Boyfriend of 4.5 years wants a baby but isn't sure he wants to live together?

[Anonymous]

So I have been with this guy for 4.5 years he keeps saying he is ready for us to have a child. I asked him if he plans to take the next step and make us live together and he said he dosent know. I then asked him how can he not know after we have been together for such a good while and he said maybe now is just not the right time. It really made me feel bad like what should I do?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ay yo that's some sketchy behavior from your boy right there. Red flags all over the place.

Wanting a baby but not committing to living together? That don't add up at all sis. Dude needs to get his priorities straight before you even think about kids.

Four years is more than enough time to know if he sees a future with you or not. "Maybe now's not the right time" is just an excuse, especially since he's pushing this baby talk. Total contradiction on his part.

I'd hit the brakes on the baby stuff until he gets real about your relationship. Make him put up or shut up - either he's all in on taking this to the next level with you or he ain't. Don't let him string you along no more, feel me?

You deserve better than some flakey boy playing games after all this time. Let him know the living together talk needs to happen before any babies do. And if he not tryna commit hard, might be time to bounce, you know? You got your whole life ahead, don't waste it for no funny dude. Keep it real with him boo, you'll see what's up then.

[Asker]

Thanks, It dosent sit well with me at all but if I bring it up he shuts me down n says am starting problems.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh hell no sis, that is NOT okay! His ass does NOT get to shut you down for wanting to talk about important relationship stuff. You are not starting problems. Bullshit!

The problem is his lame ass can't give you a straight answer after all this time! I'd be like "Bruh, I am NOT having this conversation to start problems. We've been together forever so we HAVE to talk future plans, especially with a baby involved. So cut the crap and listen to what I have to say!"

Don't let him off the hook so easily. This is too big of a deal. Maybe suggest having a serious talk when you're both relaxed so it's not a confrontation. But you gotta stand your ground girl!

If he still acts like you're in the wrong for needing clarity, then honestly f-that noise. You don't need that stress when planning for a baby. I know it's like super hard after so long, but don't be afraid to put your foot down if he won't get real with you, you feel me? You've invested way too much already! Keep me posted on what you decide - I'm here for you all the way, sis!

[Asker]

Well here's an update he broke up with me through a text message.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, I'm really sorry to hear that. Getting broken up with through a text after all that time y'all were together... that's super wack of him. You definitely didn't deserve to be treated like that.

I know it probably hurts real bad right now, but honestly it's probably for the best. Anyone who's not man enough to break up with you in person after 4.5 years and isn't even sure about living with you, does not deserve an amazing guy like you. You need someone who's all in, you feel me?

Stay strong mama. Lean on your real friends for support and just take some time to heal. Then get back out there when you're ready - way better dudes waiting who'll give you the commitment and respect you deserve. Don't even trip about that lame dude no more. His loss! You got this.

[Oliverlogan263]

Amazing girl like you I meant typo

[Asker]

Yes thanks, its very hard though because I have been loyal the entire time and worst he said the reason for the breakup is he dont want to be with anyone right now. Thats just cold.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man that's so cold of him to say that after so long together. What a cop out excuse too, saying he just doesn't want to be with anyone right now. He's probably just too chicken to tell you the real reason. But you're right, after all that loyalty and time you gave him, the least he could've done was break up to your face instead of hurting you like that. You totally deserve better treatment than this dude was giving towards the end. It'll hurt for a while, but I promise you'll get over him and his lame reasons. Any guy who can break up over text after 4 years ain't worth it. Don't let him make you feel bad either - his loss! Now you're free to find a real one who wants a serious relationship and will love you the right way. Keep your head high and don't look back, you got this!

[Asker]

Thanks

[Oliverlogan263]

My pleasure

[OlderAndWiser]

In the 1950 musical "Guys And Dolls," Nathan Detroit has been engaged for 14 years to his fiancee, Adelaide. In the musical, that is a farce. . . but you are one-third of the way to 14 years. ¿Lo entiendes?

Every child deserves to be raised in a home with both a mother and a father. End of discussion.

[Alwayreckles93]

Don't get pregnant until you and this dude got married. In the future nothing is guaranteed not thebsound like an old Karen but anything can happen what of he meets a new girl and decides to live you out of no where like cold turkey for a new girl. Just yhink about it im giving you a realistic answer. If the two of you aren't married Don't do it!

[petitedollbabee]

Having a baby definitely should not be on the list of things to do. You’ve been together 4.5 years and he’s unsure about living together? That’s very strange. And even stranger for him to want a baby, a lifelong commitment, yet he can’t commit to living with you..

[Asker]

Previously he said when we have a baby then we can live together but not until I get pregnant

[petitedollbabee]

That is very, very strange.

[Alwayreckles93]

Exactly what if in the future he decides to live her like coldnturkey out of mowhere and meets a new girl.

[Avicenna]

Don't try to force things right now. Maybe revisit the subject in 3-6 months.
I will tell you this as a parent- when that baby is right there in front of you, you're going to want to be around it as much as you can...

[Asker]

After almost 5 years i dont think thats rushing it at all..

[Avicenna]

Well, if he isn't comfortable with the idea, you can't make him agree to it. It would be even worse for him to agree to it just to please you.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Tell him that moving in is the step that comes before having a child, if the child won't see it's parents together and y'all aren't living as a family, y'all already stepped into parenting incorrectly.

[Asker]

I just can't understand why I have to have a baby before we move in, he dosent even want to sit down and talk about it..

[ChicoFromThe305]

If ima be honest he doesn't sound like husband material and even less parent material, sounds like he still has some maturing to do