Perhaps he is aware that the divorce rate is north of 50 per cent; that the average duration of a marriage is eight years; that about 80 per cent of divorces are initiated by women; that the law and the courts discriminate against men to a degree that is grotesque; that lawyers coach women to lie; that men go to prison for inability to pay spousal and child support orders that can be huge and disconnected from reality; that divorce law has been designed to destroy men financially and emotionally for the rest of their lives.
In short, marriage holds for men only extreme financial and legal risk that will destroy their lives, via the law and a one-sided contract.
Dating and friends with benefits arrangements have become too dangerous for informed men to entertain. Todayâs consensual sex can become tomorrowâs false rape allegation.
Women, as a collective, have made themselves too angry, hateful and dangerous to be around.
If you pick through YouTube, you can find many videos by men who relate their marriage and divorce horror stories.
You CANNOT change a man, and most men do not change their minds once made. Your boyfriend has made his position crystal clear - he's been upfront and honest with you - so you need to proceed with the assumption that marriage is completely off the table with him, and do whatever you need to do, including breaking up with him and finding another guy.
You got together with this guy based solely on your feelings, without thoroughly vetting him, and so now it's going to hurt far more to end things than if you had found this out at the beginning and moved on then. I know that's not what you want to hear but it's the truth. If you ever get in a relationship with a man thinking that you will change him, you are settling yourself up for disaster. Your job is to find a man who is ALREADY the important things that you need, and, yes, this often means letting go of things that you WANT but don't really NEED. Putting your wants ahead of your needs is how you got into the situation that you are in now. If you want marriage, then long-term needs have to be the priority.
Don't expect to change anyone or have them change. People who want to get married, often have wanted to for most their life... it is unlikely he will suddenly want to someday.
Accept the fact that you may never get married and be okay with that, if you can't then maybe you should end it and move on.
Although if you are living together, in many states you can end up with common law marriage after ten years. Depends on your area or state though, so simply living together not married for long enough, may have to actually go through a real divorce if splitting up.
In Northern European countries, people usually get married when children are expected, not sooner. Loving each other has little to do with marriage. Marriage can be a statement that you loved each other long enough and went to officialize that; Some people marry after 10 to 20 years of being together.
Opinion
54Opinion
u You are asking yourself "CAN it happen?" because you want to hear "yes."
The question you should be asking is whether this is likely to happen and, if so, can it lead to a happy relationship? The answer is that it is unlikely to happen and, if you somehow convince or cajole him into getting married, he will probably resent you for doing that.
He doesnât believe in Marriage. Do you know his position and are you planning a Family? Was the stance on marriage a surprise to the relationship or was disclosed by your boyfriend from the beginning? Not planning to get married btwâŚ. is a pretty big bomb to drop on someone.
It is not likely that you will be able to change his worldview. Think heâs the one
You canât change him. Maybe youâre just not compatible. If you donât see a future with him. Maybe break it off or if you really love him then stay and see what happens.
But you canât change someone
I wouldnât expect him to change. Youâd be wise to decide now how ok with it youâd be if his position on the matter stayed the same. Personally, Iâd say if he doesnât believe in marriage, then he doesnât believe in having the benefits of a wife.
It's unlikely he will change, and even more unlikely if you try to change his mind. You have a decision to make. You can stay with him but never get married, or you can break it off and find another guy to marry.
In todayâs world who knows , with all the horror stories we see on social media on how people cheat and get bored of each other it makes people question if love really exists anymore , I was
Married 14 years until my ex cheated on me , and isnât it funny she cheated on me when Facebook was becoming a huge thing cuz before that she barely touched her phone or the internet , so I blame a lot of failed relationships from social media mainly because people have easy access into your life when before it wasnât that way , the second I joined Facebook pretty much all my ex girlfriends that I thought would never see or hear from again were secretly reaching out to me , and girls that I met once were tracking me down flirting with me , so the temptations were there because it was easy, best thing I did was delete Facebook cuz no matter what girl I was dating Facebook was getting me in trouble. So having trust in people today is a lot harder then it was back then , so without trust the relationship will fail. Most guys today do not want to get married because no guy wants to be cheated on , social media filled our heads that females initiate divorce the most , everytime I go on social media people are cheating on each other , blaming each other , not trusting each other itâs a fucking mess and sad world we live in
When you love each other this much, why care about marriage? Is it your parents? Culture? Religion?
I am a christian orthodox from the middle east where religion, parents and culture controlling everything and i have been married for 10 years and i don't see the point in marriage, honestly. We are together, we are not leaving wach other and everytime we look at the wedding videos and pictures, we both shrug and say (what the hell were we thinking). Just my opinion no need to slaughter me
He is still quite young. But more men are having a negative outlook on marriage nowadays considering women file for divorce 70-80% of the time and usually get alimony and custody of children.
Not to say good women still exist. Not to say marriage can be very good for men. However more and more men are leery about the risks out there and given how radical feminism has had such a detrimental impact on western (it really does encourage women to be selfish) this is an expected reaction from men.
Is it possible for his belief in marriage to change? Yes. Likely? No.
If you continue this relationship, do it eyes wide open with no expectation that he'll change. Not even the cutesy "I'm pretending not to expect him to change but secretly hoping he does". Just tell yourself that you love him and (maybe, if this applies) the sex is great but this isn't going to be for life.
But, that's the thing. If you think you want to married, it's probably best that you work towards a relationship with a man who does want to get married. There's nothing wrong with getting married and nothing wrong with not getting married. My advice, though, would be that if you want to be married, to not spend so many years with someone who doesn't want to be.
In these modern times, I would find it shocking to find many guys willing to marry. Word has gotten around that it's all liabilities for him, and very little reward, with a lot of negative downsides. The risks is not worth it. Divorce rates are up to, and now over 70%. If the wife has a college education it exceeds 90%. Those are horrible odds. And that is the good part. Many men in marriages endure low sexual activity with the wife long-term and he will be shamed if he finds other releases like porn when he wants and needs sex, and cannot get it. If he stays single, this is not an issue.
At any rate the red pill wisdom is well know out there. Look up on YouTube Pearly Things, and she tells it pretty good.
[Marriage is a social-construct that really has run itâs course in the modern-day. And with so many more women out there having much, much, much more premarital-sex, with many, many, many more partners, and getting pregnant by more than one man, it takes a really simple-man to say âwill you marry me?â. I used to think that I wanted to get married, and now itâs a definite never going to happen for me. I have my various-reasons. However, I do believe that people can still love and care for one-another outside of a marriage-construct. And if you really study what the reason for marriage was, it was almost never about love, that came after. Marriage was a womanâs-way of knowing that she was going to survive in society by having a well-established man take care of her. Above all, there is much to consider on both-sides before saying, âI do.ââŚ]
It can. I thought similarly and I changed my mind.
I changed my mind mainly because of how much it meant to her, and because I knew I could trust her. My thoughts on marriage itself remain the same.
Itâs not about not wanting to commit. People can stay committed without being married.
Equally, people can cheat and leave/divorce despite being married. As youâll see in the responses women speak as though marriage keeps a man around. Theyâll say things like he just wants all the benefits of a wife without the responsibility, heâs always have one foot out of the door etc. As if there arenât plenty of married people who cheat and leave anyway.
You can't change a man.
A man will only change if he wants to for a woman, marrage can differ, maybe he doesn't see a future with you yet.
He may love you but not seeing marriage on the cards.
There will be a key moment when a guy will know he will want to marry his girlfriend and want to spend the rest of his life with her but that's not a moment you can make for him or convince that it is you.
Right now it's a no, like with anything that people are saying are a sure no round your age like having a baby or living together.
You could wait and see but he might not change his mind.
Don't stay with someone expecting them to change. If you want to be married in the next few years, he's not the right one. End this so you can meet someone who shares your goals. The first date is not too soon to ask someone about their reasons for dating. Are they just looking for some fun, a LTR, marriage, children? You can ask this without giving the impression that you want someone who will marry you this year.
"Since we are young can his idea change eventually?"
You are both young and you both WILL change. The question is not about about IF you change, but how and when. Neither one of you can predict how and when.
It's very common for young people to say they won't ever get married, yet they eventually do. Same with having kids.
I think it can if he falls more in love with you and can imagine living a life with you since you´re still rather young.
But at the same time it´s not said that it will for sure. I think it depends on his decisions and concerns towards marriage.
So there´s no guarantee.
He wants all the benefits of a LTR without any responsibilities. Pretty soon you'll (if you haven't done so yet) be moving in with him and providing household services to just a mere boyfriend that can come and go any time. He'll always have one foot out the door.
Do you want marriage or be his forever live-in girlfriend? You decide.
u What doesn't he like about it and why?
At any rate, it's possible, but it won't be time that changes his mind. It will be him. So then the real question is how long will you be willing to wait? How many times will you have the same argument? How long are you going to put your life on hold for a guy who doesn't want the same things as you do?
Some people will change their mind about marriage. I never wanted to get married. That changed when I found an amazing woman. We dated for a while and then she got pregnant. I knew before she got pregnant that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. Knowing that I made a baby with her confirmed that I wanted to be with her. If I didn't meet her I think I'd still be single
It might change, it might not. What are your plans for the future as in having a family? Do you want to wait on his marriage thing even if he wants a family, but won't tie the knot legally? It's a question of commitment now, but once kids are involved, it's a question of finances too.
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