respects you, then he will wait. Right now, he sounds like a standard horny teenage boy.

[Asker]

I will... and what if i dont? Think he will leave me for someone who will fill his needs

[abc3643]

If he does leave you, good! That just then proves he's an immature douche with no self-discipline. Believe me, you want to know that ASAP because you would have had other problems with him later.

[Hades77]

Don't let him play that fucking card! Don't let him play the "Don't you love me? Let's do it!" NO! If you want to talk about it, you better make sure he's going to as well, don't you dare have sex before thouroughly analyzing. Pertection, remember!

[BellePepper]

DUMP HIM.

"You love me don't you" NO NO NONONONONONONONO

He is *manipulating* you and that means he does not respect you. This is not a good situation and a HUGE red flag.

[Intraluminal]

You're right. You're too young. You have to summon up your willpower and just say NO! He may threaten to stop seeing you but most likely he'll be bluffing. Sex is not a good idea for you yet.

[KawaiiPie67]

He might just be jealous of his friends that are having sex. Don't just fuck to please him.

[Doffydood]

Just say no. :)
If he pushes you for it after that he's not worth your time. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Hmm hadjobs and blow jobs are out of the question? 1 year is quite awhile

[xXiTacoXx]

Dude, wtf? She's a kid.

[Asker]

@xXiTacoXx yes you are right!!!

[OrdinaryGentleman]

@xXiTacoXx mmm so? they both are kids, by their age i had already lost mine. Then again not everyone is me. I'm giving her options.
To delve more into what I'm saying, you said you didn't feel ready communicating along the lines of it most likely not being good for you. You've tried telling him but this time be more concrete with what you are saying. Make sure he understands that it will happen (that is if you decide to) but that you want to be prepared. All he is seeing is that it will never happen. If you don't want it to happen then tell him you are not doing it; I think your homework is to decide weather or not you wish to do this. If not its cruel to leave him dangling, cut the string. On the off chance that he is being really pushy then simply say no. I'm just giving you options. The third and final option is waiting and seeing what happens.
I would suggest holding off since you have such an aversion to it.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

>.<
Then make sure you convey that you do NOT want to have any sexual activity. The answer is right in front of you.

[xXiTacoXx]

Smh, all of these youngun's moving so fast in life.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

@xXiTacoXx

[OrdinaryGentleman]

@xXiTacoXx Fast? no not really
lol but she is showing she wants to hold off, isn't that a sign of maturity in your culture?
Or was that to me

[xXiTacoXx]

It was to you, and yes she's mature. .3.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

@xXiTacoXx lol kid? im 21. And maturity differs from culture to culture
.3. < what does this mean?

[xXiTacoXx]

Maturity differs from person to person, not from culture to culture. It's a pucker face emoji.
orig15.deviantart.net/.../...omgspongelolbob48.png

[OrdinaryGentleman]

@xXiTacoXx Ah mmm no, one culture views it as wrong and the other is relaxed. Take sweden for example sex ed is taught as an educational requirement, whereas in america i know for a fact high schools are under little obligation to do so. My culture's views is of what defines maturity has nothing to do with whether you decide to do it, its how you choose to do it; safe vs not safe. Its better than demonizing something that is completely normal, which i believe is what the culture in america does. =conflicting beliefs to say the least but no harm warranted
lol pucker face? hmmm im slackin, i need to read up on these new emoji

[xXiTacoXx]

Sex ed is something required to be taught in the U. S. You speak of maturity and how different cultures maturity levels vary, yet you know so little about the one you're calling immature. Oh, and it's not a new emoji.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

@xXiTacoXx No it is not, i graduated from a US high school and sex ed was never required.

22 states and the District of Columbia require public schools teach sex education (20 of which mandate sex education and HIV education).
33 states and the District of Columbia require students receive instruction about HIV/AIDS.
ref, www.ncsl.org/.../...-sex-education-in-schools.aspx

Anyways im not bashing you and i never called you nor your culture immature. Just because another culture has a set of beliefs does not mean anyone must hate or despise them. Anyways im done, have a good night :)
thanks for the lesson in emoji by the way

[xXiTacoXx]

Don't do it girl. DON'T DO IT!

[Anonymous]

If you are not ready don't let him have sex with you! NEVER.

[Mesonfielde]

Have sex. Or don't. It's up to you, really.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it if YOU are not yet ready to loose your virginity.

[karen1999]

14 seems a bit young anyway.

[Anonymous]

don't do it now you are just 15