Why shouldn't you date single moms?

[Anonymous]

Personally dating single parents is just messy business from the get go. You have to care for a child/children who aren't yours. Provide for children who aren't yours. There is no guarantee that if you want kids yourself that she will want to do all again. Finally you also have to put with the dead beat and awkward ex who will draw the line at her doing anything fun with you.

So who should go out with them? Single dads is the answer... why? Because they have the same experience, they might or might not want kids themselves & Finally it just makes sense. Single guys who have no kids should not have to "settle" for that.

There is a old line that says "single mothers won't ever cheat or mess you around" If you think this you are kidding yourself. All women are the same. If they decide their attraction is low for you they will FIND your replacement. It is very much like the animal kingdom. The female wants a dominate, stable, sexy and successful mate. If you do match those qualities don't think she won't leave you.

[Anonymous]

I 100% agree it does take a special kind of single man with no kids to date a single mom. However, I strongly disagree that means it's not worth it for a single childless man to date a single mom. My husband was a single childless guy and I was a single mom when we dated, and we have had a very happy marriage for several years now. But again, it does take a special kind of man to be able to do that. They have to understand that your kids are your 1st priority. That doesn't mean you don't put in a lot of effort in the relationship and make sure you make time for each other. However, when the going gets tough (and it does sometimes) he has to be understanding that your kids need to come first. He's also got to fit in the role of "stepdad" very well (which my husband did/does). I don't get this idea that he'll have to provide for her kids as pretty much all single moms are already providing for their own kids (I was comfortably doing so with mine). If there is a disagreement about having more kids that would be a major problem, but there are many single moms who would love to have more kids. The only reason why I didn't have more kids is because I didn't want more with a man who was emotionally and even sometimes physically abusive (AKA my ex). I've had 2 boys with my now husband and am very happy about that. I also don't get where you're getting the idea that the woman's ex will determine what she can do with the man she's currently with. Believe me, my ex really was a deadbeat. He also had 0 say in what my husband and I did when we were dating (or since). Also, there are plenty of single moms who are loyal and committed when in a relationship. My husband is the only man I've been sexual with in any capacity ever since we've gotten together (and that's not going to change).
I strongly disagree that it's not worth it for single men with no kids to date single moms. I can tell you from my life experience that it can be extremely worth it.

[Asker]

Finally someone who has experience and argues rationally..

As far the providing in someone else's children I am calling anything from day trips, food & even to something like kids college fund and stuff. I have dated several, from my experience and not just that from several I have heard many have dated they all 'seem' to be materialistic about how much a man earns which is madness!

Thing is you say you don't do cheating or you don't do anything that I say most do which makes you a "unicorn". However most women in that position do that.

Personally women should have better judge of character before jumping into bed or making arrangements & dragging children into their madness. That is no disrespect to you by the way abusive people are scum. But I see it all the time especially in the UK where I am from most women just get some shithead to claim benefits. Then they want to go out someone else and claim to prize when they really are not..

Like I said the only people single parents should date in my opinion are other single parents or go back to the father/mother of their child/children. The only time I will have sympathy is in your situation or someone who has lost their ex's partners.

As far as the ex getting involved. Most ex's feel entitled because if they pay child support, who see their kids often & if they don't like you they can make problems for new man.

If I am honest single moms are turn offs, I have not put people off dating single mothers however I would just not be interested. To me it's like dating a woman who has STD that shit is with you for life and children are equally the same. As you say the man will never be woman's priority and so thats why I wouldn't want to date those kind of women.

Congratulations to you by the way

[Opinion Owner]

1. . Maybe there are some materialistic single moms, but I don't think you're giving most of them enough credit. Most of the time they don't expect them to pay anything beyond the ordinary. Yes, they may expect them to pay for a date, but that would be true if you weren't with a single mom as well. I'm confident 99% of them wouldn't expect you to pay for their kids at all. The only time you may cross that line is if you're getting married or are super close to it. That's because at that point your finances are mixed together so it's also just as much her paying for it as the guy paying for it. When my husband and I were dating he was in grad school and I had an established career. Consequently I was making a lot more money and therefore didn't expect him to pay much of anything. Sometimes I'd actually offer to help him (but he'd refuse it pretty much every time)
2. I think you may have just had some bad experiences from some particularly bad single moms. I think single moms are less likely to cheat. Their devotion to their kids is an indication of loyalty that I do think is likely to bleed over to romantic relationships. That certainly isn't always the case, but I do think it's a sign that it's more likely to be the case than with a single women who isn't a mom.
3. I'm not sure exactly what you were talking about in your 4th paragraph so I'm just going to skip that one.
4. I do agree that exes do have parental rights and it is wrong for the woman to try to shut him out of parental decisions. However, that doesn't bleed over to the woman's dating life. The ex has absolutely no say in how the woman dates. If he has a problem with whom she dates there's nothing he can do about it. Therefore, I don't see why you think that he could make big problems with the guy the single mom is dating.

[Opinion Owner]

5. It's true that the boyfriend can't be the single mom's first priority. However, that doesn't mean she can't make him a priority and provide the necessary effort and time into the relationship. When I was dating my husband I was adamant we went on some kind of date once a week. There were a couple times I had to cancel due to motherly duties, but the vast, vast majority of the time we had a date night every week. I also made extra time for us by doing all of my morning workouts with him. I also made sure to keep in contact with him through texting and other things through the week. When he/the kids eventually met and got comfortable with each other it became easier since he could come over on weekends pretty often.
Was keeping up with this hard? Freak yes! But it was very possible and very worth it. There are plenty of single moms who are able to maintain a healthy active relationship while still making their kids their #1 priority. It's very difficult, but it's still doable.

[Opinion Owner]

I think it's best that men who view single moms as "STDs" don't try to date them at all. If you feel that way I 100% agree that it's for the best you don't. However, in your post you made it sound like it was probably the best for the vast majority of single childless men to avoid dating single moms like they're STDs. I strongly disagree. As believe I've explained (and as I've proven through my own experience) dating a single mom as a childless man can be different and more challenging in some ways, but if the mom is willing to put forth the effort it's definitely doable.

[Floppy2112]

And I can tell you from my experience, that it was extremely NOT worth it. I was that special kinda guy and I paid dearly for every second of it. I wasn't special I was stupid. And what was my reward for providing a stable life and putting a kid through college? Infidelity. It was graduation and 'See ya sucker!'

[MCheetah]

It's worth it FOR you, but what does the man get out of it? He literally has to put in a lot more effort and is getting less in return (less attention, less time together, less physical attractiveness from the woman, and so on). Also, as far as priorities go, he is dead last in a single mom's life. DEAD LAST. She comes first, or her kids come first. Then the other one comes second. Then her family comes third. Her pet comes fourth, if she has one. And so on. There is literally nothing of gain that a man gets out of dating a single mom that he can't get from another single out there.

[Floppy2112]

@MCheetah This is exactly true. It sucks for the man. Everybody else benefits, but the man who made it all possible. It's a thankless job that comes with endless misery. This is the truest sense of self sacrifice. And that's okay until you realize that the level of experienced suffering in this role is damn near unbearable. And what did you really accomplish? All you did was let another guy off the hook for taking care of his family and he, undoubtedly, is happier than you. It's a sucker's bet.

[modelUN242]

Just like I wouldn't date single dads, it's not fair. Also, where is the other parent, why did they break up? Seems ridiculous to me that there are so many single moms nowadays. Also, I will not be bossed around by someone else's kid and have to walk on eggshells. I babysat before and the feeling of the kids not respecting you is probably the same way. It really pissed me off.

[yofuknutz]

So offer him you're spank services

[modelUN242]

@yofuknutz Uhh no I don't spank anyone.

[OlderAndWiser]

"You have to care for a child/children who aren't yours." Why do you get involved with her child in the early stages of dating? Bad idea.

"Provide for children who aren't yours." Why must you do this?

"There is no guarantee that if you want kids yourself that she will want to do all again." There is no guarantee that any woman will want to have children, even if she has never had any children from another relationship. This is why people date: to get to know what each other is all about.

"Finally you also have to put with the dead beat and awkward ex who will draw the line at her doing anything fun with you." Why does he control her life? Makes no sense.

"All women are the same." If that is truly your experience in life, you must have a very limited scope of dating experiences. All women are not alike.

[Grubhub]

I would never date a woman with kids. No single guy should unless he’s just banging her

[Oigit]

I have to disagree with you on one point "You have to care for a child/children who aren't yours. Provide for children who aren't yours. There is no guarantee that if you want kids yourself that she will want to do all again. Finally you also have to put with the dead beat and awkward ex who will draw the line at her doing anything fun with you."

Your obligation to her children only starts when you two are engaged. Because that is the point where you two are creating a family. You could also argue that such obligation only stars when you two are married. Any obligation to her children before ether is obligations that you are putting on your self and if she does to push such obligations on you before one or the other has taken place, that should be a major red flag.

[NathanDavis]

I actually met a single mother, and the "child" was 18 years old. That "kid" had a job, went to a college, savings account and some investments... financially speaking, that "kid" had life more together than me at age 24... lmao. We could have dated but the timing was just not right due to other circumstances of life.

[Anonymous]

These day too many of them want only childcare money from men, she done it to at lest one guy already, why do you think you will be different?

Baby daddy will be around all the time are you fine with that?

This type of woman is always searching for something better and there will be no 'MR Perfect' for her...

Her kids, will never be yours even, if you will be there for them for most of their life.

I would only, maybe date single mom, if it was widow of killed in action soldier or law enforcement officer.

[Smashingdoozy]

Yeah if you think like this you shouldn't be dating single moms at all. They need a stable person and you ain't It.

[7771999]

Wish they would've chosen the right partner to begin with

[Smashingdoozy]

Unfortunately there isn't a flurecent sign on a person's head that says "the right one". Relationships are trial and error. You're ignorant to expect otherwise.

[7771999]

There are warning signs. And people shouldn't have sex with someone they wouldn't want as a parent of their potential kids.

[Smashingdoozy]

There isn't always warning signs. Sometimes you don't know until it's too late. We don't only have sex to reproduce.

[7771999]

I know we don't. Guess you didn't get the point

[yofuknutz]

She has a point as much as you'd like to disagree with it she has a valid point I will say one thing something I have noticed personally I have been pretty much everywhere in this country and the only place I reproduced was in New England I don't know why not is just a pattern I noticed.

[MzAsh]

My stepdad couldn’t have kids so my sisters and I were pretty much his kids. He’s still a father figure to me to this day.

[Anonymous]

i'm sorry but i just can't date a guy who is already a dad/divorced... that's not something i want. it's not special anymore. and i also don't want to be some kids stepmom or babysitter. i don't want to raise a kid that isn't mine. i also don't want the baggage of the ex.

[yofuknutz]

What happens if the baby mama is far out of the picture and the kids are self-sufficient

[Opinion Owner]

@yofuknutz then the dude is old and out of my age range.

[bamesjond0069]

"So who should go out with them? Single dads is the answer..." I agree. However, from what I've seen being a single dad is not a big deal in terms of attracting single childless women. So if you're a single dad and attractive in what women are looking for, you can still easily get childless women. So I don't know if id even tell a single dad to settle for a single mom. Although that might work in the right circumstances more than any other pairing.

[MCheetah]

I think this is a MyTake and not an actual question for us to answer (unless you meant "Should you date single moms?), but nevertheless, I mostly agree with you.

[goaded]

satwcomic. com

You don't have to be genetically connected to love and care for a child.

[Anonymous]

to anyone who wants to date a single mother

LET ME SHOW YOU THE RISK OF DATING A SINGLE MOTHER

sorry but some ass ain't worth my life

[Laciandmaci]

blah blah blah!!! Again with the single mom bashing! What about single dads? Same situation. Also not ALL women are the same, just like not all men are the same.

[JamieLoves]

They’re looking for someone to pay their way and become daddy. Then they Bitch about their X until you kick her ass out..

[WA786K]

Facts

[JamieLoves]

@WA786K 👍🏻

[etexbearkat]

It depends on the situation whether or not I would date a woman with children. I'm not 100% sure I would, but I'm open to the idea if the woman is a good fit for me.

[EssenceOfLight]

When you're attractive enough to arouse interest in childless girls in their prime is relationship with a single mom very likely a bad idea. Otherwise you have consider some compromises and stereotypical way of thinking limits your options.

[kkirk4442]

If I were single, I would have no problem dating a single mom.

[RCLJT]

IF you date a single mom you have to realize that she will always put her kids ahead of you, that just what moms do. As the new beau, you have to realize it’s a package deal, love her, love her kids.

[MzAsh]

Yes and that’s exactly how it should be.

[nevernevernever]

Why are you trying to control what other people do in their dating lives?

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Single parents pose needless challenges.

#1: The kid isn't yours.
#2: The ex will always be in the picture unless they die.
#3: The baggage it comes with.

[princeofromance]

There is no reason that you should not date a single mom. They are looking for love and affection just like everybody else in the world today.

[KrakenAttackin]

True. Single mothers are single for a reason. These women either have shit judgement about men and/or they chased away a good man.