How to tell my boyfriend that I'm saving myself for marriage?

I am 23 years old, I am a virgin (I have never had any kind of sexual relationship) and I'm saving myself for marriage because I'm a christian. It turns out that I started dating a few weeks ago a guy that I'm pretty sure he's not a virgin anymore... And I'm really liking him! He knows that I am a virgin and he always respected me but he still does not know of my conviction, that I will not have sex with him until we got married.
How can I tell this to him? What if he does not accept it? I'm afraid he'll abandon me for that, but at the same time I can not let go of my convictions. What do you guys think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just be blunt and tell him. If he leaves, then you are better off. If he stays hopefully he is being honest

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Im think of the same thing, to be reserved till marriage, im also 23, but im pretty much confident that i won't lose it to different occassions (or whoever comes into my life)

    here's the deal, dont commit yourself to much to a guy if you have preferences in life. Any guy who won't respect that doesn't deserve a little part of you

    Real guys wait, and dont be douchebag with small reason like sex

    Sex isn't the main deal in relationship or even in this world. And to us, sex means more than that, i knew you think the same

    It doesn't mean that you meet an amazing guy, he is all the amazing guy you want,
    Meeting amazing guy just prove that you're amazing person, (ive been with lot of amazing guy)

    if that guy doubts you dont be afraid to step back, he isn't the only person in this world thats the truth, if your holding something important to you always think, if you'll get it off for a small reason, your desperate and u won't be seen as valuable at all.

    If he sees the value of what you're holding, then it proves him that he matched you, and deserves to share that gift to him

    Hold on to yourself... You deserve something more, thats why we waited that long, and will be waiting longer, there's a lot of things that matters in this world

    The problem nowadays, people focused too much with confidential issue,

    And I guess sex is one of the craze of many people

    We dont belong to that group of people, we aren't too bored to focus with one topic

    Show them your valuable, and you're more meaningful in this world

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 20

  • Well, better you tell him of your convictions, if he doesn't accept it and abandons you, then clearly he isn't for you. You aren't really losing anything from telling him and honestly would save you either a lot of time or affirming you have a wonderful boyfriend then rather let this uncertainty fester in you.

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  • I think this just reqiures honest communication. If your religion is this important to you then there might be other conflicts. With church or holidays or entertainment choices.

    So yeah it's important to set a precedent that you guys talk to each other before these things become big issues and arguments. Get ahead of the curve and have an honest calm discussion. Or it will most likely end up with a fight. And that's more damaging then just having a different opinion.

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  • You should definitely tell him up front. It's the only moral choice because only by knowing that can he make an informed decision.

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  • He didn't wait for marriage so do not expect him to stay long, he knows how sex feels and honestly he will eventually cheat on you if you get in a relationship with him.

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    • Not all guys have to cheat on thier significant other. It's a bit insulting to just assume that since he's a guy then he must have no self control.

    • @miamimike best answer ever

    • Wow thanks. XD yeah I was a bit pissed that this guy just thinks he can speak for all of us.

  • I'm a virgin too. I feel it wouldn't be are for me to tell the person I'm dating that I want to wait until marriage. If a guy or girl won't understand, then that places your relationship with God at stake. I love God more than anyone else!

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  • Just tell that you want to save yourself. If he is into you then he will understand.

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  • Tell him upfront. If he can't accept it, then move on.

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  • Be honest

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  • Just tell him straight up. If he can't respect your wishes, then give him the boot. You're 23... thats super young! You've got a lot of life to live still with or without him

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  • If he will not accept your decision don't waste your time with him...

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  • Personally, I think virginity is a correctable perversity. It means you will be an inexperienced wreck on your wedding night, and a moment which SHOULD be magical will instead be awkward and painful. But hey, your religion is your religion. But realize it's an excuse, not a reason. Jesus doesn't condemn the widow OR the prostitute for not being chaste.

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  • It's called being who you are and being true to yourself. Be honest with him.

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  • Just tell him

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  • By being honest. If he doesn't like it, he isn't the one for you.

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  • Its a conversation you should have had before dating him

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  • You should be very careful about entering a relationship with a non-Christian if you are a Christian. I wouldn't recommend it even if you like him because ultimately he does not believe in what you do and this is likely to cause problems. It will likely be a relationship which does not serve God but that only serves physical desires. Also, even if you get married and will have children, he will likely not support you in raising them as Christians.

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  • You tell him, and hope that he is OK with that

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  • Just tell him, if he has had sex before then it may be harder to hold out for him, he may not want to get married at all or for years but you’ll need to tell him since most guys won’t wait

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  • If he won't except it he's not the right guy for you

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  • if you really like him and if he does not ask to have sex, then there is no issue. if he asks you to have sex, then have sex. you both will be able to share a great experience together and further your bond, so why hold out?

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What Girls Said 14

  • Keep your conviction because it's only once you stop being a virgin but guys are plenty. Have a open and safe conversation with him on sex so he knows and whether y'all will continue to date or not. If he can't accept being celibate while dating you, I hope you stick by your conviction because no man should make you feel pressured to change in risk of break up. Up to you to decide if your virginity or having him and compromising to have sex is more important to you. I used to have that dream, wait til marriage but I caved in lol, I do miss the feeling being proud as a virgin but i'm human with needs lol I got very tempted too long ugh

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  • I am just like you, I am a virgin and will keep it till wedding. Not only for religious reasons but also because I believe there's only one person worth giving them my all (heart, spirit, and body). So back to your question, I always mention this point in a way he would be comprehensive. Because I think if he wants "YOU", then being with you will be his priority but if it's not the case, he wouldn't be OK. And if he goes, god will bring you someone better than him for not giving up your convictions

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  • I would have an honest and open conversation with him about it. Talking about sex and intimacy and his and your views on it. If he understands why you don't want to do it before marriage, there is a chance that he won't leave you for this. But you never know for sure. Whatever happens, be honest with him. Lying makes everything worse.

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  • The problem is I can't relate to your situati9n but what I can say is if you feel your relationship is heading towards that it's best to talk to him because if he doesn't wish to continue to be with you for that it's better to know he can't respect it earlier rather than later.

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  • Tell him directly

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  • Just tell him don’t sugar coat it and if he tries to guilt trip you into it don’t cause he might just pump and dump.

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  • If he loves u he will accept and respect ur convictions... And relax. If he leaves u then he's not the right one and God has greater plans for you okay.😊

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  • Just tell him and if he does not respect it then you should probably find someone else... what about dating other Christians?

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  • I would be up front and truthful with him. If he cares about you, he will respect your decision.

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  • Is he a Christian as well? If he is, he should get it. If he's not, well, it won't work out for the long haul, honestly, if your moral values don't match. Also to keep in mind is what the Bible says on that topic (being romantically involved with nonbelievers).

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  • If he abandons you then his hearts wrong sweetie. Let God convict him if he's a Christian also. If not then what are you doing silly! I know it's easier said than done. Good luck

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    • Hey that guy asking those questions about girls underwear under their skirts is a pervert because he shouldn't care about what is underneath our skirts and dresses especially underwear unless he is a pervert and from the way the question the is worded it seems like he tries to looks up girls skirts and dresses at their underwear ew plus he sent one of the other girls that answered the question asking them "why do girls wear shorts under their skirts" with a sad face and you can even see in a comment she added to her answer. You should say something like this to him in another comment "Also girls wear shorts under their skirts and dresses so perverts like you can't look up girls skirts and dresses"

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    • No it's okay, I appreciate it. ☺

    • Awesome, definitely say something like "Also girls wear shorts under their skirts and dresses so perverts like you can't look up girls skirts and dresses" to him so he gets called out as a pervert and understands why we wear shorts under our skirts

  • I think you just sit him down and discuss it. You aren't being a bitch about it. You're just saying this is a deeply held value and you expect him, or any boyfriend, to respect that and not pressure for sexual activity. Yep, he may very well say "this is not for me", but don't you think it's better you know that now? This keeps you from getting into a deeper relationship and then having it become an issue when you are both more emotionally involved.

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  • Just tell him, if he doesn't understand and respect your morals to preserve your virtue. Just tell him.

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  • YOU need to find someone else
    of course
    otherwise you are simply using him in these days & times of morals
    Set this poor guy free ASAP
    and simply date around until you
    > get a proposal
    > find someone SO hot you can't resist

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