Is it bad to date someone who is below your standards?

[Anonymous]

Is it bad to date someone who is below your standards?

[EmbraceThePain]

Well, standards shouldn’t be set in stone or fixed in place. We may meet someone that isn’t conforming to our personal standards, but that doesn’t mean this is a bad thing at all. Our standards should change as we learn new things about ourselves and our lives. As we live our life and experience new things, our standards are apt to change. In one instance, we may meet someone who is below our standards, and then two years go by and that same person is now above our standards.

[humanearth]

Yes they will bring you down to their standards and drain your life blood from you and your will to live.

[Asker]

Only ask cause I am dating a girl who is 5 years older than I am.
I am a law student and she is still in community college
She has a really messy past that still are around her. Her whole family is illegal and she is a bit controlling.

I really like her but I don't know what to do

[humanearth]

Go for it if you think you can handle the headache that will come with her. Because you know it won't be just her. You also get her family and friends.

I did the same thing Long ago and I wished I would have listened to them. I was warned just as you are being warned right now.

So think hard before you jump into her life. It won't be a smooth ride.

[Asker]

Could you explain further please?
I am trying to not brag but I’m in a top law school and my father has a big firm in Chicago I’ll be a lawyer in after graduating.
Just feel like she knows that and maybe will share the money I make with all her family I don't know

[humanearth]

Well in my case I even married her. After 5 years of marriage. I was out of town for work, and she packed up and left me.

I thought things were going good. Well when I got home I found her gone, bank accounts closed and retirement savings cashed out. She took off to other side of the country. Then moved out of the country and few months later.

Since she was on all the accounts she took 135,976 dollars of savings and did a quick sale on the house.

She caused me a lot of hell and fucked my life over.

[humanearth]

And no I didn't cheat on her as many think.

[Asker]

Nooo!!
Was she like this girl? Lower than you?

[humanearth]

Yeah, she was a gang banger and I thought I could save her from the streets. I got her to go back to school, get a job in her trade she wanted to do.

Me I was a radio communication engineer.

So yeah she was lower.

[dja1938]

Oh boy
No offense but this sounds like my future...

[humanearth]

@dja1938 in a worse case version it could be. I'm just saying. If you get into a relationship with her. Have your eyes open and always be ready for red flags. I not saying the same will happen to you. But at least be ready for the worse and have a backup plan for just in case.

[jennifer_bloom]

My friend said her ex-boyfriend didn't want to date her when she first pursued him cause he thought he could do better. She had to work hard to convince him to give her a chance. After dating just three months he wanted to marry her and she had to dump him for being too obsessed with her and he had ten girlfriends before dating her so its not like he was new to dating.

[Lightning8]

Dating works different for girls in that way. Hypergamy is a mating fuction of females in any animal species

[Lightning8]

Also I'm confused and a little troubled as to the reason she dumped him

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

@Lightning8 Hypergamy in women is not real. They can stay with just one man and be happy with it.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

That guy wasn't much of a man was he. First doesn't want a girl just because she chased him and then doesn't accept the end of the relationship with dignity.

[Lightning8]

From my understanding, and maybe I misunderstand the concept of hypergamy, but what you said sounds like this; it is fallacy that men are attracted to women, because some men are gay. The problem there as you see is that one does not negate the other.

And I was using hypergamy in a different context. I was pointing out not just a desire to, but the ability, the biological authority if you will, to date up. Also love on a chemical level at least, is obsession. But from the details of the oc, I didn't see quite how ungracefully he behaved, just that he was obsessed, or in love, to use a synonym. But we can go with the connotation of the word obsessed, I don't know the full story. I guess we could assume he proposed though. What I will say is that I hope he wasn't threatning, dangerous, maliciously stalking, or menacing in any kind of way. But I also hope she didn't dehumanize or objectify him, or otherwise be insensitive.

[Lightning8]

To pass any judgement I have for the guy though, his dating ethics were certainly awul before, and likely while dating the friend

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

@Lightning8 I said nothing about men being gay. You misunderstood me. I said they as in women. So women can be with just one man and be happy. So monogamy.

[Lightning8]

I should have made it clear that I was just using a metaphor

[Lightning8]

Although it could have been a better one

[Screenwriter]

If you start off feeling someone is below your standards, why are you dating that person? To feel superior? You cannot improve another person. That is completely up to them. You accept someone as they are and enjoy them for the qualities you value, or don't date them.

[Asker]

Over time she has become worse

[Screenwriter]

It sounds like you are weighing your options. Go with your feelings.

[Logorithim]

Depends on the situation and what your standards are.

[SlowRoast]

If you're into that then yeah. But in the end, it's so sad, you sit there wishing your partner had the qualities of your ideal soulmate, which isn't fair to them after being in a relationship for so long. Growing & learning together is the goal, babying someone is not attractive.

[GraveDoll]

Look-wise

or

Being a responsible capable adult who works, save money, and really good at finances and etc.

I can forgive someone looks but never on broke. I can already support myself. what the point in dating someone who doesn't have their own as well. Seems like a poor investment.

[MusicMayhem]

Terrible idea. You'll not feel you need to try and lose interest. And she'll feel insecure all the time that she's not good enough and as a result try harder to win you over which will just get annoying. Her friends will see you are above her and try hinting about you guys becoming exclusive way too soon for your liking which will ultimately scare you away.

[sexphobe]

Yes bc you will look back and regret it thinking ‘why was i so desperate to go along with this ugly fuck?’
I mean unless you actually like them and you're just surprised cos theyre not the type you would usually go for

[sapphire31]

I’d personally date someone below my standard just so it doesn’t hurt much when we break up, especially if I’m just casually dating and not looking for a real long term relationship

[ArrowheadSW]

If someone's standards are set too high then maybe there is "room to lower" them. Other than that, I don't see a need to date below one's standards.

[redsocks]

Not if you like each other and genuinely do try to improve the other! A relationship should be about growing with each other, ykno

[A-man-22]

The base standards that everyone should have.
Example (not abusive, manipulative ect)
Yes self respect is important.

Preferance standards. Example (height, weight, race, personality)
Not really, dating "out of the box" is good occasionally.

[CallyKat89]

Back off dude. Run away from her. That's a recipe for disaster.

[Secret6620]

Yes and no. Depends on how reasonable the standards were

[AlexanderBrunnrgaard]

Well obviously. Because then they're just that, below your standards, below what you want and need in a partner. Which means you'll be unhappy.

[truthbeknown]

Not if you need filler or to rebuild your confidence.

[Gedaria]

No ,, you can have just as much she is a female she enjoys things, it's gun to get to know what...

[up_64]

Yes. Because a relationship were you aren't happy isn't going to last

[crazy8000]

That kind of belief is inside of insecure people's heads nothing more.

[Anonymous]

I would say that depends on what your standards are. You might actually be the lucky one in the situation and not realize it. Lol

[Anonymous]

Eventually you will get tired of not being with who you really want as your ideal

[MrChurch]

Fuck Standards, date whoever you want.

[Dav1ss]

Yes your basically playing them