Perhaps he is aware that the divorce rate is north of 50 per cent; that the average duration of a marriage is eight years; that about 80 per cent of divorces are initiated by women; that the law and the courts discriminate against men to a degree that is grotesque; that lawyers coach women to lie; that men go to prison for inability to pay spousal and child support orders that can be huge and disconnected from reality; that divorce law has been designed to destroy men financially and emotionally for the rest of their lives.
In short, marriage holds for men only extreme financial and legal risk that will destroy their lives, via the law and a one-sided contract.
Dating and friends with benefits arrangements have become too dangerous for informed men to entertain. Todayâs consensual sex can become tomorrowâs false rape allegation.
Women, as a collective, have made themselves too angry, hateful and dangerous to be around.
If you pick through YouTube, you can find many videos by men who relate their marriage and divorce horror stories.
You CANNOT change a man, and most men do not change their minds once made. Your boyfriend has made his position crystal clear - he's been upfront and honest with you - so you need to proceed with the assumption that marriage is completely off the table with him, and do whatever you need to do, including breaking up with him and finding another guy.
You got together with this guy based solely on your feelings, without thoroughly vetting him, and so now it's going to hurt far more to end things than if you had found this out at the beginning and moved on then. I know that's not what you want to hear but it's the truth. If you ever get in a relationship with a man thinking that you will change him, you are settling yourself up for disaster. Your job is to find a man who is ALREADY the important things that you need, and, yes, this often means letting go of things that you WANT but don't really NEED. Putting your wants ahead of your needs is how you got into the situation that you are in now. If you want marriage, then long-term needs have to be the priority.
Don't expect to change anyone or have them change. People who want to get married, often have wanted to for most their life... it is unlikely he will suddenly want to someday.
Accept the fact that you may never get married and be okay with that, if you can't then maybe you should end it and move on.
Although if you are living together, in many states you can end up with common law marriage after ten years. Depends on your area or state though, so simply living together not married for long enough, may have to actually go through a real divorce if splitting up.
In Northern European countries, people usually get married when children are expected, not sooner. Loving each other has little to do with marriage. Marriage can be a statement that you loved each other long enough and went to officialize that; Some people marry after 10 to 20 years of being together.
@DerkR Yes, they do
@DerkR Not necessarlily a church. the official legal marriage is before the Mayer of the town. Marriage in a church or equivalent, is just an expression of your religion.
Opinion
54Opinion
u You are asking yourself "CAN it happen?" because you want to hear "yes."
The question you should be asking is whether this is likely to happen and, if so, can it lead to a happy relationship? The answer is that it is unlikely to happen and, if you somehow convince or cajole him into getting married, he will probably resent you for doing that.
He doesnât believe in Marriage. Do you know his position and are you planning a Family? Was the stance on marriage a surprise to the relationship or was disclosed by your boyfriend from the beginning? Not planning to get married btwâŚ. is a pretty big bomb to drop on someone.
It is not likely that you will be able to change his worldview. Think heâs the one
You canât change him. Maybe youâre just not compatible. If you donât see a future with him. Maybe break it off or if you really love him then stay and see what happens.
But you canât change someone
I wouldnât expect him to change. Youâd be wise to decide now how ok with it youâd be if his position on the matter stayed the same. Personally, Iâd say if he doesnât believe in marriage, then he doesnât believe in having the benefits of a wife.
Well said @Vegasrunner đ
Yes she should do that if he's simply not ready.
Marriage destroys love, its just legal prostitution
@RandomGuy1030 agreed đ
I've seen how unhappy some of friends are in their marriages. So glad to have never tied the knot.
@TaureanBull81 of course. Its even better at killing love between religious zealouts. She will always be thinking in her hindbrain "this brother married half his assets away to me because he couldn't gdt any pussy"
I don't mind that I've never been married and enjoyed casual sex
On average theyre happier because thats what society has told men to do. The men who werent married in the past were total losers. Or they were the players who got old and ended up sad and alone. This is a new world and you need new statistics to see the truth.
@MzAsh Happiness is intangible and can't be measured, and the believe that married men "live longer" has been debunked numerous times. Marriage is a female need, and females tend to act as if it's something they want, it's something everyone wants. At the end of the day men control access to relationships as this post validates.
@MzAsh If you are truly educated about relationships then you are familiar w/ these very public studies, if not I can only assume you spend your time only looking for info to validate your POV. No man should be "jumping" at a chance to marry a woman. Men control access to relationships and should be vetting a woman thoroughly b4 giving away his time, or resources. The struggle a lot of woman have is an inability to get the guys that they want to commit to them.
Well said @Vegasrunner đ
Men should also be asking, what can the woman bring to the table?
Often it's just their looks and sex which they bring and that's it đ¤ˇââď¸
@TaureanBull81 Yea, the issue is most men dont have enough respect for themselves, so they settle for what they can get. When in reality they should be extremely selective in choosing any woman that gets receives there attention.
I'm very selective @Vegasrunner. If I see any red flags đŠđŠđŠ, if the woman has a bad attitude, is disrespectful, then they aren't worthy of my time at all.
@TaureanBull81 Good for you. Lets keep it real, if most men did that, women overnight would change their behavior. Men can easily thrive w/out women, its women that need men, which is why they spend so much time trying to convince men how much we need them.
Absolutely @Vegasrunner!
Women need us so they can reproduce and that's about it.
@TaureanBull81 Women need men way more than vice versa. Men need woman for sex and thats about it, everything else a woman can do alreasy has been or can be done by men. Woman need men for everything from safety to construction. Think about it logically, if your mother, sister, etc was being attacked by a man, how comfortable would you feel, kmowing that two unarmed women were coming to her rescue?
It's unlikely he will change, and even more unlikely if you try to change his mind. You have a decision to make. You can stay with him but never get married, or you can break it off and find another guy to marry.
In todayâs world who knows , with all the horror stories we see on social media on how people cheat and get bored of each other it makes people question if love really exists anymore , I was
Married 14 years until my ex cheated on me , and isnât it funny she cheated on me when Facebook was becoming a huge thing cuz before that she barely touched her phone or the internet , so I blame a lot of failed relationships from social media mainly because people have easy access into your life when before it wasnât that way , the second I joined Facebook pretty much all my ex girlfriends that I thought would never see or hear from again were secretly reaching out to me , and girls that I met once were tracking me down flirting with me , so the temptations were there because it was easy, best thing I did was delete Facebook cuz no matter what girl I was dating Facebook was getting me in trouble. So having trust in people today is a lot harder then it was back then , so without trust the relationship will fail. Most guys today do not want to get married because no guy wants to be cheated on , social media filled our heads that females initiate divorce the most , everytime I go on social media people are cheating on each other , blaming each other , not trusting each other itâs a fucking mess and sad world we live in
When you love each other this much, why care about marriage? Is it your parents? Culture? Religion?
I am a christian orthodox from the middle east where religion, parents and culture controlling everything and i have been married for 10 years and i don't see the point in marriage, honestly. We are together, we are not leaving wach other and everytime we look at the wedding videos and pictures, we both shrug and say (what the hell were we thinking). Just my opinion no need to slaughter me
My family is a muslim. We have very strict rules about love relationships in our society. It's very corrupted to live without marriage, unfortunately. I personally don't believe in God. I'm very concerned if my parents will not let me live with him without marriage
I would love to be married with a man i love, but i want it mostly to be free
Your reason is logical in this case. It might help if you take your time, both. With time try to explain how mirrage will set you free from traditions, religion and your parents. Do not scare him by pushing him to it.
He is still quite young. But more men are having a negative outlook on marriage nowadays considering women file for divorce 70-80% of the time and usually get alimony and custody of children.
Not to say good women still exist. Not to say marriage can be very good for men. However more and more men are leery about the risks out there and given how radical feminism has had such a detrimental impact on western (it really does encourage women to be selfish) this is an expected reaction from men.
Is it possible for his belief in marriage to change? Yes. Likely? No.
If you continue this relationship, do it eyes wide open with no expectation that he'll change. Not even the cutesy "I'm pretending not to expect him to change but secretly hoping he does". Just tell yourself that you love him and (maybe, if this applies) the sex is great but this isn't going to be for life.
But, that's the thing. If you think you want to married, it's probably best that you work towards a relationship with a man who does want to get married. There's nothing wrong with getting married and nothing wrong with not getting married. My advice, though, would be that if you want to be married, to not spend so many years with someone who doesn't want to be.
In these modern times, I would find it shocking to find many guys willing to marry. Word has gotten around that it's all liabilities for him, and very little reward, with a lot of negative downsides. The risks is not worth it. Divorce rates are up to, and now over 70%. If the wife has a college education it exceeds 90%. Those are horrible odds. And that is the good part. Many men in marriages endure low sexual activity with the wife long-term and he will be shamed if he finds other releases like porn when he wants and needs sex, and cannot get it. If he stays single, this is not an issue.
At any rate the red pill wisdom is well know out there. Look up on YouTube Pearly Things, and she tells it pretty good.
[Marriage is a social-construct that really has run itâs course in the modern-day. And with so many more women out there having much, much, much more premarital-sex, with many, many, many more partners, and getting pregnant by more than one man, it takes a really simple-man to say âwill you marry me?â. I used to think that I wanted to get married, and now itâs a definite never going to happen for me. I have my various-reasons. However, I do believe that people can still love and care for one-another outside of a marriage-construct. And if you really study what the reason for marriage was, it was almost never about love, that came after. Marriage was a womanâs-way of knowing that she was going to survive in society by having a well-established man take care of her. Above all, there is much to consider on both-sides before saying, âI do.ââŚ]
It can. I thought similarly and I changed my mind.
I changed my mind mainly because of how much it meant to her, and because I knew I could trust her. My thoughts on marriage itself remain the same.
Itâs not about not wanting to commit. People can stay committed without being married.
Equally, people can cheat and leave/divorce despite being married. As youâll see in the responses women speak as though marriage keeps a man around. Theyâll say things like he just wants all the benefits of a wife without the responsibility, heâs always have one foot out of the door etc. As if there arenât plenty of married people who cheat and leave anyway.
You can't change a man.
A man will only change if he wants to for a woman, marrage can differ, maybe he doesn't see a future with you yet.
He may love you but not seeing marriage on the cards.
There will be a key moment when a guy will know he will want to marry his girlfriend and want to spend the rest of his life with her but that's not a moment you can make for him or convince that it is you.
Right now it's a no, like with anything that people are saying are a sure no round your age like having a baby or living together.
You could wait and see but he might not change his mind.
Don't stay with someone expecting them to change. If you want to be married in the next few years, he's not the right one. End this so you can meet someone who shares your goals. The first date is not too soon to ask someone about their reasons for dating. Are they just looking for some fun, a LTR, marriage, children? You can ask this without giving the impression that you want someone who will marry you this year.
"Since we are young can his idea change eventually?"
You are both young and you both WILL change. The question is not about about IF you change, but how and when. Neither one of you can predict how and when.
It's very common for young people to say they won't ever get married, yet they eventually do. Same with having kids.
I think it can if he falls more in love with you and can imagine living a life with you since you´re still rather young.
But at the same time it´s not said that it will for sure. I think it depends on his decisions and concerns towards marriage.
So there´s no guarantee.
He wants all the benefits of a LTR without any responsibilities. Pretty soon you'll (if you haven't done so yet) be moving in with him and providing household services to just a mere boyfriend that can come and go any time. He'll always have one foot out the door.
Do you want marriage or be his forever live-in girlfriend? You decide.
Are you seriously acting like divorce isn't easy to get done? The only way it isn't, is if someone wants to spitefully use their ex for money. This is common sense, and its prevailing over the zealoutry of the past.
@RandomGuy1030
Not everyone divorces.
And not everyone leaves their girlfriend
I guess the most common reason for seperation of a ltr is the girlfriend wanting marriage. She values that over the actual relationship. I say no love was lost in that case
@RandomGuy1030
But the OP and her boyfriend don't have the same goal. Not marriage vs just dating forever means they're not compatible. They should find someone that's on their same page.
She needs to find a marriage-minded man (aka a settler) and her boyfriend needs to find a woman that's ok being a dater.
u What doesn't he like about it and why?
At any rate, it's possible, but it won't be time that changes his mind. It will be him. So then the real question is how long will you be willing to wait? How many times will you have the same argument? How long are you going to put your life on hold for a guy who doesn't want the same things as you do?
Some people will change their mind about marriage. I never wanted to get married. That changed when I found an amazing woman. We dated for a while and then she got pregnant. I knew before she got pregnant that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. Knowing that I made a baby with her confirmed that I wanted to be with her. If I didn't meet her I think I'd still be single
It might change, it might not. What are your plans for the future as in having a family? Do you want to wait on his marriage thing even if he wants a family, but won't tie the knot legally? It's a question of commitment now, but once kids are involved, it's a question of finances too.
Seems like you guys have been dating for a while so you wise enough to know his intentions.
My thoughts on people in general , donât expect much from what you see at the moment so you wonât feel disappointed and feel like it was a waste of time and energy.
Offer to sign a prenuptial agreement. Taking the huge life altering risk of marriage and having so much stolen from them is the most common reason why relationship oriented guys don't want marriage.
Can his belief system change? Absolutely. Would you be able to change it? Most likely not. You either date him for who he is or exit the relationship. People don't change for others, they change for themselves.
He might change his mind later on , he probably doesnât like the idea of it because thereâs no incentive in doing it for the guy because he loses so much if it doesnât work out later on like in divorce since he has probably heard many horror stories of people getting divorced
23 is still young so tread lightly otherwise you're going to scare him away the more you continue bringing up marriage 💑
He's saying this right now because most likely he's not in the financial position either.
It is just a piece of paper and a dated custom in my opinion. It only means what meaning you assign to it.
If you live in the US I can understand him. This little caricature explains the downside for men pretty well
Well we can't be sure if he would change his mind. But thats a red flag for me if my girlfriend didn't believe in marriage
Youngsters always talk revolutionary ideas of doing away with antiquated notions of marriage, jobs, etc. But I think eventually, if you two remain together through the years, he could see the point in IRS joint filing.
It can change if the laws and the courts change. Good luck with that. As it is now, as a male, your boyfriend would be a fool to get married.
It can also change if your boyfriend somehow becomes stupid and careless.
Maybe both of your should have made it here at the very beginning and you shouldn't be surprised that there a lot of guy who don't want marriage. Also become loving someone has nothing to do with getting married
In general for your question the anwser is yes but it all depends at the end of the day
Yes but entertain the idea that he may not believe in marraige with you. I know so many women that wasted their 20s on a guy only for him to dump her in their 30s and marry a younger woman.
Anything can change & if you inform him you will sign a prenup maybe your chances will go up.
No. Date someone for who they are not for who you want them to be.
With time, it'll change... Don't worry. Just enjoy the relationship for now !
Listen move on if he doesn't believe in something you can't convince him but I bet he believes in having sex with you right. So what happens if you get pregnant your gonna be his baby mama that he'll never marry. Just move on
Rule number zero of relationships:
Never expect your partner to change.
What you get is what is going to be like.
Means he's smarter and more confident then most men. Guess he can't be half bad. Marriage as it exists today is only for desperate or dumb sorts of men.
If he doesnât wanna get married even later in life; I wouldâve probably move on you two are not on same page but I guess things might change
What value would it add to his life?
So many women these days can't even cook or keep house.
No. If you are not satisfied with the love and living together, then that relationship is not for you
if you fuck his brains out he will change his mind. you can destroy his life afterwards.
If you truly love him, you will respect his beliefs and not marry him.
Can, but you might not want to bet your future on it.
Why is he in a relationship if he doesn't want to get married?
To waste the OP's time. That's not really a true boyfriend but just a dater that wants all the benefits of a LTR without any responsibilities.
@anon1903
Yes but there has been too many ''we've been living together for 4-8 years, why won't he propose'' stories and many of them either include the man just being happy with how things are or blowing smoke up her arse about one day marrying and having kids.
If those women want to find a man that's dates to get married, they need to search for him and not be with a man that just want to be a boyfriend.
@Danielle93 he shouldn't lead her on. I can agree with that.
@Danielle93 I agree with you
Let him go because you obviously want marriage. Thereâs many men who want marriage!
No, why would it? Your boyfriend sounds like a smart guy.
he will in time you are both too young to get married yet live a little first
Good man, he knows marriage does not benefit men
It might, but is that important to you? Could you be together and have children out of wedlock?
Most guys are turned off by marriage today. It should be no mystery why that is.
Do you want to have kids soon? If so, does he?
Yes I think it will change
It can, but I wouldn't bet on it.
It is possible but probably not.
Yes if u forced him in right way
Well yes I think so especially if you get pg
It's possible, but extremely unlikely.
𼲠why men don't like it? It would be wonderful to get married with a person you love completely
"Plenty still do" meaning, reality is still in the process of bitch slapping the men in denial
Lazer have you never considered, the people who wrote the bible ADMITTED in it to buying prostitutes, to killing other men to sleep with their wife, THESE ARE THE GUYS WHO WROTE THE BOOK
Harlotđsounds like a cute nickname. Yes i know he got to sleep with a supermodel
*another supermodel. Perk of being king
The child happened to die but the same female gave birth to solomon. Who was said to have been the hottest man to ever live. And yes thats how it works when you go to battle and kill the enemy, expect one day to be killed yourself.
First of all the woman was happy to have david be her new partner. And the only reason david wanted her, was he saw he was a better fit. She was the best woman suited to give birth to a king. Damn my testosterone is rising just thinking how sexy she was. And guess what. Solomon was wise, because people listen to hot people.
I said i felt testosterone shooting into my bloodstream. Its just a male hormone. Are you a feminist?
And like i said, a king is a king because they have a unique awareness of how things should work. And rules are for people lacking in awareness.
I dont know fuciing verses.
Im not learning trivia.
It really is just trivia.
Hmm maybe
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