How do I let him down easy?

[Anonymous]

So met this guy online. He seemed cute and was so nice. Not like other jerks online. We started talking and I fell for him a bit and started saying things like "hey gorgeous" etc. his pics he had up must have been from like 5 years ago because he shared a few pics of himself recently and I was like ugh no way. He's extremely over weight and doesn't even look like his pics he has posted. I feel bad now. He wants to plan a trip to come see me and has told his friends about me, but it freaks me out to envision a relationship with him. How do I let him down easy! Help..

[InfoBot]

You should be honest about it. Some people seem to be saing that you are shallow because you don't conform to some idealistic notion about personality above all else, but that is just unrealistic. Physical attraction matters and he is guilty of misdirection. We all know about using current photos to represent who we actually are, not who we were. If you asked someone what they had for dinner today, would it be accurate if they told you what they had five years ago? No, it would be a lie. He has lied about who he is, essentially, or he has hidden who he is now. That is rarely just an oversight. Yes, it might be based on genuine insecurity but that doesn't make it all okay. Honesty is not something that you get to swerve just because you are insecure, not if you want other people to build trust in you.

I would suggest that you tell him that he just doesn't look like what you understood him to look like. Tell him that you are a little disappointed because, as much as he seems like a great guy you are not going to pretend that physical attraction doesn't matter. There is no need to dress it up any other way, you are being honest and you are entitled to want physical attraction. He had the opportunity to be more forthcoming with his true image but he didn't take it.

[zxcded]

Well said!

[Asker]

Wow really good answer. I'm just soo nice that I hate hurting someone's feelings. He's easily 5'7 and 200 plus pounds. He wheezes when he talks!! He cried on the phone about it and I feel awful, but I just can't. He sent me some recent photos of himself and he has black circles under his eyes, is super short and over weight. I'm not trying to be mean because some people carry it well, but this is not the case. Your right I just need to say hey I'm sorry but I just can't. Thank you for your advice.

[James_R_G]

If you aren't attracted to him then that's all there is to it. You aren't shallow for not being physically attracted to him, people can call you shallow but they are wrong. It's much worse to fake interest and crush him later.

The right thing is often the hard thing. You need to tell him you aren't attracted to him and do not want to be in a relationship. Use clear language and do not plant false hope. I wish you all the very best of luck. It's never easy

[Fitness-Fanatic]

Ignore those who are calling you shallow. All those who "throw" the word shallow out there will have their own personal preferences and standards too. Just coz they aren't the same as yours that doesn't mean you have to live by theirs.

You have every right to reject guys for any reason whatsoever.

Appearance and personality come hand-in-hand. Both are important. Just tell him you no longer want to pursue a relationship with him. Say you don't have time, or that an online relationship isn't working for you. Tell him it's not want you want now.

If he wanted you to accept him for who he is now, then he shouldn't have deceived you by displaying old pics of himself.

[ladynight]

Tell him that you are not ready for a relationship right now and you could be friends. Don't tell him about how you exactly feel cause that might hurt him.

[Purple_Babe14]

Lol, damn girl you got yourself into some deep shit. You can.

1. Tell him you moved away
2. Block him
3. Your dating someone else, sorry

[Anonymous]

Cat fish run. Honestly there is no let down easy. They will take it how they want to. But really just be honest... OR LIE maybe say your freind introduced you to this great guy, or say your not as ready as you thought.

Don't feel bad he lied, catfished you, and lead you on girl. DUMP HIM

[SuperCookie]

Well I would tell him that you really like his character but that his pictures are really misdirecting peoples and stuff and that he is responsible for the anatomy of his body if it's not caused by a genetic disease or a sickness. I would tell him that everybody can achieve their dreams if they are motivated and have a clear path to the goal infront of their eyes in terms of body fat loss :)

[dan111]

You never met him and he lied to you which is asking for trouble. If you hurt him now it's his own fault for not being completely honest with you. I've been where you are now

[sudofaux]

If you never met him in person just cut him off completely and never speak to him again, he won’t be hurt you don’t find him attractive and maybe think your internet connection died. Hopefully he doesn’t have your address or phone number.

[chris1984]

just be honest and cop the fact that the way he looks is an issue for you. being soft often leads to misinterpretation.

[maestrodematimaticas]

Honesty. Set him straight. Tell him you were attracted to the old dated photos he posted not the new ones.

[Anonymous]

You find him unattractive? Maybe get to know him maybe it’s not all about the looks? He must not look that unattractive. And you fell for him, without knowing what he looked like?

[Asker]

No he had pics posted online, but they must have been old from like 5 years ago. He's easily 5'7 and 200 plus pounds. I just can't..

[Opinion Owner]

Oh okay, yeah from guys point of view maybe he catfished you thinking he’s that attractive rn but isn’t lol.

[SifuDoge]

there is no easy way , and softening the landing could be inefficient. be honest. even if it's brutal , it's the most efficient way.

[CoachChris1O]

Maybe he use to be in shape but lost motivation because of a bad breakup or something. Maybe some time with you will want him to get back in the gym and get back in shape.

[bd69sm]

So you want to let go a chance of being happy just because he put on a few pounds. Come on. Should I say shallow.

[Asker]

He's 5'7 and easily over 200 lbs. that's not a little. On his pics he is overweight but not badly. When he showed me recent pics it's like day and night difference. I would not worry about 20-30lbs but he's just excessive. He wheezes when he talks to me. If you don't take care of yourself and expect someone to just overlook it, that's not fair.

[bd69sm]

I understand your hole problem. Explain to him your view. Give him a challenge. Loose the pounds and he stands a chance with you.

[Smegskull]

Just be honest. We can learn from the experience if you lie about why things happen.

[woodygames]

Well one your only worried about his looks. So just tell him he's too ugly for you. Least he can see what kinda person you are and get over you fast.

[wired2k7]

Just tell him the truth, and that you feel deceived.

[karigalan92]

Love doesn't come for shapes

[Asker]

Agreed, but he's 5'7 and easily 200 plus pounds. I'm very much into taking care of myself. I just can't.

[karigalan92]

Sorry say in kg

[karigalan92]

U make him change

[karigalan92]

Girl can change anything why can't this guy

[thegr8lion]

Tell him you like it slow

[cloudni9e]

C A T F I S H