WHY oh why do guys respond to intentional no contact?

[Anonymous]

I'm sure you've all heard of the "no contact rule."

I was dating this kid Alex and we only went out twice on the weekend, no biggie. So he would text me every single day throughout the week and not even mention hanging out again. So I just stopped replying to his texts, for like 4 days now. And now he all of a sudden sends me a picture message of himself (not pervy) and adds a :) as the caption.

Wtf? Why do guys always, 100% of the time respond to no contact? Especially when it's intentional. It's me saying buzz off loser.

Updates

+1 y

Okay, wow I was deaddd wrong and you were all right. Alex asked me how my week was and I asked him about his and he said his was terrible so I jokingly said, daww did you miss me so much it hurt? And then he said well, were you busy all week or something?

[YouKnowThatGuy]

I'll usually give it a week. Sometimes things happen and people get busy. Plus I often mass text. I'll be at work and have nothing to do, I'll text everyone on my phone list a generic message to try and pass time. If after 3-4 days I don't hear from somebody, I might send something like "hey, everything alright?" especially if it's a change in behavior from before. If I still get nothing back after a couple days, I'll probably be a little confused. After all I don't understand the no contact rule unless you are REALLLLLYYYY attached to somebody. If you are heartbroken and just can't move on, no contact makes sense.

But if it's some person I only known for a little while, maybe dated some, I would just tell them straight out. After all, what does it matter what they think?

You only went out twice on the weekend, no biggie, right? So what are you doing with the "no contact rule"? The no contact rule is for YOU, when YOU can't get over a guy but realize it needs to be done. It's not to reject some guy you've dated a couple times. That's just rude.

Tell him you aren't interested anymore, and he should not bother, if that's how you feel.

[Marciano]

Is that why girls ignore? I deleted some girls for that sh*t..lol..and they called me rude..how am I suppose to know? I thought they didn't want to be friends, honestly.

Listen prity girl, we guys are direct, we don't know about all this prearranged sh**y rules that you girls create between yourselves...let guys know your busy/not interested (or about all these rules)...it was not a biggie for you but it was for that poor guy, that why he keeps coming forward...you have to tell him in "words"...not indirect communication...if you don;t like him then tell him, he will go to another girl. (guys communicated directly not indirectly)

I think all them indirect rules are stupid, cos it causes a lot of misunderstandings.

Can you list all the rules please, thanks.

[Asker]

LOL, it's not so much a "rule" as it just happens. I don't text guys first a lot of the time so I let the conversation die. I'm not a huge fan of texting as a means of communication.

[Marciano]

:P, I don't even like textin myself...i normally chat online or talk...so why do girls take so long/ignore to answer online? is that another indirect way of sayin I'm busy?

[Asker]

Dunno. Could be any number of reasons. Being actually busy, sleeping, or just building the suspense.

[Marciano]

If you are busy then you say so, don't just ignore...if you wanna sleep then logg off otherwise bulding a suspense for what? you get me?...Nyways ignoring is not nice, cos I personally get rude.

[Asker]

If you're sleeping, you can't exactly text back... I'm talking about texting. And I just don't feel like replying to stupid ass messages so I don't. Blowing someone off by texting is hardly rude. I do that to friends even.

[Marciano]

ok that's textin...do you blow people off while your online too?...say in a middle of a conversation..cos I deleted some people for doin that, cos I found it rude.

[Asker]

No, THAT is just rude.

[Marciano]

what does that mean...im the rude one for deleting or they are being rude for takin the piss?



i just got a de ja vu...

[Asker]

No, they're in the wrong for leaving right in the middle of a conversation.

[Marciano]

thanks professor :)...gv me a quick yes or no, b4 I go...do you think its rude to delete someone if they keep tryin to avoid you?

[Asker]

No.

[MrNameless]

I agree. In all seriousness.. Maybe the problem with today's society is lack of communication..

Be more direct girls! If you want someone out of your life, tell them. You can't expect men to read your minds. >_>

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

@Nameless, if you've ever seen my posts, a great deal of them are about communication -_- true communication. I've been trying to tell any and everyone "TALK, DAMN IT!" lol.

[GuyAdviceFromGuy]

He's just trying to get to know you and space out the amount of times he wants to hang out with you, especially since he is just getting to know you, he doesn't want to go for Date 3 right away and lose all the mystery. All guys will go out with you once, and then for a couple days after that just shoot the sh*t with you on the phone, its wrong for you to think they are losers because of that.

I do however, think the picture of him with a smile was complete douche baggy, and just for that this guy should lose a few brownie points.

Also agree with Marciano, girls play way more mind games than guys and if a guy seems like a head trip to figure out, its probably his reaction to something you did or said based off your indirect perception of what's going on. For instance, if I was in Alex's shoes, I wouldn't know why you are not responding back but I'd probably stop texting you and move on, then you'd be like, why the f*** he stop texting? But the real issue would be the fact that you never contacted because you didn't like the fact that I didn't ask you out again, so women need to stop with the indirect sh*t and just be like "hey, so when we down to hang out again?" you know then he would have been like, oh snap, this saturday,

ya dig?

[themastaplan]

because you're STILL leading him on...not ALL guys are like this - some have lived long enough to understand what happens whena girl doesn't respond, some unfortunatly dont...

you haven't given him ANY reason to NOT text you...ok you don't respond, so what? that doesn't mean he has no idea you don't want him to do this...what I don't understand is HOW you girls think that by just ignoring you think the guys going to just stop - don't get me wrong I would get the point and I've been through this to understand to just cut contact if the girl ever just stops for no reason...but you cannot ASSUMEEEEEEEE I repeat you cannot ASSUME he's going to think that just because you aren't responding doesn't meant he can't text you...you gave him your number and he is free to text you - even if you aren't responding...

but please also understand I get where you are coming from - I don't understand sometimes too - its like um hello she isn't responding or initiating contact so just stop...but some guys just don't get it - why? I have no idea - but when they don't you need to be forward with him and tell him straight up...

[Anonymous]

"His mindset is being clingy/needy/desiring.

So there is a not thinking about you mentality and simply him.

The greatest worth is self-mastery.

Tough luck darling."

This was downarrowed in my earlier answer...so I'm going to explain. Sorry I couldn't use a comment box, but this might end up lengthy.

"Actions speak louder then words"

They have only gone out twice, but he has texted her every day through the week.

WHY would someone do something like that? Its not like they are in a relationship already.

Yet he desires or needs her attention for his own agenda.

Hence, he is thinking about himself and not about that she has her own life.

Personally, I don't date. I simply go to places that interest me and invite the female along. If she doesn't come, no big deal, because I'm already going to a place that I'll enjoy anyway. Now after the date, if I enjoyed it, of course I'm going to tell her.

"Hey I've been on bad dates before and this definitely wasn't one of them, lets do this again sometime."

Something along those lines. But hey I'm busy. I'm not going to make plans right then and there. So I'm going to text her say two days later.

"Hey funny looking. What's going on? Lets head out to the cabaret this Sunday :)"

Now, I'm not going to bug her if she does not text me back.

If she had a good time from before, she will come with me.If she is busy, then she will let me know. I will in no way send her another text. She is a big girl, if she forgets to text me then she must be busy with her own life. That is fine. There was not enough of a connection during the date for her to make her interested in responding. Good for me to know, and so therefore I move on.

This is my own mindset. I know that. But it seems to make pretty good darn sense to me.

Hmm...did I miss anything? Any questions?

[MrNameless]

Well, everyone is different.

Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable being the one who initiates all or the majority of the dates. I don't see how that could be fair with anybody.

Tell me, why is it that in today's society, if a guy who talks to a girl straight for a week after going 2 dates, without mentioning another date, sounds like a selfish douche, yet if a girl never mentions a date in the same situation, she isn't considered selfish? Doesn't sound fair to me. BOTH need to communicate!

[Opinion Owner]

Because guys are suppose to be men. Not boys. Society has changed greatly in the ways that males are raised. No longer do we have rites of initiation that changes boys into men. Nothing to teach us how to be passionate and give us that drive to push more and more. I know that my mindset is different so it may be hard to understand. Society has taught us to bend to women, be nice, don't control, don't dominate, give gifts, etc etc. However, to do that is to deny a certain part of being a "man".

[Opinion Owner]

You must find your own definition of being a man. However a man is someone that stands on his own two feet, knows what he wants, and goes after it. That boy who didn't ask her out again is not yet a man. He has not matured there yet. He is thinking about her rather then himself. He loses his existence, his inner self to her already. Already putting the burden of happiness onto her rather that holding it with himself. Why worry about what the girl is doing so much?

[Opinion Owner]

I would rather much much take care of myself then to let some girl influence how I feel and act. My happiness comes from my goals and passion. My love comes from being beside her, having a strong emotional connection. There is a difference for me between happiness and love.

In this society, females are given many roles after they are "taken". They have to become the sexy goddess, their mother, best friend, business partner, confidant, to be their community, and to be their church.

[Opinion Owner]

Can I really burden someone like that?

Someone that I care for?

So I matured myself.

That is my truth.

[DeadBeef]

girls have all these weird rules and subtleties that they operate by and guys do NOT get it. We like it when you are straightforward with important things. Not only does dropping hints not work, some guys actively ignore that behavior because they feel like it is disrespectful. They feel like if you can't say something to their face(and in a respectful manner, ie: no namecalling or being facetious) then it isn't worth saying.

So, to reiterate: be direct, in regards to important or serious things. Hints, subtle messages, and unspoken rules are not taken seriously by guys and often sends them the message that you are playing a game rather than sending a clear message.

[Yeahhbro]

What do you mean 100% of all the time?. I think that is a huge misconception, that to me doesn't work. Usually when a girl does must of the time I think "Ohhhh this girl is playing games AGAIN like they always do, damn it I really hate that, she is probably really insecure and wants to manipulate me, that's too bad cause I really liked her...".

In your case though it is obvious that he still contacts you, you had a nice convo all the time, you would go out and what not and suddenly you stop talking to him? Off course he will keep contact you, you can't expect him to read your mind and get the "hint" that you don't like him anymore.

[Thiezz]

I've never heard of the "no contact rule".

If you want him to stop texting you, why can't you just tell him? If, in your experience, guys don't get the hint 100% of the time, then maybe the hint isn't as obvious as you think it is.

[Asker]

It's basically if you ignore someone, they pursue you...

[myspacemybroke]

Holy crap you mean he didn't send you a thank you card for you allowing him into your presence? Good thing you're rid of THAT asshole...

[Brando]

I lol'd

[Asker]

I realize I look like an idiot and a bitch, but it's really not intentional. I don't know how I got this way. -_-

[myspacemybroke]

Eh popularity, looks.

[Brando]

Because you are being too subtle. From his perspective, it could be anything- you're busy, you don't feel like talking, you don't want to be with him anymore. He doesn't know so his response is to keep trying until he knows otherwise. Stop being subtle and be upfront with him. If you don't want to be dating him anymore, then say so.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what the "no contact rule" is, but if someone ignores me, I'm going to get curious, then frustrated, then furious. Ignoring me is the worst move someone can possibly make with me, and I will not stop until they give me a reason for doing so. If it's acceptable, we'll be fine. If it's not, I'll break off all contact with that person for the rest of my life.

In other words, I find it extremely rude when people ignore me. Just tell me if you don't want to talk.

[MrNameless]

You're going to blow him, just because he didn't reply to your text for 4 days? WOW...

[MrNameless]

*Edit

You're going to blow him, just because he didn't mention hanging out again, for one week? Wow, shows what kind of person you are. >_>

Have you ever thought that he was busy that week.. Or maybe.. He was waiting for you to initiate for once?

[MrNameless]

Looks like everyone who responded, didn't understand the real problem here.

Really.. Is it fair to expect the guy to do all the initiating for making the dates? That's just unfair. And so what if he didn't mention hanging out for a week? Again, he could be busy, or probably just wants to take things slow. I think you're just being too impatient and immature. What you just did was rude. If you wanted to go for a date this week, why didn't you suggest hanging out then, instead of waiting then?

[MrNameless]

If you can't communicate with him about things like this, then you two shouldn't really date after all.

[Asker]

You don't know the backstory. And it's been more like a week.

[MrNameless]

Well, you didn't give me the backstory. I might not know him like you do, but I'm only responding to the info you posted.

The only problem I see here, is expecting him to read your mind, having your standards, and expecting him to make. all the moves, But it doesn't work like that. It seems to me that you're just as equally to blame as him for not clearly communicating with him about following up with a 3rd date. Dating isn't a one way street. Both people have to put in equal work.

[MrNameless]

Tell me.. What's wrong with a girl asking a guy to hang out? I see nothing wrong with it.

Why bother waiting for the other person to ask you out on a 3rd date, when you can just take one for the team and get it over with, and ask yourself about hanging out again? Speak up! Forget playing the numbers game and trying to 1up the person. Relationships IMO shouldn't be about that. Its about mutual understanding, respect, and communication. No clear communication = no long lasting relationship.

[martyfellow]

They don't want to buzz off; they hope to reinitiate. Can you blame them? And they know that women often use no contact as a way to spur guys' interests, playing hard to get...it doesn't usually mean buzz off, actually, does it?

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Cause we're stupid and don't get subtle things like that :\

Just delete his number after telling him you're not interested and he should move on. After that keep the no contact up.

[SemperFidelis]

For me if I don't hear back from a girl within three days that's code for she's uninterested..at the same time I hate when girls cling to me.

[Rated_R]

I like to have the last word and usually I'm going to be a asshole about it.

[Anonymous]

His mindset is being clingy/needy/desiring.

So there is a not thinking about you mentality and simply him.

The greatest worth is self-mastery.

Tough luck darling.

[snackeyg]

Girls do the same thing. lol He's dumb. If he was texting and you ignored him it's obvious you don't wanna talk. He's desperate or can't take a hint.

[snackeyg]

Also I don't give in to that BS so who knows why people do.

[19831209stephan412]

tell him you don't like it and delete his number on your phone.

[Anonymous]

so what happened? are you going to see him again?

[Asker]

Yeah lol, tomorrow.

[BabyB300]

I have no idea I want to know that to.