Would a highly intelligent man date an averagely intelligent woman?

[Anonymous]

i met a guy who's a doctor and he's dating a woman who is in the same field as he and she is very intelligent. I have a college degree, but not as intelligent. the girlfriend and I are equal as far as looks are concerned. he's told me that if he was single he'd definitely date me. they've only been together for 2 months... if they were to break up, do you think I'd stand a chance? can an average intelligence girl have a relationship with a smarter guy? I'm suddenly feeling intellectually inadequate.

[Laurence]

I agree with 38rakia38, unnaturally dissolving the relationship will simply leave a guy who feels guilty and still retaining feelings for his ex-girlfriend. Not that you suggested you were going to persue that course.

I would suggest that you are being unnecessarily unfair on yourself. Firstly, as a doctor I would be inclined to believe she is intelligent, but this does not mean that you are not. Intelligence presents itself in many forms, and I have met many apparently 'unintelligent' individuals who have intellectually impressed me far more than the apparent 'intelligent' aerospace engineering students I have studied with.

I think the first step you must take is recognising your own worth. In my experience everyone has their advantages and disadvantages, and the more someone focuses on the career, the more they are lacking in personality and interest in others, especially their partner. You should perform a self-examination and determine what are your strengths and weakness, knowing yourself will bring confidence.

Additionally, I am inclined to encourage you to either patiently and without intruding in their relationship, wait for this possible break-up, or perhaps seek out someone who is more available.

I know what it is like to want someone you cannot have, I once had a relationship with a married women, and it damaged her life and my relationship with her husband, who after meeting him; we had become close friends. I thought love would prevail. It did not. This has not scarred me but it always reminds me, that it is not our place to involve ourselves in the relationships of others, not matter how much we want someone. I am sure there are many people who will love you, they may not be who you think you want, but if you look hard enough, I am sure you will find that some of them, you do.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

It is a case by case scenario of what is tolerable of the man or woman that is of high intellegence.

I know of a retired Army Major that has a masters degree in Engineering and is increadibly intellegent. I heva taken a MENSA certified IQ test and scored 142... I only said that to say, he far outstripps me in the intellegence department. Moreover, His wife as far as I know, only has a HS education. Her itellegence level from what I observed is a little better than average. They have been married for 16 years.

As for myself, My tolerance level for explaining myself is very low. In my case, If she does not understand me, I would be annoyed. I probably will not want to be bothered with a woman that can not at least understand at enough of a level to understand me. Perspectively, I am a bit pedantic at times. Why? well there are words that could be used that replace entire sentances. Instead of saying something like, "take the knob and turn it to the right," I'd say, "turn the knob clockwise" (I know, bad example)... But the point is, I try to say things when I actually talk that requires fewer syllables to say, and often enough, it sounds a bit pedantic. If she can not understand what I am attempting to convey, It will not work.

As for your personal situation... It can potentially work, but do not berate yourself due to your lack of understanding on his interpretation of matters. Simply, do not resort to self subversion if you do not understand something he interprets the way he does.

[38rakia38]

You shouldn't try to break up the relationship.

I mean, if he was your boyfriend and someone was moving in on him before the horse was dead, wouldn't you be irritated or upset?

Why don't you find a guy who's single and adequately smart?

Instead of waiting like a hyena near a carcass for a scrap?

[Asker]

I don't want to break up their relationship, the situation just made me curious how much of a factor intelligence plays in a guys interest and would a guy who dated a smart woman consider a woman of average intelligence.

[38rakia38]

"they've only been together for 2 months... if they were to break up, do you think I'd stand a chance?"

^ How do you think this reads?

Intelligence is a factor, I mean, if you don't get high brow jokes and they're a high humor type of man, then obviously your going to feel like a dumbass. And intelligence has nothing to do with degrees or profession.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

No offense, but you obviously did not "read" what was written and leaped to an awkward conclusion based upon ill-informed judgement based upon your misinterpretation. However, you do raise a valid point nonetheless. From my understanding, it is a good question of why people try to desire what is interpreted as "unattainable"..... I am guilty of this myself.

[38rakia38]

No I read what was written, her basic question was "is intelligence a factor in relationships", however that particular bit didn't just come off that way to me. Laurence read the exact same thing, interpreted it in the same manner. There's a little thing called "subtext", we have it in our own vocalization of the English language, and subtextually...that's just the way it reads.

[Longshot]

At a certain point, the intelligence factor just doesn't count. After all you're both highly educated. It's not as though 4 years of additional schooling will be the make it or break it factor in a relationship.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

You misunderstood her whole dilemma dude... Read the comments between the asker and 38rakia38... You'd get a better understanding of the situation there.

[dx021]

men tend to date down, so as long as you provide for his needs, then yea, maybe

[dudeman]

uhhh well it depends on lots of factors