Girls, do you consider yourself to be a "nerdy, introverted, socially awkward, eccentric weirdo" who doesn't into the mainstream dating scene?

[OlderAndWiser]

You can be a nerd without looking like a nerd but some people have the whole deal going on!

My friend @Physics-Man is a good man and I would like to offer him some hope and encouragement with this post. He recently posted a question
How are nerdy, introverted, socially awkward, eccentric weirdos supposed to get a girlfriend or even a date in a scene not meant for us?
asking what a nerdy, introverted, socially awkward, eccentric weirdo is supposed to do about dating because he doesn't fit into the dating scene and he feels that there are no girls out there who would be interested in someone like him.

First, I don't necessarily agree with his assessment of himself but I've learned not to argue with people about such things. I think he is the kind of guy who is the salt of the earth, who will one day be an excellent husband and father, the kind of guy that a girl will be married to for 58 years until the day he or she dies, and they will make beautiful nerd babies together. But he obviously feels like a square peg in a round hole world and that is a heavy burden!

Anyway. . . do you consider yourself to be one of those nerdy, introverted, socially awkward, eccentric weirdo girls who would be interested in a guy who thinks the same of himself, or do you know of someone else who would date a guy who fits the nerd profile? Even if you are not the quintessential nerd girl, would you date such a guy? Where should my friend look for girls who potentially would be receptive to his romantic interest?

I am not a nerd, I would not date a nerd, and I don't know anyone who would date a nerd

I am not a nerd, I would not date a nerd, but I know someone who would date a nerd and be happy!

I don't think I'm a nerd but I would date a nerd.

I don't think I'm a nerd but I would date a nerd. Tell me more about your friend!

Yes, I'm a nerd and I would gladly date another nerd. Thank God I'm not alone!

Yes, I'm a nerd and I didn't realize that there are other people out there who feel the same way!

Yes, I'm a nerd and I didn't realize that there are other people out there who feel the same way! @Physics-Man, message me!

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I'm a nerd and my partner is a nerd. We met online, but not through a "nerd" community - we're both childfree and met through that community.

We're definitely out there. But, as in the title, some of us are introverted and socially awkward. So it's a bit of a creative exercise to find us.

Honestly, once COVID eases up, it'll be easier to date. I'd suggest to your friend to find some local tabletop or video game groups to join. Yes, there's definitely more guys than girls at these things, but they're really fun and you never know who you might meet.

That said, I have to say, most of the nerdy guys I'm friends with (who are likewise introverted, socially awkward, etc) found their lives really changed when they found their confidence and increased their self-esteem.

There's energy and vibes that people give out, and that in turn attracts a certain kind of person. Someone happy and free about their nerdom, excited to geek out about their next favourite thing, etc - these aspects are common ground.

Best of luck to your friend!

[Apple1996]

I'm somewhat socially awkward and shy but I didn't find the dating scene to be too difficult. I think its different for men since they need confidence to attract a woman. But for women they just need to be attractive to attract a guy. It can be tricky for a shy guy to have the guts to even talk with a women let alone ask her on a date.

[flamiE]

Yep, that’s definitely me. Nerdy not as in “I know it all” but in a “I want to find all the answers and I’m going to get the knowledge needed to find them”. I’m somewhat socially awkward, depends on how I feel that day lol and am more of an ambivert, very comfortable around people I know but when it comes to parties or places where I don’t know most people, even if I go with someone I know I’m still anxious. I also like withdrawing every now and again.



I’d ideally be with someone who is at least a little nerdy so we can search for answers together, but is more social than me, not a party animal though. Just more social so he can drag me with him sometimes and that way I don’t only stay at home. I also like mostly introverted guys as I click with them the most. Although introverts that are good at socialising are so rare so yeah.. most girls I know like intelligent guys that can hold a conversation and are pretty social.


I would say that your friend should look for a woman that’d appreciate him where introverts tend to go, libraries, parks maybe? If there’s a woman sitting on a bench reading a book, or listening to music and she looks like she’s enjoying her own company, approach her, what is it there to lose? With the current situation worldwide, online dating is always an option as most who are open to it are pretty introverted and like to take things slow. I believe it takes good people a bit longer to find their soulmate as they’re rare and it takes a while to find someone as special as them. So tell your friend to not give up and good luck!

[TOB93]

I only think Im nerdy because Im into nerdy things like anime, conventions, science (more specifically biology and chemistry) and tech and engineering but I just don't look the part, you would never guessed looking at me unless you had a brief conversation with me. I can be quite socially awkward but thats because I dont like to socialize with just anybody about anything... I hate small talk and actually want to go in depth with conversations with people. Im more of an ambivert leaning towards introvert so sometimes I'm turned up and ready to socialize and other times I crave solitude and go out my way to avoid people.

[spuitkaas]

I don't like the word 'nerd' to describe myself or other people because I don't really know what it means. I'm doing a masters in science, like playing videogames whenever I have time and am into other 'nerdy' stuff sometimes. I can also be a little awkward sometimes because I talk too much.
On the other side, I'm also social, ambi/extraverted and also like to do sports and fashion and stuff.
If I would date a nerd? Depends if he's confident about it and how' awkward' or 'introverted' he is. I generally don't like insecure guys. You can be a total nerd and into arbitrary stuff and totally own it. I don't think hobbies or interests are things that will turn girls on or off persé.
As for your friend, focus on himself and gain some confidence. I think that's the most important part. It then really doesn't matter what he's into and it will also help with the so-called awkwardness.
I think being introverted can be very attractive to some people. It's a matter of taste.

[AlienParasite]

I'm socially awkard. And anxious. Does that count for the weirdometer? My boyfriend is a bit nerdy or geeky. I met him in art school.

If I were single I'd probably try to engage more in group activities related to stuff I like, so I can meet guys with similar interests.

[Daniela1982]

You're not married o you are technically single. So get to those activities.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Daniela1982 Many young people say they are "not single" to indicate that they are in a committed, monogamous relationship. So, even though she is not married, she apparently has no desire to go meet anyone else, and such commitments should be respected and encouraged, not questioned or trivialized.

[Daniela1982]

So people just need a nudge to get out of a dead end relationship and turn over a new leaf was my thought. I'd bet a lot of people are in such relationships and stay because they have no one else. And that's the quandary of it. How can they find the right relationship and the right "one" when you won't leave a dead end one. Hmmm, sounds like a good question for a thread.

[AlienParasite]

@Daniela1982 You are basically judging me and wrongly assuming things about my relationship without actually knowing anything about me. Great.

[Daniela1982]

No, without further information I was going by your own words, though admittedly, I may have read too much into it. It just seemed to me that you were longing for somethin else than what you have. If you ae happy where you are that is all that matters.

[AlienParasite]

@Daniela1982 Maybe it wasn't the best way to express myself. What I tried to convey was that there might be nerd girls (and also guys) that would rarely use dating apps or go clubbing, and to be able to meet this kind of people you have to frequent places related to certain hobbies and interests, like a comic and videogame conventions, a screenwriting class, a special pub with SciFi theme, a cafe with boardgames, etc. otherwise it's almost impossible to ever meet them.

[Daniela1982]

Well I certainly agree with you there. I am not too keen on dating sites myself. They are becoming more like hook up sites than for dating.:(

[OlderAndWiser]

@Daniela1982 Perhaps that is true of dating sites for people in your age range but, in my age range, dating sites are extremely helpful, and I have met many nice ladies - not for hookups or casual sex - through those sites.

[Daniela1982]

@olderandwiserYou are right. At your age women are looking for someone who is financially secure, not for hookups. But I have heard it is also more difficult because older women are set in their ways and have usually been divorced or widowed so they either like men or hate them because of past hurts so you have your work cut out for you. Younger people are all about what they can get now and that usually involves sex at the top of their list. :(

[DizzyDesii]

I was definitely that in HS/College. I was very nerdy, smart and even teachers pet. I graduated at the top of the class in HS and won the “best in business” award in college as well as graduated with honors. After college? Not so much. I’ve been out of college for 3 years now. I’ve returned to my slang language and hardly remember anything I learned in the past since I didn't end up with a job that required putting my skills to use. So i do feel I’ve dumbed down a bit. Also, Im no longer introverted. More so ambiverted than anything. Im def still weird/clumsy lol

[DizzyDesii]

The nerds i know these days act like smartasses and know-it-alls. Not looking to date that. And if not that, theyre too into video games/anime. Dont want a guy like that either

[OlderAndWiser]

Not all the nerd guys are like that!

[DizzyDesii]

I know not all but like i said, the ones i know here are

[iCumLikeCrazy2]

I Voted "C" I don't think I'm a nerd but I would date a nerd.
Because I'm a Girl and I love Nerd Girls!!!
I think nerd girls are really sexy in their own way!!!
I also happen to know (first hand) that nerd girls that like girls too,
are into some wild and kinky sex!!!
And most nerd girls would rather have sex with another girl before even thinking of having sex with a guy!!!
So I would date and have sex with any and every female nerd on the planet if I could!!!

[evangeline777]

I am a weirdo, nerd definitely, currently spending my free time learning game development.
My advice is to search in the places where nerdy girls go.
Gamer forums/meetups, software developer girls, board game clubs,
philosophy majors,
There are more girls interested in cool stuff but they all feel the same.
"I'm too weird to date a guy"

[nerdybutlazy]

I'm not actually shy I think it more stereotypical to believe all nerds are shy. Personally, I'm pretty outgoing, most of the guys I date are nerds mainly becuase I enjoy the company, I enjoy having conservations about social issues, philosophy and other things. I don't really know if that makes me a nerd or not

[alice55]

Yes, pretty much except I don't think I'm an eccentric weirdo, I know I'm not fully normal (my mother have told me so) but I doubt I'm that weird.
I wouldn't mind dating someone like this (so long as we have the same interest and he isn't loud)

[Cherokeehp]

I am nerdy, but I’m not introverted, or socially awkward, I am an eccentric weirdo, but I do pretty well for myself on the mainstream dating scene. I love dating. It’s so much fun.