Can you say "i love you" too much?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend says I love you every 10 minutes. We have been together for years and he only started saying it this often for the past two months. I find it extremely annoying but I feel bad that I find it annoying. How can I tell him to stop saying it so often, it's really excessive when we are on the phone. Should I just deal with it? Last time I tried to tell him that it's too much, he didn't listen at all and focused on how it hurt his feelings. Is there a way to compromise or something?

Updates

+1 y

I talked to him about it and he understands, he said he was only saying it so often because he remembered back when I was 14 I used to ask him to say it all the time. I explained to him that was coming from my insecurity being a child whose parents didn't show her love and the only love I've had was from him. I am at a different place in my 20's where I value actions. He understood and I thankfully did not hurt his feelings. Thank you to everyone who commented advice, I do appreciate the input ♥

[nightdrot]

It depends on whether the actions match the words. I probably tell my girlfriend a dozen times a day that I love her with all my heart. However, I also make it a point to:

1) listen to her,
2) to do things around the house and help out where I can,
3) to bring her flowers every now and again,
4) to surprise her with a night out when we can make it work - and we do a date night every other Friday,
5) To help out with our kids and bathe them and put them to bed if she has had a hard day
6) to hold her in my arms.

Actions speak louder than words, but I would add that he is probably just trying to show you he cares and wants to be with you.

Instead of being annoyed, try being understanding. Say, "Honey, you've been telling me that you love me a lot lately. Not sure why, but I don't want you ever to worry. I love you and I don't need you to reassure me because you mean everything to me."

Deep dark secret of guys. Show them appreciation and you'll get a million miles out of them.

[nightdrot]

Just read a few of your other replies. Honestly, as the saying goes, you just don't sound into him and your feeling bad about your annoyance suddenly sounds more like guilt than just annoyance.

Well, in fairness, it is too hard to tell without knowing both of you. Honestly, though, be kind. If your relationship is on auto-pilot, so to speak, it will have nowhere to go but down. (Marriage would be a disaster!!)

Kindly and compassionately call it off. He deserves somebody who loves him - and not just because - and honestly, you deserve somebody too.

[Asker]

I am very much into him, it just seems annoying to say it ever ten minutes. It's more of a pet peeve at this point. Something I wish he wouldn't do but i can live with it. It's just the frequency.

[Asker]

I don't know why I would have to say it every ten minutes to come across as being so in love. I really don't know where u got the impression that I don't. It shouldn't be a big deal to tell him the words aren't as special when he says it so often

[Asker]

And my marriage is not going to be a disaster but okay thanks.

[nightdrot]

Good luck on your marriage. As to why every ten minutes, it is just - and this is rare - he is more verbal than you are.

Typically males are less verbal. They show love rather than say it. However, in his case, he seems to carry that in a verbal way.

The impression I got came from your tone. I get it, but responding with compassion has GOT to be better than being annoyed or angry. Besides, I was the one who said you should address it... or one day you are going to pop and he will be hurt.

This is one time when the Golden Rule - doing unto others and all that - might not be such a bad idea.

[Asker]

You really can't get a tone from words. I never said anywhere in my questions or comments that I get angry with him. I never said I wasn't kind to him. I do a lot for him and like you said, you don't know either of us. It would be more helpful to respond objectively that to try and assume my character. I know he is more vocal. That doesn't make me an angry or bad person because I am less vocal and more about actions. I simply asked how do I tell him it's too much? How would I compromise? I want the words to mean something and to me they lose meaning when it is said very very frequently, so can you help me without attacking my character, thank you

[Asker]

Like your original comment, great advice. All this other stuff is just rude

[nightdrot]

First, sure you can tell tone from words - or all the great poets are barking up the wrong tree.

Second, you are right insofar as I can only offer advice based on what I extrapolate from what you wrote. It is up to you to analyze that advice in light of reality that you know,

Third, even here your tone is defensive. I promise you that I offer my advice in the best possible spirit. You certainly do appear to be annoyed, frustrated and defensive.

Over time, that is a recipe for disaster. Address it now - kindly, compassionately and lovingly. There may be an underlying issue here - his insecurity, your patience or lack thereof, whatever. Better to address it through honest communication as opposed to in a frustrated shouting match.

[Asker]

Yes I do feel defensive because it is unfair to assume, again, that I am angrily approaching him. I don't like defending myself to strangers on the internet which is why 50% of the time I hate asking for advice on this site but I really needed advice. I'm just going to take what you originally said and call it a day

[nightdrot]

Where did I say you were angrily approaching him? You said that you were frustrated - and in several other comments that I read your tone seemed quite harsh.

What I am telling you is that frustration today - especially when you seem to feel guilty and defensive about the way you feel - WILL be anger later, if you are not careful. This is a prudent concern, not an accusation.

That said, on this you have a point. Once you express your concerns on the Internet, you are at the tender mercies of varying opinions. You cannot open yourself up to advice - good and bad - and then get angry when you get it.

There is a certain inconsistency in that. In my line of work we have a saying - "If you don't want to hear the answer to the question - don't ask the question."

You asked - so who is to blame?

[nightdrot]

Very glad it worked out. Happiness to you both. He sounds like a good man. He had your happiness at heart. You could do much worse.

[Asker]

Thanks.

[Philyouup]

tell him you noticed the change in frequency in regards to the use of "I love you" Ask him why, and tell him that its to often and it make you curious as to why.. He'll tell you or he'll stop

[Philyouup]

Great to hear! love happy endings..

[Asker]

Yeah it worked out, thanks 🤣

[Philyouup]

Good!

[laurieluvsit]

To your topic question... NO!
Your real question is..."Can there be too much love?"
You have crushed the poor boy.
If he hasn't already, one day soon your wish will be granted and he will stop leaving you in abject silence.
There are many girls out there that will never be able to hear enough of it from him.
You will soon thereafter wish that he hadn't.

[Asker]

He's not going anywhere but okay thanks

[laurieluvsit]

Hi Ms A,
I didn't mean to offend. It is hard to know everyone's specific situation so I try to give the answer for what I think would be the majority of similar situations.
Thank you so much for correcting me... really:)

[Asker]

Um okay

[Kayla45]

I don't think so, you should be flattered he loves you enough to keep saying it! I wish my man would do this more often because my emotional state can make or break a relationship, if I wake up every morning to a "I love you babe" and a kiss my heart would just melt!

[Asker]

It's not once a morning, it's every ten minutes. I asked for help with how to tell him it's too much

[kaskas19]

Just be blunt and say "You say it a lot" and go from there. Ask him why etc. And just say "You don't have to say it that often. I know you love me a lot, and I love you too"

[Asker]

I did and he got upset

[kaskas19]

What the heck🙎

[Asker]

I know right 😣

[kaskas19]

For the update: AWWWWWW!!!

[Asker]

Haha thanks for the advice 😆

[kaskas19]

Of course! I'm glad everything worked out! I wish y'all the best! 💙

[thatchristiangirl]

You are actually very lucky to be told that♡ I've been off and on with my partner for a year and he still hasn't told me he loves me.

[Asker]

Not really no, I put more value in actions than words

[Shakazo]

7 years yeah congrats!!! Every 10 minutes? Is it a kind of speaking way? I think it can be cool if it is just at a specific moment during a short time. But not each single day xD. Did something change in your both life since 2 months? I think there is. The best way is to have a kind serious talk with him, not a trap just a confidant time to say your feelings each other. That you love him too and you dont understand he says it all the time. That he makes these words less important to say it all the time. Maybe he will do his proposal and he is just a little too much exicting xD. Or he doubt about something and he wants your attention.

[Asker]

He does say it everyday every 10 minutes. He already proposed. I tried to tell him and he got mad at me and told me to just take it and be glad I love him. There was no compromise and it sucks

[Shakazo]

Did he propose 2 months ago? Is it a special birthday of something soon? Is he this kind of guy to block on something and do and do again and again? Does he do the same in front of friends, family? Do these friends can make him think about it and stop xD?

[Shakazo]

Maybe he is planning something f*cking amazing for Valentine's day? ... hm weird truly. Try to play the friend or family card. Someone else has to take him hand in the bag in order to tell him he is too annoying. xD

[Asker]

I was thinking of that too, maybe if someone else says he's being excessive he will respond better lol

[Shakazo]

Yes try it by someone but in a situation when he does it in front of this person x). And if you do like him every 10 minutes? Or kiss him each time, or tease him like "prove it" " you can show me with jewels lol" or "more than 10 minutes ago or equal?". xD

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could tell him to prove it with actions instead of saying it because of how often it says it might lead you to doubt if he actually means it fully

[Asker]

You are very right

[joker91]

It's probably the first time he's been head over heels in love. There's a reason it's been described as a drug, it does unpredictable things your mind and body. Next time he says I love you ask him why like as in fishing for a compliment. Say you'd rather be shown than told. Actions speak louder than words kinda thing.

[Asker]

We've been together 7 years. It's not his first time

[joker91]

You can be with someone for years and not love them until a certain point. Maybe he thinks he's losing you?

[Asker]

He wouldn't have any reason to think that from my perspective. I love him more now than when I met him. To me, it just makes the words lose meaning with the frequency

[joker91]

Yeah that's totally understandable. It reeks of insecurity too. If he only wanted to discuss his feelings last time you mentioned it to stop, maybe remind him of that and say like for his sake you haven't brought it up but stress how it's making you feel to hear it constantly.

[Brokenheartedx]

Has he not upgraded you from girlfriend to fiancée yet? Or maybe he’s planning to put a ring on ur finger hence the I love yous non stop to see your reaction

[pimpofthedead]

Yea it is definitely possible to say it too much, I'm thinking that your boyfriend believes you might be starting to lose interest and is doing it as a way to show you he wants to keep being with you

[eziegler81]

Yes it can be. You should bring it to his attention that if you say a word or phrase too much, a person can be desensitized from hearing it. It could lead to you hearing that phrase as background noise and not mean anything to your brain.

[boggboss]

Lol sounds weird lol maybe he is trying to convince himself

[AM-205]

" I said 'I love you' too much, and not enough 'I'm sorry.'" - Die Hard

[Knusperkeks]

Just tell him or he might not realize that he's doing it that often

[reallynice]

I think he just start getting insecure because of some incident

[TheFallenKing]

I mean it would start to get annoying but at least you know he cares

[Gempearl]

Lol I don't think it's excessive, I think it's sweet

[Asker]

That isn't advice but okay

[JosyJosy]

Yes, then it loses meaning

[Asker]

I feel like it does lose meaning and other commenters are trying to make me feel like I don't love him back. I really do, he just says it very very frequently

[Flower-petal]

No such thing as saying I love you too much.

[Asker]

That is your opinion

[Flower-petal]

Well Ya lol every question we all answer is our opinion

[Asker]

Okay

[ronaldd]

Sounds creepy