I asked him to slow down, he hasn't called.

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a guy for a month who has already told me he loves me and things are really awesome when we are together. He brings me incredible peace and happiness that I've never known.

However, when he has a problem, he shuts me out. I would rather have him talk to me about it. On Monday we got into an argument about it. I asked him why he says he loves me and then shuts me out when somethings wrong? He said he doesn't wanna bring me down. I told him that I can't care when HE wants me and that when I don't hear from him, I worry regardless...

I told him that maybe things were going too fast between us and that maybe we should take things slower. We spend almost every day together, yet he avoids me when somethings wrong? It really hurts me when I don't hear from him..

I haven't talked to him since Monday. I have NO idea why he hasn't texted or called. Guys please, some insight on what he may be thinking?

[Darkfairie17]

Well I think you need to relieve some pressure from this guy. Guys aren't really good at talking about their feelings. Certain guys may, but most are not going to be vocal when a problem happens or something is bugging them. And now on top of that you told him that you think things are going way to fast between you two. Not trying to place blame on you, but he probably sees this as you are displeased with the relationship. I would go see him, and tell him that you care about him and love him, and are here for him if he wants to talk about anything. Its not about bringing you down, its about you knowing about what is bugging him so you can help him through it. You want to be there to support him. But let him know that it is his choice if he wants to or not, and that you are perfectly okay if he isn't comfortable talking about something.

Some guys get upset when they talk about something that is bugging them. It brings up their emotions about the situation. So maybe that is why he doesn't want to share. Just try to be supportive. I know it's hard because you want to help him out. I hear you, I have been there. But I have learned that you can't fix everything and some guys are just not able to come to you to talk. So all you can do is leave that door open and hope that he comes to you :)

[adrian7020]

Hmmm I'm the exact same way. When I have something wrong I don't tell anyone but myself. My ex (hopefully soon to be girlfriend again, fingers crossed) would always get mad at me because she tells me what's on her mind but when somethings wrong with me I keep it to myself. That's just the way I am though because I was really shy and it just takes me some getting use to sharing my thoughts and feelings with someone else. But I don't know maybe he is just hurt because he really does love you and only for you to tell him that you guys may be moving to fast. Maybe he took it as you realized you don't care for him as much as he does so you wanna take it slow and in his mind he really cares for you alot?

[Asker]

Thanks so much for trying to help with this. I am scared, I won't lie. I do care for him a lot and when I got so upset that I didn't hear from him, it made me think that he can go a day without talkin to me and I can't go a day without talking to him. I thought to protect myself, maybe I should suggest we slow down a bit. He has been all over me with the I love yous and I think he should be able to talk about a problem. Ya know what I mean? I wish you the best of luck with your girlfriend. I am really sad

[adrian7020]

Yea I know what you mean. My ex in my opinion was moving to fast for me but I actually never told her because I knew if I did it would probably mess what had going on so I never told her. we were doing great till I messed things up. maybe he's doing the same thing and waiting for you to text to see if you even do care? have him try texting you his problems before he actually tells you over the phone or whatever. Help him ease his way into sharing his problems with you

[Asker]

So I guess maybe I did mess things up. I've been thinking of texting him but I don't know what to say..I have no idea. A lot of my gfs think its not right that he said he'd call me Sunday night and didn't. They told me to stick to my guns, but I have a guilty feeling. How did you mess up? By shutting her out? I do love this guy, I just think that you and I have probably been a little more logical about the concept that love takes time. I want someone to tell me evrything else before they say I love you.

[adrian7020]

Well I was an idiot and thought she was talking to her ex so I told her we should break up. I wasn't mad just hurt but I was wrong, very wrong. I'm just question everything and anything because I don't want to be hurt in the end. So as soon as I see something may be wrong I panic :/ but I would shut her out. I started changing my ways though because I realized that she trusted me enough to tell me what's going on with her and I wasnt. hmmm maybe you should send him one text or call to clear things up...

[adrian7020]

...and if he still doesn't text or call you then at least you know you did your part to try to make things right and it was him who didn't try. But yea if he said he would contact you on a certain day then I don't know if he really cared he would have did it by now. but then again guys are weird. was he mad at that time he told you he'd contact you? maybe he's testing you to see if you would contact him when he didn't call you that night just to see if you cared...life is full of what ifs...

[Asker]

Trust is very important, if she tells you everything I highly doubt she would cheat on you or even talk to her ex behind your back. I think its a HUGE part of my problem with people rushing things. They fall in love with you very quickly and you worry about how sincere they are..Could they fall in love with someone else that quickly? Could they leave you just as quicky? This whole situation with him scares me, it scares me how much I cared so soon. Maybe I am pushing to see if he's sincere.?

[Asker]

Im so used to him being there and I love every moment that we spend together, that I take it hard when I don't hear from him. Yes, he said he'd call, he didn't even so much as send me a text. That part I believe I am right about, which has kept me from texting him. Don't say your gonna do something and then dont. But, to take it a step furthur, I dint understand him just avoiding me completly now, It is killing me because now I'm thinking, maybe he doesn't really love me, maybe its over.

[adrian7020]

Like in less than one month she told me she loved me. And I was like "huh"...cuz "love" isn't a word to be thrown around. I asked her if she falls for guys quickly normally. She said no. So I guess she really did fall for me that quickly. Its just hard to believe I guess that someone could love me and so quickly. and do you think he's sincere? has he given any indication in any way shape or form that he's just in it for sexual reasons or just for a short run?

[adrian7020]

well stop all this guessing and just asking him. well that's if he's opening up. Send him a text. you are right. you should be upset because he didn't text you. Text him and see if he replies or what he says. If he doesn't reply then well I guess it wsnt meant to be I'm sorry to say. Its good you should take it slow though with guys, Because if he really cares he wouldn't mind at all

[Asker]

The day after the first time we had sex he didn't call me till 2 days later. He said he lost his phone. This is not the 1st time he said he'd call and didn't. Its happened 3 times now. He said he wanted me to meet his family, I havent. We spend most of out time in my apartment hanging out. I just feel like there should be so much more to us than this. But he does nice things like make me dinner, he's very sweet and sincere with the things that he says. I really think he means it.

[adrian7020]

Do you know why he didn't call you till 2 days later after you all had sex? did he ever answer you that? But if he wants you to meet his family that is a good sign I think. Just text or call him and see what happens and see his excuse. your never gonna know if you don't try

[Asker]

Thanks so much, your so nice. I really hope everything works out for you. I hope that you work things out as well. It sounds like she really cares for you. Just don't ever do what you did again. I think love and trust are both come in time and in the meantime, you have to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I would never accuse someone of cheating on me unless I caught the bird in the bush. Best of luck to you, thank you for helping me out,

[Asker]

Came to see me at work tonight and I am seeing him tonight. Thanks for being so helpful!

[adrian7020]

No problem I hope all goes well with you two. I'm gonna see my ex tonight as well. She wants me to come pick up my birthday cake she bought me before I broke up with her :/ I'm gonna bring her roses. She says she doesn't know if she wants to get back with me or not but who knows.

[Anonymous]

out of curiosity is there an age diffrence between you to? did he just get out of a relationship? there's so many things it could be.

I have a friend that is the same way as your Boyfriend and there could be so much going on with him, not the relationship, he could just be overwhelmed by the whole thing. if you told him how you feel I don't think there's anything left for you to do but wait for him to decide what he's going to do.

[Asker]

Thank you, as a matter of fact I texted him tonight. I told him that he is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time and I am a little afraid of that. I told him I was sorry if I was harsh on him and that I would really like to talk. He didn't just get out of a relationship and yes he is 36 and I am 41. There is an age difference although its not huge. This man sings me songs with his guitar & seranades me, he's always rubbing my back, kissing my eyes, he ispretty sweet. Hope he calls

[Asker]

He came to see me at work today and I'm seeing him tonight..Cant wait, and thanks for the help!

[Myth024]

Classic mistake. Guys like to fix things. When a problem comes up, men don't think about it in terms of how it makes them feel, they look at it as a problem and they need to be alone to think about it. Guys are trying to come up with a solution and they have to feel they are "man" enough to solve it without any help. If they discover that they don't have a solution, it's more likely they will en-list other guys to figure out how it can be fixed. This is just the way guys naturally are. It also explains why a guy tries to fix your issues when all you wanted from him is to know he was listening to you talking about your day. You might just need to tell him that you have faith that he can handle whatever is wrong on his own and you know he will ask you for help if he needs it. Then tell him that you only want to know what is bothering him so you can feel more a part of his life and you had no intention of getting involved with the problem unless he asks you for help.

[AlanPA]

I agree with you about getting shut out when something is wrong. You have to really think if this guy is the right one for you.

If you do think he is...then you need to keep talking to him...and maybe he will come around and start letting you in more and more.

By telling him you two need to slow down...you kind of take the relationship a step back. Not only that...but I think it's hard to step back in a relationship and then expect things to get better. Slowing down is usually one step away from breaking up. If someone told me that they wanted to slow things down...I'd take ten steps back too because I'd feel that they were having second thoughts or I was crowding them.

[Jager66]

he probably thinks you broke up with him.

guys need time alone when they have a problem to sort things out, if we feel safe with you and feel we need to bring something up we will talk to you about it hen were ready. it takes some growing to get to a place where we will talk about our problems because it doesn't always come naturally to all men, were told since child hood to be a man and deal with your sh*t cause no one else wants to. so when we find our selfs with a wonderful woman who wants to hear about our problems its hard to believe that might actually be true and even if it is we still like time to our selfs to sort it out in our heads first. not everything needs to be a big emotional talk it out session either.

i know I rambled on a bit.. sry

[Phoma21]

If he won't talk to you because you asked him to respect what you want then he's not worth your time.

[Anonymous]

seems like he got your message and slowed down big time, good job gurl!

[Anonymous]

Haha I have the same problem with my ex, trust me, don't worry too much about it he just needs his space! Give him some. After that when he calms down or his problems are solved he ll come back and talk to you about it. Nothing to worry about.

[Asker]

Thank you so very much. It helps to know I am not the only person in this boat...lol..Everythings OK, we talked and worked it all out. He has been at my house day and night ever since. You are very right on your answer! Thanks!

[Opinion Owner]

does he happen to be a scorpion? lol. And you're absolutely welcome :). Glad I could help.

[Asker]

I believe he's a pisces, March 1st is his birthday..he has totally opened up to me about everything he thinks and feels. He has told me that he is glad that I am there for him and that he wants to be the man of my dreams. He also just told me today that he would like to call me wife someday and he would like to live together and be together forever. So much for slowing down, but the reason I wanted to slow down because he was holding things in. I am so incredibly happy right now I could cry!

[diaz93]

call him and tell him exactly how you feel

[Asker]

I did tell him how I feel and now he hasn't contacted me.

[diaz93]

well I say that you should tell him what you want that you still want him there in the picture and that he probably misunderstood what you really meant.

i learned that wih boys you have to be careful how to speak about your feeling because the start amusing things

[Asker]

Thanks I texted him tonight and told him that I miss him, he's an awesome person that I still want him in my life and that we need to talk. I feel I have done all I can do. Now I just have to hope and pray he calls me. Yes I think you're right, men take a lot of what we say the wrong way.

[Asker]

Update: came to see me at work today and when he asked me what I'm doing later, I said seeing you! He's coming over after work..cant wait!

[diaz93]

awww well good(: so that means everything is going good right? like you guys are together.?

yea with a guy you have to explain EVERY SINGLE DETAIL if not they easily misunderstand it

[Jager66]

haha I like you're comment: yea with a guy you have to explain EVERY SINGLE DETAIL if not they easily misunderstand it so true!

its the opposite with women, you have to give vague positive sounding descriptions or they get upset.