I have been in a relationship with an Iraqi man for 2 years yet I have experienced and noticed some terrible things when it comes to his behaviour.
Specifically, I am wondering if I am being used, or if it is simply due to his culture. He has what I consider a split personality, yet his manipulation can be quite stupidly obvious sometimes when it comes to love. He is a nominal Muslim, meaning that he admits that he is not a strict Muslim or he would not be with me (non Muslim). I think he genuinely loves me, yet I find that he can be terribly cruel with his put downs of me, is extremely possessive and jealous, tells me how beautiful I am on one hand, yet ogles other women in front of me (which I hate) and his social media is full of provocative women. I am not unattractive, nor insecure so wonder why the hell he has to do this. If my social media was full of men, he would lose it. He cooks for me, is extremely generous yet phone calls etc are all on his time and when he wants. I do trust him, yet there is always something in the back of my mind because people have told me that Arab men cheat. He has never given me a reason to doubt him, he is always where he says he is going to be, I have met his family, he loves to spend time with me and always tells me that he wants me to 'believe him'... but sometimes I wonder why he insists so much.
He is extremely romantic, yet sometimes I think it's all just a way to manipulate me into staying with him when I am ready to leave because another thing he does is punish me by withholding love or affection when something small get's into his head.
I am totally devoted to him, his children and his hobbies, and often I think "what the HELL am I doing?" and then he is his charming incredible self and I remember how great he can be.
Specifically, I wonder if lying is part of their culture when it comes to love? He is so good at it and he does it so often, about little things. It bothers me.
Can anyone clarify?
Most Helpful Guy
Yes, lying is certainly cultural.
And there's no value judgement in this statement. Im not saying its good or bad, but people will rlgenerallu not be very direct and straightforward with you in Arab cultures.
Everything is said in a roundabout way. Its all indirect to avoid any responsibility. And confrontation can always be dodge with a "noooo, I would never! How could you possibly think Id mean that?" kind of attitude. Of course everyone knows whats up and they all know how to play the game.
Second and third degree meaning and insinuation are quite important.
If they cannot or do not wish to tell you the truth, commit to something etc... they will find a workaround. Being very straightforward and saying a flat out no can even be quite offensive there, because its a culture where people help each other out a LOT. Everything works with favors and exchanges. Its a culture of community. And this avoidance helps reduce confrontation which could threaten the cohesion of the community or the family unit for example.
Its their culture so when people say things there, they know whats up. They know what certain misleading formulations (misleading to outsiders) mean and there's no trickery. But for an outsider from a culture where things are said directly and not in roundabout ways it can be very confusing.
To them many things aren't really considered lying. But there's always a technical workaround. Which if you did that at work in Germany for example, theyd show you the door immediately lol.
there's definitely a cultural facet to lies in many arab cultures.
However, no, not all arab men cheat, nor do all arab women. I would say its widespread for men to cheat, to want a "good" girl (virgin, religious values, morality etc...) they marry and have sex with "side hoes" who theyd never marry.
Thats widespread enough that you could call it cultural.
But do they all cheat? Do they all do that? Do they all live up to that stereotype? No. Certainly not. Some know its haram and are more than nominally. muslim. Some just dont think its right.
Its certainly not the case for everyone.
Anyways this has been my experience, and its somewhat extensive.0
Most Helpful Girl
When you use the word "all", you're most likely wrong :)1