Why do boys get so easily scared if things go too fast?

Question

Like.. What are they afraid of are going to happen? I think boys are very difficult to understand on that, I often ends up with the boy runs away and I'm left alone I tears. Happens every time... What am I doing wrong, for example.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Since you weren't especially clear with exactly what you mean by "things going too fast", I'm going to assume you meant "towards a relationship."

The thing you have to realize is that a lot of guys - especially the attractive or popular ones who have lots of options with girls - don't WANT relationships in their late teens and 20s. They want SEX, but otherwise, they like to be single and not have any responsibilities, obligations, or limitations that come with a relationship. Their goal is to HAVE FUN and not be tied down.

Most women want relationships, of course, and often make the mistake of believing that most men want that (during this period of their lives in particular), when that's actually very often not the case - and, again, MORE often not the case among the attractive/popular guys that most women want to date.

Guys tend to start getting serious around 30 years old (on average, obviously it will vary a bit) and want a relationship then, but before that, many simply aren't interested.

So, if a girl he's having fun with (and/or having sex with) starts growing too attached, he's going to break up with her or ghost her because a relationship is NOT what he's looking for. And, quite often, he'll have outright TOLD her that in the beginning ("I'm not looking for a relationship" or "I'm not looking for anything serious right now") and the girl assumes that because he proceeded to have sex with her (or try to) that he's changed his mind about that. He has NOT. Men are completely capable of having sex and enjoying it without any emotional connection or any desire to have a relationship. That doesn't mean they CAN'T have those things - obviously they can and sometimes do - but sex alone does not (at all) mean that those things are true.

Girls need to learn not to project their desires on to men, who often don't share those same desires. Listen to what he actually says, and BELIEVE HIM.

pagen · Accepted Answer

when you show love to someone who isn't as confident with their love they feel that returning it with the same enthusiasm would be dishonest.

They feel that because their not as enthusiastic then theirs something wrong with the relationship and because their the one uncomfortable feeling dishonest trying to return feelings they don't fully feel yet they identify themselves as the problem.

Now because this boy who decided to be with you at some point clearly cares about you and would like you and himself to be happy he will remove himself as quickly as possible "ripping off the bandaid" basically.

What your doing wrong is your giving your heart away and expecting nothing in return as romantic as that sounds wouldn't you feel uncomfortable if someone gave you a large amount of money with no explanation? I'm sure if you knew this money meant a lot to the person too you would want to give it back. alternatively if you were given a small amount of money one day from this person asking for nothing in return and one day this person calls you up and said's he needs a lift his car broke you you would be happy I mean actually happy to do someone a favor. I could go on in this anecdote about how the favors get bigger but I'm sure you get the picture.

Trade your heart for his piece by piece.

cryscrys1 · Accepted Answer

Boys get easily scared of things going fast only for 1 reason which is - They are not ready.
If a guy is ready to get committed and have a family kids wife... etc etc he won't never ever get scared and disappear or ghost you.

If a boy gets scared it's because he is looking for fun and not being serious so that's why it's better to be friendly with a guy first before dating. Never show how much you like a guy for a while, if you do it's game over. Don't forget we are animals we still follow our instincts... yes we wear makeup dress beautiful use iPhones but at the end of the day we have animalistic senses. If a guy senses danger well it's time to escape danger!

Life is a war.. praying males and females is a game too! Think about ugly girls having handsome boyfriends, her game was beautiful that's why she ended up with an handsome guy.
Hm man life is hard right...

Shawna53 · Accepted Answer

It is most likely because they realize that they are not ready for something quite serious or just might not have the time to commit. I have noticed from my past relationships that some guys prefer to have a "friends with benefits, no strings attached" relationship rather than long-term. This could save them from having to deal with any drama that a relationship can cause. Time is also a big factor since most people have jobs with very little personal time and the guy just might not be ready to spare or have time for a relationship.

BrittBratt2416 · Accepted Answer

Cause its too serious, a man knows if he wants a real relationship or not. It's already been made up in their minds if ihe's gonna be around long or short-term but they'll still hang around a woman anyways. Just try to slow down and get to know these guys. Ask questions like oh are you looking for a relationship/something special.. but say it casually as possible. If they say I'm just kinda looking or not really then they're just browsing the store with no intentions to buy.

coachTanthony · Answer

I think there are stages in life that people don't want to miss out on. So when things become serious that is what goes through their mind... do I want this? Or do I still need to do other things before getting serious with someone. Most of the time if they are young.. they run.. they are just not ready.

MattMcCoy · Answer

This question was made for me. Lol. I'd never been afraid of commitment until I truly fell in love. I didn't realize I was doing it until it was too late. I realized I truly fell for her when I realized and told her no matter what happens whether you are burnt or even maimed in an accident no matter what she looked like, she's beautiful by the way maybe a little vain lol, I'd always be with her bc I loved her for what was on the inside. it was the most amazing feeling. Later though it became a curse. I am a very independent person and I was now dependent on her for happiness, it scared me. I ended up unknowingly pushing her away so far that she broke things off and basically went away with another guy. It broke me. But to answer your question guys like to be in control and direct things in life. Sometimes we feel trapped and out of control. I've only felt that way once under extreme circumstances. I'll tell you this I regret it more than anything. 7 years later I still love her. ☹. I don't think you are doing anything wrong hun just remember that guys like to feel in control of their own lives. So don't try and force or coerce them into a corner. That's a hard topic.

soddiggercpt · Answer

If they are fresh out of a failed relationship, maybe they are trying to avoid jumping into another one. If they are in a good place and time to start a new relationship and bail, don't be too offended, it is likely they have deeper interest in another person or have a lack of interest in you (that's not unfair, people don't always get along); it is better to bail early than to lead someone on into a relationship that is souring. I spent three years with someone I KNEW wasn't going to be in my life long term and it was horrible for both of us. Emotions are a scary thing. Guys tend to need control to be comfortable, if they are having trouble controlling how they feel, the conflict may be strictly internal. Whichever way it goes, I have more respect for an honest "this isn't going to work out" than I do for living a lie. Doubt, wether it's in ones self or partner is the seed of failure. Either it can be resolved mutually, or terminated mutually. There is no more respectful way to have this conversation with your (prospective) partner than face to face in a quiet place. Although boisterous, men tend to lack good communication skills with their partner. Being able to have a very adult conversation about the future is a difficult thing to master. It took me 10 years to develope those skills and they have been invaluable.

btbc92 · Answer

He only wants sex. He doesn't want to get serious with you. Once they see that you're becoming very emotionally invested they would run. He was not that interested in you but wants in between your legs. Sorry to say. But this is why you have to stop saying yes to every and any guy that seems interested. 9/10 of those guys only want sex. The 1/10 may wait and invest. I'm certain that you wasn't really going too fast. He just didn't want to make promises he didn't want to keep. Real men don't run away. Real men speak their mind and confront the issue.

Kkaos · Answer

To say that it's because 'they're not men' it's just brushing away the actual issue and it's true. These 'boys' could easily fall straight into a relationship with someone else.

Usually it's because they're not sure. We've all been there. You like the person, you like spending time with them, but maybe you're not sure if you're compatible or you're not sure if you can see it lasting. I've been there many times. I really enjoy spending time with her but I have a feeling it's not going to last. So when she starts pressuring me to make things official, I know in the back of my mind that doing that is only going to bring more pain to her if it does end like my feelings suggest, so I'd rather not move that quickly until I know for sure that this girl is someone that I'd be prepared to marry. Because honestly, why even get in a relationship if it's not with someone that you can see yourself lasting with.

PlacentaSalad · Answer

Too many women make the mistake of allowing themselves to fall so quickly for a guy, while men are typically smart enough to not do so. This isn't the fault of boys so much as it is with people who want to move too quickly, to all those who said "it's because he's afraid of commitment and just wants sex." Yeah, no. That's such a generic answer for describing the behavior of men.

Moving too fast is never a good thing for a relationship. She's only known the dude for two weeks and she's going to tell me that she is in love with him? And then two months later she is ready for marriage and children? She needs to take a step back and prioritize her life and really take the time to first make sure this is even the guy for her. Men are scared to go too fast because they're the ones thinking to themselves whether or not he really wants this-and-that from the relationship like what she does, and when he realizes that he doesn't, that's when he leaves.

Dsausy · Answer

In my opinion if a girl comes onto me saying they love me too quick for my tastes I too will back away a little bit. Not because it is too much for me or whatever, but to me, saying "I love you" is a heavy and deep set saying to me and it is incredibly important. So saying "I love you" in say, 2 months is way too fast for me and I almost feel pressured to reply back even if I don't feel the same way or else I get branded as a "heartless ass" or something similar.

Other guys however may have any other reason as well.

-They could simply not be willing to make that commitment

-They could not feel the same way

-They could be looking for a more 'casual' relationship

Or any other reason I can't think of. If this happens a lot to you however then it may be something wrong on your end. You may be rushing it too fast so I would suggest simply pacing yourself and allowing an ample amount of time before progressing further.

s8457381 · Answer

Hmm, logically, perhaps it's a lack of confidence in the pace of how things go. So when it's different for them and going really fast, it may unsettle them and cause them to have some doubt. But, it has nothing to do in a fault of you. But rather, some blame lays in the lack of confidence, and therefore commitment. When this happens, it's much more likely for the runaway to happen. I don't think it's really you doing something wrong, rather the wrong lays in other areas. This is all, of course from a case by case basis.

Nubxei · Answer

Men are not cowards nor are we clueless, we simply don't find relationships to be as appealing or as important as women do when we are young. Women mature much faster, this is not our issue. We just want to date in our formative years and we don't mind the sex involved. Some women tend to trivialize sex when dating, won't get you anywhere if he isn't on the same page as you. If you're pissed off or confused by this, it is likely that you projected the sort of relationship he wasn't interested in being a part of to begin with. Fooling yourself will leave you dumbfounded.

GingerGuy · Answer

Women do to. By things moving too fast are you talking about sex? It just depends on the person. Most people are afraid of their feelings and getting hurt, so when things move fast, they get scared and want to run to "protect" themselves.

GorillaOne · Answer

If you really wanna know. Then I need details. With what you have given one can only speculate.

I mean imagine Romeo Juliette's story. If you know just the beginning and the end then you would know they fell in love and both died in the end. With that we can speculate "love kills". Is that true? I mean with regard to the story.

And yes many have given very good opinions too. They have good answers. They are all speculating, still good opinions.

For example @coachTanthony @Shawna53 and @Naruto_Uzumaki (even though these two girls are just kids) @Loulouchuchu @Spongebob1235

If you wanna chose most helpful opinion based on speculation then it should be one of these guys.

No offense intended.

But if you want help or insight then tell me the whole story (a summary but with every plot twists) and I will do my best. And trust it's gonna be more helpful than my speculation.

bobbyr87 · Answer

guys have to move at there own pace and feel ready before taking on commitment to a relationship, and then feelings and compromising in a relationship and how to make it work. doesn't help that noys are raised by there fathers am other males in there life to never be sappy or in touch with our feelings. we are tought to soil our oats at a young age and enjoy our selfs, to never jump into anything to quick and to worry about hanging with guys to make shit loads of money. so many other variables but we are worry about only dating for months and women wanting to move in or wedding talk its fast and confusing. we want to make sure we are gonna last for at least 2 or 3 years before we worry about any major decisions.

Silent_Bob · Answer

How old are these guys? A man generally hasn't figured out "who he is" until he is, on average about 28 or 29. The late teens-early 20s time period is usually the trial and error period where their still trying to figure out what works for them and what doesn't, and are hopefully transitioning from someone who acts on instinct/impulse to someone who thinks things through. Guys in the 18-25 range who do have the emotional maturity for a committed relationship do exist, but they're probably going to be deconstructing these relationships through a microscope, and any girl he's seriously involved is probably going to be one he's already known as a friend, since she will have earned enough trust to get him to step out of his comfort zone and has also shown that she can evolve as a person alongside him.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't you get scared when things are "too" anything? What if you're in a car that's going "too fast?" Isn't it exciting, not scary?

There is a lot of responsibility and risk that comes when someone falls for you, and you don't feel the same. You might wind up hurting them, for example, and sometimes they will hurt you back. Or they might pressure you for commitment, and that's a big ask when you aren't feeling it yet.

The challenge that is bigger than expecting the other person to keep up with you is for you to keep up with them. Unfortunately these days people are still working this out. Everyone is going so slowly and trying to stay behind the other person that no one is getting anywhere. We're going backwards.

Avneo · Answer

First time I heard this from anyone. Actually boys always want everything fast, sex too. They hate stretching things unnecessary. It's always girls who says no, it's too early, we need to know each other first, we don't know us enough blah blah.
Might be exceptional case with your boy or understanding, interpretation or proper communication problem.
I think some boys have this feeling too that you are easy and they don't want you for that. I think you must leave boys and start concentrating on studies or work and make your life. You will get a like mind guy meanwhile :-)

Spongebob1235 · Answer

sometimes they have had bad experiences with relationships and fear it will happen again. that is my reason for being like that.
other times they probably haven't yet made up their mind about you, and when the word relationship crops up they freak out because they feel they are dealing with expectations. the whole dynamic shifts and they aren't quite ready

Sasisen · Answer

I guess they're afraid to commit to something serious so soon?
Personally, I don't really get why anyone has to be like that. If someone is serious about a relationship, then there's no reason to dissappear. If someone is not thinking about being serious in a relationship, I think the other deserves to know so that they don't have to waste time on something that's not going to happen. I find myself being the one who is "too fast" and ends up being ghosted.

jason_nbk · Answer

Usually guys run away because of two things. 1. Fear of commitment
2. Lack of control over the relationship.

Guys tend to want to be in control of how the relationship progress. By being proactive and aggressive, your guy may feel that you want to be the dominant figure in the relationship, and some guys do not like having no control over their relationship.

joeboyes87 · Answer

I'm not. I devide quickly if i like a girl, and from that point on i want it to go as quickly as possible. I hate that "talking" stage and just want to be official. But when it comes to things like marriage or moving in together then that different. I omly want to get married once, need to make sure its going to be the right time and right girl.

hughmongous · Answer

It's all about that feeling that you have the person anytime you want. And I can tell you that both girls and guys have this, as my exes had woth me and I had with other exes, there is like a part of your life that's ripped from you when the relationship you tought will go smoothly and take a time to settle , gets sexual in one month. As if there is no more to it.

cragbanna · Answer

Firstly, guys are a lot more straight talking than women and easier to understand as a whole. I had never been afraid of things going fast until I had two relationships which took off really quickly and like a candle burned brightly and burned out quickly, almost as quick as it started. It made me feel like utter shite. So now I make sure we're talking for 3-4 weeks before making any kind of move

Loulouchuchu · Answer

Human nature : People want what they can't have or obtain too easily.. regardless of age etc..

If you put your heart on a plate.. give him everything then what is there for him to earn.. nothing.

Men, especially want to chase women naturally and want to feel like they've earnt the woman.. hold back a bit until he's yours completely x

Ballsy_Squirrel · Answer

Players aside, men don't handle rapidly changing and increasing expectations and requirements well. Especially if it involves other people. Especially if there's a risk of getting their hearts ripped out (again). They just don't trust their partners enough (yet).

RamaSweety · Answer

My, my, boys can pussy's😂😂😂, but it's probably because their not ready to take things that forward, for example, you're in love with your best friend, and decide he best friend boy dude guy I really like you, he's gonna have 101 doubts and I'd not gonna wanna loose you as a friend, so probably thinking of not taking risks. If it's a guy you just met, there's gonna be trust issues and if it's sexual reasons, then there's another 707 doubts exploding in his head. So in conclusion their just doubtful 😐

kelenz · Answer

some guys especially teens care about not relationships n maybe if the guy is older than that n he cares about relationships they freak out wen they feel like the girl wants to get married tomorrow but if u don't say anything about marriage n future u might actually have a future with them

Thatniceguy001 · Answer

How fast are we talking? We all have our own pace, maybe sit down and ask or restraint yourself from moving so fast.
It things move fast in life you dont notice the little things when you slow down.
I personally wouldn't want it to go fast; wouldn't say it scares me but i love to learn about people and how they tick before i push further into the relationship.

There is a difference between, im in love with you and i love you. Both bad if said to soon, maybe after 6 months. I best mate only told her boyfriend a month aho she loves him. They have been datting 1 year 4 months.
Guys dont liked to be pushed, have have alaph complex. Guide or share your opinion but let him at least think he's in power.

The best thing in a relationships is to talk! All depends on the person really, dont allow yourself to get attached so easy and sorry if you basically knew all this but if it doesn't work then he's not the one. Love is about compromise, respect and trust.

Charlerpi68 · Answer

If you proceed to fast guys will tend to run away... in fear of maybe no control in the situation... or past relationships that I've gone bad... I have a female friend she jumps right into the relationship moves the guy in the house two months later he's out the door she got a new boyfriend last year she went through six boyfriend's... what I'm trying to say is she wants to play house but she skips over the part of getting to know each other...

BasilBrushSays · Answer

I never open myself to women because I was taught by the mgtow philosophy how toxic female nature can be and that it's not worth the emotional risk. Sex is only beneficial to me from women.

If it flies, floats and fucks; never buy/invest in it... always rent!

kmarty07 · Answer

one thing that's boy want is a friend a really a good friend. and if u hurry in a relationship that just make boys think that u will surely leave them. I am a social worker so i get the same questions all the time I am single but when I see couple making out I feel bad. so i recommend that taking things slow. and some guys are just looking​ to hit a girl just have sex and they leave so. that's the way I think.

lEat70sBush · Answer

Different guys have different tolerance levels for things. Some guys don't mind if you are clingy. Other guys it makes them feel like they are suffocating. Others simply haven't figured out what they want yet (that takes years and seldom happens before 25) and that just makes you a crash test dummy on that journey of discovery. I dunno, maybe if you think it's because you move too fast try slowing down?

baz1991 · Answer

were scared that we will get attached and that they will leave, or commitment issue's

hayyde · Answer

I'd like to know that too. I think someone should tell the other if they want to commit because if they don't and end up going along then it's truly upsetting to be spending time with a person who has no interest

RedVulcan · Answer

I'm fairly certain that if it happens to you more than once, it's something YOU'RE doing wrong. Perhaps you're dating the wrong type of guy, or insisting on having sex on the first date. I don't think most people run away immediately if things go too fast, they try and work it out unless it triggers other reg flags.

Saltlife0607 · Answer

I think it has a lot to do with they feel they are going to lose their freedom/independence. Which is why men tend to fall harder for the women who have their own lives and those women who dont call/text/obsess over them.

BeautifulPromisesx · Answer

Don't be so fast... Take your time. I am not a dude but my partner has said that his love for me grows with time. It helps them sort their feelings out better.

oldoldold · Answer

because serious to a guy is really forever and we need time to think. and prepare

DLTN1992 · Answer

You are describing my trait exactly the same way as those guys who ran away from you.

When a girl goes too fast, for me, I will feel anxious and that something is not right. I wouldn't want to feel so anxious all the time and I would want some time and space as well. This applies to guys who are more emotionally sensitive, though.

To me, rushing things is usually hectic and tiring. Because there are so many other things in life that already contributes to stress.

Chilled_Eyes · Answer

Because women want to get married before men do on average, want children before men do. Plus maybe most guys prefer freedom, also there is a a ton of divorce and a lot of stress with getting married young.

wazzzzzuppppppp · Answer

lol because there scared of rushing through the chase to quickly get to the torture *this message was approved by scream*

AdamED · Answer

Man doesn't like to be tied up quickly after meeting a woman. Men would give up their "freedom" after they fall in love. Woman who rushes into a relationship freaks me out, makes me feel that she's desperate and needy and that explains why she's single (no necessarily right) but if she had options then she'll take slow and make me feel that a lot of guys want to date her which means she's not a crazy person.

ShadowBlade · Answer

It's a scary world... maybe commitment is scary and that the reason you end up in tears is because you put all that emotion and trust in someone so fast they weren't ready for it even though they thought they were... Getting caught up in spider strings is a very bad way to live

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Little boys are scared of commitment. Get yourself a real man.

Daniel3035 · Answer

It's not scared it's not wanting you have to remember we live for on average 100 years say you meet at 23 years of age you want time for yourself time to do what you want solo. If you move to fast and reach an average relationship what's left? And look how many years you got left in life at say 27 years of age married etc

cattertone · Answer

have you heard of the flight or fight mentality? the same thing applies to relationships. some boys will give up when things get tough and run away from a girl or they'll stay and fight for her. you're just attracted to the personality of boys who would rather run away

viwad · Answer

No. For one, MANY men aren't like this at all. You should date a nerd or quiet boy that's attractive to you. You're looking for love in all the wrong places...

Malik00 · Answer

Honestly even in my 20's I know I'm not mentally or emotionally ready for a dedicated relationship. I want a chance to live and experience things for myself before i get stuck with the old ball and chain.

Besides woman wanting to rush into things like marriage is a big ol red flag for me

alexand3r · Answer

Well for me, I rushed into things so fast that it would, in its own ways, ruin a lot of things in a relationship. I didn't find the girl of my dreams until I finally slowed the process down to really appreciated all things. It took a while to realize that, it's the small things that count the most

Naruto_Uzumaki · Answer

It's because boys want to control the situation and can't handle it if they can't control the situation. If a girl doesn't let herself be controlled then boys don't know what to do and just run away

nici25 · Answer

maybe he's in tears too.. because he think that all of that things who are happening aren't real so he thinks he will ever love his perfect soulmate forever even she doesn't love him.. that's why he runs away. i think he didn't sse your hints and because of that he feel everyday more and more empty then he sees you everytime and thinks he couldn't get to be with you happy forever. maybe it could be because that.. did you understand what i mean?

JohnDoe3000 · Answer

This isn't a gendered thing. Guys get ditched for being "too available" too soon all the time too.

justLiving993 · Answer

don't want to be pinned down. need to fully decide if they are gonna be with someone. maybe they don't know what they want and need to go figure that out first (mature).

tahiryamin2014 · Answer

This generation have a thought that having relationship is burden on them and will trap inside if they comitted.  But things are very opposite to their perception and all about procrastination.

Dave1971 · Answer

To me you need to have your own life and things to do... If you become too clingy or needy guys run... But would need more information on what happened in more detail to really give more of an opinion...

miezi · Answer

mate it's nothing to do with boys, I'm the same way I just have a really strong fear of committing to the "wrong" person and love living on my own

Androdead · Answer

what's that crap I'm reading in the comment? Both girls and guys are affraid of thing going fast. I can't find a girl that'll attach fast, like in less than a month of high-talking.

LovingNerd · Answer

Define too fast. In my experience, talking about marriage after first sexual moment is too fast. Shacking up after first date is too fast. Anything that screams codependency is a flag for me.

pervertedjester · Answer

Typically if I slam on the breaks really fast than it's because I need to figure out if this is real love or it's just going to fall apart. And if I'm going to invest long term in some woman she would understand that need.

masterotaku · Answer

men and women are culturally (and mistakenly) set up for different expectations here.

let me rephrase it. why does it have to move fast at all? especially if you're young. why not just relax and enjoy it for what it is.

unk0wndood · Answer

Hmm. Something that could scare me a bit is, if you might be too clingy in a bad way. Like if you start living "ME" instead of living with "me". Like you got nothing else to do, than to think about me. Not being social with friends and so on... That has happened to a lot of girls I've seen throughout the years. And unfortunately that's what pushed me away from them.

Xnopyt · Answer

They don't have time to think stuff through if it goes fast, I'd say, and that's alarming to many boys.

Why do boys get so easily scared if things go too fast?

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Why do boys get so easily scared if things go too fast?

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