My best guy friend kissed me.

[Anonymous]

My best guy friend and I have a complicated friendship, and it got even more complicated recently. He told me about a month ago that he just wanted to be friends. Yet new year's eve, our group of friends went to a party (yes, we had beverages), and he comes to find me at quarter to midnight, we watched the countdown, and out of nowhere, he kisses me. What is going on here...?

[Anonymous]

I may not have experience dating best friends but I do know what it's like to have a secret crush on one. My closest friend is a female and we've been best friends for almost 5 years now. Even though I made it very clear I only want to have a friendship with her there is a part of me that secretly wants to marry this girl. There was a time when I almost came close to revealing how I felt but I realized that she isn't ready to handle that situation yet. For right now I'm content being a good friend with her and if we never date I think I would be okay with that. Maybe your guy friend is in the same situation I was in earlier only he lost the will to resist? I've never been presented with a golden opportunity like your friend was, either, though.

Also, if I did finally make the plunge and kiss her I would want her honest feelings. Of course it would hurt to find out she doesn't want a relationship but it would hurt even more to find out later she pretended there was something there between us because she pitied me and didn't want to hurt my feelings. I could recover if she just didn't feel the same way and we could still be best friends. However, I wouldn't be able to recover if I found out the one person I trusted above all others lied to my face about how she felt about me. That would definitely ruin the friendship.

[Asker]

I really appreciate your response, it's so honest! The reason why I'm afraid to talk to him is for the risk of making myself vulnerable yet again. I've had the 'how do you feel about me' talk with him several times, every time the outcome being he 'just sees us as friends'. It's not fair for me to go to him, and then probably have him make up some excuse as to why he did it. I'm stuck and really don't know what to do...

[Opinion Owner]

The hardest part for me about having these feelings for my best friend is not even know if they're real or not. She's incredibly gorgeous and I'm sure lust plays a factor in my desire for her. I guarantee he is probably conflicted inside as well. You convince yourself something should be a certain way and then suddenly you develop different feelings but you turn them off because you've already told yourself how you feel about someone. It's hard to embrace change, sometimes.

[Asker]

That's very well said actually. There's definite attraction between him and I, but it's hard to read him otherwise, he confuses me so much. And if he's conflicted, why wouldn't he come to me and say something? Is it because he wants to do what he wants now, then hold on to me for later? He knows I'm very different from the majority of girls. And I agree, change is hard to embrace, but what could possibly be going on in his mind at this point, if anything?

[Opinion Owner]

It's also possible that he just wanted to kiss someone on New Years. It's not very fun to watch everyone else get some lip lock action while you're just sitting there by yourself. I would probably have kissed me friend, too, if we were both chilling at a party and single.

[Asker]

Would you do that though, if you KNEW how your friend felt about you?

[bumfluff]

could just be a new years kiss...?

you did better than me.. my best friend has liked me since april and I always thought it would be too weird.. but we slept together at new years... (there was a build up.. I'm not just a hoe hah).. now we're together but I'm still unsure about it (which he doesn't know)

so I'd figure out what you want and don't just go with what he wants.. I think I made a mistake but I'm still not sure MAKE SURE YOU KNOW BEFORE COMITTING TO A BEST FRIEND!

im scared it'll ruin our friendship if I tell him now...

[Asker]

What I don't understand is that for someone who 'just saw as as friends', he specifically finds me at midnight. Friends don't 'just kiss' friends at midnight on nye...

And we've been friends for quite a few years now, he knows how I feel about him. So why would he do something like that when we got into an argument about a month before new year's about how I felt for him, and him telling me the same thing, that he just sees as as friends. So I don't get it! I'm scared to talk to him about it..

[bumfluff]

to be honest if you're such good friends if shouldn't be this hard to talk about... I mean its a bit of an awkward subject but you kind of need to find out how he feels and tell him how you feel or stiull feel if he hasn't got the message from previous chats

[Asker]

We've talked about more awkward stuff than this, but I feel like no matter how many times I've talked to him or tried to reason with him, he'll KEEP denying it, that is if he does feel anything. I've told him how I've felt enough times, I'm just tired of making myself vulnerable.