If my boyfriend thinks I'm not marriage material yet, why is he still with me?

Question

We been together for 2 years now Im 23 and he's 28 So ofcourse we have our arguments here and there But he does treat me good And takes care of me and supports me But whenever we argue, he always tells me this: "I love you but you're so immature, you need to grow up seriously, you're no where near marriage material, I dont see you as wife material yet" If he thinks im not marriage material, then why is he still with me? doesn't that mean he doesn't see a future with me? He can get any other hotter girls than me since he's an attractive fit guy Why doesn't he just leave? He tells me he loves me everyday and calls me everyday before bed, etc But how can he love me and not want to marry me in the future? Im confused

Celq532 · Accepted Answer

You already got your answer - "I don't see you as wife material YET" I don't know how you managed to miss that, but the "YET" means he has hope for you and waiting for you to be ready for marriage. To be honest I think he said it wrong by saying you are not "wife material". It's more like you simply aren't ready yet and need to mature up.
You made a huge mistake. Wife material is NOT about dating the HOTTEST girl. A wise man would know that very well. And your boyfriend seems to be wiser than average guys indeed. So you're lucky. He's patient with you and knows what's marriage is about. I really hope you see that.
He does want to marry you. But you aren't READY for it just yet.
In another words, he's ready to be a husband, but you're not ready to he a wife. It might because you're just 23, and you have much to learn.
If you would take one advice from me, I say you hang on to your relationship with him and you should strive to become WISE. Wisdom is maturity. Find a couple who has been together for more than 20 years, and asked the wife how to become a wise person. That wife should be a great example and inspiration for you.
I would do the same, waiting for a girl to mature up a bit if I see the potential. I unfortunately met one and she didn't have the potential. So we never gone far. You don't want that.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well first off you only been together for 2 years. For most people that isn't really long enough to tell if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.

Second is straight up what he said "I love you but you're so immature, you need to grow up seriously, you're no where near marriage material, I dont see you as wife material yet". Or in other words you aren't really mature enough right now for you to be set in your ways and for him to know for sure if you are a woman he wants to marry. I mean you are only 23. That isn't that old at all and most people don't fully know who they are or what matters and is most important to them in life they they are at least in or near their 30's. That doesn't mean you won't mature and because wife material since odds are that will happen. Just mean that you are still becoming more mature, getting wiser. Just not there right now.

You say why is he with you if he says that. Well it's because he likes you, loves you and sees potential in you. This is one of those situations where time will tell. And he's betting on you.

JustAnotherSoul · Accepted Answer

He said you're not marriage material "yet"... that means he wants to marry you... He simply thinks you're not mature enough... You should embrace your inner child but when it comes to arguments... Try to stay composed and discuss... Improve communication and show him you can handle a fight with maturity and calm

MindYourEyes · Accepted Answer

He is hoping you will mature overtime and change his mind. So he’s being patient for you cause he loves you

Logorithim · Answer

Because he obviously enjoys being with you and sees something in you. It's not necessary to be "marriage material" at this point in your relationship. Just keep being a good girlfriend and you'll get there if you want to.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Perhaps he is waiting for you to mature because you are the one he wants.

Logorithim · Answer

Sometimes People say Things when they are Angry that they regret and Maybe didn't really mean. I suspect that may have happened in your case, but only he knows.

Anonymous · Answer

Have you ever asked him to define how it is you are not mature enough for him to marry? If he is as loyal and loving as you say he is to you, and you actually do in fact want to marry him, then sit him down and ask what the issue is. In doing so, you need to actually listen to his response and take it seriously because it's the way he actually feels, not the way you want him to feel about you and what you do from there, is up to you whether you change to fit his idea of what a marriable woman should be in you, or ignore it and let things stay the same or deteriorate if you just become frustrated and unhappy.

Now as sure as I say that, there could be another part of the story in that maybe he really doesn't want to get married either right now or ever, and so perhaps he is deflecting onto you and making it seem like you are the only issue. "I can't marry you because your immature"... could really mean, "I don't want to get married." Sometimes this is a way to get the other person to break it off so the other person doesn't have to... except you say, he wants to be with you, so then ask the former.

hledgesammer · Answer

You're letting your emotions take priority over what's real.

One downfall that happens more commonly to women than men is that they sabotage their own relationships by trying to push it into a place where they feel more comfortable, rather than embracing that there's things to work on, and to just be content with the fact that you're with someone willing to let you grow. It needs to be good enough that you're with someone who wants to improve your relationship or else you're going to suffocate it before you can make those improvements. You're young at 23, and while you don't want to be told things like your not wife material, he's saying these things to shock you into to thinking deeper about what's really going on. Which young girls don't typically do at that age. Just take a step back, breathe, and take time to reflect on how bad energy is entering your relationship. It's gonna take time to fix, so put in the work before you jump off the emotional cliff. Patience will build you up into a better person.

bubbatxman · Answer

He cares about you but wants you to become more of an adult before marrying you. You want to understand what that means and compare that to your current behavior. These are great signs because he cares enough to wait. And he cares about your maturity and behavior. You might ask him what behaviors he wants to see in his future wife. Compare that to what you do now. It might be caring and concern for children, he might be worried that you wouldn’t care for children you all would have. It might be how you behave in social situations with his friends or work settings. Or with his parents. It might be a party attitude, rather than a desire to save money or work towards a common future. Do you work now? Maybe you should to show responsibility?

ImSoSquishy · Answer

tbh, this is something only you and your boyfriend would know. we don't know you, we don't know how you're like in person, so if he says you're immature and need to grow up, then is it because you act childish? is it because you always prank him or doing silly things around him? do you always throw a tantrum for something that's not much of a big deal? like, i don't know and i doubt any one of us would know besides yourself. but, like he said, he wants you to mature up to become wifey material. so when you do mature up he will see you as wifey material and propose to you.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

Guys are so focused on the but he said "yet" but in all honesty the "yet" is the assumption that you have to change for him. He clearly already has a bar of what "marriage material is" and I'm sorry if it's been 2 years and he's still not convinced you "are the new standard" then he doesn't see you as the one. He doesn't see you as marriage material because you wouldn't put someone down like that if you really saw a future with them. You can say, I think you're immature but it's not necessary to be a jerk and say potentially dream crippling statements and measuring you up to some arbitrary bar. There is not reason to attach "you're not marriage material yet" on a you are immature statement. Not saying dump him, just letting you know he needs to articulate himself in ways that aren't as diminutive/dismissive of your hopes/goals/ desires etc.

Rixdare · Answer

"I love you but you're so immature, you need to grow up seriously, you're no where near marriage material, I dont see you as wife material yet" -- and that's love?
I'm sorry but I find that extremely disrespectful and really not a very nice thing to say. If he thinks you're so immature why is he with you? Because staying is easier than leaving. It's during arguments that the truth comes out - actually, he probably has no intention of marrying you. And why do you need to change who you are? Isn't love, loving someone for they are? He does't love love you. He might think a lot of you and would do anything to be there if you needed him, etc etc... but that's not love!
If I were you.. that would make me think twice about staying. seriously!

lizziepooh03 · Answer

It is normal to argue but it is not normal if "whenever we argue, he always tells me this: "I love you but you're so immature, you need to grow up seriously, you're no where near marriage material, I dont see you as wife material yet".

So give me an example of an argument that prompts this response. Give me an example where you feel he is being unfair to you and give me an example where you can see he may have a fair point.

And then I would have a better idea on how to answer your question. :) If you care to share. Feel free to ignore my inquiry. :)

Herbalturtle · Answer

Biggest thing he says is yet. Means he has hope you will be. I think its just his go to insult during argument. He obviously cares about you, and i would say he's still with you because he sees you as long term wife material, maybe he just feels the need to point out you aren't ready yet when he gets irritated or mad.

4pple · Answer

He definitely loves you, but just because you love someone doesn't mean that they're ready to marry you. Maybe you don't act like an adult yet, maybe you have no clue what to do in life or how to handle life. We don't know the exact reason, other than "you are immature", and he knows you are not ready for marriage yet. Emphasis on YET. He is waiting for you to change and become more mature so you'd actually be a good wife.

ecfresh · Answer

He isn't ready to get married yet, so he is still with you because he likes you. He is open to a future with you so he is still in the relationship and he knows you will become more mature and closer to being 'marriage material'. He doesn't leave because he is content.

Jack_L_andTurn · Answer

Not knowing you or him, there could be a number of reasons:

1. He could feel that you lack the maturity to make a commitment
2. He could lack the maturity to make a commitment, so he pawns it off on you.
3. He could be in the camp of those who never intend to marry, but since he does enjoy your company he dangles the carrot of "eventually" in front of you to keep you around. (I was guilty of this in my younger days).
4. He could just be using you for sex. Harsh, I know, but without more specific knowledge of the two of you it is a possibility.

KAF87 · Answer

You aren't marriage material "yet". The key is yet.

I've dated someone younger than me before and the age itself is no big deal. However as you progress from 19-25+ you will mature.

He probably said what he did because what you were arguing about was something immature.

OnitheWanderer · Answer

Oh girl, it's simple because he truly loves you and his willing to invest his time to your relationship. And waiting for you to become a wifey material. I know it's kind of weird how it sounds but that's the truth about the matter. As you said if he wanted he could have another girlfriend but he chose you because you have something he may not find to another girl and he being patient and wanting for you to be a wifey material.

LuvAsh · Answer

Just give it time. Usually when people grow together is better and when they are around the sane age because they grow together in maturity... He probably doesn't want to rush into anything rn which is good and it will be better for ur relationship☺ it's better to not be married and want to be married than to be married and not want to be married so just give it some time and it'll get better, i promise☺ have a blessed rest of your day!

FinalVow · Answer

... did you not see the yet part? and clearly you missed the you need to grow up emotionally. Obviously he is not looking for a woman based on looks. He is looking for a woman who has a good personality.

Anonymous · Answer

You were 21 when you started dating and are now 23 while he's 28. That being said, I'm sorry to say, but he sees you as not too young, but too immature to marry. Maybe in a couple of years?

I would be more concerned about the necessity of making such statements during an argument though. He clearly doesn't think of you as an equal and is borderline lack of respect, not to mention blackmailing and control tendencies.
Why are you with him again? Because "He can get any other hotter girls since he's an attractive fit guy"? Hm.

MecheD · Answer

Keyword In his statement was “yet” which states he has belief in your capabilities to put yourself in. The position you strive for. He stays because he loves you he just wants for you to showcase an effort for that title. (You can do it !!!)

vishna · Answer

I think he's still immature or a bit toxic if he routinely throws something like that in your face. "You're no where near marriage material, I don't see you as wife material yet"

I think you SHOULD look within yourself and at your actions and act more mature and rational if you're being childish.

You two should communicate better, good relationships aren't founded on people throwing constantly shit in the face of the person you love.

JessicaVos · Answer

he is still with because he loves you and wants to probably make you his wife one day...
when you love someone you dont just throw them away if they aren't perfect. He is willing to wait for you to become wify material because he loves you... sounds like you actually have a guy that knows what love is.

Buckzor · Answer

Still loving someone & them not being READY for a marriage are completely different things.

All it means is he doesn't think you're ready to make the most of life as a married couple, but he loves you & wants you to get there.

Or it's just an excuse for other intentions, I don't know.

Ellie-V · Answer

He’s on some bullshit. I see where you’re coming from. He can just leave and get to stepping. Find his “wife material”. He clearly likes you a whole bunch, but he’s playing games. He wants you to step up in some way that satisfies him. But is he actually giving you CONSTRUCTIVE criticism? You’re 23. You have a right to still be a little immature. He shouldn’t have gotten in a religious with you if he didn’t want to deal with you like that.

JSmuve · Answer

I agree with your boyfriend, you are immature. He doesn't see you as wife material because you lack maturity but he's hoping that you'll get your shit together and become wife material in the future so he can marry you. Whether or not you do is up to you.

AlphaGhost · Answer

Well the free sex is hard to come by these days and its always good to have few woman as backup. I would suspect he is talking to someone else or you are seriously AMATURE.
I used to send same message to 3 different woman and they all think I am loyal good B. F. Its very easy to cheat and hide it especially if She is not good with tech.

Jupitermoonsquest · Answer

It means you need work on yourself, examine yourself, get to know yourself better to gain insights on whether you both are truly compatible for long term without ever parting ways.

Anonymous · Answer

He does truly love you. Marriage is much more than love. At this moment he still looks at you like a girl, immature, emotionally unstable. He loves you, but marrying you now would not be a good choice. Once he believes you are ready to be "a woman" he will take the step. Untill then, work on yourself, as a person and as a partner

Browneye57 · Answer

Yes, seriously, QUIT ARGUING. This has to be the worst female trait in the world. Right up there next to NAGGING.

If you're having sex with him and arguing about stupid shit, he's never going to marry you. He'll just keep doing you as long as you let him, or 'till he finds someone else.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe he sees something in you, and would like you to make some changes, and then, he would like to marry you. If he isn't leaving, why are you complaining? Shouldn't you be asking 'What does he mean? What do I need to do to be with him?' or are you just mad, and want him to leave?

jaidee · Answer

Let me recap and point out clues:
- IMMATURE
- NOT marriage material YET

Obviously he hopes that with time you'll become mature enough. Which means you have some evolving to do but he's hopeful about your evolution to come.

Anonymous · Answer

I sometimes wonder are girls like you just stupid, or are you deliberately pretending you don't understand someone just so you can dump them and not feel guilty.

He says you're not marriage material YET. He obviously DOES see a future with you. A future where you improve, he proposes, and you both get married.

My god, maybe you really are just as childish and immature as he says.

Anonymous · Answer

What he said doesn't mean that he doent want the to marry you. Actually if he didn't think about it he wouldn't have opened the topic of marriage. But he wants you to get more mature so that he can marry you one da. It looks like he has a specific expectation of a woman who is "mariage material".
Ask him what he would want you to change about your behaviour and be opena to it... no one is perfect and there is
nothing wrong with doing what pleases your partner.

Nieko · Answer

He could be waiting for himself to be mentally prepared for marriage. He may also be waiting for something for a better job, a raise, some money for a ring, or even for you to change or learn something. Though as being not married I dont't have the best opinion ever.

HughJass · Answer

End goal of your relationship is marriage.

For a marriage to be successful, you 2 need to have shared VALUES and not just interests. Values can range from moral all the way up to political because those are what you will raise your child based on!

frontyer · Answer

Well many guys these days see marriage as a danerous path. ITs extremely risky to marry as a dude. For multiple reasons. Unless he can fully trust you (which he never can) he probably won't marry at all.

TacoFamine · Answer

He can probably see that you may become marriageable. But he he wants you to settle into who you are before he's ready to marry. If you take the stertypical guy always trying to get sex and girls being slow in deciding to do so, swap the sexes and replace sex with marriage.

laurieluvsit · Answer

Let's see? OK, I'm using all the rocket science I have been taught on this one... He doesn't want to get married maybe? ... lol

PrettyRegular · Answer

It's because you are 23yo and you don't have a hurry. He cares about you for doing it. It means you two might date for another few years and then go to marry. You should be happy that he does this for you, 'cause I feel too that 23yo might still go couple/few years without marriage.

Anonymous · Answer

there may be things about you he is hoping that will change. i’m guilty of saying this to my boyfriend and it’s becuase he has bad habits that i would not want him to have around children. when we argue and can’t compromise, it makes me wonder how we would compromise in marriage. especially when it comes to moral differences.

Sarisalive · Answer

It just means that you are not ready to be a wife. A wife needs to be mature and humble. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you, it just means that you're not ready to be a wife. Simples as that.

sunsetwalker · Answer

I think that he could be afraid of commitment. he could be afraid of not being able to do and be his old self ounce he gets married he needs to slow down and grow up and be ready for kids to. That could scare him so he makes you sound bad when he is the one that sounds like he needs to do the growing up not you. Or he's just confused. Right now. When we men fight we don't think about the consqwetions of of our words.

doogo · Answer

When it comes to marriage it goes both ways. You both need to makes sure that you are qualified enough. Both of you need to sit down and discuss what needs to to improve for your relationship to forward.

YinLong · Answer

Easy until you change and grow up he won't marry you but he genuinely loves and cares for you and wants to be with you just not until you change

LakaFlame · Answer

Tbh guys are a bit confusing, men usually wants to move forward in life, but they want to be ready for any outcome, maybe there was something that's happened to him that causes him to think that way, he most likely just wants you to be as ready as him.

macdaddy36 · Answer

People like to say with age comes wisdom but the truth is that with age comes patience and as you age you'll understand but just have patience especially during arguments

MoskiWoski · Answer

I had someone tell me that once. I let them know they were welcome to head out and find what they’re looking for.

azzntittiz · Answer

Only you can answer that question, do you think you're wife material?

mishanw_1071 · Answer

he probably wants you to "grow up" but if you're naturally childish, then thats his problem, not yours

Calixx · Answer

Probably convenience. I dated a guy like this for 1.5 years. Except, he said I wasn’t girlfriend material for him. I’m glad I left him. Now that I think of it, he wasn’t boyfriend material for me.

Givemeguidance · Answer

LEAVE HIS ASS!!! leave before you get left. F him. You’re so young and so beautiful. I wasted four years on a guy for nothing! He said the same things, did the same, then turned on me.

I know the signs. Hopefully you’ll drop him first.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe waiting for you to grow up or he does love you and just wants to wait. Or he's mad cause you're arguing so he just says it. You could ask him what he means by it too, would be the smartest thing to do, But you'll need to update us then.

hsshannah96 · Answer

My parents got divorced when I was four. Marriage scares me.

NatashaJ · Answer

probably staying for the sex and girl why are you staying with someone who talks to you like that he may love you but he clearly doesn't respect you.

dmgstarfleet · Answer

he said "yet". He is waiting for you to mature. 23 is awful young

HANAZAWA · Answer

'YET'. Note that word. Means not now but maybe in near future.

QueenofCups · Answer

He thinks you're too immature to handle commitment.

CuChullan · Answer

He's just being an arsehole, playing on your fears when you have a fight. He sees a future with you, otherwise he'd be gone. Time to call his bluff.

madhatters4 · Answer

does he say why he doesn't feel you are marriage material yet?

boggboss · Answer

This question shows u are not ready he says u are not there but that he loves u meaning he is waiting for u to get there how can u not see that

If my boyfriend thinks I'm not marriage material yet, why is he still with me?

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