Hurt my boyfriend retweeted this? Joke about domestic abuse?

[Calixx]

I was in an abusive relationship for 1.5 years. My boyfriend did beat me, and I stayed for a little while after. My boyfriend is literally making a joke about domestic abuse victims who stay in relationships, perhaps he doesn't truly understand the complicated dynamics of an abusive relationship. I can't blame him. But the fact he knows I follow him, I feel hurt he would joke about this after I have been so badly hurt.

Updates

+1 y

The picture didn't post. Here is the tweet:

"SOME GIRLS GET BEATEN UP BY THEIR BOYFRIENDS AND STICK AROUND SAYING "I SEE SOMETHING IN HIM" LIKE WTF YOU SEE? A REMATCH?"

Updates

+1 y

Sorry. My ex boyfriend beat me. My new boyfriend has never beat me or abused me in anyway. We have been dating for a year.

[Perhapsbeauty]

No, no no and no. DONT you dare "brush it off." if someone has not been through something, then they have NO right/reason to "joke" about it. If he KNOWS about your past abuse and all, then he shouldn't of ever posted that. because that just disrespectful. I've been abuse for like 90% of my life so far, in just about every way you can think of, (mentally, physically, verbally, sexually, emotionally, etc.) so you shouldn't ever let someone "joke" or make fun. people in abusive situations, or past situations, all cope and deal with it in different ways. I'm sorry, but in my personal opinion, you shouldn't break up with him, but talk to him about it. because that is NOT okay. Its disrespectful. keep us updated, and I wish you the best of luck. !!(:

[Anonymous]

Who tweeted that? Your ex who beated you or your current boyfriend?
First the obvious, that's not a joke.

If it was the ex who wrote, it makes it seem like he was trying hard to make you leave...

If it's the current boyfriend, he's stating his opinion. Basically if he knows about your ex, he's pissed and didn't get over the fact you didn't have self-respect to leave after the first time. If he really loves you, he's REALLY furious that happened and that you let it happen.

Well, in my opinion.
I'm not sure it's a reason for you to feel hurt, but if that's how you feel...
I would probably feel anger towards the ex and embarrassed.

[Monsieur-potato]

I think you should consider breaking up with your current boyfriend if he doesn't have any respect for you or what you went through. Joking about domestic abuse is never okay. The joke itself was crude; I can see why some people would find it funny, but domestic abuse is never funny.

If he has zero empathy for you or for other victims, I don't think you should be with him. Domestic abuse can have a serious toll or even create PTSD, and if your current boyfriend does not see the moral wrong of retweeting that or not considering you at all, you really should stay away from him. His future actions and behaviours can be even worse, and it'll hurt more.

[melekalani0210]

shit ain't funny my ex did it to me as well, although I fought back cus I did boxing but a man is still a man. I could never win, just held my ground. got tired and finally left but yea naw, confront him ASAP. just be like "are you sending me a subliminal message or what? the shoe does fit cus I use to be the one wearing em." then explain it triggered past affairs and if he's a dick bout it mark him as a past affair as well and go on bout ya business.

[Calixx]

I'm so sorry you've been through that. But I'm glad you are out of it :)

I want to bring it up to him, but I feel he'll think I'm being overly sensitive. I take I seriously. Imagine I had a daughter with him and god forbid she was in an abusive relationship? If his friends make jokes like that, is he going to laugh? My current boyfriend is VERY aware I have been abused :/

[melekalani0210]

Naw do it for your daughter, let him know a sample scenario with her and see how he feels about it. not funny nor will it ever be a "too soon?" moment cus that is not a game. that man could've killed you if you really think about it.

[thetalentedmrpeaches]

After watching my wife get thrown agaisnt the wall twice first hand with her last boyfriend. I nearly killed him both times. So when I see people joking about abuse, and domestic violence even if is a "harmless joke," I can't laugh at it or joke back because I saw fear in her eyes when it happened. But like you said he may not have known the dynamics or how much happened between you and your ex. So if I was you, just give him a heads up that what he retweeted isn't funny, and it does make you feel uneasy.

[the_robot]

It's a funny joke, though it's rough when you can relate to it too well.

I think he might not be fully aware of what he's done, or how bad it was. Which is a shame, you would really want people like that to know what they have done.

Why are you following him though? He abused you, wouldn't you want to forget about him? Not as in repress but as in letting enough time come between you and him so that you are no longer hurt?

[BrittBratt2416]

It's hurtful but I think he's talking about women who can leave but don't? I know some men threaten a woman if she tries to leave but their are some who really wouldn't give a crap if she did. Anyway.. talk to him about it, tell him how that made you feel.

[imbittered_punk]

Is domestic abuse funny? No.
Are Jokes about domestic abuse funny. Some of them.
Now here's the problem, sometimes when you're too close to a joke you might not see why it's funny. The joke's also a subtle criticism of you too, so you probably don't like it for that reason too.

[Calixx]

My current boyfriend if 100% aware of the abuse I endured from my past relationship. He has heard the horrible stories. Yet, he retweeted a joke about it. I follow him on twitter and he is aware. That's why I'm hurt. I felt criticized and made a joke of by my boyfriend, because he thought it was funny. Sure, it's funny I guess I'm a "that's so messed up" way. But, I am embarrassed my boyfriend retweeted it. It makes me think differently of his morals.

[Calixx]

Is *

[imbittered_punk]

Dude's normal. He's dealing with a situation which no doubt makes him angry and whatnot in a fairly stable an cathartic way.

[madhatters4]

i think it was very insensitive considering he is dating someone who was a victim of abuse. you'd hope your partner of all people wouldn't be someone to make light of something someone he should care about suffered through

[justagirl95]

I was in an abusive relationship too. When I saw this meme going around on the internet I still laughed. Most likely he doesn't understand. But, even though I been through it I still agreed I made a mistake in staying with my abusive ex. I knew there were signs, but I thought I "saw something in him". I would let it go.

[silverblood]

Maybe he did it without thinking, and thought little about it after. it could help for you to share your feelings with him and talk about why it upset you even if he thinks its no big deal. and if you could find out how he was feeling that would help in understanding his thoughts on the topic.

[Wonderer89]

It's a poor joke, why not just bring it up with him? He may feel you're being oversensitive but this seems like a great time to have that discussion about what you feel is ok and what isn't. It's important to respect each other's boundaries and you have good reason to feel a particular way about this

[MarkGerrits]

from the looks of it your already dealing with it. you've moved on from him. So just get rid of ur ex on everything. block him out of ur life. and just keep doing what ur doing and u will get to a place where ur happy :).

[FakeName123]

The obvious question first: Does your boyfriend know that your ex was abusive?

[Calixx]

Yes. He does.

[vishna]

Your ex boyfriend who abused you did this? If so, he's human scum for 1 abusing you and 2 not really being sorry for it. Who jokes about someone's pain and suffering... esp pain and suffering he caused... what a jerk.

[Calixx]

I'm sorry. No. My current boyfriend retweeted the joke about domestic abuse.
My current boyfriend is very aware of the abuse my ex put me through. But, the fact he retweeted the joke about it (which is copied and pasted in the addition comments) hurts me deeply :/

[vishna]

Oh, your new boyfriend did this. You need to talk to him about this, it's extremely disrespectful and damaging. Imagine-Every weekend out hearing these crude jokes, maybe laughing at them too. It chips away at how disgusted you should be by abusive behavior. That's how a damaging culture is made. Really hurtful and slack on his part.

[skylimetoon]

most people aren't going to understand it at all. those types of relationships aren't as simple as they seem. explain to him he only maybe will understand but should be aware of your sensitivities.

[Lissand2004]

I love your profile pic

[skylimetoon]

ty <3

[Lissand2004]

No problem ❤️. You like Dragonball?

[skylimetoon]

love it soooo much

[Lissand2004]

Omg me toooo

[Lissand2004]

Are you watching Dragon Ball Super?

[skylimetoon]

I'm like half way caught up going to binge watch this weekend you know all of it?

[Lissand2004]

Nope

[Lissand2004]

I tried to draw Goku but it didn't come out so good

[skylimetoon]

YouTube tutorials and practice are good ways. mainly practice tho

[Lissand2004]

I could show you the drawing if you want

[skylimetoon]

sure I like art link or follow for PM?

[Lissand2004]

I already followed you so I guess PM

[Zyares]

It's not really a joke but the truth..
Of course it's not the best choice to make posts about that, when something like that happened to your own girlfriend but honestly..
Staying with someone who abuses you is straight up unreasonable (nicely said).

[Monsieur-potato]

It's unreasonable in your eyes, but an abusive relationship is complicated. You can't just "cut off your feelings" altogether. We're all human.

[Zyares]

You're right, I probably can't relate to that without having experienced it..
For me, I can't see how one can have feelings for someone who is abusive however.. I'd call that an obsession or dependent.. You're merely recalling the feelings you've once had, regardless if they're still existent or not.. on top of that you're afraid of leaving him because you don't want to be alone.. that's no actual love anymore.. it doesn't have a future.

[Monsieur-potato]

You're right, some people may continue to cling on because they fear loneliness, but it goes even complicated than that. If they continue to attach themselves to people that are hurting them, it's no longer an issue of their relationship, it's a deep-seeded root of belief that "this is normal" within the victim. Abused victims that continue to stay, might have seen a pattern like this growing up. Maybe their parents, relatives, teachers, or friends or whomever were emotionally abusive, or maybe they physically abused them; and regardless of what it was, they still continue to think that "this kind of love" is normal because it was so prevalent in their childhood growing up. Obviously, if they see it elsewhere happening to someone else, they could react strongly against it and support leaving the abusee, but it's harder to recognize that the same thing is their problem too.

[Monsieur-potato]

On another hand, it could simply be a matter of, "maybe he'll be better this time" from wishful thinking until it finally comes to them or from a help of someone else.

[Monsieur-potato]

I suppose, that's where your perception of obsession and dependence comes in. There probably and definitely is some kind of unhealthy obsession and dependence if you're with someone that continues to hurt you; but, if that is the case, then it's their past that's influencing them to stay in it.

[uselessusername]

I read some of the replies you've put up. did he know that you stayed in the relationship after the abuse or is he under the impression you left right after?

[Z-Spark]

a girl who is abused in a relatiosnhip but chooses to remain in it is the only one one at fault, no one is forcing you, he "manipulated " you? no he didn't he's just way too hot for you and you can't score someone as hot as him so you stay with him

[Calixx]

Unfortunately, the dynamics of an abusive relationship are far too complicated for you to understand. I cannot blame you, however, you've never lived through it and god-forbid you ever do.

You, along with the rest of society, are the reason victims remain silent.

[Z-Spark]

are you married to him? have 3 kids? never in your life worked? is he part of the Russian/italian mafia and you're afraid of your life, is he a mind controller? if the answer to all this is no then you are the only one at fault, no one and literally no one can force or trick me as an independent person to remain with them and get abused.

[Calixx]

Oh lol

[Z-Spark]

Just being honest really, i will hurt anyone who tries abusing me like that, some people are assholes or bullies you just shrug it off and move on as long as they are not physically hurting you or insulting you, but to be in a relationship where someone abuses you for years? lol no that won't happen cause a couple weeks in and i would hurt that person

[Calixx]

Abuse is just a complicated subject. I'm not saying it's right for someone to stay, nor is it wise. But, abuse happens gradually. It isn't on the first date, someone throws a sucker punch at you. No, it takes times. Usually abuse starts with little put downs here and there, that are meant to be jokes. The abuser tricks and manipulates their partner. The abuser conditions their partner over time. Usually people who are being abused have experienced it previously in their life (typically during childhood), and it becomes a familiar pattern. The mind is a complicated thing. Please be more sensitive.

[Calixx]

Abusers also can force someone to stay with coercion or force. Some victims fear for their lives if they leave, some are brought miles and miles away from their families after marriage. An abuser literally keeps you hostage. It's not as simple as saying "oh I'm gonna walk away today". For some it is easy. But abusers are skilled manipulators. I cannot expect you to truly understand the severity of it all. But I'm glad you know what you would do.

[Z-Spark]

abuse is bad and i dont like anyone to be abused, but a lot of people are being abused everyday and they have no idea how to stop it, its easy really all they have to do is walk away or go to the cops if they are afraid, as i said if you're married then yes abuse can be frighting , you're living with another guy who you married and have to stay with him you can't just run away, but i meant more girls who date a girl and move in then he starts insulting her, making mean jokes, and gradually that turns into physical abuse and only after few years they realize its not safe anymore... I don't know maybe iam different from most people but when someone makes a mean joke about me i immediately feel that that person either hates me or thinks iam dumb or something so i get on the defense quickly.

[HoneyButterCup525]

Your boyfriend isn't all that great mind as well leave him...

[BellePepper]

Have you told him how you feel about the situation?

[Calixx]

I did. He said he didn't laugh at the tweet. He felt sad about it. He doesn't understand why someone would stay, and saw it more as a "wake up call" for victims. I just feel the tweet and his retweet are insensitive ways to deal with the issue. People treat abuse like someone is willing to stay, where in many cases, they aren't. But it's a complicated situation.

[BellePepper]

That's p good but I agree he doesn't understand the nuances

[lovelyhoneybones]

Quit being so sensitive. The world doesn't revolve around you.

[Anonymous]

If you let someone get away with anything they will continue the behavior. It's a sad fact that you leave them to teach them a lesson but then you never get to be around to reap the rewards. If they learn a lesson and get them selfs some help it will be some other woman's blessing but I think you just have to know that you bought a little place in heaven for yourself.

[John_Doesnt]

Domestic abuse is only funny on TV. You should never joke about it unless it's really funny.

[Calixx]

I am offended he retweeted such an insensitive joke about the matter. He knows I was in an abusive relationship with my ex. Yet, he basically has no empathy for me, and other girls who are abused by their bfs. Perhaps it's just a joke, and I shouldn't be so hurt. But I am, especially because my boyfriend felt it was funny enough to retweet. Maybe he forgot I'd see it? Even then so... His morals :/

[Regular1]

I'm not quite seeing how that tweet is a "joke." It reads more like a straight-up warning to get out of abusive relationships.

[IamJohntheGoat]

doesn't sound like a joke to me. sounds more like sarcasm. it's too bad he doesn't understand