What's the problem with being too available in a relationship?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Your partner will take your time for granted, and once you realize it, you’ll begin to have a resentment.

The best thing to do is treat your relationship like a tennis match. Hit the ball back once it’s hit to you, and then wait for it to be returned. While you’re waiting, take time to invest in interests of your own— hobbies, activities, friends, social groups, etc.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t always be skeptical of whether you’re giving more than you’re receiving, sometimes in a relationship that happens. It’s part of being in a relationship in fact. But do take notice if you feel like you’re always giving and initiating.

I only know this from my own experience. I was making myself too available to my girlfriend because I moved out of state for a job, and we started dating relatively soon after I moved. She became essentially my only friend where I lived, and my social life ran through her.

I realized she never initiated because she knew I’d always contact her and ask her if she wanted to do anything. A resentment began to form, it then became an argument, and she just flat out told me that I never gave her the opportunity to initiate.

I started making new friends, joined a gym, and now the relationship is more like the tennis match I described.

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

Relationships need to be balanced. Although in a traditional relationship the balance is shifted to the man’s favor because he is/was making the majority of the money at work so naturally his time was more valuable/limited/less flexible than her time.

But if you’re always available to someone who maliciously takes advantage of you/your time or who un justly believes that their time is worth more than yours then you will be acting like a doormat & when you do that you get treated like one. It snowballs. This would be your fault as much as the other person’s.

I wouldn’t think of this like you need to keep a calendar & make sure you limit the time/talking you do with the other person based on mathematical formulas. More like you have to just have your own life & neither be too distant or too close (all the time).

If you’re dealing with non partner/spouse who always wants your time but never/rarely has time for you, your best move is to either cut them off or just say ‘no’ sometimes even if you could’ve said yes. This teaches then that you value your time & they will back off. Those types only bother people foolish enough to never say ‘no’

Felinegirl · Accepted Answer

Being taken for granted and becoming boring.

If there's no challenge in getting your attention, they'll never feel like you were worth effort.

More importantly, if you give more attention than they want, they'll start disliking getting your attention. Which results in them disliking you.
Example: you talk to a cute guy at a party, you hit it off. You give him your number... But then he starts messaging you 50 times a day asking you to meet all the time. Or he follows you around all night. Not so cute anymore! Too much is never good.

So give attention, but know when to back off if he signs that it's more than ideal.

MissDawn7961 · Accepted Answer

it is like your telling the boyfriend / girlfriend that you do not have anything important to do then wait on them to talk to you ! that you are available for them at all times because you are so wonderful ! this is a problem and not good for any relationship

coachTanthony · Answer

The right person will want you to have your own life.  Having your own awesome purposeful life isn’t just appealing to a partner... it’s also something you should want for yourself.  Embrace it!

Pinay_ako · Answer

It screams you have no life of your own and insecurity/neediness/clingy-ness which can be a turn off to your partner.

LoU_Hades · Answer

In my first relationship I was too available, because I learned it at home where I have been thought taking care about each other has the highest value. My partner didn't seen it this way and she challenged me because this was what she learned by her parents. She thought my availability is in some extent an act of desperation and a weakness. I proved her wrong but it was already the point of no return. She tried to correct her mistake but I'm not a person who puts its own hand into fire to prove that fire is hot.
Some people don't fit together, no matter how attracted they are to each other.

LordSnuggles · Answer

I've always operated under the idea that if I'm available and free, I will talk and hang out. I don't believe in artificially changing my "value" by changing my scarcity. I don't think good people think like that either. Relationships are founded on honesty and if you're available and willing, go with it don't try to change it for others. Similarly, if you were less available, you wouldn't make yourself more available to suit the other person because that's not being honest with yourself or them.

dancing_in_nebulas · Answer

Ugh clingy people.

Clingy = no life of your own.

People need space. You being all over your partner 24-7 is seriously some type of controlling/ abandonment issues.

Even dogs take a break from their owners.

An overly clingy partner can become very boring to, since their life revolves around you, they dont have anything interesting going for them.

Hypnos0929 · Answer

Never made sense to me. I'm a simple guy:
I go to school and/or work.
Come home
Play some games
Sometimes smoke

There's nothing else to me. If I'm available then I am, if I'm not I'm not. It's not like I keep track of time for myself or others.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

There is no such thing as "too available.". I'm busy all the time, but if a girl wants to talk to me, I'll talk. I have an open-door policy. But if I'm busy, she'll have to wait. I always get back to people within 24 hours, though; usually 12. It's all about good customer service.

Finchie40 · Answer

You should value your partner the same way they value you. You didn't commit to be single , you should wear each others shoes , If you need to flirt with other people then u shouldn't. get into a. relationship

Account · Answer

It shows that you have no other interests/you are not content with yourself and well, that is not very attractive and people usually take you for granted.

Anonymous · Answer

The old saying is “familiarity breeds contempt”. But married couples usually see each other every day. You have to be compatible.

I struggled with this when it came to gfs. I was happiest when I saw them a few times a week, but not everyday. I worry about them seeing more of my flaws and insecurities.

Also women get VERY turned off if the guy they just started dating is too available. They hate it. It’s a nice guy problem.

xkildy · Answer

Maybe if your to available they don't respond well. But personally I think a women or a man that is available when you need them is a keeper

Thatsamazing · Answer

The guy gets bored of it. So can girls sometimes, actually. It lets the other party know that you're a doormat-- humans are animals and animals don't respond to that.

theharlequin · Answer

People value things and people that they must invest in and work for. Being too available causes the other person to see you as less valuable.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Shows you have no life beyond the person you're dating. I don't like to feel smothered and need my on life as well.

Amyth20 · Answer

You lose the importance, you are no more interesting you are very easy to handle.

Anonymous · Answer

It comes across as you’re wasting your life. Like why are you constantly spending your time with me, go improve society, have some goals and passion, don’t become a slave to your love.

spartan55 · Answer

It's a fine line for sure, and I refuse to fall into the keeping score mentality.

SarahsSummer · Answer

If he’s not appreciative, you can be taken for granted.

Guyvo · Answer

It's because I am soo not available for a relationship atm lol

knewbie · Answer

Definitely depends on who you are with. Some people think it means you have no ambitious.  A person who values quality time will desire your time and any that you give...

valentine74 · Answer

I think my role is to serve my women so yes i am available

daredevil6969 · Answer

There is no problem with guys but for a woman , they will make a guys life hell discussing the things which are not important in their relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

If you're with the right person, there is no problem with it. That's what love should be like.

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t have a problem with that. It’s annoying that some women seem annoyed by this.

Anonymous · Answer

It is clear the partner that is too available has no life, is dependent/clingy/suffocating, and would never survive independently.

aguyintheworld · Answer

Nothing, I wish somebody would be with me and be always available

Dongtai · Answer

You could end up confusing boredom with affection.

beesechurger · Answer

You get taken for granted

ItsTheNephilim · Answer

There are chances of being taken for granted.

Massageman · Answer

It may give the impression that one is desperate.

KristaGrym · Answer

Relationship What dat?

snowtiger · Answer

You get taken advantage of.

Beastly66 · Answer

People take advantage of you...

Hazelstar · Answer

It feels like you don't have any life

Lunatic1 · Answer

You may be seen as clingy or obsessed.

someguy456789 · Answer

Nothing if you're with the right person

heyvampires · Answer

They take you for granted

satanan · Answer

You are not a" rockstar" anymore.🙄

Dean269 · Answer

More availability makes relation boring

outside_Toronto · Answer

complacency

DavidEH1979 · Answer

There's no problem.

Razal · Answer

Thats not a problem

What's the problem with being too available in a relationship?

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