How to move on from being sister zoned?

Question

I feel like a dumb ass for letting this happen to me twice with the same guy. He flirts with me, string me a long, then tells me he likes my best friend. Some time pass again, he continues flirting with me, I fall for him again, and he says "you are like a sister"? It wasn't just normal flirting, but doing things like telling me that he loved me. I feel like my heart is torn into pieces now. Any help?

pnl86 · Accepted Answer

Well, there are many forms of love. Not all love has to be sexual or romantic.

For example, my first crush from the second grade came back to the States. When I saw her, I was with my wife. I walked up to her and hugged her, and said, "She was the first girl I ever had a crush on." Now, I could say that, because I'm married, and I said it in front of my wife, so it's clear to the girl that I'm not flirting with her or looking to fuck her.

The problem here is miscommunication. It's when guys think they're not giving off certain signals, or they're being clear about drawing a certain (not sexually/romantically interested) boundary, but it's not perceived by the girl that way.

I mean, it happens in the flipped situation as well, when a guy thinks a girl has been flirting with him (but she wasn't).

I tell my second grade crush that I love her all the time. And I do. I think she is a genuinely good person, and a perpetual child, and I just want the best for her. She has a boyfriend. I'm married. All of us (wife and boyfriend) go out all the time. I even send her dirty jokes and funny naughty pictures. And it's cool. Because we have both foreclosed that line between the two do us.

I mean, it also helps that I'm not attracted to her, and that she's deeply in love with her boyfriend. But, as here, when you don't have those competing and self-regulating sexual and emotional forces, it's easy for one person to get emotionally or sexually carried away, and start giving in to the distorting lenses of hope and optimism. All of a sudden, what's just playfully friendly and fun turns into, "Does he like me? Is he flirting with me? I mean, he must like me. Why else would he be doing that?"

That's not very scientific reasoning, is it? It's emotional reasoning, with the use of hope and optimism. That's where this went wrong.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

that's realy cruel what he is doing. But was there mis translation to begin with. There are different types of love... one of them is "I want you", the other is I love you like a sibling, or I love my pet, etc..

If he was saying I really desire you , but you are like a sister... that is whacked... there is some mis translation here.

Sorry though, this guy is confused and he is confusing you. Guys need to learn to be clear in their intent... often they don't know they so they just explore as they are learning themselves. You are there going... do you want me or not? It is an important thing to learn. For this guy, realize he's confused. It is possible he really likes you, but can't figure it out. I wouldn't throw him out, but talk to him about how he feels. Good chance, he really does love you.

your heart though... gonna need some boundaries around that if he is hurting you...

Afro-dite9 · Accepted Answer

Friend zone"Damnnnn"
Sister/Bro zoned"R. I. P., shot's fired" lol
Screw it and him, not worth it baby doll. He is either just a naturally flirty person by default or an ass playing with you. First time shame on him, second time shame on you... if u let there be a third time then well that's your own doing. Everyone experiences heartbreak don't let this MF keep toying with you for fun. And no you can't change him or his opinion of you he already has his mind made up. Never give a man more of yourself than he has to offer, understood? You deserve someone who will not only be proud of you, but a man who will risk anything to be with you! Be somebodies soul food, not eye candy. This goofy is only playing games and guess what? you don't have time to keep score... Namaste young grasshopper☺

Cmasterson · Accepted Answer

It's annoying yes, sometimes people do this because they don't want to know what the future may look like if they decide to give in. OR they do like you but wouldn't want to date you so therefor in order to not hurt your feelings they tell you this. I would ignore him for now till you get yourself in a better place

MargaritaPeach · Accepted Answer

It sucks getting the sister card pulled on you. It's happened to me before. Generally, once they say that, it doesn't progress into something romantic. I'd say start spending a little less time with him. Slowly branch out and find other guys that you like. It will give you a slightly broader perspective.

ElissaDido · Answer

He's an asshole. Just stop talking to him and cut him off.

Luminifera · Answer

... ouch. this sucks. my sympathies for you.
the best thing you can do is tell him to fuck off and stop hanging out with him. stop talking to him. you do you. seriously. if he's making you feel bad, just cut him out... don't let it become worse.

JohnDoe3000 · Answer

Get away from him, he sounds like a manipulative asshole. Next time be a bit more on your guard when a guy seems to be too confident, too romantic, to be true.

a15cassie · Answer

Sounds like a jerk. Know that there are so much better guys out there for you and he's not worth any of your time. Block him on social media. That's really big if you want to get him off your mind. I don't know if your in college or not, maybe try and find a job or make/revise your resume? Do things that will help you build a better future. Or learn a new skill or do your favorite hobby. Just try to refrain on talking about him because the more you talk about him the worse it gets to move on.

Dim_121 · Answer

Talk with him about it and if necessary stop hanging out with him. Definitely start guarding your heart against him.

mooky06 · Answer

I'm not entirely sure what actually happened between the two of you. But I think it's just the common misinterpretation here. That sucks

Anonymous · Answer

Don't ever assume that someone lives u until he says that from his mouth. ... thats ur mistake girl...

johari · Answer

Cut off contact with him!  He could just be using you for an ego boost.

Decentguy · Answer

i would suggest you to cut him off from your circle and find someone else, because im sure you can find a better one

Jayded1 · Answer

It sounds like he enjoys having someone want him. So he manipulates you to keep you there.

iAMNirvana · Answer

You don't be shy and ask him to go out on a date with you an then you know his true intention.

Words_and_Wisdom · Answer

Maybe he has an incest fetish. HAH!

Anonymous · Answer

just a player

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