What do I do if my boyfriend doesn’t want to have sex?

[Mikaylaxxx]

My very long term boyfriend does not initiate hooking up anymore. We have never been a couple to hook up a crazy amount in the first place, but now we rarely do. I started thinking something was wrong with me, so I asked him what’s going on. He says that he is too lazy and doesn’t like the work required when it’s easier just to jack off. He also says he still uses my pictures when he does and that he’s still attracted to me. He also says he is embarrassed about how fast he’s done, but that would improve If we hooked up more frequently right? I’ve asked about cheating, which I truly believe he isn’t, but I still drive myself crazy trying to figure out why he doesn’t want have sex. I feel very unwanted and I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want this to ruin our relationship.

[4pple]

Let me be clear: It is absolutely not because of you.
I'm a guy who has a low/nonexistant sex drive, it's not because i don't find my girlfriend attractive, or because i dont love her anymore, I simply don't feel like having sex, and your guy's feeling the same.
He told you his reasons, but don't go looking for "hints" or any other form of hidden meanings, because there are none. Guys are always to the point, so when a guy says something, that's litterally what he means.
If you don't feel comfortable with less/no sex, tell him. Tell him that you do want some sexual activity and give suggestions what could be done, maybe he could get you off, or you could fap together, there are a lot of solutions, but just be open and clear with him, and don't overthink or take it personally

[Mikaylaxxx]

That was really helpful thank you. If you don’t mind me asking, are you affectionate towards your girlfriend? My boyfriend isn’t affectionate towards me because he doesn’t like being touchy and stuff, so sometimes it feels like the physical aspect of our relationship doesn’t really exist.

[4pple]

I myself am not very affectionate, but my relationship is a bit rough recently so that's why.
Everyone's diffrent with affection and touchiness, some people do it a lot and others are happy with just an ocassional hug.
The key is communication, you need to talk about stuff in order to find answers and solutions.
I've been in LDRs, where the physical aspects didn't exist at all lol, and we still sent cutesy messages cause that's what I'm like, but my current girlfriend thinks those types of messages are stupid and a waste of time, so it's not common

[Sparda20xx]

He told you why. He cums too quickly. I mean imagine if yoy two had sex and it was over in 5 minutes. That would leave you grossly unsatisfied, and him extremely embarrassed. Frequentpy having sex does not improve sex duration. I beleive he is using the notion of being lazy to hide his embarrassment. Tell him that you feel unwanted. Have him do thing to you (eg going down on you). If you cum multiple times before intercourse, his duration shouldn't be a huge factor.
Too improve his duration, have him do kegel exercises.
Best of luck

[Anonymous]

If you are in a long term relationship then you need to stop calling it "hooking up".
That term is only used when you are having sex without any relationship involved at all.

[Mikaylaxxx]

I was just using that phrase because it’s what I call having sex. Obviously it means a lot to me because I love him.

[Alaiza]

Yes girl! Please find out if he's cheating on you. Honestly it's weird to see a guy lose his sex drive.
Be rational and think clearly.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried to suggest new things to do in the bed? Maybe he's just bored or wants you to play a more dominant role?

[Mikaylaxxx]

I have asked if he’s bored before and unattracted to me and if there’s anything I could do differently, but he says no. He says he simply doesn’t want to have sex, he says he’s lazy. I used to think maybe it was low testosterone/low sex drive, especially since we have never been a couple to have sex a ton, but were only 22, so I’m not sure.

[Opinion Owner]

Does he have a lot of things to do lately? Maybe at work?

[Mikaylaxxx]

He’s still in college and I’m a almost a year out. His school load right now is pretty low.. I only see him once every couple weeks since he goes to school a couple hours away, so you would think we would immediately have sex when we do see each other. The distance is no problem at all because everything else is fine, except the sex and affection he shows.

[Opinion Owner]

Damn that's really strange. Maybe he'd be more open to sex at another time? Like in the morning, the evening, before going to bed, ...

[Mikaylaxxx]

I honestly have no idea, he hates talking about it so it hard for me to know what he wants, if that’s even anything at all.

[Opinion Owner]

Are there any things he really enjoyed in your first years of dating?

[Mikaylaxxx]

Ok this might be weird, but we used to do anal a decent amount, but my ass is messed up now haha

[MsgtDixon]

I've had simliar feelings before, but id still want to have sex. Why not ask him if you can watch or jerk him of, blow job? So you can get some satisfaction and knowledge, that he is getting off to you. you'll also be able to tell if he is just lazy. You could also ask if you can get on top and do all the work?

[GnarCute]

you could offer to blow him or jack him off instead of have sex

[GnarCute]

if he is struggling because of the work he has to put in for sex then just sucking his dick more and jacking him off more should be good sense its no work at all and is actually quite better feeling than jackin off.

[Mikaylaxxx]

True, but he doesn’t reciprocate much, only when he feels like it.

[GnarCute]

might not be a very sexual man then can't force sex onto someone. some people just generally prefer jerking it off cuz its easier :T don't take it as your unwanted or anything like that just as he isn't a sexed up person o3o i suggest getting a nice dildo or something

[Mikaylaxxx]

How do I stop feeling I unwanted? I’m a pretty sexual person, so I just naturally want him to want me.

[GnarCute]

Feeling unwanted is just something you gotta deal with at times
i am a nympho sex maniac lol i've been in a few relationships where i only had sex once a week if i was lucky.

If you love him and he loves you, You don't need to be fucked by him you just need to have a few dildos custom made to be the same as his dick and double pen yourself with them, wait i mean you just gotta find a compromise between y'all.

[Anonymous]

Tie him up, blind fold him, and just go on top and ride him.

I`m sure he`ll like it... altho that would be considered r@p< lol

[Mikaylaxxx]

Haha I’ll give it a try

[Scorpion132]

Come to me

[Anonymous]

Leave the asshole