My girlfriend is draining me financially. How will I stop it?

Question

She keeps asking for things like jewerlys, clothes or flowers, anything she likes.. I like buying her stuff of course, but there should be a limit for it right?

SallyTho87 · Accepted Answer

That's not appropriate. A relationship isn't about using someone financially, emotionally, or otherwise. What does she bring to the relationship herself? Does she spoil you with gifts and contribute financially to bills and things?

Financial abuse in relationships is actually VERY common, as one party feels required to supply the other, as a means of "taking care of the person I love" but it's not. It's enabling that very person to control how YOUR money is spent on a regular basis.

1) have you set boundaries regarding finances? Have you discussed the concerns about constantly providing gifts / items is not essential for the relationship and should not be expected all the time?
2) Is your girlfriend lazy? Does she see you more along the lines of a "sugar daddy" or someone to provide her with what she WANTS, financially support her, and care for her, while she does nothing but live her life the way she chooses to?
3) Have you been doing this since the start of the relationship? If so, that is a pattern you have set and established, so in her mind YOU spending money on anything / everything she wants = how she feels loved, special, and now it has become the expected lifestyle she craves from you.
4) Does she work? Why can't she buy her own products for herself and stop relying on you to purchase these things?

You need to address this serious topic, and explain to her your concerns and WHY you are not going to continue supplying the financial excess to be used freely. Setting boundaries will help you save so much money, so you can actually save up for things like couples trips, weekend getaways together, big purchases (new furniture, appliances) etc.

If she demands this lifestyle, and expects to be financially supported, spoiled, and has any issue with you setting these new boundaries, you KNOW she is only interested in relationship as a financial gain to fulfill her own materialistic desires.
The sooner you discuss this, the BETTER.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

There was a guy like that at my office a while back. We all felt sorry for him. He literally took out a loan to get his fiancée the enormous ring and matching earrings etc. that she wanted but spent his daily lunch hour at his desk eating a miserable bologna sandwich and looking at the website for a pricy watch he’d been drooling over for years…

From what I could tell, the girl was gorgeous but also very cold until you specifically offered her a gift — I call it “pretty girl syndrome” but I’m sure there’s an unkind name for it as well….

Anyway I asked him one time why he doesn’t just put his foot down and tell her she’s being a brat. After all, many of us have been engaged and married and set our caps for SHARED values like a space to raise a family, etc.

He shrugged my question off, thinking I didn’t understand, but we could all see he was being taken advantage of by his pretty little lady. They married. He moved up and left our group, and like Icarus flying too close to the sun I believe the lady over asked… The guy’s single now but has his f-ing watch.

People make the choice to have what they want, but they don’t always see that some choices are toxic — and not just guys, mind you. Women can fall prey to this sort of thing as well. Either can be blindsided by a pretty face, particularly if they struggle with low self esteem and keep thinking HOW LUCKY they are to have this “out of their league” type person….

The answer is to set reasonable limits — for yourself and for your SO. Also, make sure she’s there for YOU and not for the stuff you’re giving her. Even Santa sets boundaries and only comes around once a year….

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

Alright are you dating a hot 19 year old or something? If not (young women shouldn’t be doing this bs either unless their was an upfront arrangement) you already know the right answer to this. Draw the line on this and if she doesn’t quit mooching off you then be ready to walk away and mean it. It’s better to be alone and have self respect then to have a leaching freeloaded like your girlfriend do this to you.

Remember this isn’t really a money issue but a respect issue. There are worse things in this world then being lonely. It’s one thing if you make a lot more money then her, enjoy treating her out occasionally and she is grateful about it vs entitled. However if she unilaterally made a decision to mooch off you then she really has little respect for you. Don’t expect her to have an “epiphany” one day because she won’t. Don’t enable that bullshit.

All of this comes down to the ability to say NO. If don’t say no now it only gets harder to say no later. And I get it the idea of “losing” her is scary. But deep down she doesn’t respect you if she is shamelessly doing this. And there is no substitute for respect.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It won’t stop until you dump her ass , sadly you fell for a high maintenance girl that thinks she should be catered to , if you don’t cater her? She will find someone else that will, I been in your shoes before and sadly it all ended badly , when I no longer could cater to her when I lost my job , she started treating me like I was a loser cuz couldn’t afford her spending habits , so do yourself a favor and kick her to the curb , if she likes to spend money? Her ass needs to be working as well and should be your partner. not a fucking user.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, love and finances, a classic cocktail with the occasional bitter aftertaste. Here's the thing: love isn't about draining wallets, it's about filling hearts! It sounds like it's time for a cozy, open chat. Let her know how you're feeling about the financial flow in the relationship. Approach it with love and understanding, not accusation. It's important for both of you to be on the same love boat when it comes to spending and saving. And remember, the most valuable things you can give each other often don’t cost a cent. Communication is sexy, my friend, so dial up the charm and have that heart-to-heart. 😉

XHopelessRomanticX · Answer

This is my own personal opinion, so feel free to take it with a grain of salt. Flowers are one thing, because they’re sweet and romantic, but that’s something you should give her because you want to not because she asks you to. Otherwise it’s no longer a gift. Buying clothes and jewelry, that’s a wife privilege.
With that, here’s the options I would suggest:

1. You put your foot down and tell her “No.” Tell her you will buy her things when you want, not when she wants. And whatever you give her will be out of the love you have for her, not because she demands it.

2. Decide whether or not this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. If yes, then you should disclose to her your budget and how much this spending is affecting your finances. But again, that is a wife privilege.

3. Break up with her and find someone who is more financially compatible.

AviatorTom · Answer

There are a few things you can do:

1. Dump her and get another girlfriend who is fiscally responsible

2. Put a low limit on your credit cards, which restricts what you can buy her

3. Set a ground rule... only one purchase for her a month, and it must be less than X dollars (you set the limit)

Apple1996 · Answer

Shouldn't have gotten a high maintenance of

OlderAndWiser · Answer

When she asks for something, respond with "That's a good gift idea for next Valentine's Day, Christmas, or her birthday," whichever is the next gift-giving event on the calendar.

coachTanthony · Answer

Don't buy an expensive car if you can't afford to change the oil. Trade it in for a beater.

Avicenna · Answer

Learn to say no when it gets too onerous

Seinna · Answer

Like you solve most relationship problems - communication.

And yes, there should be a limit. It's nice when a guy buys you something sometimes... especially at the beginning of the relationship. Potentially also if you happen to be a millionaire but I don't have personal experience with that.

But, if she's thinking seriously about your future together and she knows that you are not wealthy then she wouldn't be doing it in the first place... unless she's immature or not very intelligent. Or isn't thinking about you long term. Otherwise she'd prefer to save, plan together to where you're both contributing eg for a house etc.

You might need to rethink this relationship, but first give her a chance to change after having an honest conversation with her.

Stanley · Answer

Dealing with financial strain in a relationship requires open communication and setting clear boundaries. Here’s how you can address the situation:

Have an Honest Conversation: Start by expressing your feelings about the financial situation without blaming or criticizing.

Set Clear Financial Boundaries: Discuss what you are comfortable contributing financially and what you aren’t.

Create a Budget Together: If you share expenses, work on a budget that suits both of your financial situations.

Encourage Financial Independence: Encourage her to manage her own finances, which can include setting personal financial goals or following a budget.

Seek financial counseling. If the situation is complex, consider consulting a financial advisor or counselor.

Reevaluate the Relationship: If financial disagreements are a constant issue and compromise seems impossible, it might be necessary to reevaluate the relationship’s long-term viability.

Anonymous · Answer

These days women shouldn’t be asking for NOTHIN’! Like what makes you think I should just go out and buy you a 30k diamond ring? Like WHO are you again? That’s a CAR for your finger!

There’s a huge lack of self-awareness. Real talk, times are tough, let’s work together to make it through, not kickstart our financial downfall because you want to put a ring on your finger everyday. I mean, how stupid? Lots of better things to save your money for.

And it’s like, “it doesn't even mean I don’t want to be with you,” you know? There are just way more important things to worry about than “buy stuff for ME ME MEEEEE!”

Stand your ground man. Talk some sense into her or something. Different times we’re in and it’s clear that women are having a tough time adjusting. I wish it wasn’t so but that’s facts.

Apple36 · Answer

What a fool you men are when it comes to women. Why do you think a woman gets a boyfriend? So she can live in her pleasure zone to benefit from you then when she finds a man who can give her more. She drops you and goes for that person. You are weak and do not know how to stand up to her. You allow her to do this to you. From day one of your relationship, you should set boundaries about the purposes of your relationship. She cannot get your money unless you allow her to. I guess she also took over your home. You just friends, she not your wife. When will you men learn what most of us women are all about? Again, the reason why we get a boyfriend is to benefit from you. You two do not have an actual relationship. The relationship is a one-way street (her). I am sure she also talks trash behind your back. What you need to do is drop her. There is no relationship. She is not your friend. Your relationship is over. She has made a fool of you.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Unless you’ve given her access to your accounts, she isn’t draining you. You’re draining yourself and blaming your own weak will on her. You’ve found yourself a taker. Clearly you’re a giver. Now it’s time to draw a line and see if she’s just there because you don’t know when to say when. Or drain yourself dry and see if she sticks around. Your choice. Ell oh ell!

SixFootSexy · Answer

You could always... break up with her. It's very difficult to change anyone's financial mindset. You can't undo the programming, they have to do that for themselves.

JacobJordan · Answer

You stop buying things man. It isn't hard. If she gets mad then she is showing her true colors. I like buying things for my wife too but my wife also knows that it isn't going to be all the time regardless of the fact I can afford it. Gifts are special because they don't happen all the time.

Meropatrick · Answer

How can U stop it? U r asking us how U can stop something. Keep your wallet closed dont open it when you are with her maybe. Stop putting your hands in your pockets when you are with her might help as well. I think this is the only way to stop. P. s get another girlfriend who is less irrational and respects ur limits because this one doesn't respect u or ur money

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Play this on repeat

Juxtapose · Answer

You have 8 years on me and you can't figure out how to stop someone from using you?

Assert your boundaries and stop caring what they think. Treat yourself like you would treat your most precious loved one and stop disrespecting yourself by putting a gold digger on a pedestal. Have a bit of shame, have a bit of pride.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Why are you complaining if you like doing it? Maybe you need to budget your money better. You will be spending much, much more if you marry her. 😅😆

EmmaMary · Answer

Are you really 43 years of age? If so, for fucks sake start acting it.

abc3643 · Answer

Get rid of her. I am telling you this as a 61-year old man who CANNOT retire because his wife cannot control her spending and considers "Save" to be a "four-letter word" (aka expletive).

katelynbrown123 · Answer

Sounds like she may be a gold digger. I mean does she ever buy you anything in return. in my opinion it should be equal in gift giving but it's not always about the material and you should never try to buy their love.

exitseven · Answer

Just stop buying her stuff. If she dumps you then you know she was only in it for the money

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

It's probably too late for you with the current girlfriend. You should dump her and find a new girl. With the new one, you want to establish right from the very start that you expect her to spend money on you and not the other way around. Drizzle drizzle.

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

There is a word that best fits your issue. It is very seldom used in this social climate but it really needs to be brought back.  it's NO.

sawno · Answer

Yeah, you let it go to far. How do you know she's with you for you if its all about materialism? Those girls dont make it very far with me.

whistlingwh0res · Answer

I learned that love = business. I watch 90 day fiancé and all men lies cheat and all women use men for money. I guess it’s their nature or something. If you are lonely find God and church. Maybe you will meet someone who’s converted and decent.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Is she putting a gun to your head? Just stop it.

dustybiker2 · Answer

You are 43 and haven't learned how to say "no" yet? How were you stable enough to start her venture.

Miristheiss · Answer

Are you a man?  Do you have ANY control over your own life and your own finances? Make the choice to stop SPENDING the money. The word NO is very powerful. Tell her no.

RasmusAiken · Answer

Accept that this is who she is. Then decide whether you're willing to tolerate this for a lifetime. My decision would be to move on.

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

If it were me, I know my answer: I'd have to call the relationship off 📴 and probs change my bank details or other details hahahahahaha 😔😆 no advice

Billlewis · Answer

How can you stop it? I don't know, but you're welcome to introduce her to me anytime you want ❤️

slatyb · Answer

It's up to you to set the limit. Why are you supporting her? Wouldn't it be simpler to just hire someone to do whatever she does for you?

DrPepper12 · Answer

Golddiggers are the worst. Go listen to NWAs "I ain't the one"

Rafrenc · Answer

I see that in men they want to please wife or girlfriend  And just can’t keep up and they trapped themselves in a situation impossible for them to have financial freedom

nawtee_me · Answer

Ask her to buy you those things too or to at least help pay your bills…. See how long she hangs around once you tell her that. She just wants what she can get from you. Ask for it back when she leaves you….

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Break it off give her the silent treatment. Cut her off easy.

katiesmuff · Answer

Let her know that The Bank of Charles is CLOSED

Kaneki05 · Answer

It's pretty simple keep letting her or break up.

on_my_knees · Answer

The same way you control any other expense. With a budget.

Red_Arrow · Answer

Easy. Be a man and stop letting her use you like that.

Nerdvana · Answer

Introduce her to the word no or wait. Tell her the truth. If she truly cares about you, she will understand. "Can't buy me love" - The Beatles.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Tell her you don’t want to buy her everything she asks for

Sevenpointfive · Answer

you have two options. start fucking her boyfriend or his mother

KostasKouvalis · Answer

...

onedarkcloud · Answer

It is simply called paying for pussy. As long as the gifts are expensive you keep getting pussy. When you can no longer buy anything she will say bye bye. WAKE UP!

Guanfei · Answer

Well say no? You're not a slave, stand up and tell her no. And if she's mad about it, that was you money she was loving, not you, and you're better off without her.

darkcloud1945 · Answer

Look up the word golddigger and her picture should be there. Time to tell her goodbye, if you don't it is only going to get worse, and deeper in debt.

Unit1 · Answer

Tell her you're now out of money and act on it. Gold diggers will vanish.

sheikalana · Answer

I think she's not with you for the right reasons.

CriticalCatDad · Answer

Break up with her. Is she really worth the hassle of draining you financially?

CaptainSmartass · Answer

Just give her the old "Its not me, its you" routine. She'll hopefully understand. Simples...

DextroShade · Answer

You start by being a man and not a simp and tell her she doesn't deserve this shit. She barely even deserves Chipotle.

Huntingnfishin · Answer

I would take financially draining over emontionally draining any day!

Friendlybro79 · Answer

You know what to do. Just have a conversation sheesh.

saroj786 · Answer

Its a myth that she is your girlfriend. She's just a sugar baby of yours

Booklover_90 · Answer

She sounds spoiled. Does she know what the word ‘no’ means? My goodness. 😑

Raaj4you · Answer

Dump her, find a girlfriend who is not a gold digger. It looks like she is materialistic and demanding.

In_Trance · Answer

If she was punching you in the face would you know how to stop it or would you be posting online asking how?

Nifrayu · Answer

Why are you even with her? Lol She's obviously just using you as a source of income.

VV3ZZY123 · Answer

Dont be afraid to say "no" but do it with indifference. She may cry or whatever but just ignore it.

My girlfriend is draining me financially. How will I stop it?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

My girlfriend is draining me financially. How will I stop it?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.