At what age should a guy who wants children consider surrogacy if he doesn't find the right woman to marry and start a family with?

[Anonymous]

Now all my life I have wanted children. Naturally I also want a wonderful long lasting marriage that goes without saying since I want children. But, my circumstances doing a career change without anything else to fall back on (long story) has made it to where I won't have financial independence until I am 32 (how old I will be when I finish my new career educational program) possibly 33 or 34. And that combined with other factors means I am still single.

One thing people don't talk about too much is that men have a biological clock too. Sure we could keep having kids much older then women but risks go up and you have to think of how old you will be during the kids formative years or if you could be dead before they hit their stride in adulthood. In fact one of my first investments I want to look into when I hit the ground running after my program is freezing some of my sperm just in case.

But, essentially I ask what age one should consider surrogacy basically paying for a women's egg and paying another woman to carry and deliver my child and then raising that child as a single Dad. Now I always wanted to get married have a loving wife and be a loving husband and father but I worry I might not be able to make that happen in a timely manner. On the flip side I know that by doing this I will torpedo most prospects of finding a wife (unless I am really lucky) because I imagine most women wouldn't want to date a single new Dad.

On top of that the reason I am thinking about this is because I want more then one child I am considering 2 to 3 if I had a wife I would be in the 3 to 4 range but you can see why I want to start gathering information and perspectives in this area. Some might say just adopt now I have nothing against people who do this I think it is a beautiful thing but I don't think it would be for me plus I have read single adoption Dads have the hardest time and lowest prospects in that area. I know it is a lot to take in any thoughts advice thank you!

[petitedollbabee]

Well since you’re already in your 30’s based on your profile age (30-35), I would suggest starting asap. It’s not only your biological clock that goes down, it’s also the fact that you’ve got to be at an age where you’ll get to raise your kids and watch them become adults before you die. And you’ve also got to be physically capable of keeping up with your children.. no use in having kids when you’re in your 40’s-50’s as your body will be struggling to keep up.

[menina]

I can relate to some of the things you said.

I'd say you should start considering this option once you're done with your career change. That way you're still young enough to be a father and you'll be financially stable.

[Curmudgeon]

Well, most would-be dads just go for younger and still fertile women interested in children, as that is less costly and less fraught with difficulty than a Surrogacy Contract. (Although marriage has become more risky and less rewarding for men in general, of course.)

[Billlewis]

I'd think you'd probably want to do it by the time you reach your mid thirties.

[ClaircognizantEmpath]

Hi, well firstly I would print and save your question for many reasons, the first that came to mind was i genuinely believe you, feel you, so for me for a future surrogacy if it was me i would love to read this... i enjoyed reading all you said.. only you can know when... you're not wrong about the man being able to be older... of course typical rich old guy young wife yeah procreate knowing you won't be around for long... and viewing yourself as a single dad you better believe you'll need your energy... as for your prospects from becoming a single father by choice and commitment, women not finding that appealing... are you shitting me write now! lol plus no mother on the scene either causing the odd ruckass... where are you based?

[Asker]

Thank you for taking the time to answer. I have been getting in better shape in preparation my folks did a similar thing and thus, I never noticed growing up they were slightly older then the average parents.

Well there are a few factors. Maybe I have just seen bias answers but a major reason that a guy or girl wouldn't want to get in a relationship or marry a single parent would be in the back of their mind they will always been second to their kids. Like if the single parent dies they might end up leaving most if not all assets to their children instead of significant other/spouse (I would personally want to be more balanced but I can't say how I would deal with that issue when I actually face it).

Another factor is if you get into a relationship with a single parent and things go well and get serious for a few years and one falls in love with the single parent and the role of being the kid's new mother/father but then a breakup happens that can be earth shattering. It has been described as almost like being broken up with twice at the exact same time.

[Asker]

Part 2 response.

Also maybe it is a generational aspect as well. I know that many my age and around my age have been against the idea of marriage or having children. Even from a young age I would hear that but never agreed it was tough and disheartening growing up like that because I always thought that marriage and having a family was such a beautiful thing to cherish.

Thus, it seems those who wanted to get married in my generation have already done so. I am happy when I see so many on social media finally finding their significant other and spouse but also sad and disheartened as well. It is a complex mixture of emotions.

But, as you say maybe it where I am based on the west coast. Many fall in line with that thinking. Then it is sad to see women and men who thought that way being alone and they don't realize that having another person in your life that you care about and care for you is not a weakness but a strength.

My career change will allow me to work and live potentially in any state I choose so I hope that is appealing to potential ladies as well as an aid to help me widen my search but I do worry I am so far behind on those things at times. Sorry if this was too long! But, I hope it provides better insight.

[ClaircognizantEmpath]

i love the longness!!! im the same, get on a flow.. its good.. if i said to you, do you feel that you are evolving quite a bit lately? like your deepest thoughts and emotions, some youve carried for years have shifted, your perspective has shifted. its nothing new but this is new to you and you know it? by putting your soul on the line here you are at a place where you get you? you're really starting to get you? and make baby steps in the direction youve always known and felt.. thats my sense as a self declared lol empath xx

[ClaircognizantEmpath]

LOL to myself taking that iiiinnnnn... its like it should become part of a decent curriculum in schools. I watched a documentary where a secondary/high school teacher came over from Holland.. imagine she was absolutely shocked to find that most didn't even know the names of the parts of their male female make up. the boys idea of sexual interaction was to treat the girls as so in porn. their only input,, entirely down to the fault of adults/society. the girls didn't know they even had their feminine power, down to their acceptance the boys just do what they do!! i honestly struggled to watch the show.. but was fascinated... personally in education they teach everyone the biological and physical act of penetration in the manner of pro creation. there is literally nothing about everything there should be... how females are hugely affected by changing hormones for instance, if we taught boys and girls, the exact facts about the timing, then the change in chemicals, how that causes mental and physical changes, what to do to help without having to ask, like a hot water bottle and a hot chocolate, just bought in by you because you know.. now thats evolves a day from hormone spicy household to a feel loved and seen when you're feeling like crap... getting back so imagine we now expand the idea including the way you expressed yourself.. i see entire relevance for all... but people get pregnant every second... i know children who were dragged up but i damaged my own offspring in my own way! and i live with that guilt but do better.. you question in such an awesome perspective that you made me have a brand new brain explosion and i loved it, i do hope you feel me i genuinely am impressed with your depth... dm me if you know you're ready?

they say here in the uk at least, its never the right time to have a baby!!! you could reason out of it until the cows come home!

[picachixa]

Woahh... People saying starting asap is crazy. 45 ! You still have time to find a woman...

[Staximus]

You don't need a kid, you just want a kid. Stop fucking around, go out and find a good woman if you think having kids is so important.

[SotiCoto]

Would anyone actually want to do that? Seriously? That sounds like straight up insanity.

[antelope51]

How feasible is it to move to Utah?

[RevengeofLadyJ]

Late 20s