My boyfriends bestfriend is racist, how should I approach this?

[Anonymous]

okay so I thought once his bff left i would get over it but now he's back and their hanging out which makes me overthink. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a month and this guy he's known for a long freaking time which is why i don't wanna start anything and make him feel like he has to pick. Oh and im black and my boyfriend and his bff are white. it just makes me sad and irritated whenever i think about it.

[Anonymous]

How is he racist?

Honestly you can mention it makes you uncomfortable, but your boyfriend is likely to dump you if he thinks you're coming between him and his friend.

If you don't have to deal with it often I wouldn't bring it up. He can't change his friend and it's likely he'd choose his friend over you (since you've only been dating a month)

[Opinion Owner]

I'm just wondering if it's an instance where someone is actually being racist or if you're interpreting it as that and taking offense.

[Asker]

i've never met him but i've seen him once or twice around school but my boyfriend was talking to someone about us and they were like "does blah blah know?" and my boyfriend said "no, and don't tell him either. i love him to death but hate his racist side."

[Opinion Owner]

Well clearly your boyfriend is aware that he has a racist side, so there would be no point in talking to him (yet.)
Since you haven't even interacted with his best friend, I think it's unfair of you to label him racist off a passing comment your boyfriend said. If he hasn't said or done anything to offend you, and you haven't actually witnessed him being racist, I doubt he is.

Also since you guys are under 18 they probably take light comments as being racist.

[Opinion Owner]

The thing that concerns me is your boyfriend is acting ashamed of you to a friend. I would talk to him about that.

I would ask another question and put that in the details on GAG, because that changes a lot

[Asker]

well i'm 17 he's 18 and his bff has graduated... but okay i won't jump to conclusions unless something has actually happened

[Opinion Owner]

the problem isn't that his best friend is racist. It is that your boyfriend is too afraid of what other people think and ashamed.

[Opinion Owner]

You guys are still young though. My age group doesn't even properly understand racism.

I'm sorry you're in that situation. He should feel proud of you no matter what, and if he's ashamed to tell his friend he isn't worth your time

[Asker]

but we go out in public and stuff and even hold hands at school, so is he worried what his friend might think?

[Your_secret_nerd]

Oh please. His friend is racist and you shouldn't deal with ignorant racist white people.

[Opinion Owner]

Nobody should have to deal with racist people. But nowadays people are quick to label others as racist. So I think she should get an opinion on the friend herself

[Opinion Owner]

His comment indicated he's worried about it :/

[Jazly]

Why date someone who hangs out with racists? Is your boyfriend somehow not microaggressive? Also, is your boyfriend keeping you separated from his best friend? is he keeping you away from the racist - or forcing you to mingle

[oreodair]

Tell your boyfriend how you feel. If he cares about you, he'll a) cut him off or b) have a conversation with him. Is he racist towards or you or just in general?

[Asker]

i've never met him but i for sure know he's rude af, about the racist part... i heard my boyfriend say that

[Thatguy269]

Stay out of your boyfriends relationship with his friends, it's none of your business.

[redxiii74]

Do nothing get over it. None of your business your not dating him, just don't talk to him

[Anonymous]

Try to hook him up with a black chick, he'll never want a white woman after that.