When did you realise you weren't actually trying to date?

[Anonymous]

I'm 22 and I've had flings but never a girlfriend, and I was always kinda sad about it. Thinking why doesn't anyone like me, am I so terrible that it's impossible for someone to see me as a viable option. Until I realised... I've never actually asked someone out. I've never gone up to someone and said hey I think your pretty cool, do you wanna go on a date with me.

And it was that realisation that made me see that it's my fault I've never had a relationship. It's my fault that I'm 22 and have virtually no dating experience. And does that now mean I have to learn how to date and interact years later than everyone else and try my hardest to make up for lost time? Yes. But also, makes me feel a little better about myself, and it'll be hard having to actually put my self out there. Something I've clearly been avoiding. But you can't complain about not winning if your not even in the game.

Have you ever had a realisation like this? Did you ever not realise that you were the problem? Do you have any advice on the basics that you assume people already know about dating and asking people out.

[KostasKouvalis]

I don't know. I've asked, but never actually specified that I want it to be a "date", but I never really intended for it to be either. The trouble with American dating culture, is if you don't make a move within 2 weeks, you get friendzoned. But also, my buddy told me to ask this girl out. I told her, "I don't know her though." He told me, "That's why you ask her on a date, to get to her to know her." That's honestly the most retarded thing I've ever heard.

So I don't really know when I realized it, but I guess I've never really liked the whole concept of dating. I've always believed that a relationship should develop out of a friendship. I don't understand how you can have a "date" with a stranger and without knowing if you're compatible/comfortable with them. One of my co-workers went on a "date" with some guy she met online, and they were so incompatible, and it was so awkward. Like how can you even call that a "date"? A "date" is supposed to be romantic.

So yeah, I guess I NEVER tried to date. I always tried to develop a friendship with the girl and then develop a relationship.

And the funny thing is, when I asked girls out before and they said, "No, because she doesn't really know me." But then everyone says that's the whole point of dating to get to know the person. Americans are so confusing

[Darkest-Knight]

I gave up on trying to date a long time ago. After many years of rejection after rejection. Or people saying don't ask her out she's "not your type", I gave up.
Obviously there is something wrong with me that I can't see. Now I am just waiting to die to end this loneliness.

[Selene1600000]

That realization is actually a turning point you weren’t failing, you just weren’t participating. Start simple: talk to people regularly, show interest, and when you feel a vibe say “I’ve enjoyed talking to you, want to grab coffee sometime?” no overthinking, no perfect line needed. Expect some rejections, keep it light, and treat dating like a skillconsistency matters more than experience, and you’ll improve fast once you’re actually in the game.

[Anonymous]

A long time ago.