boyfriend is completely ignoring me and we live together, what should I do?

We have been dating for over a year and half and we live together, 3 weeks ago i started a job at his work place and everything was fine we were both excited and looking forward to it. After a few days, he started waking up later, i always had to go to work and back home alone. He started staying up late nights and we only spend time on weekends when we do whatever he wants because he never wants to do my stuff. This week, the 4th since i started, everything was fine on Monday, but he got some bad critique of his work on Tuesday, and since then, he has just locked himself in the bedroom. I have resigned to sleeping a different room, because he doesn't want me there. Every day he comes home, he goes in there and closes the door. We don't talk at work and he pretends im not there if i try to talk to him. He doesn't eat, he doesn't talk to me, he replies to my messages with one word and his sentences, when he writes, have a mean tone. He told me there's nothing i could do to help and to leave him alone, which i have, and i only write to him stuff like' have a good day ' and' there's food in the fridge' to which he always replies with 'cool' 'thanks' 'yeah'. He has done this in the past many times, understandable after a bad day, but he always blamed me for not 'helping' him enough in the end, and blaming me for not insisting on it further to make him talk, but now, if i try talking he flat out tells me to go away and shut up. He has never ignored me like this before, he would usually talk to me and tell me that he needs a day or two and he'll be fine.
I'm really losing my patience as this happens prettiest often, like i said, and i think he doesn't know/care/understand how shitty this makes me feel. I tried grabbing him some beer the other day since i thought it might cheer him up/relax him after a long day, he flat out said ' i told you i didn't want it.. I was sure you were gonna do this, nevermind'. I don't bug or nag him, and i fear he will start blaming me again
Updates:
Ps: even his bestfriend has contacted me because he isn't talking and he is also worried. I have stopped blaming myself and just decided to wait, but there will be huge repercussions to this, as i have had enough until now. I love him to death, and i understand and supported him in every way, but i feel i am taken for granted, like he will come in a few days and act like nothing happened and expect me to be happy. He acts like a woman who feels wronged, but im very confused if i triggered this..
Every previous time this has happened was somehow work related, either something stressful or a huge task or deadlines. I always took as such and gave him the extra space during those periods even if sometimes it backfired and i got blamed for various reasons. We don't see each other every moment of every day, we work for 9 hours and we barely see one another at work, and when we get home, we have our downtime separate to blow off steam. We are not clingy or too in each others space

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This honestly sounds like a personality disorder... which there are three classified groups of disorders. I'm not a therapist or psychologist or anything, but it might be worth spending time looking into it. I read a lot about mental illness because it occurs in my family, and almost everyone has a mental disorder of some kind since there are hundreds of them. I've also dated people with different personality disorders. It seems like depression is certainly a part of his situation. Borderline personality disorder comes to mind, which is not what most people think it is. It's a disorder characterized by mood instability such as depression or lashing out, negative self-image distortion, inability to deal to conflict or discourse meaning they can totally idealize someone one moment but when conflict or slight seperation occurs they can switch to extreme irritation and anger. Often they accuse the other person of not caring enough or not doing enough to help them or make them happy.
    ... this can also affect their eating habits and spending habits (excess or bare minimum)
    ... again I'm not a professional, but he kind of rings true of someone with borderline personality disorder, which is very common (2% of the population) and very manageable, but also very detrimental to relationships because the other person essentially is seen as responsible for their happiness... and if they aren't happy, then they will make sure their partners aren't either since they hold them responsible.

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What Guys Said 35

  • sounds like depression

    if you have a relationship with his mom, maybe give her a call and discuss your concerns, especially since he is shutting you out.
    As old school as this sounds, write him a note/letter, sometimes the words themselves can be understood without voice or body language distracting

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  • Tell him straight up that this is not the relationship he led you to expect and before you bail on him he has a chance to explain himself. Just guessing, but I think you'll need couples counseling before this is over.

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  • You done nothing wrong. You've nothing to blame or be blamed for.
    Working with your partner in the same workplace isn't always easy. My girlfriend is my boss, things get fraught at times.
    It sounds like your boyfriend is suffering from depression. A bad dose of the "poor mees" has brought it on. Something has got into his head and he needs professional help to deal with it. The fact his friend is worried confirms this.

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  • If he's forgetting your worth then remind him, see I have not found any mistake of yours, to understand the reason why he's like that, you need to talk and he's not talking so you've to do something to make him talk to you, this can be anything, your absence, jealousy or anything else. Because yes You'll have an got argument in the end but it'll give you solution.

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    • You'll be feeling this is so mean right? Try to understand the logic, every strong lady is made up of some qualities and I hope you know them, you love him I know but you have powers that you don't realise.
      A scorpion is having poison all the time but he doesn't keep trying it on every passing thing. Right? When he's in danger he does and so is you and your relationship. Every boyfriend expects for a partner that can hold him high when he falls down on knees, when he feels low or giving up (his bad time). You're trying but maybe you're not trying the things you should, it all depends on what, how, where and when?

  • i sounds troubles and selfish.. the "all picture, no sound" treatment is horrible and not a grown up way to deal with things. I have to think this behavior is far from new and some how you have , in his mind, took something away from him when you started working at the same place. Quit the job, or break up with him, or do both..

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  • Ask him if he still wants to be in a relationship with you. You can be honest and tell him you are losing your patience (without yelling. Stay calm at all times). He can answer yes he still do (then he needs to pick himself up) or no he doesn't want it anymore. Both are valid answers.

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  • It sounds like has issues with depression, and this bout is further complicated with the fact you two now work together.

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  • OK option 1 : He's upset you work at the same place 2: couples need space seeing each other at home and work is way too much. You both need some room. 3: could he be cheating on you? Unfortunately a possibility. Solutions : Suggest moving out and see what he thinks. That would be your best option. From their you can come to an agreement about spending 3 or so nights at his place so you both have space. Ask him about the work situation. Maybe it'll be best to find another job (either one if you).

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  • Perhaps he fell into a depression after he got the critique of his work. Many people can't handle any critique at all, which is very unhealthy. He might need help getting out of his funk.

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  • One it is definitely not your fault not one bit. but it does seem like he is extremely depressed. He needs help the only issue with that though is he has to be the one to want help, you can't force him.. Do you have a place to go?

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  • Three options
    1 cheating
    2 insecure about his performance at work and is to afraid to admit it.
    3. Is forcing you you to break up with him, because he doesn't want to break up with you and feel like the bad guy or a combination of those

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  • Sounds like man is done with life and just wanna die, There's nothing you can do really, Just leave him and move on

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  • Does he use drugs or use his phone more than usual or come home when he's been out alone and shower straight away? Maybe he has std or something

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  • A lot of reading... shit...
    AI think you should show him you're gonna be done with him if he doesn't stop, and try to talk with him about what he doesn't want to tlk bout

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  • he sounds depressed and like he is having a hard time at work.

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  • Find a time. Have a good heart to heart talk to him

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  • Maybe he has family problems or going through hormones

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  • Drop him too much baggage theirs tons of guys that would treat you better. i think he was doing his thing at work and you crushed his parade

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  • If he is ignoring you first think if you did anything to piss him off and then ask if he is cheating. That will surely get his attention and then talk

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  • I'm sorry I can't read all this now but I think I got the jist, what was the critique do you know, that is the pivotal point here

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What Girls Said 10

  • Why in the world did you apply at his job? that's just rude. the guy needs his own life. its like you're just invading his space. you already live together now he has to see you at home? omg he needs to dump you. this is too much. not cool. he needs his own individuality he can't even have that

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    • I didn't apply without his full support and it was a mutual decision, we work in dif departments and since its a rare opportunity to work in a gaming company, i believe your reply is useless and unfounded unfortunately.. that wasn't the problem

    • Show All
    • My parents work in the same business and party run it yet they are still together and strong. They have been doing this for 20 years. No problems yet

    • They're married. she's not married

  • This is leading into a very unhealthy relationship and environment and with him locking you out of everything, it could continue. He is not caving in to let you in. Give him timer, space but how much longer, if it gets where it goes into August, will you put up with him? If he still persists on keeping you at arm's bay, make your plans next month, something is really up.

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  • To be honest that does not Sound normal to be. Critique at work hurts but not so much that you need to lock yourself in. I think it can be a very low self esteem or depression. He should seek professional help

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  • Keep on trying. It's very rare to find this kind of mind. I mean, with high ego. He kind of act like a woman. But I was once met a guy like this (my friend's boyfriend).

    Yes, he did push you away. But deep down, he wants you to keep trying. He keep saying in his mind, 'Please don't leave me'. But his ego drag him back to say it loud.

    At first I thought he found another love, but since his best friend faces the same thing, then it must be about something else. And you're the only one he wants to stay all along.

    Just keep trying. Forget about the blaming part. Do it while think that he will be back as himself.

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  • Feel like you guys should take a break and you should live with someone else for a little while while you tried to figure things out

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  • Sounds depressed to me.

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  • Have sex for a cause or for a great reason.

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  • Ask him

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  • Is he depressed?

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  • Tell him asap

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