Should you never be too available for a man?

[Anonymous]

My mom told me to not spend a lot of time with my boyfriend or else he'll get bored. I'm getting ready to go back to school and he's busy with firefighting. What do you think?

[Tiffany_Taylor_Made]

I'm assuming that "too available" for a man means desperate. In that case, you should never be desperate for a man. A relationship should be something that you desire rather than need, and it should only be continued with a man that you truly love and care for. Being desperate can lead to toxicity in relationships. For example, you might end up with an abusive or disloyal man, but still feel a need to stay with him because you can't handle being alone. This can lead to battered woman syndrome, single motherhood, or just all-around misery. The best thing for a woman to do is set her standards, make sure the men she dates adhere to those standards, and always enforce her own standards no matter what.

Then, I read the details too late and learn that the question mostly has to do with spending time with your boyfriend. Well, in that case, I disagree with your mom. If your friend truly loves you and feels that you complete him, he would want you to spend a lot of time with him. He wouldn't get just bored of you. I feel that if I guy just gets bored of you, he never really liked you to begin with. Of course, this doesn't mean that you have to spend every second with him, but relationships are healthier when you spend time with each other. You should be able to go out on fun dates, engage in your hobbies together, and have good sex. You can never go wrong with that.

[lilyanony1]

Playing games is stupid in any relationship.
I personally think you should always be open to your partner but maintain a life of your own.
Work, friends, study, hobby, exercise are all important and necessary to your continued development growth and happiness. A new relationship is too.
Find ways to nourish them all.

I often think of life like a garden, the grass isn't always greener but it's beauty requires work. Investigating and digging out the weeds. If you over water, plants drown and die, if you under water they dehydrate and die.
If you attend to one area over the over you see the development and struggle.
The key is equal measures.

You also have to figure out sometimes where or why some areas demand more of your time, and that could be due to the type of compost, few nutrients retained, or a naughty garden animal or disease with only one desire to take out what isn't theirs to take.
🤔
I hope that helped x

[lilyanony1]

Thanks for mho x

[Bananaman177]

Your mom has a point, but it all depends on what your boyfriend considers "too much," or "not enough."

Yes, if you smother him he'll become more and more annoyed, but if you're never around when he wants to see you, he's a firefighter, he'll find somebody who DOES want to spend time with him.

Let me tell you the real trick to making a relationship work. (Is your Mom still married to your Dad? If not, maybe take her relationship advice with a grain of salt.) The real trick is to TRUST and COMMUNICTE. Don't guess. TALK to your boyfriend and just come right out and ask him, "Yo, fool: how much alone time do you need and how much time do you want me around?" And don't get butthurt by his answer.

His answer will probably change over time anyway, so just take it as a "for now" answer. If you don't communicate, it's like fumbling around in the dark, sometimes you're going to smash your toes into the coffee table. Just talk shit out like adults and you can remove so much unnecessary and un-fun drama.

[GalwaysLittleBird]

If you want to be with him, be with him. Give him and yourself when you need it, and thats all, but don't play hard to get.

My last ex relationship did that to me a lot. I would tell her to meet on a Friday with a week of anticipation and she would say things like "I don't know if Friday cause I might want to see my friends. I'll let you know", and then she would tell me a last minute that her friends weren't available, that we could go out. After a few months of that I got tired and broke up with her. Immediately she said "I love you" for the first time 🤦

Too late... Now I'm with someone who isn't afraid of letting me know how much she wants to be with me, and I'm not afraid of letting her know how much I wanna be with her 🙂

[ragequeen]

If you don't spend much time with him, he will also get bored. So don't listen to that advice. In stead, have your own hobbies and your own life. Make sure you are still you in the relationship. When you spend time doing things you like and making time for yourself too, the relationship will be more exciting. He will have room to miss you and wonder what you are doing.

[Desconhecida]

True. Not only boyfriend but friends too

[Cmoreins]

Well, married couples are around each other almost 24/7. So, are they bored of their spouse? I think you can have boring moments, but not more often than not. besides, couples shouldn't pin the other person to be there to entertain them. if someone is bored, it's their responsibility to do something about it. He can speak up if something is on his mind. I think you're fine. If you're concerned, you can ask him if he thinks you two are spending too much time together and get a real answer.

[missy52]

If you're going away or about to be busy yourself, I'd try to spend as much time with him as possible. It's different than y'all two just suffocating each other. Rn, your objective is to form as many memories with him now so when you leave, you both have something to hold onto. You should give him space to nap, breathe and recoup but that doesn't mean you shouldn't want to be with him. Just ask him to be straightforward with you and tell you when he wants to be alone or when he just wants to sit in the same room on different sofas, doing different things in silence together. Playing games is childish and leads to heartache. Learn how to communicate. The cat and mouse chase is kinda cute when you're dating but you're already established. Act like it.

[Anonymous]

You should not play games in a relationship and expect it to be an honest one. If you're available as a person that's just how it is either he likes you or not. If you wanna spend a lot of time with him and he's a busier person than you I suggest you either continue life as usual while he's busy or you take the opportunity to find a new hobby. You could find a new hobby together with your partner as well that you both share so you will always have fun together and have that time to spend together.
He won't get bored hanging out with you though if he really likes you but some people need more space than others, I can relate to that as an introvert.

[Synikal]

I think she meant in the sense of giving time to miss someone. I wouldn't want someone up under me 24/7. It would drive me insane. A little space is needed sometimes to think what you adore most about that person and if you both are a good fit in each other's lives. If you're up under someone all this time you can't always see what is clearly in front of you that could be causing you any problems. It isn't mind games as some of these guys want to call it but in order for you both to grow space is required for you both to work on those areas. Whether it is work, school, etc.

[spuitkaas]

I agree with this actually. If I learned amything about my ex, it's to have your own life and friends. This is so important, because not only increases it your 'value', but also it's overall just better for yourself and your growth.
Also I was so scared to break up with my ex back then, because I felt like I had no one to fall back on. All my contacts were withered and had to build everything from scratch. Never doing that again.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months and we spend about 2-3 days a week with each other. I just prefer it that way because he always comes to me and I don’t want to spend every single day of every single second with him quite yet.

[Walamagicc]

You’re gonna get tired of doin that soon. Been there and done that

[ShadezMcgee]

When in a relationship, it is important to spend time together to keep the relationship healthy and strong, but it is also important that each of you maintain your own lives and interests.

If you are with each other 24/7 and don't spend time to yourselves, things can get old and fizzle out. I would say two to three times a week is probably a good amount of times to spend time together with your current lifestyle if you both are busy with school and firefighting respectively.

[Manduh]

If you're free to spend time with him there's nothing wrong with that. You're meant to spend time with each other. However, if you're free and he's busy try doing something for yourself or just keep yourself busy so you're not idle. If you're not in a relationship then you shouldn't be too available for a guy but if it's your guy then it's fine but to an extent. It's important to have time for yourself in a relationship as well. If he's busy and you're free then use that time to the fullest.

[Cherokeehp]

I don’t agree. Personally I just think you should go with the flow. Some people are clingy and like spending lots of time together. Some people prefer to spend most of their time alone. Just do what feels right for the both of you. If it seems like he needs some space then give him space. But if you both enjoy each other’s company and it feels good for the both of you then you should do what feels right.

[btbc92]

If thats the case, then your dating the wrong man. If you think you're too available then you need to ask the man you're dating. And not your mother cuz you're not dating your mother.

[jasco]

Honestly that's not what gets us bored, its more the doing the same things every day, like spice things up. We don't mind hanging out with you, we enjoy spending time with you and sometimes taking a break from each to work on other things can be helpful, just not a long one ok more like a week at the most

[Aakash_Hangargi]

It's true in a way you have to be a bit away to value your absence it makes people realise that how much the person matters.

But it shouldn't be purposefully but naturally.

Also it could mean that she is saying don't be always to available that you are taken for granted

[Iknowbestgirls]

That's not true at all! I lost my last girlfriend because she said if we don't spend enough time with me she will loose interest completely and we'll that's exactly what happened. So it's important to spend more time with each other. With all do respect it doesn't sound like your mom knows what she's talking about.

[discobear]

In my experience... the more guy is confident the more he doesn't accept not being aviable. The thing is some guys know what they are capable of... meaning they might think you dont like him or they just dont want to spend too much time on you. Not to talk about all those pure alpha guys who... ahhh doesn't matted what they think

[Anonymous]

Depends on the man, his personality, his character and your relationship with him. If your mother is just saying that on principle, rather than based on some legitimate observations about him, it sounds like she has some very outdated views that could result in him thinking you are not interested enough in him to take you seriously. If her comments are warranted, based on the man as a person, then you should heed her advice.

[RawIronhide]

I think don't listen to your mother to seriously when it comes to dating. It's miles apart from how it was when she was growing up. If someone gets bored of you than he wasn't the right one to begin with, don't waste your time with people like that.

[CubsterShura]

I say don't PLAY hard to get, BE hard to get. Meaning that if you actually have a life and things to do you will naturally never feel the need to pretend to be less available than you are.

[karangill]

You should just be wise in choosing men and look deep into a man rather than playing games

Once you fell for his looks, look for his social and economic status, then look for his character.

If he exceeds all of them - try your best to keep him otherwise you'll regret finding such a man because they aren't many who have all of those. Most men get along in life bacuse of looks (which is already provided to them without effort) and put no effort beyond that point