Do most guys never approach?

Question

They always turn to look or stare at me, hoping that I would notice them or expect me to start the conversation. At bars guys would just gaze at me as I walk by but no smile, no nothing.

I hear that it's common for women to be approached. But it doesn't happen for me.

cth96190 · Accepted Answer

Think about what happens when a dog is abused, beaten. It learns to stay away. Sometimes it can become savage, as a defensive reaction.
Next, try to imagine what happens in the mind of a young man who craves female company so much that he might weep at night. . . when nobody can see.
That young man tried many, many times. Each time the girl/woman rejected him, often in quite unpleasant ways.
What that young man learns is to push his desire for women to the back and not approach, because experience has taught him that he will be rejected and might also receive a spray of abuse.
Depending upon the context, he might even risk a career-ending sexual harassment complaint to HR.
For most young men, the probability that his approach will receive a positive reaction from the female is extremely low.
If you are in Britain, France, or Holland, recent catcalling laws have made it an Orwellian thought crime for a man to approach a woman, if the woman decides that she did not like the way in which she was approached.
There are lot of crazy bitches out there (25 per cent of adult females are on prescription psychiatric medications) and more who simply hate men (due to Feminist indoctrination at school and university) and want to harm men, just because they can. That bitchiness and/or hatred of men has been weaponised by the catcalling laws and workplace policies.
In Glasgow, during November last year, a pickup artist who was arrested while he was making a video about cold approaching on the street was sentenced to two years in prison, for the heinous crime of approaching females. An account of events did portray the man has an obnoxious idiot, but the fact remains that he was sent to prison because he approached females.
Add all that together and it is a minor miracle that any men approach any woman anywhere anymore.
That men in whom you may be interested do not approach you, for that you can thank the Feminists and their political enablers.
In the not too distant future, if women do not want to spend their lives alone and celibate they will have to take on the role of initiating contact, because Feminists have made it too dangerous for a man to even look at a woman as she walks past.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

80% of guys will literally never approach a female
10% of guys will only approach when it is completely a perfect situation

and then the other 10 will approach any girl any time because they don’t care if they’re getting rejected.

bobalife · Accepted Answer

Modern time is a bit different compare to before since a lot of people are comfortable and rely on social media platforms, dating apps, and the virtual world. Whereas men in their 20s probably don't approach you due to these factors. Other reasons may be because they are scare of rejection or nervous around you. Some wait for a signal of eye contact and a smile. The majority don't approach but there are still that small percentage who may.
It is the same for women, the majority of us don't approach men either. But some have the courage to initiate contact.
I'd advice if you really wanna talk to someone, go for it girl :) YOLO! But if you want them to approach you, drop subtle hints you are attracted/interested in them.

modelUN242 · Accepted Answer

Guys are supposed to approach the girl. Don't chase a man because you're doing their work for them and it's easy for them. You should show some interest in a man if you like him, such as smiling at him, talking to him, being interested in his life (asking questions). If the guy smiles at you, smile back. Those guys in the bar were just staring at you, maybe even leering, don't mind them if they're never going to even approach you, they're cowards. Don't act thirsty towards a guy because he's going to take advantage of you.

JSmuve · Answer

No girl wakes up in the morning thinking "oh geez, I hope I get approached by random guys I don't find attractive today!"

Because women don't want to be approached by any guy. They want to be approached by the right guy. The attractive guy who's charming, tall, and good-looking. The type of guy who knows how to sweep her off her feet and make it seem like everything's flowing so naturally. That's less than 25% of guys. And those guys likely don't need to approach.

When the other 75+% of guys try to approach women, women get all awkward because he's not the guy she wanted to approach. He's just some random, average guy. There's nothing special about him and definitely no immediate attraction. So she just winds up standing there giving short answers, counting down the seconds until he goes away.

Men know this. They've seen it. They've experienced it.

He learns that there's no apparent benefit to approaching a random girl when they odds are so stacked against him. It's just a waste of his time.

So why don't men approach you? Because you don't do anything to show that you want them to.

Finchie40 · Answer

Just depends if the guy is shy or not , most people are self conscious about themselves they lack confidence and feel that no attractive person is going to want them cuz they feel they are out of their league so they don’t make the move because they don’t want to be turned down and embarrassed if the person doesn’t find them attractive as well. The thing is people can be assholes when they are being hit on by someone that finds them attractive , instead of being nice about it they get rude , My thing is whether I find the person attractive or not or if I am already in a relationship. I am not going to be rude to someone that finds me attractive, and gets the courage to walk up to me to start a conversation , I put myself in their shoes . We don’t walk around with signs flashing above our heads saying what are status is or what type of person we are attracted to so their is no reason for people to be assholes , the only time you can be an asshole is if the person keeps attempting after you told them no

Anonymous · Answer

I'd say that 95% of men never approach a woman. About 1% of them approach every woman they see. 4% will approach when they feel like it's the right time to approach.

The number of men who do approach gets less and less over time too. Sometimes I've been out drinking with my Dad and his friends, many of them single, and they all have no problem approaching women.

The reason for this difference is that younger people more and more rely on social media and online dating apps, whereas they had to approach women face to face because they didn't have that. They built the social skills and the confidence to do that in ways that most young men have not.

It was also more normal when they were young to do that. Young men today have been told constantly that if they approach women they might creep them out, and just like women don't want to be looked down on and labelled sluts, men don't want to be looked down on as creeps.

So they don't know what to say to a woman, and they're afraid they'll creep her out if they try.

Anonymous · Answer

Girls on GAG to feminists on streets say fuck guys, guys are scum, that majority of men are like this and that. Therefore why bother approaching women... fuck it now, who cares. Girls and women don't take accountability for their behaviour because they want the best of both worlds -- to act bitchy but also get the opportunities. Eh, I'm all for women and girls to be strong minded, to have good jobs, for her to think and make decisions for herself and having the right to reject guys/men without being harassed. But I think I am a nice guy but the amount of women I have dealt with who have abused their power in academics alone such as --- in grade 7 or grade 8 a teacher (white woman) pulled me by the ear because I was just running down the halls and making noise in the boys washroom, my principal (white woman) telling me I'm not good enough to get into university (proved her wrong), I had a TA first year of uni (white girl) who ripped me apart with my essay, dropped out of uni for 3 years came back to get straight As and a scholarship, another PhD student (White girl) marking my work who called me sexist because I accidentally referred to a female scholar by her first name on my essay. Til this day, I don't judge white woman in academics because I try to give everyone a chance. But then there's the side of girls I have dealt with who have rejected me, ghosted me, acted rude, thought I was not good enough and til this day I want to be there for a girl, cook for her, love her, be respectful but it's fading away because I am losing hope on love. As for those people I mentioned such as the principal, TAs and teachers who acted that way with me, eh God is watching.

Bananaman177 · Answer

I won't even chance it.

It's not worth getting fired or going to jail or ending up on some list just because I breathed in the direction of some bitch who just wants to ruin a man's life today for whatever reason.

If any woman feels lonely or alienated or cloistered off, well too damned bad. It's the world you wanted, it's the bed you made for yourselves, now you can all lie in it.

SamB2012 · Answer

I've never had the confidence to approach, I tended to go for people I was already confident being around. That tended to backfire a lot though. I once got the confidence to ask out a girl, asked her to the movies and her response was "sure I'd love to have a friend date!", knocked my confidence.

But my point is that I'm shy and only tend to have confidence with people I properly know. Going up to some stranger and saying an icebreaker isn't going to give the rapport to make me comfortable speaking to them properly so I'd rather just not risk it than try, choke and make a fool of myself. I dont expect girls to approach me but if they do then that shows they are genuinely interested in getting to know you, removes that fear of whether they'll warm to you or not.

I think regardless of if you're a guy or a girl you get put off approaching others because of that fear of things going wrong.

Levin · Answer

I don't know if the 'hit' rate for such approaches is sufficiently high to justify approaching her in that context.

On nights out, you feel like you're bothering women, or you have nothing in common, some women are flat out rude, not to mention how loud it often is. Even the women that approach you or it happens more naturally generally don't seem to go anywhere. Of course, it depends on your sense of quality. If you just want to sleep with someone, I'm sure you can do. If I muster up the courage to approach someone, I don't do it with any expectation that it would go anywhere.

I think more niche venues or activities where you might have something in common might yield better results.

Anonymous · Answer

Because most females get nasty about it, if the guy isn’t attractive enough they immediately judge him on that and reject (which there is nothing wrong with doing) but some then make jokes to there friends like “as if” or “can you believe that just hit on me, I’m out of his league”

If you reject someone it’s not hard to be polite, my female friend once told me about a guy that asked her out, and she then said to me “I’d rather shot my self in the face than go out with him”

What a nasty thing to say, she completely judged him on his appearance (again, which is fine) but no need to make a remark
Like that, I lost respect for her that day and now wonder what girls have said about me behind my back, the irony of that was this female friend of mine was delusional about her looks and this guy she rejected was in the same league as her.

FatherJack · Answer

Seems to be a combination of a lot of factors , the message men get from the BS " media " and esp the feminists is " STAY AWAY !!! You are NOT welcome !! " with the culture of male bashing & emasculation in Western countries. Many women can also be incredibly rude and harsh too , years back , when working on the doors at various venues , groups of women had competitions to be as nasty as possible to any men that attempted interaction with them , the impression I get now is that the vast majority of women do NOT want men approaching them... under any circumstances. Therefore you MUST give a man you wish would approach you VERY clear green light signals... remember men are CRAP at reading the typically very subtle female cues... our brains are wired differently.

chris0977 · Answer

I personally am not interested in all the culturally programmed games & just tend to, not dislike, but avoid women, as what they do is their choice, but I have little interest... I will walk up & if a girl acts cold don't care if it's waiting to be asked out,"hard to get, because she's "shy", or whatever, if she wants something & doesn't take action it's her responsibility and, as with myself, I make no apologies for her being unwilling, or unable, to act accordingly.

Experience has been many women aren't in favor of equality that doesn't serve or convenience them & being told "you're to shy, guy won't pursue? Work on yourself & deal with it. It's your responsibility."... I find far more want to play victim in these circumstances because the culture programmed the eollective regarding roles - but far less interest to gender equality seems to apply to these situations from women in my experience.

WhistleForTheChoir · Answer

I've approached over 500 women in my adult life. Got a few relationships in middle school and high school, but none since. Got a few dates. Maybe a dozen good rejection, A lot of condescending rejections where the woman treated me like I was an angry animal who had to be soothed into going away, and I got more than a few very rude rejections. And there were a few women who accused me of being a creep for saying, "Hey, I'm (name), what's up?". One woman tried to get someone to fight me. So I stopped approaching. Y'all don't want "men" to approach, but the right men. If a man who doesn't fit one of the two acceptable types of men (i. e. Chris Hemsworth-esque or chubby, bearded, uber-masculine, insecure redneck) you treat it like an assault.

mmv99 · Answer

Girls don't approach, at best you get a smile.

Take it from a guy that was maybe an 8 and used to go out 3 times a week from the age of 17 to 30, knowing what I know now, I would have been much better off.

Approach girls be honest, the worse thing that will happen is that your ego might get a little bruised.

A approach like "Wow, you are so pretty that I would kick myself if I didn't come over and talk to you. Would you mind if I bought you a drink so that we can talk a little bit and get to know each other" -Ralphie May

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

A lot of it has to do with whether or not you "look" approachable. If you have BRF, it's really tough for guys to assume it's not your "don't talk to me" face. This is a very confusing messaging system for males, so many of us when we don't know what to do, we choose to not do anything.

McKellar · Answer

From my point of view,... if I'm not going to be the girl's type,.. then what's the point in approaching her?

It's the same thing with this saying "1 bad apple makes the entire bunch look real bad". All the more reason why if 1 guy is going to be rejected countless & countless of times & just have some bad experiences with the opposite sex,... again what's the point in approach the girl when they are just going to continuously hear the same thing from them which is "I have a boyfriend". Having said that,.. if she does have a boyfriend yet the boyfriend is not around,... who is to say if she's being truthful about that or lying about that?

For me, that's the reason why I'm just not going to approach them any more if they are all going to be like this.

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

I think it depends on the guys, but some guys may just be very nervous about approaching women, especially if they've had bad experiences in the past.

It's also true that while pretty much everyone fears rejection to some extent, younger people tend to be more insecure and fear it even more.

purplepoppy · Answer

But are you living them a reason to approach or even permission to? Decent men know a lot of women consider "approachers" to be creepy or cocky. Guys know they risk verbal abuse off some girls so If you're not giving off the right vibes they won't approach.

errorgoodnameunfound · Answer

Do most gals never approach?

They always turn to look or stare at me, hoping that I would notice them or expect me to start the conversation. At bars gals would just gaze at me as I walk by but no smile, no nothing.

I hear that it's common for men to never be approached. Definitely happens for me.

raven6933 · Answer

I never go to bars for the soul of too many drunken idiots think the are ten foot tall. Several positions have already been made. But after being burnt countless times you then just say "f#&_ it". You hear females say "I want a good guy" but it's those very ones in bad situations, even after you show this is not how it's supposed to be. They will turn around and run right back to that situation.

Silver158 · Answer

Smiling at a random is very hard for me regardless of attraction. I can't just smile at someone from across the room. I've tried in the past when I've caught girls checking me out and I just look awkward lol. I need to actually interact with the person to some degree.

Also usually the staring is gauging interest and deciding whether or not to approach. A lot of people don't understand this and brand the dudes a serial killer or something. It's quite amusing since it's natural to look at things you like.

godfatherfan · Answer

Did you ever think of approaching them? Many guys, like me, are just tired of women that just want a free drink or meal. We are waiting for the woman to make that first gesture. Though it would not be as common in guys your age. They need another 20 years to get tired of the stuff so many women pull. (and I am not saying you are one of them, that is just the issue)

Anonymous · Answer

Correct.

Most of these instances of women getting approached we hear about are from a single digit percentage of guys that approach. Most guys virtually never do it. I'm 28 and I think I've done it a handful of times, I don't know. And a couple of those are because I was just forcing myself to go for it so I could build up confidence. But once I got that confidence, I was much more comfortable saying "it's not worth the hassle". I'm not going to bother jumping through hoops for some rando-girl at a bar. If she's interested then she should approach, right?

hikerunbeer · Answer

I would say most guys don't approach. We live so much of our lives stuck to our screens that it seems out of touch to do it in real life. Also, it's difficult to get past the stigma of our intentions being misinterpreted by the opposite sex.

Let me ask you this, would you like to be approached?

Guanfei · Answer

Guys don't approach because nowadays, a girl just need to write a tweet to destroy a man's life. And since apparently, talking to a girl without her consent is harassment or microaggression or whatever crap they call it, men don't take any risk.
Which is funny because in some part of the world, there are more and more women complaining that men now don't want to approach them.

SaraSmithishere · Answer

I don't think men approach women any more. I am 29 and I remember being asked out in middle school and high school. I didn't suddenly get ugly in college, but around 2011 or so, I noticed that men seemed less... bold? Manly? I think hitting up girls on the internet sort of softened up men and now they just don't come up to them anymore.
I'm the same way. I get stared at a lot and no one talks to me.

Anonymous · Answer

Women are trash and not worth the time, effort and inevitably the trouble.
#metoo has irreparably damaged our will to approach when a womans word alone could ruin our lives. Men are viewed by women and the media as creeps, criminals, rapists, violent, etc... and now there is little incentive to approach women at all. Fuck you enjoy being abandoned

Nalix · Answer

There are a few guys who approach everyone, all the time. These make up nearly all of the interactions women have with men approaching them, but they're a pretty small percentage of guys. Most guys wait for a good chance to approach, that simply never happens.

Juxtapose · Answer

Isn't it pretty much a crime to approach women in a lot of Euro areas these days?

I don't really like to approach (live in US) because it's a demeaning experience for men & I'm into more aggressive women who would make the first move anyway.

Submissive women just want you to play the part of an entertainer all the time

1CentWorth · Answer

not anymore. Chivalry died due to feminism, which said if a woman wants you she'll tell you - don't sexually harass by approaching them. Don't worry. some of us guys who were raised correctly are still out there.

leftis25 · Answer

I dont think you are gonna die if you be the one to aproach?🤔 if you dont want to approach because u are a girl good job on losing the guys you like 😊
This is not 1920 many girls come to me and i also flirt with many girls if i really like them. If i dont i just stare em a bit

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Most guys learn after approaching a stranger that it doesn't end well. Some guys will approach every woman they see while most will wait for the perfect scenario. Why you may ask? A lot of women get snarky, defensive, pull away, etc. when a stranger approaches them.

DWornock · Answer

It is the girl's responsibility to make the first move. That is, smile, say, "Hi" or do something to indicate that you are approachable. Otherwise, normally, guys are not going to approach because experience has taught them that they will not only be rejected but rudely rejected. Young women can be very nasty when approached by a guy that they are not attracted to.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know what the ratio is, but there's some of us that don't for sure. I "stopped" a long time ago. What it boils down to is we can have all the same thoughts, feelings and insecurities you women do about approaching, yet it's "expected" of us. Does that make any sense? A pet peeve of mine honestly. So yeah there's some guys that don't for sure.

CuteNerd9 · Answer

Guys can be just as afraid to approach a woman as men are. I own a bar, and I see both sexes being equally afraid to talk to each other.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Reasons I look but don't approach:

1. I have a girlfriend.
2. I'm not feeling social atm.
3. Not looking because hot but just because interesting. Ie weird tattoo or something.
4. Not my type but still hot. Ie very tall girl and i like short girls.

djmzes · Answer

Simple

scooogy · Answer

If we're making things up now (assuming they'd hope for you to notice them) why not assume they'd cry at night, praying to God you might look into their direction just for a second so that their life had a meaning?

Or should we guys instead cut our eyes out or cover your presence with our hands to not look at you because we couldn't look anywhere without assumptions of any "hope"?

NamerOfStars · Answer

A lot of them don't, especially the shy ones. If you'd like them to, a small sign of encouragement- say, a wave and a smile- can work wonders for making you seem more open and approachable.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

I don't gaze at anyone at all or give this creepy feeling for anyone. But! I never approach girls anywhere, so the answer to your question from my perspective! Yes! I never approach anyone, i don't know why but i always been like this.

OlderThanILook · Answer

I never approach. I'm pretty sure lots of other guys think the same way as me. It's pretty safe to assume most guys aren't going to randomly start a conversation with you.

Anonymous · Answer

tons of guys in the world do have approach anxiety, and at the same time, its an enraging reminder of something i know will never go away unfortuneately, why does life, society, label a guy weak if he can't approach a woman? does it mean he would be unable to protect her? i never liked this gender dynamic but at the same time, why do i get the feeling it will always be one-sided.

Anonymous · Answer

Most guys who are interested, approach.

On this website there are a lot of losers who don't have the sack to approach.

Most guys will not be interested in you, for a variety of reasons. That's just life.

EABsTUQ · Answer

I can speak for people who drink but I think most guys have  approach anxiety.  Unless they go the instant they see you the anxiety will stop them. It's all one big head game you play with yourself.

the_imperfectionist · Answer

Maybe you have a resting bitch face. Or you haven't met the one for you

Xoirwinkan · Answer

Its like walking into a minefield. Most girls might be fine, but if you reach the wrong one, boom, very not good. Also, there has been a concentrated effort to emasculate men.

ThisIsMyOpinion · Answer

Maybe you don't look easy to aproach. Most guy will not do it unless they feel like they have a shot. Just look back at them and smile. That will help.

boggboss · Answer

Its happens but the guys that do it tend to be guys that are charismatic enough to do it which is becoming a rarer thing

akshay1998 · Answer

Yes 💯  Where did you thought these shy guys go and ask out 😂

ColHathi · Answer

I dunno. I'm too shy, so I've never approached anyone. Always hoped they'd approach me instead if they were interested.

Don-_-Don · Answer

Some guys just don't want to deal with the rejection. I know I wouldn't.

Anonymous · Answer

I approached someone once and she got upset, looked at me and said “RIGHT!” I don’t feel comfortable approaching attractive women anymore if they’re only going to treat me like human garbage

_SOARER · Answer

I never approach women in bars. I much prefer the supermarket haha  There is so much to talk about in the supermarket, but covid ruined it...

Stephen_77 · Answer

I'm 36 and have never approached a woman. Women aren't how they use to be. It's just not worth the hassle.

Torari · Answer

50% of guys are too pussified to even approach, 30% only approach maybe once per year if that, 20% approach whenever they see someone attractive and opportune.

Anonymous · Answer

I do get approached by men but the guy usually isn't attractive. I think decent looking men never approach women.

Alexandrubaschet08 · Answer

I all the time want to be aproch. I aproch only when i'm drunk, never awake

xichuwangwai · Answer

I don't approach, I now also don't turn to look, or stare, just one glance tops.

blutwolfe · Answer

well my success rate is much higher if women approach first so why bother approaching lol

AcidT0y · Answer

Bars are probably one of the easiest places to approach. If you're not getting approached at bars you might just not be very approachable.

AmeerX · Answer

I approached a few ladies at university but they all had to lie they are not into me or some other excuse and then marry a rich man off the shelf

KrakenAttackin · Answer

They are afraid of you having them thrown out of the bar or arrested if they talk to you.

Do most guys never approach?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do most guys never approach?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.