Would/could you date someone (male & female) with self harm scars?

[Anonymous]

These are screenshots of scars from Google! Can scars like these be excepted in a relationship? Can a person with scars like this find someone that loves them? I'm having talks with someone that has similar and is adamant they will never find someone that will except them with these.

[andrewstark]

Interesting, self harm scars are generally a red flag. But with some help a person who does this sort of thing can have a deep and meaningful relationship. YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE ANYONE ELSE!

[Asker]

But as they scars and they have healed mentally it's just scars from the past and now except they love themselves but fear the scars won't allow it?

[andrewstark]

Yeah, I agree there. But the scars don't have a mind of their own... You are the one who decides. If you go into anything with the mindset of failure then failure is what you will get. If you are ready to be loved then the lover will reveal themselves.

[Asker]

Yes I fully understand that, tho it really depends on what has actually made the person do this in the first place. Every story and reasons are different and everyone's reaction and way of dealing with it is different. This is just one example of self harm it comes in many hidden ways like over/under eating, hair pulling, drug abuse or even harming someone or something else etc... self harming isn't a choice it's a way out (not the right way) but to them the only way

[andrewstark]

Having been there and done that I know what it's like. That emptiness/thing/itch never goes away... But you can fill it with something constructive. The difficulty is that no one solution works for everyone all the time. Having hobbies helps me... Some people do yoga, others collect stamps some become exercise junkies... All in the mind

[Asker]

Well done you! It's not the easiest to recover from. And your right, it takes time and commitment to give themselves something to do to focus on other than destroying themselves inside and out. I've not been there myself but know many people that have and are battling with there demons, so I see the daily struggles to just get through another day.. but those who like yourself have fought these battles and now stronger and more confident to go back out in to the world with visible scars have to teach themselves that they are and can be loved for who they are not what they look like!

[Asker]

That's the reason for my question today as someone so very close to my heart feels they will never be excepted or loved because of the scars, and this question I asked was to prove to them that some not all can and will except them for them and see past the scars. I'm thankful that more than I expected answered with positive feedback. And I hope this proves to them that someone someday will love them unconditionally! Our minds are way more powerful than we know and is the first step to self help!

[DJay_AUS]

Some scars like these are on the outside, some are on the inside. We all carry baggage, have a past. We all seek to love and be loved. As a sole reason scars would not be a deal breaker.

[Asker]

100% true and very well said!

[sheflips]

No, wouldn't bother wasting my time. I have a lot going on in my life to bother on someone else sick life. I have better things to do like living a no drama peaceful life!

[Asker]

Wasting time to fall for or date someone that has obviously had a troubled past but has over come it tho has scars? So they could have the best personality but it's all down to looks?

[sheflips]

Dont care about the looks. But how do you know for sure that he has overcome his issues? What if he is dependent on prescription meds and have to regularly see a shrink?

[Asker]

Surely if the self harm was still an on going issue then they wouldn't be scars more fresh wounds and if meds help (never prescribed for long in any case) and needed therapy then shouldn't it be seen as they have overcome or managing there problems?

[sheflips]

Im sorry but you have to read your replies. You are blinded, finding excuses and trying to justify yourself. You only live once so better make a better decision.

[Asker]

I do not and never have self harm! Nor am I making excuses for them but there are reasons and everyone's are different for what they do and as I know a few people that struggled and a 1 that over come it and also 1 who couldn't take much more sadly isn't here today. Many people have different struggles and find there own way, unfortunately self harm to them at the time they start is the only way they can deal with it. And tbh it's attitudes like yourself that when someone reaches out for help and gets told to fix up don't actually help and can n has pushed them further in to a hole. Not everyone has had a pretty life but those who have clearly don't see the daily struggles of those who are suffering in silence and pain. Compassion and understanding could really help you to be less judgmental! One day a friend may need you will you notice the signs of help they cry! Unfortunately no I don't think so

[sheflips]

I am sorry. I do not mean to be insensitive.
I grew up in a 3rd world country where depression is not an excuse to perform less in life.
I hope you or your friend will get the support you need.
My opinion was that I wouldn't bother seeing someone who did self mutilation or harming himself because my plate is full.
But I welcome becoming friends with people who have this kind of background.

I wish you all the best and happiness in life!

[SpooksTheDoll]

There perspective of life would have had to completely change. I couldn’t see someone like me ever getting along with someone that doesn’t value themselves.

[Asker]

So of they valued themselves then scars (as that's what they are) wouldn't be an issue not to date them?

[SpooksTheDoll]

The scars themselves aren’t an issue. I’m never stuck on physical features. It’s the fact that they had a mindstate and made the decision to repeatedly cut into there own skin.

[Asker]

Sometimes the world is cruel and it forces people to do this and it's sad they feel it's the only way and sadly there's many out there that do it and everyday someone starts, normally because another person has made them feel this low and worthless

[SpooksTheDoll]

I went to an inner city high school. I know many people with terrible life’s. Children who were sexually assaulted, abused, druggies for parents etc... many wallowed in self depression. However they valued there body and dealt with the pain in other ways. They learned to cope in ways that wouldn’t involve hurting themselves more. The fact that someone would think “I’m grieving, this mental pain hurts too much so I’ll take a blade to my skin,” is ridiculous. To me it shows they don’t know how to properly handle emotions such as extreme sadness, depression etc... If they seek therapy and are now mentally stable, yes I would date them.

[Longlegs1979]

No cause they don’t love themselves and if you don’t love yourself you can’t ask anyone to love you.

[killer7n]

Yes I will try to help them as much as possible I did it for a while to

[Asker]

Did.. so you stopped? Well done 👏🏻 sometimes it takes someone who's knows to except it in many things. Thank you

[killer7n]

I you to hurt myself to divert stress and emotion really I just stopped before going to extreme I used to play contact sport as when I get hit I have a rush of adreline but now due to weightlifting and now not giving a shit I stopped

[ZanyInternetName]

I could date someone with self harm scars under the following conditions:
1) If the scars do not ruin the looks of the person.
2) The scars are not fresh.

[Asker]

No the ones I'm talking about is more like pic 1 not fresh scabs scars

[ZanyInternetName]

Well, in that case the criteria are met, hence I would see no reason to discard the individual due to them.

[Asker]

Loving them for them 🙏

[Halfbloodprince203]

Of course! I personally see nothing wrong with scars.

[complice]

I mean, excessive scarring (3rd pic) is quite a turn-off, but surely people would accept these. It is a tail chase, considering it is a constant reason to worry ('will they do it again?'), but not *unnaceptable.*

[Asker]

Yes 3rd is quite shocking I just choose these to show different kind of self harm scaring.. and with them being scars and the person comfortable with themselves as they grew, wouldn't start again as that was there trouble from the past

[complice]

Being assured that they would not try again, I think I can get over it easily. They're all stories afterall.

[Asker]

Very true and we all have a past and sadly many people have had to struggle to grow to love who they are today.

[TheShyPrep]

It's definitely a red flag, people who have cut are usually relatively unstable people and I don't think it's healthy to be around them. Definitely couldn't date a girl with scars

[Asker]

A red flag of pain they suffered in the past! And not who they are now.. so it's all about looks?

[TheShyPrep]

Those people are broken. I don't fw broken people and emotional people and people with trust issues and shit. They complicate life very fast and everything to them is such a big deal and the end of the world. I only fw upper-middle class, happy, well-off, stoners

[Asker]

These people were broken but healed mentally and physically as they scars.. so it's more on looks than who they are or make you feel?

[TheShyPrep]

It's not just about looks, it's that they look that way for a reason. I've gone through some shit, think I haven't? Never made me fucking cut, why? because I'm not a mental case, I understand that pain is bad, and cutting is bad. No %100 sane person cuts.

[Asker]

Yes pain suffering on obviously a different kind of level you clearly wouldn't understand, self harm is on the rise and if everyone was more aware or understanding then no doubt if those who could see the pain reached out to them other than shut them of and for many if no one reaches out it has gone to a different level and take there own life! These scars could stem from anything from sexual abuse neglect bullies or just the need to feel excepted. So even without knowing why you would still walk on by?

[Buckzor]

Not too sure to be honest. Might depend on the person.

[Asker]

Honest

[Buckzor]

I'm not sure personally. Never been in that situation so I can't say.

[Elementis]

It would be a shock to see them, and it would definitely warn me about their problems, but that's just all the reason to love them more.

[AryaB]

Personally yes... it could be a challenge for me to see if i can calm a dirty and frustrated soul down

[I_have__n0_heart_]

I have some scars from self harm and I still do and I believe you can and for me rn I have someone who also has scars as well but we both have been working on each other with each other which seems to be hopeful

[coffeegod]

Not if they were plentiful. I don't need that drama.

[nickyBBB]

If it's not too much yeah probably

[matt252525]

I think that if you love some one there body shouldn't matter more than like 20 %

[sammy1537]

Why would you want to take on so much baggage?

[Asker]

Would you date a single mum? Same kind of thing tho this is more of a troubled past being scars

[sammy1537]

Are you implying that as single mom has done that to herself?

[Daniel80]

Since there is love you can

[Crankor]

Depends if they were from injections

[CrazyyChick]

yes I would

[churbleburble]

Personally yes x

[Anonymous]

Definitely