If a girl rejected you after the first date, but then a few days later, she changed her mind, would you take her back?

[Anonymous]

I went on this date with a really amazing guy. He offered a second date almost immediately after the first date but as politely as I could rejected him and wished him luck. The date itself went pretty good but It got a tad awkward at the end. I think he could tell I was a tad uncomfortable/nervous. I rejected him because I will be moving a few hours away soon and that I'm just scared to start dating again but the main reason was because i m not really physically attracted to him. He's not a bad looking guy but he's skinnier than me and it just makes me feel insecure I don't know. Sounds pathetic but I really like him and thought maybe the attraction will grow over time.. Am I wrong?
So If I ask him if we could still try dating again and tell him it was me being scared/insecure, do you think he would take me back? Its been 3 days since that date and we haven't spoken since. We used to talk everyday all day and I miss him

yes

no

Updates

+1 y

Update: we have a date Friday.

[Anonymous]

Probably not. If I did take her back she'd really have to work for it. Yeah attraction could grow over time, but you have to give it that shot up front. After a month if you're not feeling it just end things.

The main reason I said no and voted for no is because I've been through this before. I asked her on a date, after the first date she said she wasn't interested I said cool and two weeks later she asked me to ask her out. I did, and she proceeded to spend the next year (a few months over a year) pretending to be interested, only to tell me months after we broke up that she never wanted to date me and she was pretty much using me. On top of this she confessed to cheating. So all in all if a person rejects me once they're going to have to work really hard to actually gain my trust that they're interested in me.

Though a few tips for the future, give it some time before you deny a guy when you first start dating unless he starts showing major red flags or hitting your immediate deal breakers. Second if you're moving a few hours away really soon, just stay single until you move. This way you're giving him a chance to find a girl who may be interested in him. If you're too busy to date don't date.

Also what goes rough most guys minds is what @capncool said. If a girl changes her mind about me I assume things fell through with another guy and I'm her second choice. Which I'd say no to because well I know that she'd leave me for the next best thing to come along. Second if I somehow knew I wasn't a second choice I'd assume she's wishy washy or playing games both of which are immediately turns off (especially playing games because it's just wasting my time).

Though if you're scared of losing him as a friend let him know that you hope you could get past this and be friends. If you truly realize rejecting him was a mistake explain that you were scared or insecure and really work and put in effort to date him and while dating him. That's how you'll succeed with this.

[capncool]

It really depends on the reason she gives me, and there better be a damn good reason for it. To me a girl coming back right after rejecting me typically communicates either the following:

A. She's wishy washy
B. She struck out with another guy who was her "first choice" and is settling for second best
C. She just wants attention

If she can convince me that she sincerely regrets her initial rejection and she really does like me then I would consider it. But even then, I'd be skeptical because why reject the the first time?

What specifically do you like about him? It sounds like you're not sure you're attracted to him?

[MikkiM]

no, this happened to me,
i know that i really really like him, but i let him go
for the reason that, there's a dealbreaker, that im pressured to go in

i want to win him back
but i pushed him too far
explaining myself, for those reason

id rather accept that i made mistakes
and live with it

than making him think
im so inconsistent
can't hold to my words

in the end, i couldnt win his respect
if i would chase him again

if the first impression i made
is to push him far from me

well, it depends on you
sure, u can still ask him
if his a guy who understand

but make sure,
if he gives u a shot
you won't be complicated anymore

and make things work out normal again

my advice as a girl

dont be too emotionally driven
as possible if u can stay logically
stay
that way

being too emotional destroys
the happy bond for the both of u

be emotional in a happy way

And at the same time
LOGICALLY driven
as u respect urself
and as u respect him

:-)

[AmesRocks1]

Talk to him and tell him what you just said here. I'm sure he'll understand

[Sasakroll96]

I guess yes but this time you need to be the one running after him.

[frozenhorizon]

It would be really tempting but I'd probably say no, because it becomes apparent that she had to weigh the positives and negatives before coming to that conclusion... meaning there were almost as many negatives about you as positives from her perspective. As a guy that does't sound very promising for the future, she would probably find someone she likes better after a while. It makes it feel like she's just settling for me because she got tired of being alone.

[frozenhorizon]

Also DON'T tell him you were being insecure, that sounds really unattractive. If you really want to make it work, your best bet is probably to only tell him the part about you moving a few hours away and that you didn't know if he would be okay with that. That's actually a pretty sane reason that may not come off as "settling" for him.

[Albina_Lovely]

you sound like you had some experience? or is it just imagining being in that situation that causes you to say this?

[frozenhorizon]

@Albina_Lovely I don't think I've had anyone do that to me, but I'm just thinking about girls who declined the second date, and how I would act if they changed their minds a few days later. I would be skeptical of their motives.

[Wilfried]

perhaps you miss the talking with somebody not specifically him, test this in your mind with somrbody else.
I do not believe this attraction will suddenly pop up, so no
and would I go out with you again if you changed your mind? depends but I'm inclined to say no

[realperson02]

i don't think that any self-respecting guy would accept a girl that has rejected after the first date. i get it that before starting to date , the yes and no things go back and forth but if you date someone, you should be fixed in your choices.

[realperson02]

about your update: good for you i guess.

[dogbert444]

I might. Depends on the girl and why the rejection.

As for you and this guy, you have nothing whatsoever to lose by asking him for that second date. He might say no thanks, but there will be no chance if you don't ask. He might just say OK!

[Cloudy25]

If I was a guy I wouldn't. I don't think that people should settle for less, everyone deserves to be with someone who's eager to date them, not the other way around.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Nope. A bitch gets ONE chance. If she blows it, she's done.

[slatyb]

You have nothing to lose. Apologize and ask him for another chance.

[genericname85]

dude don´t play with his freaking emotions. if you´re not even really attracted and you´re moving away anyway, just move on and don´t mess up his feelings.

[Anonymous]

I would decline. If she doesn't want to keep dating when I ask her then I'm moving on. Time is money. She wasted mine, not taking any chances at losing more.

[ritxi]

I can accept her, but she need to show special interest on me and it also depends on many other facts.

[akadatank44]

I might. It depends on the situation. Like you said your moving soon. That should of been brought up at some point. Then he would understand better

[Fabbi]

If he was interested in u enough he'll probably say yes if not. thn may be he was not

[Patriot357]

Nah i was in a similar situation and even though she was hot and all i still said no

[NYkid27]

Honestly I'd only take her back if I had nothing better to do

[Truthatanycost]

There is always something better to do...

[wrightontime]

No. Either you are into me or your not. You obviously don't have chemistry with this guy based on your first reaction. So the answer is no.

[geonator]

If she kept doing that I wouldn't go for the date again, but the first time, yeah sure

[RappinDude4Life]

It kinda depends on the guy but since you used to talk a lot and he wanted a second date he most likely likes you so he would probably go out with you again.

[Sojex]

Better to ask and get your answer than not to and wonder

[Anonymous]

to avoid a back and forth relationship i will not take her back.

[_rachelle_17]

Would only give one chance