I believe I'm certainly one of those people and no amount of effort I've put in has been able to even hint at changing that. Do you believe some people aren't lovable?
I went with "no" since I think most people have the capacity to improve here if they can find the angle. And I'm sure you might think you have exhausted them, but there might still be another.
Maybe you think too much in terms of "deserve". I've found it beneficial to strike that word from my cognitive vocabulary because I am not a god. I don't know what people deserve in their lives. That requires omnipotent knowledge as I see it. That includes what I deserve, what you deserve -- I don't know. And realizing you don't know can lead to the end of hatred, for yourself and others.
You learn how to move in this world that draws people to you. You can even consider it a "skill", however disingenuous it might sound. At least as a skill, it implies that you can improve this with careful study and discipline and training. I think people who are most down should start thinking of this as a skill, and forget about ideas like "deserve".
Ever studied Stoicism? I might recommend it if not. Just an intro video but I don't recommend to stop here and start studying the literature. https://youtu.be/o0MzQZ_eFEY
It's a philosophy that guides how to think. It's actually the foundation for a lot of psychotherapeutic techniques today, like cognitive behavioral therapy to treat anxiety and depression. That was actually inspired by the Stoics, and the Stoics can yield deeper insight on how to overcome those negative thinking patterns.
And in my opinion, it's a very manly philosophy, adopted by great emperors and slaves alike -- because it's a philosophy especially well-suited for hardened men leading the most difficult lives.
It is the way an emperor thinks to guide his people to victory, and the way a slave thinks to guide his way towards his freedom. If you've ever seen the film, Gladiator, Maximus encompasses a lot of Stoic ideals.
This guy -- that quote is actually stolen from the Stoics:
He's a flawed character for sure, not a Stoic sage, but what strengths he has are very Stoic. The weaknesses very human. If a man finds inspiration in Maximus, I'd suggest studying Stoicism.
Well, even in most people's ideas of love, there are winners and losers. And men are disposable from a reproductive perspective, so there are many multiple times more male losers than female losers when it comes to success in love; because one successful, large problem solving, and therefore masculine man can technically reproduce with thousands of the most beautiful women. So unfortunately, any inevitably lesser man can be disposed of for the sake of the former. But the species can ultimately afford that, and so the forces of nature, or i. e. women, don't and won't care.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
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Love, beauty, attraction and other things of that nature are subjects only the viewer can deem beautiful or worthy. Just because I may not be able to love a person that randomly burns down forests doesn't mean someone else won't be able to. 🤷
Even if you feel that way, it’s better not to express it with a girl you’re trying to shoot your shot with. You may end up with pity sex, but hey! It’s something.
That doesn’t mean you’re unloveable. To be honest, love found me in times that I never wanted to feel love or be loved again. I have a lot of love to give, and I’m not willing to give it to just anyone. Be patient. Enjoy life. Someone will notice something about you... a quality or belief you carry with yourself... I leave it in the hands of God or that higher being to arrange the place and time.
Because your afraid to approach them? Why not find something you like to do in your community? Put yourself out there, let people know you exist... for example, if you like to paint, join an art club.
The thing to realise there is that you DON'T need to PUT EFFORT into being lovable. The very idea of needing to do something in order to be loveable makes it conditional, making you feel unloveable. You would likely be better off just not making an effort for a while and seeing who likes you. Meanwhile, do some sports and eat and sleep well, and things should sort themselves out (but it will feel weird if you have been traumatised into having to achieve things for your parents' approval)
Yeah, some events happen in peoples lives where certain things that would do them some good, has been ruined for them through tragedy, or especially malevolence.
@Lightning8 Yes - and those things don't just affect us, but define us - so we end up considering ourselves at fault and so, unloveable. Guilt is better, because it is the action that is wrong. Shame is worse, because the person feels THEY are bad, entirely, not just their actions.
Yes, it hits different when you feel that it is you that's bad, because that's much harder to separate from. And to die from the old you into a new you is one of the most painful and scary things to endure. It is so much so that you won't do it without an very fortunate envoironment, extraordinary encouragement, and great assurance if not certainty of a worthy reward.
@Lightning8 Indeed - it feels petrifying to let go of shame worn on the inside, as if your whole world will collapse/that you might end up losing all boundaries. It's only later you realise nothing has changed one bit except you don't carry a burden of a scar any longer.
THERE are some people out there that are so full of hate there is no way they will change. THESE peope sadly will live a life of misery beyond compare. YOU will know it the first time you meet them. EVERY word they speak will be a negative response. STAY far away as you can.
Yes I suppose some people are. However it is highly unlikely that one person will only have negative qualities and nothing else. That is unlikely though.
When it comes to Family, some can literally do no wrong in the eyes of their loved ones. I've seen that Firsthand and it doesn't turn out well. Are you referring to Non-Family only?
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Anonymous(30-35)
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