When it comes to dating, what do you consider "damaged goods"?

Question

First, I hate that term. Second, I saw online this guy made a list of girls to avoid dating because they're damaged goods. He said to avoid dating these types of girls:
1. Abusive ex
2. Daddy issues
3. Molested
4. Lots of sex partners
5. Drug dealer ex
6. Feminist

Do u believe in the term "damaged goods" and do u agree with his list? His list does not apply to me but even if it did I would never refer to myself as damaged goods especially because of some random guy's list but that's just me. What about you?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

People's morals, values, and behaviors are important - and people who have experienced severe trauma (emotional, sexual, physical, etc.) often have major issues with relationships. Most don't seek the professional help they need, or even if they do, won't do the work necessary to get better.

It's really not much different than someone with, say, a severe leg injury. If they refuse to go to the doctor, their leg will never heal properly, and they'll never be able to walk right - or maybe at all - and will need lots of help forever. And even if they go to the doctor, and get surgery, they often need intensive physical therapy before they are "back to normal" - but physical therapy is difficult and painful, and some people avoid it and so they never get back to anywhere close to where they were.

I certainly don't blame anyone for the trauma they experienced, but if they have in fact experienced trauma, they need to do what it takes to get better, and BEFORE they try to take on something as complex and significant as a romantic relationship. We don't let random people jump into airplanes and get airborne - because most would crash and hurt or kill themselves. We don't let them solo until they're ready. Well, you shouldn't be in a relationship until you are "healthy enough" to be in one and pull your weight - and it's not anyone else's fault if you're avoiding the process of getting better.

Further, if someone is an alcoholic or drug addict or associates with dangerous people (drug dealers, gangs, etc.) - then it shouldn't be any surprise if normal folks avoid them, because avoiding them is just being smart.

You can call that "damaged goods" or "incompatible" or whatever other term you prefer - but the bottom line is: your actions and behaviors and values MATTER - because they deeply affect your romantic partners, and those people don't deserve to have to deal with a bunch of problems, or issues of yours that you refuse to deal with yourself.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

"Damaged goods" is a degrading term because it compares a person to a commodity. People can't be returned for a refund because bad things have happened to them, but they can be loved and cared for and treated kindly. And when they are, emotional damage can often be repaired. His list just shows his own selfishness and lack of empathy. If ever there was a person who deserved to be called damaged goods, I think we found him.

MeghanL · Accepted Answer

I'm not a fan of the term myself. People are not considered property or goods.

As for the list itself I would opine that the writer has concluded - whether by personal experience or otherwise - that those characteristics create issues that tend to preclude a relationship. Issues such as trust, sexual compatibility, & others.

Said issues are not necessarily insurmountable, but they may be issues that the writer simply does not wish to deal with. But everyone is different, & what's right for one person is not necessarily right for another.

peachblossomluck · Accepted Answer

If a woman made a list of what makes a man damaged goods, no guy would ever be able to find a relationship. Some people come out of traumas being far stronger than those who have never suffered abuse, made bad judgement calls, or born with some organic issue they'd always need to work around. There are men with certain issues I personally refuse to deal with but that doesn't mean I'm going to look down on the guy or say he isn't fit for anyone.

CHARismatic110 · Accepted Answer

By definition, damaged goods refers to a person considered to be flawed or spoiled in character, efficiency, or worth. If that's the case, we're all damaged goods because we all have flaws. This list surprises me tho. If we were to go based off of it, then I'd be considered damaged.

MickyMouse1231 · Accepted Answer

I considered myself damaged goods for a LONG time because of number 1 but then I realized that I'm not a product. Like.. I'm not a smashed tomato. I'm a person. We shouldn't have the same label placed on us. Also, side not I apply to 2/3 of that list so.. oops lol

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Everyone has demons they must confront and relationships are partially about confronting those demons. . . together. The question is: does this girl want to confront her demons or is she content to cast herself as a helpless victim?

Reflection · Answer

Well, let alone "damaged goods" , the trade isn't a worth giving a shot so who cares about a list that is composed by someone who indulge in this corrupt trade. As far as it goes , to actually frame someone as damaged goods is not also a right thing to do even. To be honest , if you are in this trade then better stick with your preferences in a bit sincere way. I dont believe in using this remark to address girls because I dont really bother first hand about it. Secondly, If someone compiled a list of his own to filter his preferences , its not a treason too, is it? But to state anyone as damaged goods is bit too offensive. Hope it helps.

jp612612 · Answer

I'd say that the even ones are not "damaged goods", but the odd ones are. We have a lot of fractured families in our society (hell, in the world in general?) so 2) is common. 4) is never going to be a big deal and neither is 6). I mean, 6) can get annoying but I'm a pretty liberal guy myself and I have yet to meet a feminist who was truly unpalatable.

However, 1, 3, and 5 can be problems, but I would say that 5 is the only one that's always a problem because usually it's not just the boyfriend but her friends, her family and even herself.

Maik567 · Answer

I think he's confusing the term "damaged goods" with "dealbreakers"

For me I think there are only two things that make a girl damaged goods.

1. She has a bunch of STD's
2. She has a deep resentment towards men from previous relationships.

I wouldn't date a feminist for example but I don't think that makes her damaged goods, she just won't be my type that's all.

Andres77 · Answer

The whole premise of this denies any hope of recovery or healing or growth.
Everyone is different and the idea of judging someone just because you don't know what it's like to grow up in their circumstances... is just so arrogant and selfish and lacks any degree of empathy.

I'll admit that I have a "rescuer" mindset but I don't have the ability to actually carry it out.

There's always hope.
Never give up.
Things really can get better.

Just because someone already has a past doesn't mean you have the right or authority to judge them. There is no guarantee that you wouldn't have done the same or worse while facing the same circumstances.

Anonymous · Answer

All of those are potential red flags. I wouldn't rule out people on any of them necessarily, though if their ex was going to be causing me shit, there's not much point dating her unless it's serious.

I wouldn't instant avoid someone, but i'd be wary and seeing how that particular bit of history impacted them today.

WalterRadio · Answer

I think a better way to phrase it is these are drama queens and nothing but trouble. They should be avoided.

I don't disagree with any on that list as women to avoid. I would add:

Has kids without being married (I've had sex with married women who have kids and that's fine)
Have used drugs or drinks too much
Smokes
Has a criminal record
Is mentally ill
Has an STD

laurapalmer · Answer

I don't really like the term damaged goods either. It implies that they aren't fit to be in a relationship with anyone which simply isn't true. However, I wouldn't date someone who was emotionally unavailable.

Meghan87 · Answer

I only agree with #4. If a girl has had TOO many sex partners it often signifies a lack of respect for herself and her relationships.  Everything else is either unrelated or not her fault.

Streamhopper · Answer

Not "damaged goods", per se, but it does take more work to have a relationship with someone who went through those things. It's just how it is. Some people can deal with it, some can't.

Octavius · Answer

One I don't hold things that have happened to a girl that she didn't even choose against her. It's not her fault. I just don't like people who see themselves above others or are selfish.

bloodmountain1990 · Answer

I don't believe in the term damaged goods. Regarding the list, I don't consider these to be automatic deal breakers. What matters more is how they act and treat others, but that also applies to people who don't have any of these traits as well.

Hihikinn · Answer

he should pay bill all the time and make great money alone cuz he doesn't like feminist lol  Don't listen to them. Everyone has their own list and you don't have to listen to all of them

Sbsbdicjf · Answer

I don't agree with the term and would also consider myself remiss if I gave an opinion regarding the man who uses the term.  But, I agree with the list. Well, I'd a feminist, but not that other shit.

Msguided · Answer

lmao he's a damaged good... too stupid.. I feel bad because a lot of guys are like that.. Smh

Cosytoasty · Answer

Drugs
Alcoholic (drunk once in a while is fine)
Broken family
Young single mothers (especially if they have more than 1 kid)
Social anxiety
Trust issues
Depression
Autism or Aspergers

To name a few things.

yucel_eden · Answer

self harm and suicidal.  All of the above are fine but suicide is when the person ain't strong enough to take a punch.  Chances are next time she gets punched shell use the easy way out

Phoenix98 · Answer

I try not to look at people as damaged goods since we're all kind of damaged in our own way.

Wingedz · Answer

When she is complete drug addict and high all the time eventually leads to brain damage.

MrExtremely2Kinky · Answer

I don't mind if she was any of this list.. we can still make it work.

Sara413 · Answer

Damaged goods to me means someone who is a mess and isn't trying to do anything about it.

ScottSummers · Answer

2 and 3 are ok, the rest are a deal breakers. They are not damaged goods thats awful to say, but i would not want to have anything with them, its just not worth it.

MaximisPryme · Answer

I wouldn't say 'damaged goods', but ratherwomen that he, personally, wouldn't date. I am sure that a guy with a small penis is damaged goods to most women, but not all.

Anonymous · Answer

If a guy or a girl has ever done casual sex. Damaged goods to me.  If either of them has slept with more than 3 or 4 people before the age of 24, they're damaged goods to me.

Anonymous · Answer

yeah its a decent list but it can get much broader. alcoholics, girls addicted to gamble. and so many other.

bobbyxx · Answer

Feminist definitely, molested yes, also women who abort. But in general all of your list.

Anonymous · Answer

Yelp, I guess according to that list I guess Im damaged goods since I was raped

Anonymous · Answer

If you're attracted to jerks as most girls are I would say you;re undesirable

Anonymous · Answer

1 and 3 is cool with me because that is obviously not her fault, but the rest is a deal breaker.

SoloStarGazer · Answer

I guess I am damaged goods

PiuBravoRagazzo · Answer

That's a great list! I totally agree

CT_CD · Answer

I agree with the list

Jack122112 · Answer

I agree with the entire list and would add

Filomena · Answer

MGTOWs.

When it comes to dating, what do you consider "damaged goods"?

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When it comes to dating, what do you consider "damaged goods"?

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