My boyfriend doesn’t want biological kids but would adopt?

[Anonymous]

From the beginning my boyfriend always said he doesn’t want to get married and he doesn’t want to have kids. Two years later he’s saying (since I brought up the idea of adoption) he wouldn’t mind adopting. He also said he wouldn’t mind dating a woman who already had kids. I honestly don’t understand what the difference is between adopting, dating a woman with kids and having your own. He says he would treat them as if they are his but doesn’t want his own. Can someone please explain this to me because obviously he can’t.

[Anonymous]

If they aren't his own kids, it'd be easier for him to walk away when it doesn't work out, similarly to how if he doesn't marry you & you two fight big, he'll be able to walk away without any legal ties,
It's just easier and more convenient for him.
Now ask yourself, if you want marriage & kids, should you stay with him?
Give him a serious talk. You two have priorities and values you need to straighten out before deciding if you two should stay together or not.

[Asker]

I love him more than anything but I told him I need to think about whether this kind of relationship is what I want. I don’t want us to part but at the same time I want to be happy. I don’t know if I 100% want children but I don’t want to be in a situation where it isn’t even an option for me. Marriage I want with time.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, that sounds very reasonable to me.
I believe if you do continue feeling what you told me, then it's time to part ways. All the best thoughh

[jennifer_bloom]

My cousin was the same way. Its because she got a sexually transmitted disease before she got married that left her infertile and she didn't tell her husband about it because she didn't want him to use it against her in an argument.

[Asker]

I’m so sorry that happened to your cousin. Thanks for sharing.

[jennifer_bloom]

Thanks for your kind words

[Zelea]

Maybe he doesn't want to add more kids to the world, but doesn't mind being a father to one that's already here.
Or maybe he has a disease or illness that runs in his family that he doesn't want to pass on.

[Dreku]

Well I can't speak for him but mid 20s my best mate got his his ball cords cut haha, basically he has serious mental illness that runs in his family and doesn't want to pass it and likes being selfish so can't if he's a dad, though the lad is great with kids and did date a lady with 3 kids for a few months, could there be something that could be passed in his genetics he would worry about?

[Asker]

I don’t think so because he never mentioned anything of the sort. If he did I would assume his sister would have the same thing. She has 7 kids with her husband.

[Dreku]

Things can pass only on the male or females, the males in my dads line apparently can have some heart defect, still you can sorta say you need to know, don't demand but explain what is confuses you and how etc etc

[Asker]

I never knew that. I guess I’ll ask that question and if he wants to answer it that’s fine if not I’ll have to move on I guess.

[Dreku]

Very mature, I doubt its that kinda thing, just know it happens

[NotAnAverageGuy]

As an antinatalist this makes perfect sense to me. I don't think it's right to force life upon someone; if I had the choice I certainly wouldn't want to be born. But if I were to adopt I would be helping to deal with the problem rather than add to it.

Perhaps your boyfriend is an antinatalist, too.

[Asker]

Hmm I didn’t even know antinatalist was even a thing. I’ll ask. Thanks for sharing

[Bear41]

I don't know about why he doesn't want his own children. But maybe he can't have them because of something in his past. I was told after a certain thing that I would most likely never have children of my own. I had one now I want more but I have not found someone to have them with. Call it screwed up but I just kinda think at my age I screwed up waiting to long.

[Asker]

I’m 25 he’s 37. He never mentioned anything happening in his past. Maybe I’ll ask about that. If you’re really 41 I don’t think it’s too late for you. Men don’t have a ticking time clock like women.

[Bear41]

For me to have the best chances to have children now I would have to date and marry someone better than 12 years younger than myself.

[SirRexington]

He probably wouldn't mind adopting a kid that was already out of it's toddler stage, the most difficult stage in raising a child.

Also he may not want to get married but that doesn't mean he doesn't believe in life partnership.

[Asker]

He does believe in life partnership but I don’t understand the difference between that and being married. He says it’s because of what he has seen happened between married couples when they divorce. I just don’t understand the concept of living together and doing everything together as if we’re married but don’t get married.

[SirRexington]

Marriage as an institutionalized construction is what he doesn't care for. The ring, the party to celebrate your commitment with mutual friends, all of that can stay. It's just the government or church putting an official seal if approval on your relationship that makes him hate marriage. Which is a business deal and not a voluntary union of two people coming together.

It's marriage without the legal bullshit.

[Asker]

Oh, I never thought of it that way. Is this a common way of thinking for most guys?

[SirRexington]

No. It's uncommon thought for most people in general.

[eziegler81]

I've met a few people in my lifetime that doesn't want any kids. It just seems like they had no wishes to have any offspring. Maybe they don't want to go through the process of having a baby and having to change diapers and the crying and what not.

[Asker]

Hmm maybe. He said it has never been a desire of his.

[eziegler81]

That may just be it. Most people want to have kids instinctually for the sole purpose of survival of their bloodline. Some people just don't have that instinct/drive.

[Asker]

I guess I have to take his word at face value then.

[Anonymous]

The difference with kids your own, adopting, and dating a woman that already has them is that you can walk away. There is nothing complicated here, only your own projections clouding the mist. He simply does not want kids of his own.

[Asker]

Do you think he’ll ever change his mind?

[Opinion Owner]

I doubt he will change his mind. Most women don't understand because they don't realize just how anti male this current culture really is. Very easy for a man to not only lose access to his own children, but his freedom too. I will never marry, never have kids... and never have a relationship again.

For you, it's been 2 years... doubt it will change.

[Asker]

Thank you for your honest response

[TheOpportunist]

Sounds as though he doesn't want to go through the pregnancy he might have some more selfish reasons like not wanting you to damage your body during the process. Doesn't want the stress of the pregnancy or baby phase.

Maybe he isn't fertile. There are many possibilities.

[Wraithguy]

Personally i dont want my own kids. I want my bloodline to die off. Adopting is different. Giving hope to those who weren't blessed in the beginning is the best thing one can do. Those are my reasons, can speak for him

[Safa_Malfoy]

even tho i am a girl i wanna do the same

[Wraithguy]

Well your body your decision hun. Hope whoever your with will understand and support your decision. If he doesn't, punt his ass.

[Safa_Malfoy]

ye do that

[Asker]

Hmm that’s a perspective I never considered.

[Wraithguy]

I hope things getti better for the both of you♡

[internetgrl]

obviously there might be an issue with him, did something happen in his childhood where he doesn't want kids? can he not physically have kids? its just a little weird because there has to be a reason it just doesn't make sense

[Asker]

I have no idea. Anytime I ask he says he just never had the desire to have them. His sister has 7 kids so I’m sure there isn’t anything genetically wrong with him.

[Buckzor]

I have absolutely no idea. If someone's up for adoption, but not having their own kids, maybe he has fertility issues that you don't know about? That's really the only justifiably reason I can think of.

[Anonymous]

Everything we do, everything we've evolved to be, has been designed to pass on our genes. In the past men fought and died for it. The fact that he doesn't want to but instead wants to raise someone else's just suggests that he's retarded.

[nickyBBB]

Maybe he can't have children ane afraid of admiting it? I really dunno

[Safa_Malfoy]

maybe he doesn't want to see you in pain for 9 months
and for the adoption maybe he wants to help some children

[elswilson199]

That definitely means he wouldn't treat his adopted like his own

[Asker]

Would you continue a relationship with someone who doesn’t want the two things you want? Kids are up in the air for me but I definitely want to get married. What do you think?

[elswilson199]

If you really want kids of your own then yeah I wouldn't stay with him. There's no compromising when it comes to topics like that if he's adamant then you have to leave him

[Asker]

You’re 100% right

[elswilson199]

Is love keeping you with him?

[lexythelou22]

Bitches can't take him to court for child support if they aren't his blood. Smart thinking. 😂

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t want the responsibility or to have to pay the child support when he leaves her... I’d say dump him—he is afraid of commitment.

[Pattz]

He's probably infertile. (Incapable of making kids)

[Asker]

He isn’t

[Pattz]

Hmmmm. Are you an interracial couple?

[Asker]

Yes we are

[Pattz]

I'm not too sure about this but it's possible that he doesn't want to mix races. Some people think that race mixing is a crime against their own heritage and thus don't want to reproduce as their children will have no identity. (This is all hypothetically speaking)

[Asker]

Hmm that could be a possibility...

[colin77]

that doesn't make no sense... can he make children? if not maybe that's why... but if yes his mental need fixing
children up bringing and area hav a lot to play in there thinking.
that in right doh

[ceev31]

Could be a latent fear of bad genes? Both his and yours

[LegateLanius]

I was going to say financial responsibility but with the adoption part, I am lost as to why.

[Safa_Malfoy]

maybe he wants to help some kids and give them hope

[LegateLanius]

@Safa_Malfoy
Yeah. That sounds right.

[Anon-ymous1]

What is the question here? How on earth can we possibly answer that for you? You have to ask him.

[forbiddenphantom]

For whatever reason he is probably unable to.

[forbiddenphantom]

Sorry. Unable to have his own kids and he is probably too ashamed to admit it to u.