Boyfriends body count over 40, should I try to trust him?

[Anonymous]

So I have been dating and sleeping with this guy who is the same age as me for three months we are official and I have understood that he has called me his girlfriend and he has explained that he is sexually exclusive with me. I have been very transparent with my sexual past, I have had one serious long-term 15 year relationship before him and therefore only slept with one man until I met him. So today I have learnt that he has slept with around 40 people and cannot be sure if it is exactly 40 or not.

To be fair, I will say that he had told me he was a player in the past but now that he is in a relationship with me he is very serious about me. He says things such as "I've never met anyone like you before" , and when I asked him if he'd ever get bored of me if we do a lot together sexually he says "the way I feel about you is beyond the sex, I like you for who you are, your mind, your morals. You were definitely right in stating your position in friendship on our first date because I feel a connection with you like that. Now don't get me wrong I love having sex with you hut like I have said before I am here for the kind term babe"

He says he wants to marry me, he wants to be there when I have my first child...

I don't have time to do waste I need a man who's down to marry me for real I would like children I saw this man as a husband but now I am not so sure... What do I do, what do you guys think?

[WindAtMyBack]

To be honest, some of the things you quoted sound like lines.

Is the past really in the past? How long ago?

Personally I don't think it matters unless it's recent. It takes a while to know if a habit is really in the past, or if he will run off as soon as another skirt catches his eye.

40 is a lot, but it's not completely over the top for someone over 30 years old. Less than four per year for ten years is not extreme. I don't believe the saying that once a player always a player. But I do think they need to show that it really is in the past. There are some people who just can't resist temptation.

I can only go by what you say, and the feel and tone of it. My gut says to be careful. That's because of those quotes more than anything. I wonder how much practice he's had at saying that.

[Asker]

Yeah he drunk called me once to say he wanted to talk to me and that he's not wanting to give me a big head but he's never met anyone like me and how he is not intrested in the women and it feels weird to be out without me. And then he drunk called me another time to say even though I asked him to tone down how much he says he likes me he doesn't care because he needs me. To understands how he feels about me and one day I'll understand how he feels about me. I also don't think once a player always a player either... I just hope he's done with that life now I am offering him a stable and loyal relationship he knows that because of my track record and how I care for who he is and not anything like his money or his career status... He sends me flowers and plans holidays for me, gosh ill be heartbroken if this is all an act.

[Asker]

I think he part slept with someone 6 months ago... He spends a lot of time talking to me and he works late... I dunno I want to trust him it's just the 40 bodies has my alarm. Bells ringing.

[WindAtMyBack]

Be careful. The more I read the more red flags I get.

Also keep in mind that it doesn't have to be an act. He might actually believe it. He sounds impulsive though.

He slept with someone six months ago. 40 partners in 10 years is 4 per year. Two partners in 6 months is right on schedule. He hasn't shown that the pattern is broken.

I assume you would not be asking this question if you were not interested in him in a serious way. I don't want to be TOO negative if he might be good for you. I just think you should be careful and don't invest too much just yet. If you hold back your emotions for a while and he turns out to be legit, then it's worth the wait. If it doesn't work, then you haven't invested too much emotionally.

[Nice222]

I know it’s different but when I met my wife she had a much higher body count than me. I told her that I wasn’t worried about her past only her future. We have been married almost 25 years now with no problems. People don’t change but they can settle down in a good happy relationship.
I suggest giving him a chance.

[Asker]

I believe people can want to settle down, want to make a long term work. He was an avid music festival and club kind of guy in his 20s I'm sure he had a lot of oppertunities for one night stands. He's already explained to be he was a naughty teenager which to me sounded like he had given up his ways.

[Nice222]

Yeah people definitely do settle down. And at least he is being honest with you.

[Asker]

Yeah I like that he's honest with me

[Nice222]

Thanks for MHO.

[LazerBean]

40 is an astronomically high number. Definitely should have figured that out before sleepy with him. Plus 99% of men who say they want to marry you and have kids with you after only 3 months of dating is full of BS. That's especially true if the man is a hoe, which he is. Huge mistake.

[Asker]

I am so sad he talks to me about a lot I don't know what to do I am due to go on holiday with him...

[Apple1996]

I would not trust any man with a body count over 2 or 3. This guy probably 100% has hpv from having 40 partners. Do not have a child with him

[Asker]

His STD results came up clean... I saw them with my own eyes, it was his ID and dated...

[Apple1996]

Men cannot be tested for hpv

[Asker]

So I need to get tested then... I've given him a blow job without a condom.

[kingmaker21]

If he has 40 body count it's not a big num..
But you're also a private prostitute for 15years on the name of relationship. No?

[Asker]

Private prostitute? What do you mean?

[kingmaker21]

In relationship you're serving him sex privately for 15years now he bored so broke up

So it's called
"Free private prostitute"

[Asker]

Oh no ok quite disrespectful to my dead ex who loved me dearly until the day he died but thanks for sharing your opinion

[kingmaker21]

Oh sorry i didn't know that accept my apology 🙏

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

40 is a lot. It's a sign he can't be satisfied with only one woman so the likelihood of him cheating on you through the course of time is high.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I guess if you don't mind being the 41st 💀

[Asker]

Well would a man like him actually want to even be a husband? Is more the question I am no fool I understand a single man is likely to have a high body count...

[ChicoFromThe305]

The real question is do you think he will be able to keep his loyalty to you, knowing he's pussy hungry, how old is he cause of he was 40 that's a new girl every year, if he's 20 that's equivalent to 2 women every year, I'm sure you get the picture and how unlikely is it that he slept with one woman every year, that's of course in an organized pattern, let's also subtract the youth years (child years), so 1 -12 subtract 12 years from his age and you got a good estimate, 40 bodies in how many years?

[Asker]

So say he began having sex at 15 which is high school means he's 31 now and that means he has 2 to 3 girls each year... I don't know if he will be loyal to be he mentions he's horny so he goes to workout at the gym then sends me photos of him at the gym which I use Google lense on to see if he's just pulled a random photo of the gym off the Internet or not and they are real photos... But from when I won't know... I suppose only time will tell.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yea although I don't recommend investing time in someone you don't trust, its damaging to both of y'all to be in a connection like that, you either learn to trust him or let go, you shouldn't be in between.

[Asker]

So I trust until his actions shows me reason for distrust. Now you could say he didn't tell because I didn't ask but how could I have told him about meeting him after my one and only partner died... Like a month after knowing him Why didn't he come forward to tell me his body count? I told him something quite big and very personal... Why did he make it one sided... He said he wanted to know everything about me... But didn't come forward with this very important piece of information about his past... He did show me his STD results with his full a me and date of birth on it willingly... Not telling me or making space to tell me isn't that a red flag

[ChicoFromThe305]

Hiding things in general, I believe is a red flag cause if you hide something, it's for a reason, putting these pieces together, bodies and STDs, sounds like he's been also having unprotected sex, could be any of the 40, let's not forget that if he hides bodies but not STD results then maybe there's STD results he's hiding as well? Maybe not, maybe it's for legal reasons that he told you, either ways I believe you are really spinning the wheel with this one and the odds aren't even.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Let's also not forget, if you fuck up, the least you can do is own up to it, just be careful and trust until it's broken I guess, which I hope never happens

[Asker]

As in of I fuck up and trust him but actually he's not marriage material I have to own up to it? Yeah his STD results where clean... He explained he had been sexually active so only felt it was fair he showed me but he trusted that I had only had one so I didn't need to show him my results... I dunno he's been the sweetest kindest man out of all the people I'd met for coffee.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Ever heard of wolf in sheep's clothing, I'm sure he sweet talked all 40 of those other women but hopefully he's the one I guess, best of luck anon.

[Asker]

Wow yeah he called me to ask me if I was mad at him once he revealed that it was around 40 women he's slept with... I explained I wasn't mad I just wanted to know who I am in his life before I am introduced to his friends in 4 days time. He went onto to say I am not just a number to him.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Personally I'm a tough nut to crack, im personally not buying that shit, I've met some very manipulative men out there, actions speak louder than words, his actions say you are just a number, reason I'm so highly convinced is cause he wasn't thinking of that wonderful women (you) when he was inside others, personally I've kept myself virgin for a woman I'm not even sure I'll ever get, I've turned down a lot of things, as someone that I've managed to keep such self control, I don't buy his crap, but maybe he learned from his mistakes, all 40 of them, if he even regrets any of it, just be careful and don't be easy, his true colors will show if you play your cards right, if his intentions are only pussy, he will try getting it as soon as possible, you postpone it like you should until you get to know him better, if he cracks before then, then that's only good for you.