My boyfriend wants marriage and I don’t? Am I hurting him?

[Anonymous]

I’m completely in love with my boyfriend and he keeps talking about us getting married next year. Which I’m not interested in. I’m still in college 3 years to go. He isn’t financially secured so even if I do love him it’s a risk getting married. My tuition fees are paid by my parents and it’s really expensive and I asked him how he would pay for it. He said we’d leave 85% to be paid by my dad while he sorts the remaining 15%. But it doesn’t work that way getting married so early would mean being financially cut off from my parents and I don’t have a job. I told him that wouldn’t work. Then If we got married I’d be pressured to have kids soon which I’m not really interested in. Kids are work and I’d like to be in a stable financial and mental position to have one. 🥺 he’s such a nice person he’s so cute that I wouldn’t want to hurt him. But we’re in two different places now where he wants marriage and I’m not interested. I told him that since I couldn’t give him what he wants he’s free to end this relationship and we will always be friends.😂😂😂 he doesn’t believe because he believes I’d cut him off. Plus my parents and people in my state aren’t the most accepting of his tribe and his religion (Muslim) the same goes for his family in relations to me because I’m Christian and from a different tribe. I’ve seen people fall on and out of love because they underestimated how important finances are and I’m not going to lie I’m living a comfortable life now that I don’t think I’d be willing to lose.
for people that want to emphasize get a job. It’s hard to get a job when you’re in college here because I have classes from 9am-5pm and there are barely evening jobs opened up plus I have a curfew 😂 in the dorms. The Jobs won’t pay good so not worth it. I’ve done my best to be honest with him without hurting him. I don’t mind dating when you’re not stable with your finances but getting married is a whole different ball game.

[JoyGirl]

You both need to have a serious conversation.
There has to be an understanding between the both of you. If he is not financially stable, you are right, you guys will struggle. Explain to him why he needs to wait, and if he doesn’t want to wait, then he is not the one. A guy that loves you will wait, regardless of how much he wants you right then and there. Patience is a virtue.

Also, I don't know about the whole Muslim and Christian thing. In Nigeria, it is taboo.
It is up to you to keep going. All I can tell you is that do not let the negativity of your family members, and people around you, get to you guys. As long as you both believe it will work, it will. If one person stops believing, you are finished. 😂

Anyhow sha, life goes on. If he decides to leave, let him. Just keep your priorities in check. 🤪

[LazerBean]

Leave him. You are walking two different paths and have different goals in life. That doesn't work long term. It's just a matter of time before this blows up in your faces.

[motownplayer2000]

In some ways you are smart for not doing it. Because you understand that you aren’t ready. And he is going off of lust instead of love because at your ages, you all really don’t know what love means, entails and the hard work that it come with. On the other hand, you seem a bit lazy and entitled. Because you want a man to be financially stable, you have your parents paying for your college. When I was going to school I had to pay for everything I needed too. Didn’t have the luxury of having parents pay tuition. Plus, he sounds like he wants to make it work. He needs to read between the lines and move on. But I feel like he is too far gone to see that.

[Asker]

I love when Americans believe all countries are like there’s. My Tuition fee is crazy high I wouldn’t even be able to afford it even if I did find a low income job. Well if you were in Nigeria I’d like to know the job you’re working at to be able to afford it. Plus im still looking for part time jobs during the summer or side hustles to add. You don’t know me so you can’t just assume things

[Asker]

I never said I wanted a financial stable man alone I want both of us to be stable first before thinking of marriage. I like financial stability I won’t deny it nigeria is not a place for you to not be financial stable and you believe you’d be happy. You’re dreaming then

[Asker]

We don’t have students loans or anything here so your parents pay or your family does. Plus he’s 6 years older than me

[motownplayer2000]

I have never been to where ever you come from. No, but trust me, Tuition is high in America as well, not just in your country.. some of us have to work 3 and 4 jobs just to cover half of it. And yes, you can’t even afford it here if low income.. you have never been to America have you? Lol

Again, most men I know, around my circle are stable financially. They don’t make a shit ton, but they don’t have a ton of expenses and/or debt. That’s financial stability. Adding a woman complicates that because most women I come into their lives and fucks up the financial situation. Bring a butt load of debt, and want to spend lavishly. That’s not stability, that living well above your means. And most women don’t want that. You are right, I don’t know you. But I hope your not one of those that wants stability to the point you can live well above your means.

[Asker]

I have been to America and have several friends studying there. You don’t have access to loans here easily so people don’t have debt most things are paid cash here. Financial stability to me here is being able to live comfortably in the Abuja able to afford a house, car food blah blah first before thinking of getting married and having kids. I’d want to travel but that’s not a necessity

[Anonymous]

Does he know how you feel? "I’ve done my best to be honest with him without hurting him." - so my guess is no, not really lol. "Protect" him less and be honest. In "protecting his feelings", what you'll ultimately do is hurt him MORE, because you're probably being too vague, and or leaving room for hope. Think if it was reversed and something you wanted but he didn't. Because it's something he wants, you can't AVOID hurting him, BUT you can minimize it by being DIRECT and HONEST with him. Tell him exactly how you feel. Him knowing how you feel 100% will hurt LESS than you trying to protect his feelings.

[Asker]

I’ve told him how I feel about it that it’s a no. I’m not interested in getting married so soon. In our relationship I suggested we be open yet respectful about our feelings about things. I value honesty. I’ve said how I feel about it over and over again never have I ever led anyone to believe I wanted to get married it’s a big no from me and he knows it

[Anonymous]

I am on your side with this one. Dating while being broke is one thing. Marriage, well, not a fan of doing that while hustling to make ends meet to pay for the tuition.
Definitely stand your ground no matter what. If you lose him as a result, then either he is not the right one ( not very considerate of your stance) or he is but at the wrong time.

[nachosaresexy]

I think your logic is right on track... keep following your instincts. Your guy needs to be willing to be patient if he truly loves you.

[RuthlessAggression]

If you never want marriage then you should be with someone who also doesn't want marriage. If you don't want marriage at the moment, but maybe on down the road then you have some thinking to do but, wouldn't necessarily need to LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP

[Anonymous]

i proposed to my so last week AGAIN (i lost count of how many times i proposed to my so) but i never got a yes or a no (again) been with the love of my life for 4 1/2 years

[Opinion Owner]

no you're not hurting him just explain it to him like you did to us

[JamesRandiDebates]

No. You are helping him avoid the biggest mistake of his life.

[Anonymous]

No, you are too young to be getting married anyway.

[In_Trance]

you're wasting your time

[clemdenim]

yes, let him go