My fiance wants kids, but I may be too old to have them. I love him/want to be with him, but I don't want to deny him a child. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 42 year old woman engaged to a 26 year old man. I know there's a big age gap, but most of the problems that come with dating a younger guy don't apply to him. He's very mature, he's a college grad with a high paying job, he's responsible, and he's very comfortable with commitment. In fact, most of the age-gap differences in our relationship have actually been positive ( less baggage, more energetic, more stamina in bed, etc.)

Nonetheless, there is one major potential problem: kids. I know he wants to be a dad. In a way it's not a problem as I would love another child (The only reason I didn't have another is my ex didn't want it). I take very good care of myself physically/have a lot of energy so I don't think I'd have the typical problems associated with being an older mom. However, I am concerned about my ability to get pregnant. The doctor told me I've got a 10%-20% chance of getting pregnant each month and warned me at my age 40%-50% of pregnancies result in miscarriages.

I know there's still a realistic chance I could get pregnant, but there's also a realistic chance I won't. We've talked about this. He's told me that he loves me and will want to stay with me no matter what. However, I'd still know that in a very real sense I denied him the opportunity of fatherhood. How could I deny that to him? It's tearing me up inside because, even though I love him so much, sometimes I think it would be better for him to leave me for a younger woman who has a much greater chance of giving him a child. I've mentioned this to him before. He shut it down immediately and told me we can make this work/shouldn't quit/he wants to be with me. However, if this doesn't work out will he feel deep regret years down the road when he's childless and didn't have to be?
How do I handle my fears of possibly not getting pregnant? If I don't get pregnant should I leave him so he does have the opportunity to be a dad? If not what's the best thing for me to do at that point?

Updates

+1 y

Just to clarify I am off birth control, we are having frequent sex, and I am trying to get pregnant.

[An_Impulse]

well.. 26 and 42 is a bit off dont you think?

and he would ofcourse want a kid.. but your age is not good for child birth.. you might die.. child might be premature.. or unhealthy..

this is why most men wants girls younger then themselves..

its a both ends shitty kind of stick.. you should decide with your fiance, and go to a doctor to find out if its healthy thing to do.. if so, why not do it?

[lanadelrey25]

She didn't ask if their age gap was off or not, so rude

[An_Impulse]

@lanadelrey25 well it is my opinion.. you can be so kind with your opinion.. :) thanks for letting me know what you think anyways.

[An_Impulse]

@lanadelrey25 also she can say if its rude or not, i would apologize to her if needed :) why you bother yourself with such details..

[lanadelrey25]

Because I know firsthand how judgment in this area can feel

[An_Impulse]

@lanadelrey25 that sounds like you problem lady.. i didn't commented on your stuff.. if you can block me or leave me alone :) that won't be your problem anymore.

[lanadelrey25]

well, you were the one being an ass by sticking an opinion on a question that didn't ask for that, ok? So, sorry if I'm standing up for someone and I also have experience with it, plus, I don't block people just bc I'm "offended"

[An_Impulse]

@lanadelrey25 you dont block someone just because you are offended.. yet here you try to make me feel bad about what i think.. or what i said.. how could you seriously became this narcisist..

you get offended.. i didn't wanted to tell you anything. and you felt the need and the urge to type me.. and you did.. and i kindly said 'thanks for letting me know what you think' yet, you are here still nagging my head.. why? what is your motive to have a such drive, why would you just try to opress my thoughts.. i think on my own.. and i said '26 and 42 is a bit off' i didn't judge.. i didn't say 'you shouldn't be together' or anything of sorts..

why would you just keep bothering me, you dont add anything to solution here.. you are just being fachist about this age thing for some reason.. look miss.. you can go and live your life as you like.. i couldnt care about what you do or do not.. i really give out my opinion since the asker spesificly pointed out their age gap, it is obvious she doesn't care.. why are you? why would you?

[lanadelrey25]

Um, if me calling you out for replying to something off subject made you "feel bad", you need to grow a pair hun

[An_Impulse]

@lanadelrey25 why would i get into fight with you while i could simply block your filthy mouth. take care "HUN"

[Adam1978]

Just ditch birth control and let nature decide, if you have plenty of sex and nature doesn't give you a kid it's not your fault. Or adopt and you don't have to deal with birth and the chance of getting a kid with chromosome faults or any of that.

[Zee1234]

My mum was 43 when she had me. So there is a chance you can have children. You can always get a surrogate. Or adopt don't listen to all negative comments

[Changiis07]

If it's meant for you to have kids then God willing you will

[Anon833]

My wife and I have a big age gap too. I married her when I was 19 and she was 57, and she gave birth to our now 10-year-old daughter when she was 58. It’s possible to give birth at your age or older. Give it a shot.

[Geckoman]

You could always adopt or foster children; Orphans need love too!