Stingy boyfriend?

[ConfusedGirl133]

My boyfriend doesn't buy me any gifts, nor flowers. Money isn't the problem, he has money. But somehow he seems to be very stingy, he invited me to go to a restaurant and when we got there he told me he didn't have money for that ( even though he had!) And offered to buy something and go to his place. I felt very bad, as if he didn't want to spend on me. I'm not saying that he has to, but even a small flower or something cheap could be nice. I feel bad, should I? Please tell me!

[Anonymous]

The fact that he is your boyfriends makes him be kind of obligated to do it, but the fact that you are putting tht psychological pressure on him is kind of wrong too.. maybe he forgets to buy you gifts and such, maybe he is not the type of guy you want him to be, the one that buys gifts every now and then... Im that kind of guy too, i often forget about it and go more with the spending time together approach, forgetting that most women want gifts.
I dont know, talk to him in a subtle way but dont judge him, dont make him feel as if he is a bad boyfriend just because he doesn't buy you gifts or whatever.

I recently was in a similar situation but im the one considered cheap... please give me an asnwer here

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2115149-is-this-girl-just-trying-to-get-money-out-of-me-should-i-ditch-her

[meg8987]

I appreciate the spending time together approach much more than gifts 😊

[Opinion Owner]

@meg8987 I need more girls like you in my life then!

[ConfusedGirl133]

I'm not putting any pressure on him! I didn't speak to him about this "problem". He isn't obligated but he once told me that he used to buy his ex a lot of jewellery etc. I'm not saying that I want it but a small something would be fine :/

[Opinion Owner]

you obviously want him to buy you things and the fact that you mention him buying stuff to his ex just tells me you want that luxury too since you are his current now.

if you dont talk to him about it this can damage your relationship in some way because this will get on your way and you will ignore any other efforts he puts in the relationship just because your focus will be on the gifts or material things...

just figure out a passive way to talk to him, something about "what we can do to be better, etc etc" a conversation in which you both win because you will know what would make him happier with you and vice versa

[ConfusedGirl133]

I really can create a bad picture of me! haha, thanks for your advice, really helpful.

[Opinion Owner]

no problem!!

also, please help me with my thread! im in you boyfriends situation, KIND OF, big emphasis on kind of, link below

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2115149-is-this-girl-just-trying-to-get-money-out-of-me-should-i-ditch-her

[OlderAndWiser]

If you want to know how someone feels about you, ignore their words and look at their actions. How behavior tells you what is the priority in his life. This is something that you won't change in him. Try, if you must, but don't expect results. If you don't want to love like this the rest of your life, find a new boyfriend.

[Cmasterson]

No you shouldn't feel bad but its something you and your boyfriend need to communicate about, its about the effort and both parties need to be constantly working at their relationship or else you will hit a plateau, which is fine for some people, but others want to feel appreciated and loved most of the time.

[Jenny666x]

True.

[Jenny666x]

Straight up talk to him about it and question why he's acting like that, maybe he could be planning a surprise for you? Or saving up money? It's okay to feel bad just make sure ypu ask him about it.

[Flurr]

Inviting you on a date that he couldn't afford doesn't seem logical. However just because you view him as having money doesn't mean that's how he views himself. He has money to save, not spend. Does he have a house? Car? Everything he wants and needs for his home? Is he debt free with a retirement savings account and at least one years living expenses in another account? If he doesn't have ALL of these things then he does not have spending money. I know you think something small would be fine, but how does he know that?

[meg8987]

He shouldn't have asked you to a restaurant! It would've been just as nice for him to invite you over and make you dinner at home. I wouldn't feel bad that he wasn't spending money on you (he may have a harder time with his finances than you are giving him credit for; or he may just be trying to save!). I just don't think he's handling it right. There's nothing wrong with planning dates that don't require a lot of spending. If he cares about you, I feel that's what he should be doing.

[ConfusedGirl133]

We share the same opinion, but I feel uncomfortable to talk to him about this problem because I feel that it would make me seem shallow or something. Thank you.

[meg8987]

Hmm that's a tough one to bring up because you can't approach the situation like he's doing something wrong. That will just put him on the defense. If it were me, I would suggest another dinner and offer to split the check. He shouldn't be obligated to pay for 100% of dates. Hearing you offer to share may show him that you respect his finances and are not just looking to be paid for. This may enable him to pick up checks in the future - just by knowing that you're willing to be fair.

[Anonymous]

if it's important for you to get flowers and chocolates etc as a way of him sliding he cares then let him know about it. I have a similar story my former spouse recently called me cheap after age filled for divorce... yet every valentines I'd buy her rec roses and flowers, her birthday I'd get her something she'd like and flowers, holidays I'd go all out and gift her good stuff. Throughout the year I'd buy her flowers etc at random times to show her how much I appreciated her, loved her. I did struggled to make money since I moved to a city unknown so that she can study in college and get her degree degree. Long story short 6 years of college and she graduated, 6 years closer to 7 and files for divorce. I feel used.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry for typos.

[ConfusedGirl133]

I'm sorry for what happened to you. It's not your fault, the woman has her own problems in her head.

[Mesonfielde]

I don't like buying flowers because they are temporary, but otherwise that's a bit harsh, especially if you do buy him gifts sometimes

[sp33d]

So he had a change of heart.

What the H do you need flowers for? Visit someone's garden, flowers all around. Allelujah!

[meg8987]

Lol flowers are so overrated! They just die anyways

[ChrisFluentMusic]

No the guy seems like a douche, if he's not willing to pay for y'all's meal then he seems to be trying to get you to get mad at him so he can break up or avoid you. Just honesty

[Anonymous]

Here you see the women in her natural state. Money hungry and complaining.

[Anonymous]

sounds like you just want some of that romance back that you had in the beginning, when he was courting you

[Anonymous]

Do you get him any gifts or anything? If not, then don't complain