If you rejected someone due to misunderstanding but when you realized, it's too late so you regret it, what would you do?

[CubsterShura]

A year ago, I dumped my boyfriend because I unfortunately got evidence that he was being unfaithful. Soon after breaking up I was considering hanging out with a guy from my school because I thought he's nice. I know him since I was in 6th grade and he was in 7th grade, he is a year older than me. I wanted to get to know him more and thought that if things go well maybe I can ask him out. But I wanted to wait because I just broke up.

He was applying to universities abroad and he got accepted into one of them, so he was leaving in a few months. I thought I don't have much time in my hand so if I want to go out with him then my time for that is very limited. So I asked him to go out with me at least once before he leaves. He started to beat around the bush and it was clear that it's a rejection.

Soon afterwards, I was back with my boyfriend. A lot of things happened and I decided that he deserves a second chance. After that I was talking to the school guy and he told me that he rejected because he thought I wanted a rebound and that's unhealthy. He totally misunderstood me so I made it clear that I didn't want a rebound and I did it only because he is leaving soon. He said that he would have 100% said yes if he knew my reasoning earlier. He even asked me if I would still go out with him, I obviously said no because it's too late!

He still tries to make me doubt my boyfriend, and always suggests finding someone better. I'm currently applying to universities abroad and he said that if I go to his university then he will welcome me with open arms and help me with anything that I need.

I am not sure what to do with this guy. Would you guys behave the same way if you were in his place?

[connythebaker]

He played it poorly at first and is trying to correct his mistake. I might give him a chance.
You are 19 and your unfaithful boyfriend supposedly is around your age:
My opinion is that forgiving unfaithfulness is something for couples who have been married for ages and just got used to the routine so much that they failed to recognize cracks in their relationship. They can then talk about their problems, reconcile and reunite.
If a boy around 20 years old "has to" cheat on his girlfriend, that simply means he is lacking integrity of character. And that he will never acquire. If you give those people 2nd chances you are prone to being taken advantage of. You should not have returned to him, and I would take the chance of you moving away to get rid of him. He would likely keep cheating anyway when you are not around.

[CubsterShura]

If I give him a second chance that's my decision and yes I do agree that cheaters usually do remain the way they are. Anyway that wasn't even the point of the question.

[connythebaker]

Well - If you are firm in your decision to stay with your b/f - fine! - But I must inquire what the point of the question would be? This question is posted in the "Dating" category so obviously we think it is about making a dating decision.
If you want to stay with your b/f and you are not interested in dating the other guy anymore there is no need to keep pondering about him. Skip.

[CubsterShura]

"Skipping" isn't as easy as you think. Yes I could skip it it's just a Tinder date, but not if he's someone that I went to school with, lived in the same neighborhood and been friends with his sister.

[connythebaker]

Okay, NOW I see the problem:
You write that when the other guy tried to ask you out after you reunited with your b/f you have clearly rejected that offer but he still keeps contacting you.
You would rather be left alone by him but are afraid that other social relationships might suffer (friendship with his sister / neighbours) if you were to tell him off too explicitly.
I would say: You are planning to go abroad. Do not go to his university or anywhere near. Do your own thing. Until you have moved I would advise to tolerate his advances / reject him politely in order not to risk social repercussions. If he keeps being pushy once you have relocated to the other country you should be very clear about that you do not want contact any more. Even tell him that you did not chose his university because you did not like him pushing you. Take the chance of being away from your home-neighbourhood to cut him off quickly and drastically. You can try two or three times in a very harsh or even rude way but if he still will not accept your decision you need to put him on the ignore / no-reply list. By the time you return home, the worst tensions will likely have subsided. Also, since he will be abroad as well, he will likely not be able to do damage to your reputation with people outside of his own family.
Not sure how his siter will react but trying to date a relative of a close friend is always problematic. You will have to face those problems now and learn that lesson the hard way. Yet, defining and defending you boundaries here is very important. You will always need that skill later in life in similar situations and this is a good opportunity to practise.

[CubsterShura]

Even if we're physically far from each other there's always social media to stay in touch.

[connythebaker]

Re-read my reply. I am addressing the social media topic:
"If he keeps being pushy once you have relocated to the other country you should be very clear about that you do not want contact any more. Even tell him that you did not chose his university because you did not like him pushing you. Take the chance of being away from your home-neighbourhood to cut him off quickly and drastically. You can try two or three times in a very harsh or even rude way but if he still will not accept your decision you need to put him on the ignore / no-reply list."

[CubsterShura]

Hmm, not a bad idea. For now I do talk to him like normal but if he ever says weird things I call him out immediately.

[connythebaker]

Yeah. Most important thing is to hold your own ground. Let's hope he will eventually accept your decision and you will not need to be harsh! Good luck with your studies!

[Jjpayne]

I would do my best to go back say I'm sorry and try to correct it as best as I could. If I could not it's time for a girls night /boys night out with my friends as I need to recover and learn to take that experience and do it differently next time

[connythebaker]

What exactly should SHE be sorry for? Or are you talking from the guys perspective. The latter would make sense.

[Jjpayne]

To have done something that you regret doing. A girl could overlook a guy and she could come back to him and apologize. I've seen this done in hallmark movies before :) where a girl is hasty and wants to come back and make amends

[connythebaker]

It was HIM who rejected HER first and now keeps contacting her although she has made clear that she is no longer interested. I cannot see a single reason why she should apologize. She did absolutely nothing wrong. The guy was simply assuming she wanted a "rebound" and acted on that assumption without verification. His fault - bad luck. Being apologetic about everything is accepting a victim's mindset. Sorry, but no - I absolutely disagree.

[Jjpayne]

Sorry I was lazy... There are so many questions to read through... Sometimes I can't read through all the paragraphs of a question... i just your judgement here then

[Jjpayne]

After reading the whole story... I would say to consider which person you want... Are you more comfortable with your boyfriend? Is he treating you better now? And would you rather stay with him now or would you be more comfortable with the other guy now? I think it's important to be fair to both guys but also being fair to yourself. I'd carefully watch how the other guy treats you now as that will only become stronger when you are in a relationship with him. If you decide to be with him.

Honestly... This is a tough situation... As best as you can try to be fair to yourself first then as respectfully as you can, share your current feelings with them. Not their feelings but your own.

[connythebaker]

Indeed. I first suggested to drop her boyfriend but I did not realize that she was was very firm in her decision to give her boyfriend that 2nd chance and rather wanted to know about the other guy. I do not think he is malicious but I also do not like his persistence either...

[Jjpayne]

Yup I think We are basically on the same page now 😅

[VIVANT]

I’m not sure I understand.

does school guy mean once you drop your boyfriend he will be your friend or boyfriend or what. Will you be applying to school in same location?

so why did you want to date when you knew he was leaving? I don’t mean you shouldn’t Have I just wonder was it meant as a one off out of curiosity?

or as a means to potentially form a rejationship and carry it over past his leave date?

i noticed you saying you plan to marry abroad... does this mean things are not going to work out with your current boyfriend or is he foreign to your country,

lol sorry for all the questions I’m finding this situation curious 🙃😊😊

[CubsterShura]

1) School guy means that guy in question. The one that I asked out.
2) He was going to the same country that I'm planning to go now. So why not
3) Yes.
4) My boyfriend lives abroad, he is a foreigner. Insteretingly, it's the same country.

[VIVANT]

Ah ok I get it thank you 😊

Sooooo who do you like more 🤷‍♂️😂😊😊

[CubsterShura]

My boyfriend duh I honestly don't even desire that school guy anymore m

[VIVANT]

Oh 😯 wow sorry I misunderstood

Well if I was him I’d move on but I’m not him. I don’t ask people directly more than once and I find jus here iit odd if you are not clearly into him

I think if you could answer this it would help me a lot in terms of how to look at the situation 😊

—-What would you like to see happen in a perfect world. What is your preferred outcome?

[Karin_Anna]

I did that in school, years later I befriended them and remembered back in school and felt a little gutted because they had become quite a catch. Seeing them married and with a family, I was envious at first but happy overall.

I apologised for being such a bitch to him but he just joked about it and all is well. We sometimes go out for dinner with our partners too.

[Pink2000]

He had his chance and he blew it. Instead of assuming you wanted a rebound, he should have asked you. If I were in your position, I would definitely give the go out with the guy if I ended up being single. Obviously you can’t say yes to him because you are in a relationship.

[venomhbk1313]

I would chalk it up as a loss and move on there's plenty of ladies that I have let go and I do regret letting them go

[CubsterShura]

I wish he did the same!!

[venomhbk1313]

I would definitely go with him abroad

[Lov2PlezUgurl]

No I would have went out with you when you asked matter of fact I would have opened the car door for you at that very instant and we could have went and had a cup of coffee and talked about our second date

[UnknownGagsUser]

I think you're just using him as a rebound guy when you in a bad shape relationship , Iit depends whether you are happy with your current relationship now or not. If you guys are happy now you shouldn't be bothering about him anymore.

[CubsterShura]

1) I clearly said it's not a rebound and I explained why.
2) I didn't ask what I should be doing.

[UnknownGagsUser]

You did ask what to do with this guy? I just said if you already happy with your boyfriend why bother with another dude.

[CubsterShura]

I asked what you would do if you were in his place. Read the whole question again.

[ChiTown33]

I'm still back at the beginning with your first boyfriend cheating on you. Sorry if i can't keep everyones story straight here, but didn't you only dump him because you found he had looked at porn?

[CubsterShura]

No, I didn't dump him for looking at porn.

[DevikaButts95]

"I am not sure what to do with this guy." Personal foot rubber. Lmao. At least in my opinion.

[rachel776]

give it one more try and explain and if it doesn't work, move on to someone else

[haooy]

Nope. I wouldn't.
When I was 3 or 4 year younger then maybe but not anymore.

[jermaineatl]

All depends really. Did you guys keep in communication? How do you think he truly feels about you?

[CubsterShura]

I mean, I am in touch with people that I went to school with, obviously.

[jermaineatl]

But I mean do you talk often? Like after a while for me at least certain connections die, but if you guys talk close to the same amount even after that's still considerable to me. Taking the time to keep the connection is important lol.

[COMMODOREII]

Probably yeah. It sounds like he cared about you. I would need more info but he might be a good guy.

[sensible27]

If I were you I'd be a little more selective.

[CubsterShura]

Selective about what?

[sensible27]

No I wouldn't really behave the way he did but I think his 'doubt' was valid. Secondly, selective about people I 'get' with th e way you frame it almost makes it seems like you'd date anyone somewhat decent you'd find decent and maybe that's not bad I don't know...

[CubsterShura]

I'd not be with anyone that's 'decent' lol.

[Paris13]

Be a friend. xx

[In_Trance]

live and learn. Remember this lesson for next time

[CubsterShura]

What?

[mrgspoter]

No idea what your asking really

[CubsterShura]

Read the description till the end

[asshole_]

Not sure