Is there ever a good reason to take someone back?

[Anonymous]

I have my heart open for a guy I was dating a few months ago. I want to know if I should continue sending him love or refocus my attention elsewhere? This guy came out of nowhere.. he continually approached me and asked me out on dates.. basically anything he would say to get to know me he would.. finally I agreed to date him and after a few failed attempts, we made it happen. I can be honest, I didn’t really have an opinion on him before we met in person. Except he was bold and funny. But soon after meeting I admit I began to like him more than I expected. He was so generous and caring. He took me everywhere. He did everything for me. Such a gentleman. I felt so close to him so quickly. We began spending a lot of time together. He eventually met my family and I met his. He surprised me and took me out for my birthday. It was amazing how deeply he claimed to feel for me. I felt the same i am just cautious about moving fast and maybe that energy is what encouraged him to leave. A few days after my birthday he just stopped answering the phone and responding. He never was that great at answering but he always got back to me. So when he finally responded 7 days after my last attempt I was shocked. He claimed it was unsafe to be around him at this time and said I did nothing wrong to him but he was not good. Wow it hurt but I felt I had no choice but to respect it and send him positivity. Which is what I did. Now it’s been almost two months and still no word. I can say I grew to care for this person and I am concerned as I ever been but this does not make sense to me and frankly I feel there is more to it. I understand we all have our ways in dealing with hardships but something tells me a 30 year old man should know how to communicate better than that... at least try

[Searlas]

Please note, writing this comment, there is no offense intended,

Who is taking who back? The way I see it, we should be asking him whether there is a reason to take you back.

Let's get real here. I see myself in this guy 💯, I normally do this to a woman of interest, very good at first then stop everything or cut communication, WHY because I want to test her. Sometimes I will even create a situation, like tell her I am stuck financially to test her reaction. See how deep she cares about me. There is no need to invest your time, money and emotions to someone who is just settling for you because you are good. That's the only way a man can tell a woman is really into him. Most women don't call unless you call, they do nothing to grow the relationship, they just wanna sit, wait, there feeling all special. A relationship is a two way traffic. If you aren't fully in it, why should I be? With my experience, there are women with a man just because he's good to them, just setting because they haven't gotten a man of their dreams, there are just there waiting, they are quick to monitor a mans movement, quick to suspect him, and quick to bounce.

[Gisellelighting]

You sound like a loser lol

[Asker]

Well that isn’t me. I reached out to him many times. As I have always done. When he didn’t respond I asked if I had done anything to hurt his feelings and that I respected his need for space. When he responded with his reasoning. I respected that. I told him I was here for him that I would pray for his safety. As well as I was looking forward to us getting through this together. Now if a man can’t respect that. I don’t know. Because this is real life not a game.

[Gisellelighting]

I’m starting to think that you’re too nice for your own good. People take advantage of people with no boundaries. Now that you’ve given some insight, I can see that he might’ve felt like you were offering yourself on a silver platter and men don’t want that. Retreat for some time and let him come to you, but when he does, don’t be so quick to take him back, because I guarantee he will do it again and it can be avoided now.

[Searlas]

@Asker As humans, we have individual minds, we reason, feel and see things our way, we are sometimes wrong, we are selfish by default and good at apportioning blame squarely on others, we never see our own mistakes. It takes wisdom and selflessness for us to move out of our comfort zones and be able to compromise and accommodate others, putting ourselves in their shoes in order to understand them. - if it was me, how would I feel? "Do unto others as you would like them to do to you" principle.

It's hard to understand how good turned sour then we apportion blame one person.

[Searlas]

@Gisellelighting I don't mind being a loser, lol, I prefer losing the girl than lose my mind, money, time or heart broken.

[Gisellelighting]

Do unto you*

[BoredNCrazed1324]

If he wanted you he would have responded, plain and simple. Unfortunately that wasn't the case and it's very apparent after 2 months. If you have such strong feeling for him go ahead and make 1 final attempt. If you get nothing after that then delete his number and block it the next day. Forget about him like he never existed.

[Espresso-Grande]

Did he explain what he meant when he said" it's unsafe to be around him at this time "? If a guy said that to me, I'd assume he meant he's capable of causing me either psychological harm or physical harm.

Personally, I would avoid a guy who said that me without explaining in more detail. Also, it shows he will walk out of your life whenever he's going through a hard time. He's shown you what his potential is in the future. He will probably be the type of guy to walk in and out of your life, because he seems emotionally immature and unable to communicate when he's in a bad place

He's obviously in a bad place right now, and doesn't want contact with you. So I'd move on.

[Asker]

Well yeah. He explained it wasn’t safe to be around him. People are jealous of him and I can be honest. We don’t live in the safest city. So I honestly believed in him. He wouldn’t want me to be around him and something bad happened where he couldn’t protect me. I genuinely believe that to be true. The part that threw me off was him not responding before he explained this to me. Which my family said it was because he was ashamed. And he’s not reaching out now because he doesn’t know how to come back after leaving the relationship like he did. But I agree he is in a bad place right now. But does that mean I have to completely shut him out?

[Espresso-Grande]

Personally, I wouldn't contact a guy again under these circumstances. But that's just me. I'd feel too emotionally unstable with a guy like this.

He may be ashamed, but I wouldn't overlook that he's willing to cut you out his life when he's going through a hard time. That says a lot about him as a person , and a potential partner.
If you feel better reaching out to him, then message him to see how he responds. It's okay not to give up on someone, and be there for them. But you also need to establish boundaries, so he can't come in and out of your life when it suits him. If a person is warns you that it's best you aren't in their life, it's wise to listen and put your own well-being first.

[Alyssa11]

I think if you love him and you feel that he makes you just that little much happier, then you give that person chances because they deserve it. Their place in your life is valuable and vice versa.

Now if this person has severely disrespected you, betrayed you or damaged you it's best to shut the door and let time take care of your feelings and attachment.

Most importantly, you have to view yourself as your own soulmate and then make decisions based off of that. Would it be detrimental or healthy to take this person back? That must be the foundation to everything.

[Asker]

I love your perspective.

[Alyssa11]

Thank you and glad I could help! This is all from personal experience :).

Also, thanks for MHO!

[In_Trance]

never

[Anonymous]

Move on.