If my boyfriend thinks I'm not marriage material yet, why is he still with me?

[Anonymous]

We been together for 2 years now Im 23 and he's 28 So ofcourse we have our arguments here and there But he does treat me good And takes care of me and supports me But whenever we argue, he always tells me this: "I love you but you're so immature, you need to grow up seriously, you're no where near marriage material, I dont see you as wife material yet" If he thinks im not marriage material, then why is he still with me? doesn't that mean he doesn't see a future with me? He can get any other hotter girls than me since he's an attractive fit guy Why doesn't he just leave? He tells me he loves me everyday and calls me everyday before bed, etc But how can he love me and not want to marry me in the future? Im confused

[Celq532]

You already got your answer - "I don't see you as wife material YET" I don't know how you managed to miss that, but the "YET" means he has hope for you and waiting for you to be ready for marriage. To be honest I think he said it wrong by saying you are not "wife material". It's more like you simply aren't ready yet and need to mature up.
You made a huge mistake. Wife material is NOT about dating the HOTTEST girl. A wise man would know that very well. And your boyfriend seems to be wiser than average guys indeed. So you're lucky. He's patient with you and knows what's marriage is about. I really hope you see that.
He does want to marry you. But you aren't READY for it just yet.
In another words, he's ready to be a husband, but you're not ready to he a wife. It might because you're just 23, and you have much to learn.
If you would take one advice from me, I say you hang on to your relationship with him and you should strive to become WISE. Wisdom is maturity. Find a couple who has been together for more than 20 years, and asked the wife how to become a wise person. That wife should be a great example and inspiration for you.
I would do the same, waiting for a girl to mature up a bit if I see the potential. I unfortunately met one and she didn't have the potential. So we never gone far. You don't want that.

[Anonymous]

Well first off you only been together for 2 years. For most people that isn't really long enough to tell if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.

Second is straight up what he said "I love you but you're so immature, you need to grow up seriously, you're no where near marriage material, I dont see you as wife material yet". Or in other words you aren't really mature enough right now for you to be set in your ways and for him to know for sure if you are a woman he wants to marry. I mean you are only 23. That isn't that old at all and most people don't fully know who they are or what matters and is most important to them in life they they are at least in or near their 30's. That doesn't mean you won't mature and because wife material since odds are that will happen. Just mean that you are still becoming more mature, getting wiser. Just not there right now.

You say why is he with you if he says that. Well it's because he likes you, loves you and sees potential in you. This is one of those situations where time will tell. And he's betting on you.

[PinkMichae]

I agree with everything you said. Listen to her asker.

[PinkMichae]

Him not her. Listen too him.

[JustAnotherSoul]

He said you're not marriage material "yet"... that means he wants to marry you... He simply thinks you're not mature enough... You should embrace your inner child but when it comes to arguments... Try to stay composed and discuss... Improve communication and show him you can handle a fight with maturity and calm

[MindYourEyes]

He is hoping you will mature overtime and change his mind. So he’s being patient for you cause he loves you

[Logorithim]

Because he obviously enjoys being with you and sees something in you. It's not necessary to be "marriage material" at this point in your relationship. Just keep being a good girlfriend and you'll get there if you want to.

[OlderAndWiser]

Perhaps he is waiting for you to mature because you are the one he wants.

[Logorithim]

Sometimes People say Things when they are Angry that they regret and Maybe didn't really mean. I suspect that may have happened in your case, but only he knows.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever asked him to define how it is you are not mature enough for him to marry? If he is as loyal and loving as you say he is to you, and you actually do in fact want to marry him, then sit him down and ask what the issue is. In doing so, you need to actually listen to his response and take it seriously because it's the way he actually feels, not the way you want him to feel about you and what you do from there, is up to you whether you change to fit his idea of what a marriable woman should be in you, or ignore it and let things stay the same or deteriorate if you just become frustrated and unhappy.

Now as sure as I say that, there could be another part of the story in that maybe he really doesn't want to get married either right now or ever, and so perhaps he is deflecting onto you and making it seem like you are the only issue. "I can't marry you because your immature"... could really mean, "I don't want to get married." Sometimes this is a way to get the other person to break it off so the other person doesn't have to... except you say, he wants to be with you, so then ask the former.

[hledgesammer]

You're letting your emotions take priority over what's real.

One downfall that happens more commonly to women than men is that they sabotage their own relationships by trying to push it into a place where they feel more comfortable, rather than embracing that there's things to work on, and to just be content with the fact that you're with someone willing to let you grow. It needs to be good enough that you're with someone who wants to improve your relationship or else you're going to suffocate it before you can make those improvements. You're young at 23, and while you don't want to be told things like your not wife material, he's saying these things to shock you into to thinking deeper about what's really going on. Which young girls don't typically do at that age. Just take a step back, breathe, and take time to reflect on how bad energy is entering your relationship. It's gonna take time to fix, so put in the work before you jump off the emotional cliff. Patience will build you up into a better person.

[bubbatxman]

He cares about you but wants you to become more of an adult before marrying you. You want to understand what that means and compare that to your current behavior. These are great signs because he cares enough to wait. And he cares about your maturity and behavior. You might ask him what behaviors he wants to see in his future wife. Compare that to what you do now. It might be caring and concern for children, he might be worried that you wouldn’t care for children you all would have. It might be how you behave in social situations with his friends or work settings. Or with his parents. It might be a party attitude, rather than a desire to save money or work towards a common future. Do you work now? Maybe you should to show responsibility?

[ImSoSquishy]

tbh, this is something only you and your boyfriend would know. we don't know you, we don't know how you're like in person, so if he says you're immature and need to grow up, then is it because you act childish? is it because you always prank him or doing silly things around him? do you always throw a tantrum for something that's not much of a big deal? like, i don't know and i doubt any one of us would know besides yourself. but, like he said, he wants you to mature up to become wifey material. so when you do mature up he will see you as wifey material and propose to you.

[Xoxocutekitty]

Guys are so focused on the but he said "yet" but in all honesty the "yet" is the assumption that you have to change for him. He clearly already has a bar of what "marriage material is" and I'm sorry if it's been 2 years and he's still not convinced you "are the new standard" then he doesn't see you as the one. He doesn't see you as marriage material because you wouldn't put someone down like that if you really saw a future with them. You can say, I think you're immature but it's not necessary to be a jerk and say potentially dream crippling statements and measuring you up to some arbitrary bar. There is not reason to attach "you're not marriage material yet" on a you are immature statement. Not saying dump him, just letting you know he needs to articulate himself in ways that aren't as diminutive/dismissive of your hopes/goals/ desires etc.

[NatashaJ]

Exactly! and how is this girl immature when this guy engages in the immature arguing it takes two to argue!

[Rixdare]

"I love you but you're so immature, you need to grow up seriously, you're no where near marriage material, I dont see you as wife material yet" -- and that's love?
I'm sorry but I find that extremely disrespectful and really not a very nice thing to say. If he thinks you're so immature why is he with you? Because staying is easier than leaving. It's during arguments that the truth comes out - actually, he probably has no intention of marrying you. And why do you need to change who you are? Isn't love, loving someone for they are? He does't love love you. He might think a lot of you and would do anything to be there if you needed him, etc etc... but that's not love!
If I were you.. that would make me think twice about staying. seriously!

[lizziepooh03]

It is normal to argue but it is not normal if "whenever we argue, he always tells me this: "I love you but you're so immature, you need to grow up seriously, you're no where near marriage material, I dont see you as wife material yet".

So give me an example of an argument that prompts this response. Give me an example where you feel he is being unfair to you and give me an example where you can see he may have a fair point.

And then I would have a better idea on how to answer your question. :) If you care to share. Feel free to ignore my inquiry. :)

[Herbalturtle]

Biggest thing he says is yet. Means he has hope you will be. I think its just his go to insult during argument. He obviously cares about you, and i would say he's still with you because he sees you as long term wife material, maybe he just feels the need to point out you aren't ready yet when he gets irritated or mad.

[4pple]

He definitely loves you, but just because you love someone doesn't mean that they're ready to marry you. Maybe you don't act like an adult yet, maybe you have no clue what to do in life or how to handle life. We don't know the exact reason, other than "you are immature", and he knows you are not ready for marriage yet. Emphasis on YET. He is waiting for you to change and become more mature so you'd actually be a good wife.

[ecfresh]

He isn't ready to get married yet, so he is still with you because he likes you. He is open to a future with you so he is still in the relationship and he knows you will become more mature and closer to being 'marriage material'. He doesn't leave because he is content.

[Jack_L_andTurn]

Not knowing you or him, there could be a number of reasons:

1. He could feel that you lack the maturity to make a commitment
2. He could lack the maturity to make a commitment, so he pawns it off on you.
3. He could be in the camp of those who never intend to marry, but since he does enjoy your company he dangles the carrot of "eventually" in front of you to keep you around. (I was guilty of this in my younger days).
4. He could just be using you for sex. Harsh, I know, but without more specific knowledge of the two of you it is a possibility.

[KAF87]

You aren't marriage material "yet". The key is yet.

I've dated someone younger than me before and the age itself is no big deal. However as you progress from 19-25+ you will mature.

He probably said what he did because what you were arguing about was something immature.

[OnitheWanderer]

Oh girl, it's simple because he truly loves you and his willing to invest his time to your relationship. And waiting for you to become a wifey material. I know it's kind of weird how it sounds but that's the truth about the matter. As you said if he wanted he could have another girlfriend but he chose you because you have something he may not find to another girl and he being patient and wanting for you to be a wifey material.

[LuvAsh]

Just give it time. Usually when people grow together is better and when they are around the sane age because they grow together in maturity... He probably doesn't want to rush into anything rn which is good and it will be better for ur relationship☺ it's better to not be married and want to be married than to be married and not want to be married so just give it some time and it'll get better, i promise☺ have a blessed rest of your day!

[FinalVow]

... did you not see the yet part? and clearly you missed the you need to grow up emotionally. Obviously he is not looking for a woman based on looks. He is looking for a woman who has a good personality.

[Anonymous]

You were 21 when you started dating and are now 23 while he's 28. That being said, I'm sorry to say, but he sees you as not too young, but too immature to marry. Maybe in a couple of years?

I would be more concerned about the necessity of making such statements during an argument though. He clearly doesn't think of you as an equal and is borderline lack of respect, not to mention blackmailing and control tendencies.
Why are you with him again? Because "He can get any other hotter girls since he's an attractive fit guy"? Hm.

[MecheD]

Keyword In his statement was “yet” which states he has belief in your capabilities to put yourself in. The position you strive for. He stays because he loves you he just wants for you to showcase an effort for that title. (You can do it !!!)